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Post by Tam on Oct 29, 2006 20:44:44 GMT -5
A Spooky Halloween, pt 4 by ghostkomorichuSquee!  Komo’s got his Jazan costume and Echo’s the Nightsteed! Yay Komori, that’s awesome. ^_^ The artwork is as great as ever, so I really can’t critique there. Somehow, Komo’s expression in the third panel makes him look exactly like Jazan for a moment. I’m in awe at how you managed to fit a Nightsteed costume to a character who has no legs to bandage and light fires under. I was a bit disappointed that Von Roo didn’t show up in this one; after all, he’s been in each of the previous comics in this plotline. I was hoping to see more of his happy face. =3 Being Eliv Thade by tristess and autoc007Very nice! The frames progressed very nicely from one to the next, and it seemed to be about the right number of frames too. The detail of the art is amazing -- Tristess did an incredible job. Nice job with the script too, AutoC; it’s quick and to the point. Hmm... I think “dress up as” would flow more smoothly than “dress up like” in this case though. As well, she should probably be saying “trick or treats” instead of “trick or treat”. Very well done though, you two both did an excellent job! The Collar by ssjelitegirlxD That explains a lot. You could probably just have submitted the last panel and it still would have gone over pretty well. Dialogue is one of your strong points, I think, and I’m glad your comics reflect that. Hmm... maybe, just to be really picky, I’d suggest redrawing the random event box in your own style to add to the style of the comic... or maybe, because it’s just fine how it is, I wouldn’t. ^_^ Flapdoodle: Trick Or Treat! by obviousfakenameYou have a beautiful style for drawing and colouring your characters. It’s bright and full of detail and contrast. Great work.  It’s a nice story too -- it’s an oldie but a goodie. I think there’s something bothering me about the moon though... why is it casting a shadow against the sky? Neopups Halloween by coshi_dragoniteI think it’s arguable that you have one of the overall most well-done comic strips in the NT to date. Great characters, fantastic artwork, expressive dialogue -- and as I think this installment proves, hilarious punchlines that no one else in their right mind would have thought of. They look great in their costumes, and Garu looks so happy aww. =3 Darkest Corner: Independence by dark_elfaWow. I love your style of lineart. Your art is drawn smoothly and confidently; way to go. ^^ What throws me off most here is the text... it’s sorta blurry and hard to read, especially in comparison to the shapes in the art of the comic. If you can’t do anything about the blurriness (hey, if you can’t then you can’t), you might want to play around with some new fonts and see if you can find a clearer one. Gorgeous art and colouring -- it’s a great comic. =) Life Improvised by keng200Keehee, I’m pretty sure those thoughts have drifted through the heads of almost everyone involved in that step of the plot. Not much to comment on in regards to the story or artwork... except to say that they’re brilliant, of course.  Even though it’s for the most part grayscale, the detail is clear and it doesn’t look too drab or anything. I guess there’s places where the text is a little cramped inside the speech balloons, but it is still readable. *reads all the headstones* Niiice. j;D
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2006 20:49:11 GMT -5
Series...well, at least, the only one I am reading for a while...Needed Adventure: Part Ten by tdyansI had really expected this to be the last part...but I see a part eleven, too... Well, no matter - it simply means MORE Needed Adventure! ^_^ I find I am once more reminded of 101 Dalmatians... but as before, that is meant as a sincere compliment. Even as I reach the end of my teenage years, I still find myself enthralled by the Disney classics, and that movie is still, and will always be, among my favorites. For me, to see myself reminded of it by this story stands as a testament to just how great this actually is for me. I did, though, think that I found Enzo's falling through the ice a bit predictable... and, I feel, it would have been more natural for Whooter to have flapped his wings to draw Enzo's attention, rather than waving his claws...but, maybe, he is too civilized for such barbaric behavior.... I find it ironic, in a way, that Enzo nearly drowned in a frozen lake. In a chapter of my novel that I wrote a year ago, almost to the date, actually, much the same occurred to a character named Arry... yet he actually did drown, and when he awoke, he was greeted with the question, "Hungry?" He was also saved by a dragon...but he didn't know it at first. Anyways, enough of that now! I must admit--up till this point, I had been under the, apparently wrong, impression that Whooter had no arms! ^_^ *devilish grin* lol. And I'm not quite sure how a Scorchio's head can be shaggy... Well, I can only imagine Enzo's tale when all things are said--er, written--and done... First, I was abducted and sold and locked in a cage for weeks with two snarling Neopets who I tamed and befriended! Then, we stole the key and escaped! But then, I was caged again and when I was about to be struck by the Ray, I moved aside an set the place ablaze! Then, as I fled into the forest, I was taken in by wild creatures... Or...something like that. ^_^ Once again, Tdyans, great work!
