218 Reviews

[Czenko]

r said:

I'm trying a bit more informative and formal approach to reveiws so that if you read reveiws not only will the author gain information but also the average NTWFer, so that you can help decide which stories to read.

New Series Reveiws:

The Pirate Writer by Czenko

The first thing I thought when I read the very begining was this writer knows how to build suspense. A great techinique is to promise the reader something, to make them want to keep reading and Czenko uses this expertly.


Written in a diary format the story has a unique way of setting up the dates, it is not chronicaled in months and days, but in how long the character has been a pirate. This story is about a Pirate who doesn't want to be a pirate and her relationship with her friend Kera. Czenko's style is particularily suited to a diary format, beacause even though this an adventure story it is very character based.

And that is where one of the greatest faults of the story rests. It is at heart a playful adventure story, with an interesting plot and solid characterzations. But in all of this it is missing a key ingreadient, flow. Unfortunately, it begins and continues through out in the same, oddly worded style.

She is a Starry Shoyru now. I find it a lot prettier actually. It matches her perfectly along with the water faerie token around her neck. Out first I didn't even recognize her, and now I am ashamed that I didn't, but after she told me who she was, I totally believed her.

An abstract noun like a paint job usually isn't reffered to as an it, without previous refrence. This sentence sounds like Czenko is reffering to Kera as an it. A small mistake such as this unfortunately messes up the entire paragraph as Czenko uses it, once again. Also Czenko says that the narrator didn't recognize her he was ashamed, taking a somber tone and then using a more modern phrase, totally beleived her, to distrupt the flow.


However Czenko's style does have it's upside. Occasionally we see a brillaint image presented in solid blunt images that allow the reader to imagine the scene.

"Our crew nearly knocked her out, but she managed to introduce herself.."

The Dialouge, while not being particularily bad looses it's impact beacause of many uneeded dialogue tags:

"Do you think I care? I want to go back. I'm useless without me weapon." My voice was strong and demanding, not like how it normally sounded. I was normally a scaredy pirate.


While the characters are orginal and complex there is one flaw in the main narrator, we don't know their gender until about halfway through. The narration seems a bit ambigious, almost leaning to the masculine, and then the captain calls her lassie.

Overall however this was a very solid, Pirate story that fans of the genre will be sure to enjoy, and I hope to see more from this author.

Awww...thank you for the very solid review. I guess personality got the best of me in some places. Gender never occured to me all that much in the character. Nothing really wanted me to make her a girl. I guess it was the name, and out first I was aiming to base the characters after me and one of my friends. They turned out completely different, but I named Kera after my friend. Which Kera turned out to be more of a considerate hero than...her. So gender is a flaw with my characters. Kera seems fine though.

Great review and I'll be sure to be more careful. Very professional sounding-ish. I chuckled at the last sentence you wrote. It was as if speaking to an audience.

You should review movies lol Now I must do reviews. I must, I must.

[Random Cameo Neotomi]

Reviews for The Pet Patrol Revolution please?

[bag]

^^Surely.

Huh?
At a bake sale?
I suspect an inside joke....

Anywho, I'm reviewing all articles. ^_^

[Czenko]

bag said:

^^Surely.

Huh?
At a bake sale?
I suspect an inside joke....

Anywho, I'm reviewing all articles. ^_^

I think the joke was is that you go away from the computer and your gone for long periods of time. Then you come back, and they wonder where you are. So what did you do in all the time gone. There's no "Earth." What is that you speak of?

Is that the joke. I found it funny actually, but I sat and looked at if for a little while. Hmmmm...

[Deleted]

czenko said:

Great review and I'll be sure to be more careful. Very professional sounding-ish. I chuckled at the last sentence you wrote. It was as if speaking to an audience.

You should review movies lol Now I must do reviews. I must, I must.

Thanks they are more fun to write that way. ^^
Some reveiws may contain slight spoilers

Short Story Reveiws


Rain: By Sia

Sia is one of the first authors to hit the hundred mark in under a year, this is true, but sometimes I have to wonder if her power of her writing suffers from so much quanity. This story assures me that it does not.

Rain starts out in a slightly sombre, yet very pretty rain scene, and we immeadiately hear the childish tone in the narrative. "Like the growling of a symol's stoumach." Although not plain, and still a good description this cues the reader to be prepared for a younge narrator.

Sia's descriptions while being strong are never overly flamboyent, in fact throughout the entire story we are left with a sense of very basic, yet beautiful nature.

However no matter how much Sia's writing style flows like the rain she writes about, there is still one major problem, plot.

