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Post by Dan on Dec 2, 2005 17:37:53 GMT -5
The new double issue is out! Any reviews for Part 2 of my series, Sight is welcome.  |
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Post by Tashni on Dec 2, 2005 17:41:03 GMT -5
*goes to news page* *eyes bug out and jaw drops* *five minutes later I start breathing again* OH MY GOSH!!! My "Orbulon Has Landed" got mentioned on the NEWS page!!! That has to be THE biggest NT honor!! *is completely giddy* Um, anyway, "Orbulon Has Landed" is my first attempt at comedy, so constructive critisism is GREATLY appreciated. |
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Post by Tdyans at work on Dec 2, 2005 18:23:02 GMT -5
I'll take requests for new series. I would review all of them, but there are just a few too many this week for that to seem a palatable task.
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Post by Patjade on Dec 2, 2005 18:42:18 GMT -5
Not really double. 94 pieces versus 70-80 in a normal week.
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Post by Dan on Dec 2, 2005 18:52:22 GMT -5
Not really double. 94 pieces versus 70-80 in a normal week. Eh, well, they said double in the news, so I figured it was.  |
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Post by Dream on Dec 2, 2005 19:12:55 GMT -5
OK, a few miscellaneous reviews from someone not used to the whole game, so don't expect wonders. (Any comments on Mianne's Normality are welcome.)
Grooming the Easy Way: A good article, but it seemed a little confused-- going from descriptions of fine beauty products to telling pets they don't need any. And what does makeup have to do with a Usul who "doesn't exactly smell like flowers?"
Rain-- I love this! Beautifully balanced and with a nicely bittersweet ending. I liked the character of the Eyrie and the way her experiences were described.
Orbulon Has Landed-- Rather a funny story, although in places I had to go back and reread where the action got a bit tangled. I am rather scared of my evil streak, given the fact that I laughed at the bit about the squid.
Legendary Champions-- Funny! I liked the way the Wadjet spoke with a hiss, and I have to admire such an obvious joke which nevertheless hasn't been spotted before.
Complicated Simplicity-- I liked the art and I think I got the joke (where did the fire and lava come in though?)
Spooky-- I love the expression on the pet's face. Old joke maybe, but still funny.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2005 19:15:16 GMT -5
Complicated Simplicity-- I liked the art and I think I got the joke (where did the fire and lava come in though?) Yay, thank you for the review! ^_^ The fire and lava was supposed to be the Cybunny's marshmallow catching fire. XD Not very obvious, I know. e_e Again, thanks! |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2005 19:26:47 GMT -5
I'm going to reveiw all short stories, and new series, as well as Dan's sight that are done by NTWFers, just give me a little shove if I forgot about you, I don't know everybodies screename.
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Post by Nut on Dec 2, 2005 19:35:14 GMT -5
Yay, the uber-spiffy Editorial writer is back! Did anyone else notice that the Editorial was really good this week? Very helpful! (And worry-inducing. It says to make sure that you have a different email address from your family members...)
I should let Tyrannitar do the honors of asking for this review, but I'd still like to request comic reviews for the first published collab I've ever been a participant in--Sanity Obsolete: Restocking.
Edit: 333rd post. ^^
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Post by Tashni on Dec 2, 2005 19:58:08 GMT -5
- CONTINUED SERIES REVIEWS -
Sight: Part Two
I just LOVE this series. It's so good. Lage is such an interesting character, and Aylie works really well opposite her. The plot is thickening, and I'm getting more and more engrossed in it.
The one major complaint I have is that I think Lage has too many internal questions. Questioning thoughts would break it up, showing her anxieties without the constant question marks. See the difference? I might not be explaining myself very well. It's just that when there are that many actual internal questions, it starts to sound like the author is using them to point the reader to questions that they have already formed. It stops sounding like Lage.
But her voice is good the rest of the time. I can see her inquisitive nature, her pride and her worries. Aylie's character is developing well, too. She is a clear, logical thinker without being a complete cliche.
And the end REALLY got me. Now there are even more reasons I can't wait for the next issue!
