218 Reviews

[MarillTachiquin]

reviews for Starry Stuff?? please?

[Random Cameo Neotomi]

Thanks for the reviews everyone! =D Especially thanks ofr the in-depth review, Komori, may I say your art was wonderful this week.

and to those fo you who didn't understand the joke - I simply tried to think of the most unlikely place to be gone for months to.

[Spot]

ghostkomori said:

Stuck in the Lost Desert

(Yes, technically you didnt' request a review. But hah! I review you anyway!)

I first want to start with the little comic icon thingy. It's really cute and a good little screencap of the comic inside. For some reason, I'm just so very fond of it.

I really like this flash comic thing for this comic. Normally I would complain that it's only being used as a flashy gimmick and does nothing for the comic, as is usually the problem with things like animations. But for this, it works, if only because of the Lost Desert theme and the really good tie-in with the current plot. If it were any other setting or theme, it wouldnt' have worked nearly as well. As it is, though, it's beautiful. My one problem with it is that the panels light up just a tad too slowly. I felt like they should snap to the lightness, more like the Neopets ones. But that may just be my aesthetic preference.

Your paneling is quite wonderful. The variety is good, and it works with the story, and it's not just for flashyness. Same goes with the variation on camera angles. These sorts of things can feel very trite if they aren't used to enhance the story, but these are used quite well. I love the slight overflow of the feathers and paw in the fourth panel. It's a small detail that adds quite a bit to the overall feel.

Layoutwise, I think I only have a couple tiny complaints. The second-to-last panel is almost too small to see the characters that well. I didn't even notice the '...' above the first lenny until I looked at it a second time. My other tiny complaint is the last panel. I feel as if it's a bit too small. I think it should've been just a little bit taller, give your characters some headspace. It feels just a bit cramped.

The joke's very cute. Not laugh-aloud funny, but it's quite pleasing. I think the dialogue of the kougra in the very last panel is a bit confusing, though. The dialogue goes through a few too many pauses, and almost too many emotions for one panel, if that makes sense. Using the word 'wait' almost indicates a change of emotions, which would probably require another panel to show that emotion. So I think the dialogue could've possibly been more clearly worded. But that's also a tiny gripe.

The art's beautiful, by the way. Especially that large Lenny in the fourth panel. Those wings are gorgeous. The little details like the bits of feathers and the petpets in the background were also nice touches. The simple fact that you included the two petpets was enough of a show of dedication; no reason to add othe characters if they're not absolutely needed, right? That was definetely a lot of effort put into this whole thing, so many bravos to you.


---

Are my reviews too long? Sometimes I wonder. I mean, these monsters are bigger than most people's reviews of series! That shouldn't be right... right?

*tacklehugs you for the wonderful review* I didn't think it was too long; it was meaningful and helpful. ^__^ Thank you so much, Komori.

Flashy gimick! XD As much as I like my flashy gimickness, I think I'll only be using it for plots and maybe one or two specials here and there. I know it wouldn't be necessary with my normal comics. As for the fade-in speed, I'll see what I can do. ^__^

I noted the panel overflow thing in the Neo plots, so I decided to try it. I'm glad somebody noticed.

I'm sorry for the squishedness. TT__TT I'm already drawing it to the edges of the paper, though. Next time, I promise to buy an 11"x14" (or larger) sketchbook for my Neopets art. In the meantime, I shall attempt to arrange the spacing a little better. *nod*

I admit, I had no idea for what I wanted Hitora to say. ^^;

Details. X3 I am detail obsessive.
Though the petpets were actually part of the plot line, which got cut short because of production time and my deadline. So instead, they serve as characters that appear but seem to do nothing for the plot. ^__^

... oops, perhaps I learned too much from studying tnt's plots. >_>;;


Any more reviews from others would be loved. =D

[Tashni]

Orbulon Has Landed

by tashni

Are you laughing right this second? If your not I can garentee that if your not and you read this short story you will at least get one decent laugh out.

