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Post by Deleted on Aug 23, 2013 21:56:37 GMT -5
You didn't know you were allergic to the color red. Upon the sight of it, you cough and die.
*is a song goddess ruling over a paradise full of kind people and is completely benevolent, always singing to heal them and make them feel loved*
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Post by Lizica on Jan 9, 2014 1:03:36 GMT -5
One night, during your long musical Rest, the Keys to your kingdom are stolen by the nefarious Professor Dissonance. He kills you in an effort to take over your paradise of song, but unfortunately for him, as a ghost, you now wield immeasurable musical powers that resonate across the whole land in beauteous song. Now even Professor Dissonance is part of a showstopping barbershop quartet, and all of you live happily ever after!
*examines an old tapestry*
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Post by Gelquie on Jan 9, 2014 2:16:31 GMT -5
Wait, that's not a tapestry, that's a Lovecraftian beast from the depths below that uses its looks as a tapestry as a disguise to lure in and devour prey! Quickly, get away before it--! Welp. Too late.
*Drinks water in a safe manner in a hospital with nurses on call if I choke.*
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Post by Coaster on Jan 9, 2014 2:22:25 GMT -5
It's an arbitrary number of days until April Fools' Day and the nurses (who are very new and don't really know what they're doing) decide to pull a prank by pushing the glass into your mouth while you drink it. It breaks and lacerates your throat and you bleed out before the inexperienced nurses can figure out what to do.
*attempts to recover from a major data loss*
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Post by Yoyti on Jan 9, 2014 16:44:24 GMT -5
The data you lost is actually your genetic code. The one stored in your cells. This is something science was unprepared for, and with large chunks of DNA missing from all of your cells, none of them are able to successfully multiply. In about than a day the pain begins to set in. You die a slow death as your cells die one by one without making backups.
*Stores my consciousness in a computer with several backups made every second. Each day, the hard drive storing my backups is switched out for a new one, and all the old ones are archived, so I'll never be more than a couple of days behind if any of the hard drives break. Each is also surrounded by a three-inch shield designed to protect from magnets and any other tangible or intangible force potentially damaging to the hard drive.*
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Post by Twillie on Jan 10, 2014 19:39:57 GMT -5
Too bad you lost all the funding for such a storage device, and each hard drive is swiftly taken away by agents as you sit in bankrupt misery. As heavy depression is unhealthy both physically and mentally, you soon collapse to nothingness in the span of a week.
*sits in empty space*
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Post by Gelquie on Jan 10, 2014 19:44:50 GMT -5
This empty space is empty of everything, including air. In fact, you're pretty much floating in space. You suffocate.
*Goes to a reputable sandwich shop and buys a sandwich.*
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Post by Coaster on Jan 11, 2014 2:36:06 GMT -5
The reputable sandwich shop happens to have really high profits and really poor security, not that they've ever had a problem with it in the past, but an armed robber comes in to rob the place and takes you as a hostage. The owners do not oblige in time and the robber ends up shooting you in the head.
*falls off a cliff*
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Post by Yoyti on Jan 11, 2014 20:54:13 GMT -5
...You die. From falling off a cliff. A sea witch revives you, but then you die again, since you can't breathe underwater, nor can you survive the pressure at even the only moderate depths you're then at. When your body floats back up to the surface, it turns out that you're not quite dead, and you briefly wake up, only to be eaten by a shark. However, once inside the shark's stomach, it turns out you can control it from there. --You weren't prepared to deal with vengeful sea witches, though.
*Sets an oboe reed soaking while I prepare the instrument.*
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Post by Gelquie on Jan 26, 2014 17:20:53 GMT -5
Turns out, some malicious person replaced the water in the bowl with some poison. One that's not easy to wash off. When you're done preparing the instrument, you prepare the oboe reed, set it back in the instrument, and play... Well, you're dead 10 minutes later. At least you went out playing an awesome piece.
*Writes a grocery list.*
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Post by Coaster on Feb 3, 2014 0:06:14 GMT -5
Your narrative writing is fed up with your procrastinating, so it gets envious of the grocery list and decides to off you and the grocery list besides.
*unplugs webcam*
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Post by Twillie on Feb 3, 2014 0:34:05 GMT -5
Right after accidentally streaming some rather painfully acted skits, unfortunately. A mob of offended viewers come to burn your home down, taking you with it.
*pets friendly cat*
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Post by Lizica on Feb 23, 2015 0:03:34 GMT -5
Alas, that is no ordinary friendly cat! It's a robot cat, who while still very friendly is not very well built. It short-circuits from the static electricity produced by your petting, and it explodes.
*shamelessly revives a bunch of old game threads*
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Post by Coaster on Feb 23, 2015 1:01:56 GMT -5
Sadly, for every revival, there must be a death, since that's the way the newest release of Thread Necromancy(TM) works. So you just killed yourself and several other forumers. (Good going.)
*is the last one to post*
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Post by Yoyti on Feb 24, 2015 20:36:29 GMT -5
You're the last one to post because all human kind has been extinguished, including you, who are now dead. You just happen to have been lucky in getting in the last word.
Or not.
*Posts in the "You're Not Dead" thread*
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