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Post by Tyrannitar on Dec 3, 2005 19:04:56 GMT -5
More comic reviews for Sanity Obsolete appreciated.  |
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Post by w 2 . Sparky on Dec 3, 2005 20:45:25 GMT -5
Ooo..now I'm really excited about this one!
Any clues as to what the next one is about?
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2005 9:09:02 GMT -5
Ooo..now I'm really excited about this one! Any clues as to what the next one is about? It's called "TPPD: Case of the Disappearing Deaver" and it takes place on Krawk Island.  |
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Post by Buddy on Dec 4, 2005 11:15:28 GMT -5
Are my reviews too long? Sometimes I wonder.  I mean, these monsters are bigger than most people's reviews of series! That shouldn't be right... right? It shows that you are dedicated and hard working and care about others reveiws, not only are reveiws long, but in depth. I'm sure that many of the comic artists really aprecciate the length and the depth. ^^ No, no - trust me, your reviews are perfectly fine! ^_^;; In fact, they're better than fine - I love 'em! These are the types of reviews we need to see more of! Keep 'em up! |
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Post by Buddy on Dec 4, 2005 12:04:36 GMT -5
Actually, it wasn't until after I finished reading this that I realized this person isn't at the forum. But, they're a first-time author, so it's possible they MIGHT show up. And if they do, here's a review of their story!
The Amber Coral Gem: This is a classic example of a bland, cliche story that is written and told very well. This is one of the few cases where the actual writing of the story really helps to make up for the story itself, which sadly didn't make much sense.
I loved the author's vivid descriptions and details - they're the type of descriptions many authors in the NT should shoot for. In addition, I liked the flow of the story - even though the story covers a lot of ground and goes a lot of places, it never lost it's sense of pacing or speed.
However, despite the excellent writing prevelent throughout the story, the truth is, the plot itself didn't make much sense. While I was (surprisingly) convinced of Kasha's reasons for helping Ribbon escape, just about nothing else in the story made sense. How did the pirates find Ribbon? What exactly was the gem? What did it do? What made it so special? Why could Ribbon use it? What did the pirates want with it?
None of these questions were answered - and they should've been. It's one thing to leave the reader with some unanswered questions, but it's another to leave gaping plot holes like this to things that needed to be explained just to have the plot make sense. And without them being explained, the plot really didn't make much sense at all.
In addition, the ending really fell flat. Throughout most of the story, the plot was able to remain just above cliche (mainly becuase of the descriptions and details, plus the fact that I was expecting to be told sooner or later what the gem was and what it did, which I was not). But the end, with Kasha and Ribbon swimming off into the sunset, was just the epitomy of cliche.
Overall, a story with great details and great writing, but with really nothing to say; at least, nothing that made any sense or was ever really explained. A good attempt by a first-time author, and hopefully, we'll see this great writing applied to other stories that actually make sense.
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Post by Retired Blub on Dec 4, 2005 14:00:48 GMT -5
Rain by Shadowcristal
There are times when I read a story and have mixed feelings about it. Do I like it or do I not? This is the case here. The plot is very simple, and it works nicely at first, but you somehow seem to twist the character's love into obsession with the constant and restless repition of rain. To be honest, I was beginning to grow tired of only hearing about rain halfway through the story. I thought it was amusingly ironic that she chose Fire at the Rainbow Pool, and I really think Raine is a sweet, humble character. But another problem I encountered was the very stilted dialogue between her and her owner.
"That's rain... The thing that you are named after," Kayla, the owner, smiled. "Don't be afraid, Raine. Rain isn't something bad. People say that it is refreshing and sweet..."
That little bit seems especially robotic to me. Try to convey more human emotion in your words and try to imagine what a human would really say (or, if that's your view of how they would talk, then there's nothing I can really say to that). Like I mentioned before, the biggest problem was really the plot. There was just nothing interesting about it. I mean, at the beginning it was cute and adorable, and then I began wondering, "Will rain be the only thing mentioned in this story?" The two visiting the Rainbow Pool was a much needed plot line and when Raine couldn't play outside in the rain, I felt sort of bad for her. The last line was really touching, and the solution of an umbrella for that period of time was surprisingly simple and I feel stupid for not having thought of it myself.