You are so kind!

The story has a dry witty sense of humor that unfortunately doesn't make itself presence until it whacks you over the head with it by using a frying pan half way through.

Hrm, I was hoping to get some laughs during the "Slugawoo" sequence. But thanks for telling me where the humor started, that's important info!

The characters are often confusing and I found myself not having any idea but still laughing all the way through.

I'm glad you were laughing, but I suppose I do need to make the characters more grounded. It was a choppy plot, so I tried to make the action and narration a bit choppy, but I must have done that TOO much and made it hard to follow. Could you give me a specific example or two if you have the time?

A valiant first comic short story and very humerous, Tashini strikes again. ^^

That's all I ask for! A sequel is inevitable, so hopefully I'll have improved my comic skillz. And I struck again?! Ooh, that sounds cool. I didn't know I'd struck a first time! *feels all warm and fuzzy*

Thanks for the review, Snorkles, I really appreciate it!

[Kat]

tashni said:

After the Dance: Part Three
I really liked this chapter! The character development is not only interesting, but also engrossing. Through all of it I was thinking, "Uh-oh, what's Allan's friendship going to mean later on with Callie's true identity?" Then at the end with Allan's secret, you've really got me wanting to read on! There are some small things I'd like to comment on.

Callista lagged behind, lucky that he hadn't asked what she looked like

Why would he ask that? It took me a minute to remember she was still wearing the cloak. It has been two weeks, after all. Even with the cloak, it would be odd for someone to ask that specifically. It would have made more sense if he asked why she was wearing a cloak. But your call, you might be developing Callistra's character.


Small thing, but "asking" would have been better than "saying," as "saying" isn't really correct because she's asking a question.


This is contradictory. If he thinks about it "every now and then" and later brings it up, he is not thinking "nothing more of it." "Said nothing of it" would have made more sense, as he didn't say anything about it UNTIL later.

The Aisha and the Eyrie stood up and followed August back into the inn. Over a dinner of steamed peas, potatoes cooked in every conceivable manner, and green grapes, Allan kept on pondering the mystery of Callie's hood. Why was she so secretive about her looks? Was there anything about her she doesn't want me to know? Was she... some kind of wanted fugitive?

This starts a POV switch, but you didn't break it from Callie's.

Your descriptions are still good, not too much, not too little. I would like some more emotion. You're giving me lots of thoughts, but not necessarily feelings. For instance, when Callie brought up "the Court Dancer," I would have really like to know her feelings. Although you do indicate later with her asking, "Is she evil?". I can see her questioning herself and Allan. It's all really good so far. Can't wait for next week!

Awww, thanks Tashni! ;D It took a lot of tinkering and poking to shape the chapter, because this is where I put most of the character development, and I end this with some kind of a cliffhanger.

P.S. It's only part 2.

And now you're poking me to do reviews.

*runs off to read the NT*

[w 2 . Sparky]

The Petpet detectives: Case of the Absent Anubis

An excellent start to the series! Possible suspects have already been introduced and the introduction to the mystery is the best so far. The setting of it felt mysterious enough, and the additon of Dr. Kysen adds to it. Well done

Just one thing I'd like to say - I think the best:
Beginning - Absent Anubis
Mystery - Teagen with his slip of paper in Runaway Raindorf
Twist - Kidnapped Kadoatie
End - Stolen Sharky / Kidnapped Kadoatie

[w 2 . Sparky]

And that is exactly why moving in to first person doesn't work as well as I would have thought. Playmobil works very hard at giving her Eeirie a distinct voice, so much that is jolts the reader out of the flow of the exposition.

I see the third person part as a prologue to the whole thing so I think it's acceptable to have a sudden change. Of course, everyone's opinions are different, but personally I like these types of intros

[Komori]

^__^ You're welcome to everyone who liked my reviews. lol, I'm in depth now, but wait until I start classes for my Sequential Art minor. I'll totally be a comic nazi then! XDD


I'm still taking comic requests. :3

EDIT: Whoops, sorry I missed your request there, Marill. ^_^

Starry Stuff

:3 I haven't seen a Starry Stuff comic in a while. Good to see them back.