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Post by Tdyans on Oct 29, 2006 21:57:27 GMT -5
I often forget it myself, but Whoots actually have two sets of claws, in addition to their wings:  So, when Whooter waves his claws or folds his "arms", I'm talking about that upper set of claws. As for Scorchio being shaggy, that comes from me often picturing him as having a similar appearance to the Tyrannian scorchios (which do have a shaggy mop of hair on their heads). I could never shake that association, so I made him shaggy. I knew it'd be weird, but the truth is we don't know if scorchios are all scales-- they could be furry. Even if they're usually not, Scorchio has become so over time in order to deal with the harsh winters. Thanks again for the reviews, Nim and WW. There are actually two more parts to go. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2006 21:59:16 GMT -5
The highlight...too bright a highlight, quite possibly, of this week's issue...with only an hour left to r&r...
A Royal Halloween by dark_goddess_rising
A very nice and intriguing start! It pulled me right into the story.
God times surely are fun! She definitely shouldn't be scared! lol. Sorry to so persistently point out the typos... "Not even Envysine." - I think it's missing a "to." "[...] but not matter [...]" - should probably be missing that "t."
Overall, this story was well-written, sweet, and easy to read. I really liked it - it was simple, but still told a great story.
Tales From Cabin Eight: The Halloween Away From Home by dan4884
Well...since it was only a recommendation to read the previous Cabin Eight stories, I'd normally just read this anyways. But, since I have such limited time and this appears to be on the longer side, I'm going to read the other stories first, and come back to this later if I have the time, which hopefully I will have.
The Korbat from Krawk Island by myfallenrevival4
The beginning description was a bit long, but after that, I really got drawn into the story. The verbal characterization was, I feel, flawless and incredibly well-executed. From the start, based on their speaking alone, I was able to easily identify each of the characters when they spoke. That was great.
You then used the phrase "pointing up at the sky" in one line after the other. The second time the action was mentioned, it probably could have been said differently, so as to avoid using the same phrase so closely to itself. And when Suki was in the jelly, I think you missed a "be" when he said "I'll - I'll alright!" Later, you also had a ' instead of a " .
Also, the humor in this - especially in Feo's actions - was amazingly enjoyable to read! And how everything seemed to fit into place was just great.
But, wow, the pepper-spray really surprised me! And then wildebeests, too?! Fetal position?!? Calories!?! Phosphorescent?!? Carbonated liquids and even carbon dioxide!?! Not to deter from your writing or anything, I just never imagined seeing those in the Neopian Times...
Halloween Marathon by schefflera also by dreagoddess
NOW SLOWPOKE, TOO?!? Boy...I write too conservatively for this... lol.
Heh, that was an amazing and enthralling tale and I loved, really loved reading it. It was incredibly well-written and quite easy-to-read. I loved it. Great job, both of you!
Well, many stories I had not the time to read... I shall try to do more, but I cannot promise much...
Happy Halloween!
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Post by Deleted on Oct 30, 2006 12:31:27 GMT -5
Ah, so, Tdyans, Whoot's do have arms...it suddenly all makes sense. ^_^
I have time now to do another review, and then I will attempt to do more reviews today...but I might not be able to get any more done. If not today, maybe tomorrow, but if not then, perhaps, if time allows, on Wednesday...
Night of Freedom by silent_snow ?
This story was...chilling, to say the least. It began wonderfully, and I was quickly drawn into the tale. It moved quickly, but not too quickly. Stories with as little dialogue such as this are stories that I enjoy writing, and this one was just as enjoyable for me to read. I also liked how It never was given a name; I feel that allows the reader's imagination, or at least mine, to flare more wildly.
To be an annoying nitpicker, you once used a hyphen as a dash, but that's being incredibly nitpicky.