Overall, the character Raine is really a great character, and the plot does work out great at first, but I would have really enjoyed it more if you had 'spiced it up', added something really interesting to the story. It was more of a character's study about their 'love' rather then a short story, in my opinion. I know you can do much better, Shadow, for I've read some beautiful stories that you've written before, and this unfortunately isn't one of them.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2005 14:24:34 GMT -5
When the Weather is Gray Prts 1 and 2This is Puppys second series for the times, and the second story I have read in the times that begins with rain. However this take on Rain is a bit darker than Sia's Rain, but equally enthralling. How peaceful rain is... thought Nili, again neglecting her homework. The rain was so relaxing, and the steady drum of the drops on the pavement lured her to daydream.And so this story lures us into a descriptive day-dream. Nilli is an interesting character, but we don't learn much about her in the first part, which is okay, we don't have to. But then the first part doesn't serve to do anything but set the mood, rainy, which we could learn from the moment she wakes up in the hut. Beacause the Rain on the Island is so much more important than the rain on Neopia. In fact if I were the author I would cut everything up to when she wakes up in the hut. That way we could experience the confusion along with her. The first part isn't dynamic and doesn't give much description of the charcter other than that she lives in Neopia Centr However, once we reach the second part we really become interested. The plot is intriguing and dark, perfect to read on a rainy day. What if there was an island you couldn't ever see the sun on and was entirely gray? The style of description is very solid and strong, but most importantly beleivable. It is as if you are walking along side of Nilli everything you sees she sees. And this is where our problems begin. Puppy seems to not know exactly how to get into her characters heads entirely. She only sees the questions. Even if Nilli is thinking them they only serve an annoying purpose to fill up space, as we are already thinking those same things ourself. Instead of questions, try to show emotion in your character that way the reader will feel a more positive bond with Nilli. And if you wish to show Nilli to point out's what important you the author have words to do that. Emphasize certain things in the description, your doing that already, but even more would pack an extra punch I thought the Blue Tuskininny ghost was really solid in the first part. He starts out in a nerve-wracking suspenseful entrence and then he tells her to calm down. This gives us an image of a very peaceful Tuskininny. Even more than the Tuskininny I love Nilli's reaction to him, she is complete disbeleif which ends her questions and brings her closer to being a character and less a tool for the author to prompt us to think about certain things. The second part, though much more Dynamic then the first part, which is good, because of the Action, Calm pattern. If you don't know what the Action, Calm pattern is, in many storys where there is lots of physical action, wether it is running through a forest or a giant battle of swords, if there are too many action scenes they loose there affect, but on the same side of the coin if there aren't enough (like in the begining of the first part), then the reader becomes bored. So therefore in many texts, we see a calm scene, then an action scene, then calm. This technique is so old that we even see it in Homer's Odyessy, though in that case it is soft danger vs. hard danger. Overall this is a brilliant second part, almost twice as good as the first. I loved the way Puppy made the Tuskininny insane so we weren't sure if he was right or if it was the villages that were correct. I reccoment this to any one who likes suspense and great descriptions. Thanks for such a thorough review! ----------------------------------------------- Some reviews... Rain-This was such a sweet story! I love how you thoroughly describe Raine's love of rain, but in a few spots, I felt like it there was perhaps too much description, so it felt a little dragged out. Overall, I really enjoyed reading this story though. One thing that I found interesting was a line in the end of the story: "I wish... I still wish that rain could fall forever." I think it's kind of cool (not to mention a coincedence) that in your story, Raine wanted rain to fall forever, and in my series, my main character is experiencing a setting with constant rain. Orbulon Has Landed-Let me start by congratulating you on your honorary mention in the news! That's only ever happened to me once, but I remember being really excited about that as well .I love the humor in this story! I liked the concept of a space petpet falling to Neopia, and unintentionally affecting the lives of pets living there (or more specifically in this story, Nar). It's cute how Orbulon is so confused about things on the planet, such as water. One thing, however, that I noticed was that you started a lot of sentences with coordinating conjunctions. (I must admit, I'm guilty of that too.) In fact, in one paragraph, I noticed two consecutive sentences in a row that could have easily been combined into one. I also noticed that the story breaks started to get closer and closer together near the end of the story, which got slightly confusing and interrupted the story some. One thing that I enjoyed in the story though, was the Jetsam's accent. By writing his quotations with an accent, it made him easier to picture. Overall, I really enjoyed this story, and this is definitely one of my favorite humorous short stories that I've read in a long time. |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2005 15:31:25 GMT -5