My first problem is the size. This comic's so teeny, it's a bit hard to read the text, and hard to see what's going on in the comic itself, especially since it's a hand colored comic (as opposed to computer coloring). It should be twice this size. ;D But then, I suppose the problem would be filesize, I imagine... I guess that's the problem with those hand colored ones. They have lots and lots of colors in them, because even a solid chunk of coloring could have hundreds of variations of the same blue... I wonder if you might have been able to lower the quality level of your pic. Some art editing programs have that option. Maybe a bit lower quality would have been a fair tradeoff to image size. But I ramble.

Jokewise, this is a pretty cute comic. The punchline was unexpected, which is very good. I was dreading a typical plushie pet joke, and the punchbag punchline (lol) was great. I think the dialogue in the last panel could have been reorganized a bit. The keyword for the punchline is punching bag, and that should be placed as close to the end of the sentence as possible, for maximum effect. Also, I think her sentence is a tad wordy. Of course, these are just little picky things. I think the longer text in the other dialogue bubbles work fine, they add depth to the story and the characters. It's great build-up for future comics, so even new readers can begin to get a feel for the characters.

Along the same thought, I like the second panel immensely. It gives him a lot of character and personality, but it's not so busy to distract from his dialogue. I love the movement, it's conveyed rather well in his ears and his little skaterboy stance. A little sidenote: his skateboard looks like it's backwards. The flatter part should be in the back, I think. The first panel is also great with the character establishment. Heehee... knitting. :3 The last panel is great too for that poor plushie's expression. Makes ya' just want to hug him. Looks like he'd punch you if you did. X3

I like the use of colors for your dialogue. They aren't too bright or annoying, which can often be the problem. I think the dialogue bubbles should have thinner lines, though. Those dialogue lines are as thick as the panel lines, which makes it look a tad odd. Also, the text is pushed a little bit too close to the edges of the bubble, like the owner's bubble and Nekomi's. Oh, and one more little gripe. The text in the second panel is organized strangely. The word 'lot' gets a line completely to itself? It looks a bit odd. You might have needed to reword the sentence so the lines of text look more even, or you might have been able to shrink the text by one font size. The text shrinking would only be possible, though, if you made the comic bigger. :3

All in all, though, it's a really cute comic and it has some really good and creative art. ;D

[Deleted]

r said:

I'm trying a bit more informative and formal approach to reveiws so that if you read reveiws not only will the author gain information but also the average NTWFer, so that you can help decide which stories to read.

New Series Reveiws:

The Petpet Detectives: Case of the Absent Anubis - Part One

Playmobil is as brilliant as she is experienced at telling the mystery. Expertly she draws you into the tale of explorers through the eyes of a gruff leader. She perfectly mixes telling and showing, so that we need not spend hours learning about how exactly the Ashia was being gruff, but we also beleive the author is telling the truth.

The plot is very carefully planned, and well, well plotted, XD, and the begining is intriguing, albeit a little unorginal. But staying true to dectective formula we witness the theif through the eyes of the witness in third person point of veiw.

She seems to be a writer accustomed to telling the story from above, not only jumping into various characters minds at dizzying speeds showing us the thoughts of everyone, but also has settled into her own distinct style.

And that is exactly why moving in to first person doesn't work as well as I would have thought. Playmobil works very hard at giving her Eeirie a distinct voice, so much that is jolts the reader out of the flow of the exposition.

Where we have been seeing the thoughts of everyone no we are confined to the thoughts of one Eyerie who we have heard nothing about until now.

This could have easily been remidied if she had introduced us to Marlo, in the begining, and had the Brett character told the story, or better yet kept the entire thing in third person. This would give an option for us to not see the detective thoughts, allowing us to draw our own conclusions from the facts given.