Overall, I found this to be incredibly well-written and even more enjoyable, and easy, to read. The simplicity of the tale, coupled with the amount of depth that can be taken alongside it, is wonderful. Though for a brief moment halfway through I thought It might return to Edna, I still got goosebumps as read further down the page, even when it actually did. The ending was also a great close to the story, even leaving open the possibility of a sequel for next year....
A wonderfully delightful Halloween story, indeed. ^_^
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Post by Ebil on Oct 30, 2006 15:31:30 GMT -5
Halloween MarathonWow, Ebil LOVES this story. Something about the way it flows is so very... engaging. And the imagery and dialogue is good as well. And finally, it was FUN, because all the different places they kept going and the people they were meeting kept the story from getting slow and dull. Night of FreedomOooh, creepy. It's probably more Halloweeny than a lot of the other submissions of this issue simply because it's meant to be scary. It's also highly original, and it's about time someone thought of something to do with Edna (custom pic is awesome, BTW.) It was a little bit short, but that's good because really long stories mean that less people will have the patience to read it (as I am now finding out... ONE entire person has reviewed mine  ) Never Too Old for HalloweenAWWWWW. I loved this one. it was... erm, sweet, pardon the pun. *can't think of anything else to say* Ya, I'm a bad reviewer, kthx. Now... OMG SOMEONE REVIEW MINE. PLLLLLLZZZZZ! It's not on the list, for some completely odd reason, as it's on the preview thread and my neopets username is the same as my NTWF username.
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Post by Nut on Oct 30, 2006 16:14:36 GMT -5
Now... OMG SOMEONE REVIEW MINE. PLLLLLLZZZZZ! I'll review yours if you review mine. :3 (I'm having to resist doing reviews normally... I may give in and do some at the end of the week if I haven't gotten many reviews, but I want to try this system out for a little while. ^^) |
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Post by Ebil on Oct 30, 2006 22:40:36 GMT -5
...I'll get to yours eventually >> *is unbelievably tired*
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Post by Tyrannitar on Oct 30, 2006 23:43:21 GMT -5
/regrets not responding to reviews one by one Praise(?) for my story:POV thing: It was originally in first person, but I think Droplet changed it because in the second half of the story, the POV was totally messed up. I guess she missed one in the first part. Sorry you didn't like it, I liked it so I guess that's okay. I was trying to kinda make it horrifically funny. Like Scary Movie, though I think that's more funny than horific... well, I only had the title and description of some random Neopian book to work with, so that might explain the random thing. Oh well, I'm impulsive and I see now that that characteristic goes better with the characters and not the narration. ^^;; Well at least everyone liked the plot. :/ Thanks for taking the time to review it. I wanted to make it both creepy and humorous. Make it... crumorous! /gigglesnort /no-one laughs /tear Thanks for the review; at least somebody liked it. (haha, just kidding everyone ^^; I liked the intro part, it was so much fun to write. It's like how I act in school, except I don't use mirror pens and gross-out kids have their own special classes.  ;; You know, now that I think about it, I don't ever remember editting the story... not a good idea, eh? Hmm, I mention phosphorescent and calories in my latest story too. I love the word phosphorescent, it's like Evanescence and my old guild was named Phosphorescence. Carbon dioxide... right, Neopets don't breathe! Haha! Well I suppose this wasn't one of my popular stories in terms of writing style, but the plot was good. Thanks to everyone who reviewed it; next time, I'll actually eidt my story and try to make it easier-to-follow. My writing is abstract, of course. At least I made you all think harder instead of just writing 'the story rocks my socks', eh? I'm just that nice of a person, yes I am. |
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Post by Kat on Oct 31, 2006 8:09:38 GMT -5
[shadow=purple,left,300]Thanks for the reviews for "Never Too Old For Halloween"! Tales from Cabin Eight: Halloween Away from Home by dan4884 I liked the way you started off and ended the story, and I think your descriptions were not too concentrated or not too scattered, which is good. Your characters are quite well-rounded, but as for the rest of the story, I do have a few nitpicks: I know it only takes common sense, but in the second line, you seemed to be referring to Sara instead of Mrs. Feign. It's fine, but it would sound better if you just said "shades of purple". All in all, it was a very interesting read, and even though I haven't read the first two Tales from Cabin Eight stories when I read this (*runs away*), I was able to get the plot and the characters. ^_^[/shadow] |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2006 11:23:25 GMT -5
Couple more reviews... Changes of Heart by moonshadow711I really enjoyed this. I know there are loads of stories about Illusen vs Jhudora but this managed to be unique and interesting. Well done An October Holiday by EbilWhat can I say? Brilliant, off-the-wall, laugh-out-loud funny in places, and I love the style Trick-or-Scream! by blubblub317That was a good story, well written. It didn't really grab me, but it was interesting enough that I wanted to know what was going to happen. My only complaint is that I'd like to know why the Elephante was collecting Neopets in his pictures...? Night of Freedom by silent_snowThat was great, and I loved your picture - was it a custom? I think that's the first ghost story I've seen written from the POV of a ghost where you know from the start that it's a ghost. Or at least if it isn't, the others weren't very memorable... It was really imaginative and I liked how the main character wasn't a pet or an owner. Well done |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2006 19:53:54 GMT -5
I shall attempt to do as many more reviews as I can... and if I can't finish them today, maybe I'll get them done tomorrow, if I am able to find the time to do so.