Rain by ShadowcristalThere are times when I read a story and have mixed feelings about it. Do I like it or do I not? This is the case here. The plot is very simple, and it works nicely at first, but you somehow seem to twist the character's love into obsession with the constant and restless repition of rain. To be honest, I was beginning to grow tired of only hearing about rain halfway through the story. I thought it was amusingly ironic that she chose Fire at the Rainbow Pool, and I really think Raine is a sweet, humble character. But another problem I encountered was the very stilted dialogue between her and her owner. "That's rain... The thing that you are named after," Kayla, the owner, smiled. "Don't be afraid, Raine. Rain isn't something bad. People say that it is refreshing and sweet..." That little bit seems especially robotic to me. Try to convey more human emotion in your words and try to imagine what a human would really say (or, if that's your view of how they would talk, then there's nothing I can really say to that). Like I mentioned before, the biggest problem was really the plot. There was just nothing interesting about it. I mean, at the beginning it was cute and adorable, and then I began wondering, "Will rain be the only thing mentioned in this story?" The two visiting the Rainbow Pool was a much needed plot line and when Raine couldn't play outside in the rain, I felt sort of bad for her. The last line was really touching, and the solution of an umbrella for that period of time was surprisingly simple and I feel stupid for not having thought of it myself. Overall, the character Raine is really a great character, and the plot does work out great at first, but I would have really enjoyed it more if you had 'spiced it up', added something really interesting to the story. It was more of a character's study about their 'love' rather then a short story, in my opinion. I know you can do much better, Shadow, for I've read some beautiful stories that you've written before, and this unfortunately isn't one of them. I know this isn't my story, but I just have to jump to Sia's defense here. In RL, there are two main types of novels, Genre, and Literary. Genre stories are stories that are built around a certain genre, romance mystery sci-fi etc and are usually more plot based. Where as Literary stories are usually more character based. A literary story, can consist of a character remembering things, or just having a conversation. Lessons on Breathing, for an example. And don't in of themselves have the most exciting plot. Sia's story Rain is a classic example of a Literary short story where the characters, and the emotions just weren't deep enough, or connected to the reader. Thus making it seem boring. It really wasn't the plot that was lacking, but the charterazation. Great reveiw though blub. *Salivates at the long reveiws* I wish I had something in this week. |
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Post by Nut on Dec 4, 2005 15:46:17 GMT -5
Sanity ObsoleteThis was a really clever comic with its unique concept. No one ever seems to address the traveling-around-the-world aspect of exploring Neopia. The joke is clean and well laid out. The two panels per row format works well, because it provides that nice repetitiveness. I'm also quite fond of how the only dialogue is in the last panel. It gives it a bit more impact. I think it would've been a bit more effective if the word 'restock' wasn't set up in each of the shops. I don't think it's necessary, as the reader can easily assume the shoyru is shoping during the restock, since there are items on the shelves. Then when the shoyru uses the word 'restock' in the last panel, it would be more humorous, because he's using the word to define the whole action... Um, does that make sense? Let's see... By using the word restock in every panel, you're telling the reader that the shoyru is restocking. But if you only use the word restock in the last panel, then the audience could go, "Oh, haha, that's what he's doing! He's not just shopping, he's restocking!" ... Does that make sense? .... Anyway. Artwise, it's very nice and clean and detailed. I like the gradual decline of the shoyru's stamina, it's quite cute, and it's nice to watch. Also, the unique organization of each shop is great. It's something small, it's just a variation of the placement of a shelf and a shopkeeper. But it adds to the variety, and makes it clearer that each shop is a different shop. If they all had the same layout, the audience might have been slightly confused. :3 Also, bonus points to you for not using cut-and-paste for the little flying shoyru in the world panels.  