But really now the problem is minute and only a slight one, but it could become troblesome, we shall just have to continue reading, beacause this story regaurdless of any faults, is certiainly worthy of our attention.

Thanks a million, Snorkles, this was an awesomely in-depth review. I really appreciate it.

EDIT: Oh, and about the awkwardness from third to first person scene-change, in first parts I try to set up the mystery with the client + possible suspect(s) in third person, and then switching it over to first person with the detective(s). Just a pattern I like, but thanks for reminding me to be more subtle instead of whazzam! and we're into first person.

sparky63428 said:

The Petpet detectives: Case of the Absent Anubis

An excellent start to the series! Possible suspects have already been introduced and the introduction to the mystery is the best so far. The setting of it felt mysterious enough, and the additon of Dr. Kysen adds to it. Well done

Just one thing I'd like to say - I think the best:
Beginning - Absent Anubis
Mystery - Teagen with his slip of paper in Runaway Raindorf
Twist - Kidnapped Kadoatie
End - Stolen Sharky / Kidnapped Kadoatie

Thank you. I was really happy with this 'part one' as well. And thanks for the list as well, it's nice to know what people liked the most. Oh, and my Mom (who proofreads) said that this is her favorite PPD yet so I was very excited when this one was accepted. Actually, I thought it might be on the verge of being "too violent", but I guess not. Now I have to begin my next one, yay! ^^ Hm...

I'll shut up now. XD

[Kat]

Orbulon has Landed by tashni

On the whole, this was a very interesting story. Although it had a lot of breaks (or '***' or whatever you call it) and the beginning was slightly rushed, the piece was written in a very unique manner (which reminds me somewhat of a more whimsical Lemony Snicket). Not bad, but you can improve more on it. And yes, it was quite an entertaining read.

Rain by shadowcristal

Awww, sweet! I really fell in love with Raine's character. The flow of the story was excellent, and I find just about nothing to nitpick on. However, I'm somewhat skeptical of the idea of Eyries having fur and lips...to quote some parts of your story.

"I want to be painted rain..." Raine said with a faint smile touching her lips.

She yelped a bit upon feeling the cold drops dripping into her fur, but soon she got used to it.

Pretty minor details though. ^^; The last few parts were a creative twist.

The Portrait of Importance by blubblub317

Hmmm...I find the ending quite beautiful, not rushed at all. It's quite well-written, although I know that you can do much better. But the middle part was a bit dragging in some places. Very interesting...something that many people can really relate to.

[Deleted]

Thanks to everyone for the reviews of my story ^^

Snorkles: I wrote this story on a whim one day when it was raining during the summer, and I guess I didn't put it through so many edits as I should've. Thanks for pointing out the mistakes, I'll watch out for that. Also, I'm glad you commented on the plot that wasn't really deep but more childish... It's harder for me to write like that because I usually at least try to have some moral in my story and this time I just let it go... Again, thanks for your detailed review!

Kat: Thanks for reviewing, my great collaber ^^ As for the lips part, that's another one of my common errors. (You do you know the Meepits with knees story?) But I really think Eyries have furs... I'm glad you didn't find so many errors, maybe I'm actually improving! (Le gasp!) Anyways, thanks a million for yer review.

[Deleted]

Reviews for When the Weather is Grey: Part Two would be greatly appreciated!

I'll do some reviews either sometime today or tomorrow.

[Deleted]

Note: If you request something of me that is in a category I have already reveiwed, you can probably find your story there as I won't post it as a new post. ^^
And I'm glad you all like my new reveiws, I'm using a sort of weird format:

Introduce the author: information on past work the author has done.
Introduce the story: information on the plot of the story, any huge flaws that change the story or make it unreadable are presented here.
Comment on what you liked about the story: what you liked and why, what pasasges show this in the authors work.
Comment on what didn't work or could be better: make sure also to say why it doesn't work or what makes it better.
End: Basically, summarize how overall you felt about the story.