In the begining we are expecting a story about a childhood lesson, ending in a very moral lesson, no matter bittersweet or not, most likely about the value of the unexpected, in this case rain.

But we do not get what we expect, and without a shade of foreshadowing. The story ends up being about how Rain can't enjoy the rain beacause of another reason entirely.

However, we never really understand Rain's motivation and the change in plot seems like it should be a diffrent story entirely.

However Sia's lyrical style, innocent, and kind way of writing draws anyone in.

The Portrait of Importance


Blub is the master of interesting ideas, be it a story of how a gnarl gains a verbose vocubulary, or fruity chias. Just the concepts screams at the reader wildly and jumps up and down as if it has a bit too much sugar. But as most insanity in the NW, blubs eccentric concepts are the good kind of isanity.

The portrait of imporance begins, in a point most us would wish would end, boring classes. Our herione Gracy, isn't a good artist, and finds the numerous lectures the teacher is giving boring.

But then she is given an assignment to draw something important to her.

Blub's style always retains a bit of humor and geniality, so I was a bit suprised at the serious and moral subject matter. This story was intended to teach the reader.

However I found the lesson a little too boring and blatant. And the ending dissapointing. I never really understood why she chose what she chose. With such an interesting premise and thus promise I was expecting an equally interesting fufillment, but I didn't receive it.

I never understood exactly why the item was imporant to Gracy.

The most disappointed factor however was when Blub at the end tells us what we are supposed to experiece.

However, just beacause the premise was so interesting, the story tight both gramtically and otherwise it is a solid good read for any of Blub's fans.


Orbulon Has Landed

by tashni


Are you laughing right this second? If your not I can garentee that if your not and you read this short story you will at least get one decent laugh out.

Orbulon Has Landed is about a small poor Orbulon who has no idea where he is.

The story has a dry witty sense of humor that unfortunately doesn't make itself presence until it whacks you over the head with it by using a frying pan half way through.

The characters are often confusing and I found myself not having any idea but still laughing all the way through.

A valiant first comic short story and very humerous, Tashini strikes again. ^^

Quill's Travelogue: the Maiden of Evercopse Hill

Scarrift, author of the short story Project Virgil winner of best non-humorus short story for the NT Awards, has written a new short story.

The Maiden of Evercopse Hill beings with a writer strolling through the streets of a small country Hamlet, who is searching for something to write about, and he certainly dose.

The Maiden of Evercopse Hill, is a nostaligic, almost self-indulgent peice, but is none the less good if not great. It is extremely well written, both the desprcriptions and the charactersations are impeccable.

I love the character of Quill, he is so unique among the usual younger character and his tone is perfect for the older pet. Danny was slightly amusing as well.

This story is definitely a literary story, as it was very character based.

However the author made three great mistakes that severly hindered the story.

First of all, the introduction. The tiny paragraph in italics I suppose was designed to tell us that the narrator had been prejuiduice before, but in the end it messed around with the story. I spent the entire story looking for some where that Quill showed his prejuidice, but through out the entire thing he seemd a rather, rude yet kindly old pet.

This also leads to the second mistake. In a character based story, it is crucial that the character change over time, and we didn't see this. By the end of the story, Quill was the exact same pet he was in the begining.


The third major problem was the plot, I never fully understood how the werelupe duped the villagers. And I had to read a couple of times just to understand that she was a werelupe after all.

The author seems to feel where he wants to go with this peice, unfortunately he did not acheive it.

Overall a peice that was not up the standard of Scar's usual wiriting, though very solidly written.

[Patjade]

Spot, I just wanted to say that the layout of your comic this week is clever. Using the same layout os the Neopet comics with the rollovers is pretty neat. How large was the file, and did you have to Email it to Darcy?

[Spot]

patjade said:

Spot, I just wanted to say that the layout of your comic this week is clever. Using the same layout os the Neopet comics with the rollovers is pretty neat. How large was the file, and did you have to Email it to Darcy?

Thank you! ^__^ The file is 308 kb, and yes, I had to email it to Darcy.

neotomi said:

Reviews for The Pet Patrol Revolution please?

Somehow, I can see you missing for months because of a bake sale. XD Loved it, Tomi.

[Retired Blub]

Blub is the master of interesting ideas, be it a story of how a gnarl gains a verbose vocubulary, or fruity chias. Just the concepts screams at the reader wildly and jumps up and down as if it has a bit too much sugar. But as most insanity in the NW, blubs eccentric concepts are the good kind of isanity.