Hubrid's Attempted Hero Heist: Part Two
Heh, I really like the scene where Jeran finds out where Darigan's been all this time. It was priceless, and quite plausible, which made it even funnier.
When Sally said that only Usul children could keep the Shadow Usul away, I thought Jeran agreed to this too quickly. She is, after all, a liability.
I don't like all of the adjectives. None are really awkward, but many are unecessary. I believe I commented on this in detail in my review of part 1.
I am really anxious to see what's going on with Kass. Is he really good? What changed? How's this going to effect Jeran, and affect their mission? That was a really good twist. Where you ended was a good place, too. You're ready to depart with a reminder of the direness of the situation. All around, a really nice chapter that further developed your characters and plot.
After the Dance: Part Three
I really liked this chapter! The character development is not only interesting, but also engrossing. Through all of it I was thinking, "Uh-oh, what's Allan's friendship going to mean later on with Callie's true identity?" Then at the end with Allan's secret, you've really got me wanting to read on! There are some small things I'd like to comment on.
Why would he ask that? It took me a minute to remember she was still wearing the cloak. It has been two weeks, after all. Even with the cloak, it would be odd for someone to ask that specifically. It would have made more sense if he asked why she was wearing a cloak. But your call, you might be developing Callistra's character.
Small thing, but "asking" would have been better than "saying," as "saying" isn't really correct because she's asking a question.
This is contradictory. If he thinks about it "every now and then" and later brings it up, he is not thinking "nothing more of it." "Said nothing of it" would have made more sense, as he didn't say anything about it UNTIL later.
This starts a POV switch, but you didn't break it from Callie's.
Your descriptions are still good, not too much, not too little. I would like some more emotion. You're giving me lots of thoughts, but not necessarily feelings. For instance, when Callie brought up "the Court Dancer," I would have really like to know her feelings. Although you do indicate later with her asking, "Is she evil?". I can see her questioning herself and Allan. It's all really good so far. Can't wait for next week!
Purple Pebble: Part 4[/u]
I like that they're all moving to Tyrannia and seeing how Feri's changed. All of her bragging was effective, but not annoying. So you did execute that well.
However, I thought Tay's reaction was a bit bland, I don't know her character, but it probably would have been more realistic if she wanted Ollie to "prove it."
This whole introduction to Feri's new lifestyle, although necessary to the story development, slowed the whole plot down. I would have liked to see other things going on, and some parts shortened or cut out altogether. For instance, you could have skipped the whole "who gets what omelette" scene.
As it is, with the ending, I have no desire to read on. Why would I? They're all getting along and have moved into a mansion. That sounds like a happy ending, not a "to be continued."
If I were you, I'd work on keeping interesting things going on all the time. Which isn't easy, but it is important.
But remember, I really like you characters! I've said it before and I'll say it again. Feri and Ollie work well together because they're different, but not the cliched polar opposites. I'll continue reading this just because I like reading about these characters. Keep that up!
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Post by Tyrannitar on Dec 2, 2005 20:30:44 GMT -5
Reviews for Sanity Obsolete: Restocking, done with Nut are appreciated.  |
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Post by Dan on Dec 2, 2005 22:12:30 GMT -5
- CONTINUED SERIES REVIEWS - Sight: Part TwoI just LOVE this series. It's so good. Lage is such an interesting character, and Aylie works really well opposite her. The plot is thickening, and I'm getting more and more engrossed in it. The one major complaint I have is that I think Lage has too many internal questions. Questioning thoughts would break it up, showing her anxieties without the constant question marks. See the difference? I might not be explaining myself very well. It's just that when there are that many actual internal questions, it starts to sound like the author is using them to point the reader to questions that they have already formed. It stops sounding like Lage. But her voice is good the rest of the time. I can see her inquisitive nature, her pride and her worries. Aylie's character is developing well, too. She is a clear, logical thinker without being a complete cliche. And the end REALLY got me. Now there are even more reasons I can't wait for the next issue! Thanks very much for the review...there's only one problem that I'm smacking myself over: Lage is a guy. Wow, I should have made that clearer. |
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Post by Czenko on Dec 2, 2005 22:13:04 GMT -5
Reviews for Legendary Champions and The Pirate Writer Part one.