Yeah I know no one really cares, but I thought it would be fun to post for general refrence for myself mostly. *cough*snorklesdoesn'twanttomakeanotherfileformicrosoftword thatshewilljustloseagain *cough*


Continued Series Reveiws

Warning Spoilers if you haven't read the first part of the series...







The Sight: Part Two By Dan

By the end of this series Dan will have at least ten Neopian Times trophies to his name, and they will be well earned. For The Sight, takes a remarkable twist, one I didn't anticipate, it turns into a mysetery.

The Sight, if you haven't read part one, is about a male Lenny named Large, who looses his vision one day and while on a paper route mysteriously is knocked out.

Though this is one of Dan's first myteries he certainly isn't wandering around blindly. He has a very matter a fact style, that is perfect for the exposition of a mysetery, and isn't to shabby at creating good suspense.

However, there is where we come to our problem. This story has a great premise, blind pet tries to solve mystery. But Dan doesn't use it to it's full potential. Though Large is a bit bothered by being blind he doesn't seem to be affected enough. Or rather the authors style doesn't. This may be the character of Large, but I have a brother who is legally blind, from glaucoma, he will never be able to drive a car and his vision is steadily worsening.

He is not an angry kid, but he get's frustrated when people see things that he can't, and I'm sure that many people who are blind or partially blind experience this, especially if they have been able to see before.

I'm not saying Large has to come out screaming at the reader, beacause then he wouldn't be Large. But right now he seems to have calmly accepted the fact that he can't fly, and without any lingering anger or frustration.

Overall though, it's a brillaint premise and a decent mystery story, I reccomend any mystery fan to check it out.


When the Weather is Gray Prts 1 and 2


This is Puppys second series for the times, and the second story I have read in the times that begins with rain. However this take on Rain is a bit darker than Sia's Rain, but equally enthralling.

How peaceful rain is... thought Nili, again neglecting her homework. The rain was so relaxing, and the steady drum of the drops on the pavement lured her to daydream.

And so this story lures us into a descriptive day-dream.


Nilli is an interesting character, but we don't learn much about her in the first part, which is okay, we don't have to. But then the first part doesn't serve to do anything but set the mood, rainy, which we could learn from the moment she wakes up in the hut. Beacause the Rain on the Island is so much more important than the rain on Neopia. In fact if I were the author I would cut everything up to when she wakes up in the hut. That way we could experience the confusion along with her. The first part isn't dynamic and doesn't give much description of the charcter other than that she lives in Neopia Centr


However, once we reach the second part we really become interested. The plot is intriguing and dark, perfect to read on a rainy day. What if there was an island you couldn't ever see the sun on and was entirely gray?

The style of description is very solid and strong, but most importantly beleivable. It is as if you are walking along side of Nilli everything you sees she sees. And this is where our problems begin.

Puppy seems to not know exactly how to get into her characters heads entirely. She only sees the questions. Even if Nilli is thinking them they only serve an annoying purpose to fill up space, as we are already thinking those same things ourself. Instead of questions, try to show emotion in your character that way the reader will feel a more positive bond with Nilli.
And if you wish to show Nilli to point out's what important you the author have words to do that. Emphasize certain things in the description, your doing that already, but even more would pack an extra punch

I thought the Blue Tuskininny ghost was really solid in the first part. He starts out in a nerve-wracking suspenseful entrence and then he tells her to calm down. This gives us an image of a very peaceful Tuskininny.

Even more than the Tuskininny I love Nilli's reaction to him, she is complete disbeleif which ends her questions and brings her closer to being a character and less a tool for the author to prompt us to think about certain things.