Never Too Old for Halloween by precious_katuch14
This was a really cute story, one I enjoyed reading. Though I did notice a few small mistakes in grammar (like, "he" was capitalized once when it probably shouldn't have been), it was still pretty well-written. It was also easy to read. Good job.
Hubrid's Halloween by mygoodguild
This story began really nicely and I was quickly drawn into it.
It probably should have been "run," if I am thinking correctly.
Though this is just personal opinion, this line might have sounded more menacing without the word "so."
Aside from those two instances, this was quite well done, and it also had perfect flow and a really good plot. I feel, however, that Hubrid Nox gave up too quickly, well, at east for his image. Unless...he has a plan for next Halloween already.
I really enjoyed reading this; it was quite fun to read.
Hide and Seek by tnumfive and velveteen
That was an awesome story! It was hard for me to follow towards the beginning, as it had so much detail, I feel, that it was almost overwhelming, but as it went on, I really got into it, on the edge of my seat and everything. The final revelation at the end was also perfect.
The Scaredy Yurble by undeadfortune and phsycoticdancer
This was an amazing, awesome, gripping story!
I was drawn in without hesitation with the opening line. From there, I realised my expectations of this story had been direly wrong. No happy Neohome. No young Yurble afraid of Halloween ghosts. No comforting owner there to soothe his fears. Instead, what I got was much, much better. It had a deep plot and such a psychological edge to it that it was totally unbelievably good.
I found but one error, however... you said "inhabitable," when you should have said "uninhabitable." Though initially confused, my misunderstanding was soon put to rest. Still, though, this was amazing...
Trick-or-Scream! by blubblub317
This was quite an enjoyable tale, quite spooky, too. I noticed a few mistakes, but they were common ones (you know, the killers), like a missing word and mixed up homophones. But those bits aside, I really found this story to be a really great one that was easy-to-read and also much fun to do so.
Bitten by Darkness by nut862
This was an unusual, but truly wonderful story. Though it could have been written to evoke fear, I feel it didn't do that as much as it evoked sympathy for Morr. I found it predictable what would happen, but I still enjoyed reading how it went-- how he slowly changed from loving light to despising it and his family's warm reactions. This was a lovely tale. Though not necessarily scary, it was perfect for Halloween.
Interesting how the first three stories I read demanded cool colors, while the latter three chose a warmer disposition... nevertheless... I feel that I am out of time for reviewing today. I have left to review only two stories, I believe, ("Cabin Eight" and "An October Holiday"), though if yours isn't a part of these two or of those I've reviewed, tell me and I will add it to my list. I can't promise I will be able to do these final reviews, but with what little time I might have tonight and with what little time I might have tomorrow, I might be able to do them all.
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Post by Nimras on Oct 31, 2006 19:57:40 GMT -5
Dark Fate: Part Two
by yatomiyuka
It’s only a two parter? *blink* I figured it would have been longer, givin the amount of plot that was possible…
I have to admit, some parts of this series I found hard to follow, and I kind of wish you’d turned it into a three parter in order to make it not quite so rushed in places. (Yes, I know… Nimras wanting longer series. Shocking.)