This is a really big compliment to me. I always strive to be original, and knowing that at least one person thinks that I've accomplished this makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. XD

Blub's style always retains a bit of humor and geniality, so I was a bit suprised at the serious and moral subject matter. This story was intended to teach the reader.

Yes, indeed, many of my articles, short stories, and series retain some humour and geniality. However, I do have some stories that are very serious (Star Chaser, Alone, etc). Just a little note I wanted to add, since I'm usually known for 'comedic work' and people seem to forget my other poor little submissions.

However I found the lesson a little too boring and blatant. And the ending dissapointing. I never really understood why she chose what she chose. With such an interesting premise and thus promise I was expecting an equally interesting fufillment, but I didn't receive it.

Unfortunately, I was expecting this to happen. At first, the I was interested in a bizarre sort of way with the drawing that she had made, but a week after I had sent it in (which was around a month and a half ago), I realized that this ending simply did not display my best writing abilities. I try to make my endings wrap up nicely with a big of originality and interest that leaves the reader thinking afterwards, but this time, I don't think it worked out very well. You learn from your mistakes however, so I'll take this as a valuable lesson.

I never understood exactly why the item was imporant to Gracy.

Just a little note that her name is actually Grace. And it's not so much the item that is important to her, it's more the memories that they give her. With them, she remembers the wonderful times she's had with her owner and brother and this brings a deep joy to her.

The most disappointed factor however was when Blub at the end tells us what we are supposed to experiece.

I'm admitely a little confused with this. Do you mean the moral from the story?

However, just beacause the premise was so interesting, the story tight both gramtically and otherwise it is a solid good read for any of Blub's fans.

Awww, thank you so much for your review. These are the types of reviews that I really appreciate. Ones that MAKE me want to improve my writing, and this certainly will help me in the future.

[Deleted]

I'm admitely a little confused with this. Do you mean the moral from the story?


Yes I felt in the end you told us how we supposed to feel about the story instead of allowing us to decide for ourselves.

And I'm glad you enjoyed my reveiw.

[Retired Blub]

r said:

I'm admitely a little confused with this. Do you mean the moral from the story?


Yes I felt in the end you told us how we supposed to feel about the story instead of allowing us to decide for ourselves.

And I'm glad you enjoyed my reveiw.

Ah, now I understand. I'll try to let the reader decide the moral next time.

[Komori]

Awright! Comic reviews! I take requests.


Sanity Obsolete
This was a really clever comic with its unique concept. No one ever seems to address the traveling-around-the-world aspect of exploring Neopia.

The joke is clean and well laid out. The two panels per row format works well, because it provides that nice repetitiveness. I'm also quite fond of how the only dialogue is in the last panel. It gives it a bit more impact. I think it would've been a bit more effective if the word 'restock' wasn't set up in each of the shops. I don't think it's necessary, as the reader can easily assume the shoyru is shoping during the restock, since there are items on the shelves. Then when the shoyru uses the word 'restock' in the last panel, it would be more humorous, because he's using the word to define the whole action... Um, does that make sense? Let's see... By using the word restock in every panel, you're telling the reader that the shoyru is restocking. But if you only use the word restock in the last panel, then the audience could go, "Oh, haha, that's what he's doing! He's not just shopping, he's restocking!" ... Does that make sense? ....

Anyway. Artwise, it's very nice and clean and detailed. I like the gradual decline of the shoyru's stamina, it's quite cute, and it's nice to watch. Also, the unique organization of each shop is great. It's something small, it's just a variation of the placement of a shelf and a shopkeeper. But it adds to the variety, and makes it clearer that each shop is a different shop. If they all had the same layout, the audience might have been slightly confused. :3 Also, bonus points to you for not using cut-and-paste for the little flying shoyru in the world panels.

A couple little gripes, though. I'm not sure about that little timer in the corner. I think the comic could've done without it. I'm not sure what that's really supposed to be saying, anyway. Are we to assume those are minutes or seconds? The colon in front of the number seems to indicate seconds, but 7 seconds to restock and fly to another place? That seems a bit much. So the clock could've been removed. Another gripe is the shadow under the shoyru, especially in the first panel. That odd sort of blobby blue airbrush stroke doesn't really look like a shadow. Part of the reason is because it's lighter than the black parts of the tiles. How could a shadow be lighter than the ground around it? It would've been better without that shadow. Same goes for the third panel. It looks okay in the fifth panel, but that's because it looks like shadow on snow.

Overall, it's a great, welldrawn, unique comic.


