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Post by Coaster on Aug 13, 2013 21:03:55 GMT -5
Turns out he's just a scrub and is incapable of finding an efficient way to kill you, so he gives up and starts hating on the "Stop Having Fun" guys because those guys only use the best possible killing method. Eventually killing in general gets a major nerf and everyone just stops playing, so you live forever in netland.
*swallows a pair of oversized metal toenail clippers*
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2013 17:01:39 GMT -5
You yourself are a metal giant. You need to eat such things to survive and satisfy your hunger.
*kisses a frog that secrets toxin from its skin*
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Post by Pixie on Sept 5, 2013 17:51:34 GMT -5
You kiss the frog. The poison makes you feel very weak and you pass out. You come to your senses but you are now a frog. Hope you like having webbed feet!
*Is hung upside down by my ankles a few feet over a pile of radioactive waste for 24 hours straight*
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Post by Lizica on Sept 5, 2013 21:34:24 GMT -5
Luckily, this particular kind of radioactive waste unexpectedly gives you superpowers! You break free of your shackles, fly up, bring your captors to justice, and travel the world helping others. You've saved the day again, Pixie: The Seeker! However can we repay you?!
*takes photographs of a raging stampede coming straight for me*
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Post by Deleted on Sept 6, 2013 10:03:57 GMT -5
The stampede is made up of roly-polies. They're so tiny that when they see your feet, they run the other way.
*faces a Hungarian Horntail dragon who is unbelievably mad and I have no armor and on top of that I have rolled in very flammable oil*
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Post by Allison on Sept 13, 2013 20:54:27 GMT -5
Draco Malfoy trips over the Hungarian Horntail dragon's tail into a vat of flammable oil. The dragon eats him instead, and while he uses Draco's rib as a toothpick (you were too stunned to move before) you finally find your legs and run.
*gets caught in the web of a giant man-eating spider*
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2013 10:58:17 GMT -5
The spider lets you go, since you're not a man.
*writes an angry letter to Voldemort telling him he's a HORRIBLE PERSON and signs my real name*
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Post by Yoyti on Sept 14, 2013 11:17:11 GMT -5
Turns out Voldemort gets lots of hate mail, so he's stopped reading it. Your letter goes unnoticed.
*Burns everything down. I mean everything.*
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Post by icon on Sept 15, 2013 19:24:29 GMT -5
You burn everything on earth, but eventually the world is extinguished as the heat dies in the cold, empty depth of space. From your viewing position on the moon everything looks pretty darn burnt- so burnt that it is escaping earth's gravity and traveling on a new path through the solar system.
*swallows a bag of caltrops*
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Post by Yoyti on Sept 15, 2013 19:36:09 GMT -5
The bag is quite sturdy, and none of the caltrops poke through. After a night of severe indigestion, you are fine.
*Attempts to climb Mt. Everest without any of the necessary or even proper equipment.*
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Post by Allison on Sept 15, 2013 19:55:23 GMT -5
A Sherpa on his way down with another climber sees you, realizes you'll never make it, throws you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and carries you kicking and screaming, off the mountain.
*Attempts to run through the fire swamp, has no rescuer, and doesn't believe in ROUS.*
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Post by Yoyti on Sept 15, 2013 21:41:19 GMT -5
Fortunately, as is pointed out in the book, the only really dangerous fire swamp is the Florin-Guilder fire swamp. The fire swamp you're running through is just the local one. You get out just fine.
*Consumes vast amounts of iocane powder, despite not having built up a resistance to it over several years.*
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Post by Gelquie on Nov 30, 2013 20:49:41 GMT -5
Turns out the iocane powder you consumed is a cheap knock-off made by some scammer. It's harmless.
*Jumps out the window into a zombie horde with no hope for escape.*
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Post by Coaster on Nov 30, 2013 20:52:23 GMT -5
They are adorable zombie unicorns that only eat gummy brains. Unfortunately, the virus does not cross across species, so you don't get to be a zombie unicorn and satisfy your gummy brain craving as well.
*eats all the gummy brains*
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Post by Gelquie on Nov 30, 2013 21:07:14 GMT -5
The gummy brains don't contain the virus. And the zombie unicorns don't seem to hold a grudge against you; they just leave to get more.
*Runs into a bear cave, picks up a bear cub, and runs out, all within sight of the mama bear.*
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