Thanks for the review. It was my friend's idea. She told me about her comic idea, and I just neofied it and put it in as a collab.
I don't know how a wadjet and a rock can play though.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2005 22:37:32 GMT -5
I'm trying a bit more informative and formal approach to reveiws so that if you read reveiws not only will the author gain information but also the average NTWFer, so that you can help decide which stories to read.
New Series Reveiws:
The Pirate Writer by Czenko
The first thing I thought when I read the very begining was this writer knows how to build suspense. A great techinique is to promise the reader something, to make them want to keep reading and Czenko uses this expertly.
Written in a diary format the story has a unique way of setting up the dates, it is not chronicaled in months and days, but in how long the character has been a pirate. This story is about a Pirate who doesn't want to be a pirate and her relationship with her friend Kera. Czenko's style is particularily suited to a diary format, beacause even though this an adventure story it is very character based.
And that is where one of the greatest faults of the story rests. It is at heart a playful adventure story, with an interesting plot and solid characterzations. But in all of this it is missing a key ingreadient, flow. Unfortunately, it begins and continues through out in the same, oddly worded style.
She is a Starry Shoyru now. I find it a lot prettier actually. It matches her perfectly along with the water faerie token around her neck. Out first I didn't even recognize her, and now I am ashamed that I didn't, but after she told me who she was, I totally believed her.
An abstract noun like a paint job usually isn't reffered to as an it, without previous refrence. This sentence sounds like Czenko is reffering to Kera as an it. A small mistake such as this unfortunately messes up the entire paragraph as Czenko uses it, once again. Also Czenko says that the narrator didn't recognize her he was ashamed, taking a somber tone and then using a more modern phrase, totally beleived her, to distrupt the flow.
However Czenko's style does have it's upside. Occasionally we see a brillaint image presented in solid blunt images that allow the reader to imagine the scene.
"Our crew nearly knocked her out, but she managed to introduce herself.."
The Dialouge, while not being particularily bad looses it's impact beacause of many uneeded dialogue tags:
"Do you think I care? I want to go back. I'm useless without me weapon." My voice was strong and demanding, not like how it normally sounded. I was normally a scaredy pirate.
While the characters are orginal and complex there is one flaw in the main narrator, we don't know their gender until about halfway through. The narration seems a bit ambigious, almost leaning to the masculine, and then the captain calls her lassie.
Overall however this was a very solid, Pirate story that fans of the genre will be sure to enjoy, and I hope to see more from this author.
The Petpet Detectives: Case of the Absent Anubis - Part One
Playmobil is as brilliant as she is experienced at telling the mystery. Expertly she draws you into the tale of explorers through the eyes of a gruff leader. She perfectly mixes telling and showing, so that we need not spend hours learning about how exactly the Ashia was being gruff, but we also beleive the author is telling the truth.
The plot is very carefully planned, and well, well plotted, XD, and the begining is intriguing, albeit a little unorginal. But staying true to dectective formula we witness the theif through the eyes of the witness in third person point of veiw.
She seems to be a writer accustomed to telling the story from above, not only jumping into various characters minds at dizzying speeds showing us the thoughts of everyone, but also has settled into her own distinct style.
And that is exactly why moving in to first person doesn't work as well as I would have thought. Playmobil works very hard at giving her Eeirie a distinct voice, so much that is jolts the reader out of the flow of the exposition.
Where we have been seeing the thoughts of everyone no we are confined to the thoughts of one Eyerie who we have heard nothing about until now.
This could have easily been remidied if she had introduced us to Marlo, in the begining, and had the Brett character told the story, or better yet kept the entire thing in third person. This would give an option for us to not see the detective thoughts, allowing us to draw our own conclusions from the facts given.
But really now the problem is minute and only a slight one, but it could become troblesome, we shall just have to continue reading, beacause this story regaurdless of any faults, is certiainly worthy of our attention.
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Post by Retired Blub on Dec 2, 2005 22:44:17 GMT -5
Reviews for 'The Portrait of Importance' would be totally appreciated. To be fair, I'll write some reviews tonight or tomorrow. |
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neo username - dan4884 