Pet Patrol Revolution
This is a shorter comic than the one above, so I hope you don't mind that my review is a bit shorter too. :3 There's less for me to say.

Firstly, let me say, it has been far too long without seeing one of your comics. Don't let it happen again. I think this is an appropriate 'returning' comic. Those sorts of comics are always rather tricky things to deal with, because there are always the people new to the NT who are unfamiliar with previous works, and you don't want to isolate them from the comic. I think this one works because of the lupe's expression and his time-specific dialogue. So even if a reader isn't aware of your previous PPR comics, the joke is still a humorous one. The 'bake sale' response is simple, yet unexpected.

But shame on you! Emoticons in dialogue bubbles! I throw twigs at you! That little silly ' ^.^ ' expression in that dialogue bubble really detracts fromt the humor. That expression is a totally different expression than the one you drew on his face, and it's a bit jarring to the reader. What, is he being silly, or nonchalant? The faces could go either way! Ack!

I also want to say props to you on your background. Yes, it's simple, but you also drew other houses and fences! Most people stop at drawing the edge of the house and maybe some bushes. But doing that messes with the horizon line and makes the environment look odd. Thank you for taking the extra bit of time to add those little things. :3

It's a cute comic. And welcome back.


Stuck in the Lost Desert

(Yes, technically you didnt' request a review. But hah! I review you anyway!)

I first want to start with the little comic icon thingy. It's really cute and a good little screencap of the comic inside. For some reason, I'm just so very fond of it.

I really like this flash comic thing for this comic. Normally I would complain that it's only being used as a flashy gimmick and does nothing for the comic, as is usually the problem with things like animations. But for this, it works, if only because of the Lost Desert theme and the really good tie-in with the current plot. If it were any other setting or theme, it wouldnt' have worked nearly as well. As it is, though, it's beautiful. My one problem with it is that the panels light up just a tad too slowly. I felt like they should snap to the lightness, more like the Neopets ones. But that may just be my aesthetic preference.

Your paneling is quite wonderful. The variety is good, and it works with the story, and it's not just for flashyness. Same goes with the variation on camera angles. These sorts of things can feel very trite if they aren't used to enhance the story, but these are used quite well. I love the slight overflow of the feathers and paw in the fourth panel. It's a small detail that adds quite a bit to the overall feel.

Layoutwise, I think I only have a couple tiny complaints. The second-to-last panel is almost too small to see the characters that well. I didn't even notice the '...' above the first lenny until I looked at it a second time. My other tiny complaint is the last panel. I feel as if it's a bit too small. I think it should've been just a little bit taller, give your characters some headspace. It feels just a bit cramped.

The joke's very cute. Not laugh-aloud funny, but it's quite pleasing. I think the dialogue of the kougra in the very last panel is a bit confusing, though. The dialogue goes through a few too many pauses, and almost too many emotions for one panel, if that makes sense. Using the word 'wait' almost indicates a change of emotions, which would probably require another panel to show that emotion. So I think the dialogue could've possibly been more clearly worded. But that's also a tiny gripe.

The art's beautiful, by the way. Especially that large Lenny in the fourth panel. Those wings are gorgeous. The little details like the bits of feathers and the petpets in the background were also nice touches. The simple fact that you included the two petpets was enough of a show of dedication; no reason to add othe characters if they're not absolutely needed, right? That was definetely a lot of effort put into this whole thing, so many bravos to you.


---

Are my reviews too long? Sometimes I wonder. I mean, these monsters are bigger than most people's reviews of series! That shouldn't be right... right?

[Deleted]

Are my reviews too long? Sometimes I wonder. I mean, these monsters are bigger than most people's reviews of series! That shouldn't be right... right?


It shows that you are dedicated and hard working and care about others reveiws, not only are reveiws long, but in depth. I'm sure that many of the comic artists really aprecciate the length and the depth. ^^

[Czenko]

Are my reviews too long? Sometimes I wonder. I mean, these monsters are bigger than most people's reviews of series! That shouldn't be right... right?

I am always really greatful when I get a nice, long review from another (even though I don't do them myself, but it's only because I have a bad eye for things). I would be really happy if I got a review from you, because you always give out healthy advise.

*shivers* I hate rereading my work. I see mistakes that I didn't catch before. Bad me *smacks self*

Uh, sorry. You do a good job. *pokes Legendary Champions comic*

[Komori]

czenko said:

Are my reviews too long? Sometimes I wonder. I mean, these monsters are bigger than most people's reviews of series! That shouldn't be right... right?