A couple little gripes, though. I'm not sure about that little timer in the corner. I think the comic could've done without it. I'm not sure what that's really supposed to be saying, anyway. Are we to assume those are minutes or seconds? The colon in front of the number seems to indicate seconds, but 7 seconds to restock and fly to another place? That seems a bit much. So the clock could've been removed. Another gripe is the shadow under the shoyru, especially in the first panel. That odd sort of blobby blue airbrush stroke doesn't really look like a shadow. Part of the reason is because it's lighter than the black parts of the tiles. How could a shadow be lighter than the ground around it? It would've been better without that shadow. Same goes for the third panel. It looks okay in the fifth panel, but that's because it looks like shadow on snow. Overall, it's a great, welldrawn, unique comic. Thank you so much for the review! ^^ Tyrannitar gets credit for the idea here. You're completely right about the shadow. I was using airbrushed shadows for a couple of comics, but I've stopped doing that now. Looking back, I suppose it would have helped to make the floor tiles in the first panel a bit lighter, since I couldn't have gotten the shadow darker than the 100% black of the flooring. As for cut-and-pasting, I'm a bit ashamed about copying the world image, and have vowed not to do it again... Are my reviews too long? Sometimes I wonder. I mean, these monsters are bigger than most people's reviews of series! That shouldn't be right... right? Your reviews are wonderful, Komori. I always look forward to reading yours whenever I have a comic in the Times. Often I'll read your reviews of other comics just because I enjoy the way you write them. You are very good at pointing out things that could be improved on, which the writer/artist might miss otherwise. That's what a review is for, not just to say "I liked your comic". |
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Post by Komori on Dec 4, 2005 17:33:11 GMT -5
As for cut-and-pasting, I'm a bit ashamed about copying the world image, and have vowed not to do it again... No, the world image is fine as a repeated image. Stationary objects and backgrounds are fine to reuse, and indeed, if they varied too much from panel to panel, it might look off. It's only copying and pasting characters that look odd, because it makes them look like objects. |
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Post by Scar on Dec 4, 2005 19:15:49 GMT -5
Short story review time! Quill's Travelogue: The Maiden of Evercopse HillI really enjoyed reading this one. The dialogue was spot on, and the story flowed well from beginning to end. The one problem I had was that some of the paragraphs seemed a little long and wordy - then again, that's a personal preference, and it didn't detract from the story. Wonderful job! More to come later, if I have time - including new series and maybe the odd continued series. Maybe. Thanks for the review Yuka. I was rather worried about pacing at first but seems fine right now. Oh, and I can get a little 'descriptive' so |
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Post by Retired Blub on Dec 4, 2005 19:20:57 GMT -5
Rain by ShadowcristalThere are times when I read a story and have mixed feelings about it. Do I like it or do I not? This is the case here. The plot is very simple, and it works nicely at first, but you somehow seem to twist the character's love into obsession with the constant and restless repition of rain. To be honest, I was beginning to grow tired of only hearing about rain halfway through the story. I thought it was amusingly ironic that she chose Fire at the Rainbow Pool, and I really think Raine is a sweet, humble character. But another problem I encountered was the very stilted dialogue between her and her owner. "That's rain... The thing that you are named after," Kayla, the owner, smiled. "Don't be afraid, Raine. Rain isn't something bad. People say that it is refreshing and sweet..." That little bit seems especially robotic to me. Try to convey more human emotion in your words and try to imagine what a human would really say (or, if that's your view of how they would talk, then there's nothing I can really say to that). Like I mentioned before, the biggest problem was really the plot. There was just nothing interesting about it. I mean, at the beginning it was cute and adorable, and then I began wondering, "Will rain be the only thing mentioned in this story?" The two visiting the Rainbow Pool was a much needed plot line and when Raine couldn't play outside in the rain, I felt sort of bad for her. The last line was really touching, and the solution of an umbrella for that period of time was surprisingly simple and I feel stupid for not having thought of it myself. Overall, the character Raine is really a great character, and the plot does work out great at first, but I would have really enjoyed it more if you had 'spiced it up', added