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Post by Yoyti on Aug 4, 2013 7:54:44 GMT -5
That just means that everyone else is dead. Not necessarily you.
*Makes a deal with the devil for immortality, with an escape clause such that I can die at will, and invokes the escape clause*
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Post by Deleted on Aug 5, 2013 14:21:00 GMT -5
A goddess of song named Kitria steps in and tricks the devil into breaking his end of the deal (which was never to touch a cute kitten). After this, the devil is now a harmless kitten and you're alive.
*tries to fight Ursula with nothing to defeat her with*
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Post by icon on Aug 5, 2013 14:30:51 GMT -5
You might have no weapon, but you still have your wits! You turn the fight into a debate, which you win easily with your superior argumentation skills.
*fires self through the air using a giant catapult*
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Post by Coaster on Aug 5, 2013 14:38:01 GMT -5
It's a rather lowball shot and you're basically dropped harmlessly onto a springy pile of mattresses below.
*douses self in gasoline and runs into a burning building for which no firemen are available*
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Post by Gelquie on Aug 5, 2013 14:41:22 GMT -5
The fire is only building one room of the house and hasn't yet spread. The room in question is not in your path. You make it out the other side of the house untouched.
*Goes to a group of bears and picks up a cub while the mother is growling and very close.*
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Post by Lizica on Aug 7, 2013 21:43:29 GMT -5
The mother bear is actually growling to the cub. ("I said, comb your fur, we have a guest.") Afterwards, she cordially invites you into their den for some tea (with honey, of course), and apologizes for any trouble her cubs have caused you.
*crash lands onto a hostile alien planet and leaves her ship unarmed in search of sustenance and a good spaceship mechanic*
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Post by icon on Aug 8, 2013 0:45:40 GMT -5
It turns out that while the planet itself is hostile and alien, the local fauna are less so. You're able to domesticate enough of them to hold back the self-aware planet's constant tectonic attacks and make suitable repairs to your ship.
*practices amateur sword-swallowing*
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Post by Pixie on Aug 8, 2013 0:52:10 GMT -5
Amateur sword swallowing, in this case, involves ramming a rubber sword down your throat. You are naturally horrible at this, and you gag and vomit up the "sword." Your stomach hurts a lot but there is no long-term damage.
*Runs naked, doused in propane, into a lit bonfire, with no sorts of magical protection in my favor and no one within a 10 mile radius*
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Post by Gelquie on Aug 8, 2013 1:08:26 GMT -5
The bonfire hasn't spread enough to hit the part of the bonfire that you're running towards. You run into a stack of unlit wood. It hurts and it forces you to stagger back, but the fire doesn't touch you.
*Cuts off my head with a sharp and sufficient knife for the job.*
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2013 22:12:43 GMT -5
You don't need a head to live. Your brain and face is in the palm of one of your hands. You are able to heal your severe wound and keep living.
*is attacked by dozens of malevolent wind-up music box cat dolls*
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Post by Lizica on Aug 12, 2013 22:26:07 GMT -5
Yep. You sure are. But don't worry! You're fine--because like all wind-up toys, these music box cat dolls soon lose their stamina and slow in their attacks until they freeze in their tracks and can't move any more. They're pretty adorable on your shelf, though--so long as you make sure no one else decides to wind them up.
*gets zapped into a fighting video game in place of the final boss that the heroes must destroy*
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Post by icon on Aug 13, 2013 0:54:56 GMT -5
All seems bleak for our final boss... when all of a sudden, the kid playing the video game gets dragged away from the controls by a concerned parent. You never thought you'd be so glad to hear someone say "drop the game, it's time for dinner".
*accidentally stabs self with a pair of knitting needles*
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Post by Gelquie on Aug 13, 2013 1:01:49 GMT -5
You stab yourself in the hand with them. Painful, but you're fine.
*Attaches heavy weights to my legs with chains, held together with a good lock to which I don't have the key, and jumps into the ocean.*
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Post by Coaster on Aug 13, 2013 1:38:06 GMT -5
Turns out that two large fishing boats, while immensely heavy, float rather well, and luckily they don't drift off in separate directions before the crews discover you and unlock the chains with the key that was holding the chains to the dock to begin with.
*eats nothing but potato chips for the rest of my life*
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2013 21:00:27 GMT -5
The potato chips are actually vital foods in disguise of potato chips. They look, smell, feel, and taste like potato chips, but through eating them, you get all the nutrients you need.
*finds out I'm just part of a computer simulation game and the guy playing me is planning on killing me*
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