Hee!
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Post by Psycho on Oct 31, 2006 21:51:08 GMT -5
Thank you Dan for your review I am always immensely pleased when the readers are pleased. As promised, here it is: Tales From Cabin Eight: The Halloween Away From Home Cute story. I had good feelings about this, going in, since your last two "Tales from Cabin Eight" were amusing. You'll have to forgive me if all I end up doing is compare this to the other two. I enjoyed your use of dialogue - you manage the tone of children conversing with each other very well. It reminds me of a Saturday morning cartoon - starting the day off innocently, meeting an evil villain, and saving the world - all in 30 minutes (or a day's worth). I did feel the beginning moved more slowly than the actual climax of the story (attack of the Flylis Brain Hog) and I was a little irked by how quickly the problem was solved, but in a way it added to the general campfire-story sort of mood. Short but sweet. Flylis Brain Hog - I did crack a smile after I tried reading that aloud. And what a sight! You ought to commission a drawing of it, for those who are imagination-impaired I had to close my eyes and think about what it looked like to get the full force of the hilarity One little comment - I think your commas need a bit working on. Be sure to look over the rules for comma usage - I think you've overused them a bit. Remember, just because you want to pause while reading the sentence aloud doesn't necessarily mean that a comma belongs there. As always, Dan, your writing has me greatly amused Thank you for the smiles! |
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Post by Dan on Oct 31, 2006 22:05:34 GMT -5
Thank you Dan for your review I am always immensely pleased when the readers are pleased. As promised, here it is: Tales From Cabin Eight: The Halloween Away From Home Cute story. I had good feelings about this, going in, since your last two "Tales from Cabin Eight" were amusing. You'll have to forgive me if all I end up doing is compare this to the other two. I enjoyed your use of dialogue - you manage the tone of children conversing with each other very well. It reminds me of a Saturday morning cartoon - starting the day off innocently, meeting an evil villain, and saving the world - all in 30 minutes (or a day's worth). I did feel the beginning moved more slowly than the actual climax of the story (attack of the Flylis Brain Hog) and I was a little irked by how quickly the problem was solved, but in a way it added to the general campfire-story sort of mood. Short but sweet. Flylis Brain Hog - I did crack a smile after I tried reading that aloud. And what a sight! You ought to commission a drawing of it, for those who are imagination-impaired I had to close my eyes and think about what it looked like to get the full force of the hilarity One little comment - I think your commas need a bit working on. Be sure to look over the rules for comma usage - I think you've overused them a bit. Remember, just because you want to pause while reading the sentence aloud doesn't necessarily mean that a comma belongs there. As always, Dan, your writing has me greatly amused Thank you for the smiles! Thank you for the review! That was exactly the type of mood I was going for, a lighthearted not-scary horror story. And your criticisms are true. The solution gave me trouble; I had problems trying to solve it and keep it on the short side as well. Guess I'll have to devote more time to the solutions in future stories. I've always overused commas. I need to remember that for future stories. ^^ |
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Komo’s got his Jazan costume and Echo’s the Nightsteed! Yay Komori, that’s awesome. ^_^ The artwork is as great as ever, so I really can’t critique there. Somehow, Komo’s expression in the third panel makes him look exactly like Jazan for a moment. I’m in awe at how you managed to fit a Nightsteed costume to a character who has no legs to bandage and light fires under. I was a bit disappointed that Von Roo didn’t show up in this one; after all, he’s been in each of the previous comics in this plotline. I was hoping to see more of his happy face. =3
It’s a nice story too -- it’s an oldie but a goodie. I think there’s something bothering me about the moon though... why is it casting a shadow against the sky?
Even though it’s for the most part grayscale, the detail is clear and it doesn’t look too drab or anything. I guess there’s places where the text is a little cramped inside the speech balloons, but it is still readable. *reads all the headstones* Niiice. j;D
)
I found it quite difficult to read - there were a couple of bits where I had to read it twice to understand what was going on, and you dipped from 3rd person into 1st person at one point, which left me expecting to find another character somewhere that never appeared. That said, the storyline is good and some of the ideas you've got in there are interesting. It just didn't float my boat, sorry.
;; You know, now that I think about it, I don't ever remember editting the story... not a good idea, eh? 
neo username - dan4884