The second part, though much more Dynamic then the first part, which is good, because of the Action, Calm pattern. If you don't know what the Action, Calm pattern is, in many storys where there is lots of physical action, wether it is running through a forest or a giant battle of swords, if there are too many action scenes they loose there affect, but on the same side of the coin if there aren't enough (like in the begining of the first part), then the reader becomes bored. So therefore in many texts, we see a calm scene, then an action scene, then calm. This technique is so old that we even see it in Homer's Odyessy, though in that case it is soft danger vs. hard danger.


Overall this is a brilliant second part, almost twice as good as the first. I loved the way Puppy made the Tuskininny insane so we weren't sure if he was right or if it was the villages that were correct.

I reccoment this to any one who likes suspense and great descriptions.

[Dan]

r said:

Note: If you request something of me that is in a category I have already reveiwed, you can probably find your story there as I won't post it as a new post. ^^
And I'm glad you all like my new reveiws, I'm using a sort of weird format:

Introduce the author: information on past work the author has done.
Introduce the story: information on the plot of the story, any huge flaws that change the story or make it unreadable are presented here.
Comment on what you liked about the story: what you liked and why, what pasasges show this in the authors work.
Comment on what didn't work or could be better: make sure also to say why it doesn't work or what makes it better.
End: Basically, summarize how overall you felt about the story.


Yeah I know no one really cares, but I thought it would be fun to post for general refrence for myself mostly. *cough*snorklesdoesn'twanttomakeanotherfileformicrosoftword thatshewilljustloseagain *cough*


Continued Series Reveiws

Warning Spoilers if you haven't read the first part of the series...







The Sight: Part Two By Dan

By the end of this series Dan will have at least ten Neopian Times trophies to his name, and they will be well earned. For The Sight, takes a remarkable twist, one I didn't anticipate, it turns into a mysetery.

The Sight, if you haven't read part one, is about a male Lenny named Large, who looses his vision one day and while on a paper route mysteriously is knocked out.

Though this is one of Dan's first myteries he certainly isn't wandering around blindly. He has a very matter a fact style, that is perfect for the exposition of a mysetery, and isn't to shabby at creating good suspense.

However, there is where we come to our problem. This story has a great premise, blind pet tries to solve mystery. But Dan doesn't use it to it's full potential. Though Large is a bit bothered by being blind he doesn't seem to be affected enough. Or rather the authors style doesn't. This may be the character of Large, but I have a brother who is legally blind, from glaucoma, he will never be able to drive a car and his vision is steadily worsening.

He is not an angry kid, but he get's frustrated when people see things that he can't, and I'm sure that many people who are blind or partially blind experience this, especially if they have been able to see before.

I'm not saying Large has to come out screaming at the reader, beacause then he wouldn't be Large. But right now he seems to have calmly accepted the fact that he can't fly, and without any lingering anger or frustration.

Overall though, it's a brillaint premise and a decent mystery story, I reccomend any mystery fan to check it out.

Thanks for the review! That's the most thorough one I've read.

[Yuka]

Short story review time!

Rain

I really liked the way you used description - not too much, but not too little. Just enough to help the reader picture the scene. I liked Raine a lot, too - she seems like the sort to follow her heart. The ending was kind of ambiguous, but it didn't hurt the story at all. It didn't flow too well in places, but it wasn't difficult to read, and overall I really enjoyed it. (Sorry for not being more helpful. I'm bad at constructive criticism!)

The Portrait of Importance

I found this to be quite an unusual story, but an enjoyable one. I loved the playful character of Jacques, and the way Grace's personality clashed with his. Some of the sentences seemed awkward, but they didn't distract me too much. Also, the beginning paragraph was a little strange, but it worked. Overall... good job!

Quill's Travelogue: The Maiden of Evercopse Hill

I really enjoyed reading this one. The dialogue was spot on, and the story flowed well from beginning to end. The one problem I had was that some of the paragraphs seemed a little long and wordy - then again, that's a personal preference, and it didn't detract from the story. Wonderful job!

More to come later, if I have time - including new series and maybe the odd continued series. Maybe.