something really interesting to the story. It was more of a character's study about their 'love' rather then a short story, in my opinion. I know you can do much better, Shadow, for I've read some beautiful stories that you've written before, and this unfortunately isn't one of them. I know this isn't my story, but I just have to jump to Sia's defense here. In RL, there are two main types of novels, Genre, and Literary. Genre stories are stories that are built around a certain genre, romance mystery sci-fi etc and are usually more plot based. Where as Literary stories are usually more character based. A literary story, can consist of a character remembering things, or just having a conversation. Lessons on Breathing, for an example. And don't in of themselves have the most exciting plot. Sia's story Rain is a classic example of a Literary short story where the characters, and the emotions just weren't deep enough, or connected to the reader. Thus making it seem boring. It really wasn't the plot that was lacking, but the charterazation. Great reveiw though blub. *Salivates at the long reveiws* I wish I had something in this week. Thanks Snorkles. I was trying to remember what type of stories were, but forgot. XD |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2005 19:31:24 GMT -5
Short story review time! Quill's Travelogue: The Maiden of Evercopse HillI really enjoyed reading this one. The dialogue was spot on, and the story flowed well from beginning to end. The one problem I had was that some of the paragraphs seemed a little long and wordy - then again, that's a personal preference, and it didn't detract from the story. Wonderful job! More to come later, if I have time - including new series and maybe the odd continued series. Maybe. Thanks for the review Yuka. I was rather worried about pacing at first but seems fine right now. Oh, and I can get a little 'descriptive' so Is that story yours, Scar? Oh I'll go and reveiw it then, sorry I forgot about you. Check back in a bit and there will be a reveiw for you under the short story section shortly. And sorry if I just seemed nitpicky blub, it really was a great reveiw. |
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Post by bag on Dec 4, 2005 22:53:38 GMT -5
BAG'S #218 ARTICLE REVIEWS (Based on DDR Step Ratings, Boo-Marvellous):
An Inconspicuous Guide: How to Write Well
by pugnaciousilliterate:
Marvellous. This article reminds people that yes, English CAN be appropriatley used. Nice job.
The Perfect Gift
by puppylover2333:
Great. It's nice, but I believe the idea has been done before. However, on the whole, great article.
Grooming the Easy Way
by mygoodguild:
Perfect. Excellent, different, unused idea, excellent article.
Guide for Healthy Neopets
by techo345149:
Good. It's nice, and different, but much of it doesn't apply to neopets itself.
Yet MORE Happy Home Hunting
by year_of_the_fox:
Marvellous. An okay article idea made excellent by its humor.
The rest to come tomorrow!
(Based on scale of Boo-Almost...-Good-Great-Perfect-Marvellous)
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Post by Tashni on Dec 5, 2005 0:07:00 GMT -5
Orbulon Has Landed-Let me start by congratulating you on your honorary mention in the news! That's only ever happened to me once, but I remember being really excited about that as well .I love the humor in this story! I liked the concept of a space petpet falling to Neopia, and unintentionally affecting the lives of pets living there (or more specifically in this story, Nar). It's cute how Orbulon is so confused about things on the planet, such as water. One thing, however, that I noticed was that you started a lot of sentences with coordinating conjunctions. (I must admit, I'm guilty of that too.) In fact, in one paragraph, I noticed two consecutive sentences in a row that could have easily been combined into one. I also noticed that the story breaks started to get closer and closer together near the end of the story, which got slightly confusing and interrupted the story some. One thing that I enjoyed in the story though, was the Jetsam's accent. By writing his quotations with an accent, it made him easier to picture. Overall, I really enjoyed this story, and this is definitely one of my favorite humorous short stories that I've read in a long time. Thanks so much for the review, Puppy! I'm glad you liked it, and my Jetsam. I have fun with accents, they make for quick characterization. (My Acara at the end was supposed to sound like a merchant from a China Town.) Upon reflection, you are quite right in saying that I broke it up too much in the end. I will do my best to correct that in the sequel! (I am LOVING the plot for #2. It'll be more plot-based while still having some zainy random unluckiness.) Well, that turned into more a plug that a reply to your review. But thanks Puppy, I really appreciate it. ALSO, I'll be doing lots of reviews tomorrow. I plan on doing new series and short story reviews, so if anyone has any specific requests, please tell me tonight. |
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I mean, these monsters are bigger than most people's reviews of series! That shouldn't be right... right?