I am always really greatful when I get a nice, long review from another (even though I don't do them myself, but it's only because I have a bad eye for things). I would be really happy if I got a review from you, because you always give out healthy advise.

*shivers* I hate rereading my work. I see mistakes that I didn't catch before. Bad me *smacks self*

Uh, sorry. You do a good job. *pokes Legendary Champions comic*

^__^ Okie dokie! Comic review!

Legendary Champions

Well, the comic is simple, but it's to the point. It's a pretty cute joke, too. I only wonder... how would a Wadjet play Rock Paper Scissors? I suppose holding out his tail would always make it paper, right? So it still works with the comic, though it kinda' leaves me scratching my head.

But the dialogue is well written. I'm not sure why, but I think I like the 'I sure can.' line better than if it were something more direct, like a simple 'yep.' And the rest of the dialogue is also nice and straightforward. The bubble order in the first panel is almost hard to figure out. The rock's dialogue is leftmost, but the wadjet's bubble is higher. I read the wadjet's bubble first, but it isn't hard to imagine that some people may have gotten them a bit mixed up.

Also, are the rock and wadjet's fonts diffferent? If I'm not mistaken, the wadjet has some sort of sans seriff font, and the rock has a seriff font. I think it might have been a bit more unified if you just stuck with one font. I wouldn't recommend Times New Roman, though. It just looks a bit off for a comic. Comic Sans may be a bit common, but it's still a decent choice. The wadjet's dialogue in the first panel is also a different size than the dialogue in the second panel. It's a picky thing, I know, but unifying them into one font and size may help with a bit of unity.

Artwise, the pictures are quite simple. I don't really have too much of a problem with it, since this comic is pretty dialogue-driven. That door in the background is a bit distracting, though, it might have been better without it. And it's nice that you didn't pick a bright yellow for the background. In fact, the colors of the comic don't bother me so much. It's that red text on the blue at the bottom that's a bit jarring. Both the red and blue are the brightest red and blue, so they make the text vibrate a little bit. It detracts just the slightest bit from the comic.

Still, it's quite a cute comic. :3 I liked it.

[Tyrannitar]

ghostkomori said:

Sanity Obsolete
This was a really clever comic with its unique concept. No one ever seems to address the traveling-around-the-world aspect of exploring Neopia.

The joke is clean and well laid out. The two panels per row format works well, because it provides that nice repetitiveness. I'm also quite fond of how the only dialogue is in the last panel. It gives it a bit more impact. I think it would've been a bit more effective if the word 'restock' wasn't set up in each of the shops. I don't think it's necessary, as the reader can easily assume the shoyru is shoping during the restock, since there are items on the shelves. Then when the shoyru uses the word 'restock' in the last panel, it would be more humorous, because he's using the word to define the whole action... Um, does that make sense? Let's see... By using the word restock in every panel, you're telling the reader that the shoyru is restocking. But if you only use the word restock in the last panel, then the audience could go, "Oh, haha, that's what he's doing! He's not just shopping, he's restocking!" ... Does that make sense? ....

Anyway. Artwise, it's very nice and clean and detailed. I like the gradual decline of the shoyru's stamina, it's quite cute, and it's nice to watch. Also, the unique organization of each shop is great. It's something small, it's just a variation of the placement of a shelf and a shopkeeper. But it adds to the variety, and makes it clearer that each shop is a different shop. If they all had the same layout, the audience might have been slightly confused. :3 Also, bonus points to you for not using cut-and-paste for the little flying shoyru in the world panels.

A couple little gripes, though. I'm not sure about that little timer in the corner. I think the comic could've done without it. I'm not sure what that's really supposed to be saying, anyway. Are we to assume those are minutes or seconds? The colon in front of the number seems to indicate seconds, but 7 seconds to restock and fly to another place? That seems a bit much. So the clock could've been removed. Another gripe is the shadow under the shoyru, especially in the first panel. That odd sort of blobby blue airbrush stroke doesn't really look like a shadow. Part of the reason is because it's lighter than the black parts of the tiles. How could a shadow be lighter than the ground around it? It would've been better without that shadow. Same goes for the third panel. It looks okay in the fifth panel, but that's because it looks like shadow on snow.

Overall, it's a great, welldrawn, unique comic.

Thanks; and Nut gets most of the credit art-wise. The point of the clocks were to tell you how much time elapsed as the Shoyru went from Neopian place to place so that you can base a proper comparison as to exactly how fast he has to travel to get there. Basically, the thing with restocking is that at a certain time after a random minute, the shops restock, so basically the joke is best for restockers.