263 Reviews

[Nut]

Yay, it's out! ^^ My short story, Bitten by Darkness, is in. I'd love to get reviews on it. It's the first time I've gotten published in a long time.

And I don't really like how the window on the pic turned out. Meh. >.>

I'm going to quietly steal Psycho's idea and say that I'll review your piece if you review mine. ^^

I have to go right now but I promise the reviews will get done.

[Dan]

The Korbat from Krawk Island by Tyr

Um...I'm not sure what to say. The idea of it was good, but some parts of the story were so random and ridiculous it kind of ruined it for me. I'm not sure if you were going for that, and if so, I didn't really get it. At the beginning, when you were describing the classroom, many things just seemed so random, as well as the scooter behind the tree, and Suki suddenly bouncing, or what happened to Suki in the outhouse, and him eating the Korbats, and especially when the Korbat appeared back in class. I think it would have been more coherent if you focused the story down a bit and cut out some of the more confusing or contradictory things. Sorry if this was harsh, but I'm just trying to be honest. ^^;;

Hide and Seek by Velveteen and tnumfive

Ooh, cool story! I liked the idea of hide and seek, but a few clarity questions: Whose house was it? I thought it was just an abandoned old house, but then you mentioned Snoki's bedroom, which confused me. Also, I thought it a bit implausible that they could only meet once a year. Maybe if you explained that a bit more it'd be easier to believe. Also, I loved the twist, but I felt it was a bit sudden. I think it would have still worked with a bit of explanation, because it seems sudden, and I wanted to know how Snoki didn't know she was a ghost! So, overall, cool idea, but a few things kept me wondering. Nice effort, though!

Changes of Heart by moonshadow711 (What can we call you? XD)

First off, I LOVED the comment Jhudora gave when she said "What's with your face?" It was perfect. So very funny. XD Anyways, the idea is good. I've never read a story of the beginnings of the rivalry, and you made it very believable. It was well written, with only a few places where the word choice didn't make sense. The description of Illusen at the end was spooky. XD Good job!

An October Holiday by Ebil

...wow. XD That was the most random story I've read in a long time. XD However, I also laughed many times throughout it. I really enjoyed this story. I was worried that the numerous story lines wouldn't work out, but you tied things up nicely, and the voice narrating was genius. Write more stories like this, please!

Bitten by Darkness by Nut

Ooh, good story! I love how you put your characters into contradictory situations, Nut. This one worked very well and his evolution into a vampire was very fun to read. It was a tad bit predictable, but with your spin on it, it was still very good. You also have a nice voice, with a good vocabulary. Keep up the good work!

Aaaand I think that's all the short stories. On to Articles, Comics, and Series!

[Ice]

CCR: Instincts

YAY! It's back! I've always loved this series, Nimras, and this one seems to be no exception.

The bit about the dress is hilarious; your pieces never fail to put a grin on my face and make me laugh!

[Dan]

Oops, looks like I missed one!

Halloween Hassles by King_kino

Cool custom pic, first off. ^^ But I was a bit confused by the story. I think a bit of explanation could've helped. The characters were good with each other, but I don't know why suddenly the Lupe pulled off the Kass and Von Roo costumes, when a few seconds before he seemed to be scared of them. And then at the end the real Kass and Von Roo were terrorizing again? It was a confusing climax. I think it could've used a bit more description.

Ahnnilator's Guide to the Deserted Fairground by Bag

Cool guide! Very witty, many tips to make it enough of a guide to work. XD Just a question, though: who's Ahnnilator? It might've helped if you mentioned that. Keep up the good work!

Spooky by Komori

Aww, where's Count Von Roo? Since he was in the last three, I was hoping there'd be one more laugh out of him. Nevertheless, the art's great and the joke's still funny. And the Nightsteed!

Being Eliv Thade Art by tristess by autoc007

Funny! Good art, too!

The Collar by Huntress

Heh, that's a good point! XD Good as always.

Life Improvised by Keng

Ooh, nice art! Refreshing to see some hand drawn art once in a while. And so true. XD

Whew, I need a break. Nimras and Pam, your series are next.

[Salah~]

dan4848 said:

Changes of Heart by moonshadow711 (What can we call you? XD)

First off, I LOVED the comment Jhudora gave when she said "What's with your face?" It was perfect. So very funny. XD Anyways, the idea is good. I've never read a story of the beginnings of the rivalry, and you made it very believable. It was well written, with only a few places where the word choice didn't make sense. The description of Illusen at the end was spooky. XD Good job!

Hmmm. I've somehow never really managed to make up an online name for myself. I basically just use 'Moon/Moonshadow' on the neoboards, 'Glacierstream' in my guild, and 'Salamander' on forums like these.

The line "What's with your face?" was one of the first definite ideas I had for the story. This one kid in my class at school seems to think it's an amazing insult if he makes the subject of every sentence 'your face', and I couldn't resist putting that into the story.

[bag]

dan4848 said:

Ahnnilator's Guide to the Deserted Fairground by Bag

Cool guide! Very witty, many tips to make it enough of a guide to work. XD Just a question, though: who's Ahnnilator? It might've helped if you mentioned that. Keep up the good work!

He's my kougra.

[Dan]

bag said:

dan4848 said:

Ahnnilator's Guide to the Deserted Fairground by Bag

Cool guide! Very witty, many tips to make it enough of a guide to work. XD Just a question, though: who's Ahnnilator? It might've helped if you mentioned that. Keep up the good work!

He's my kougra.

Still, though, not everyone knows he is. It doesn't hurt to add that he's your Kougra somewhere in there.

[bag]

dan4848 said:

bag said:

He's my kougra.

Still, though, not everyone knows he is. It doesn't hurt to add that he's your Kougra somewhere in there.

Well, true. ^^ I'll sneak that in next article.

[Deleted]

Two more, then I really need to take a break and go and do my washing up...

Hubrid's Halloween by mygoodguild
The only real nitpick I've got with your story (and it's not just you that does this!) is that you've mentioned Jaclyn's name so much - it's especially noticeable because you started 7 of the first 9 paragraphs with her name, and mention it 24 times in those paragraphs!
But I did like this story once I got into it - I think Hubrid Nox is a highly underrated villain

Hide and Seek Also by tnumfive by velveteen
I loved this When Oki started telling a story I thought there might be a twist, and it was a good one - it answers the question of why she'd live in a house like that anyway! Only thing I'm still wondering about is why was she scared of the other things? Excellent though

Washing up calls..... 8 short stories left to read

[Retired Blub]

Thanks Dan for the review! I'm not too fond of the ending, as it's been done before, but let's just say I was getting a bit...'desperate' to finish before the deadline. XD And people always seem to like my dialogue...it's wierd. ^^

Anywho, on to a couple of reviews!

Never Too Old for Halloween by precious_katuch14

Awww, sweet story like always, Kat. This is a topic that I can definitely relate to, as I felt no desire to dress up last year when everyone else was doing it (and this year, as well). This allowed me to really understand Angel's character and appreciate how you slowly developed him. Your writing flows very well and you always know how to use an impressive array of vocabulary. The plot itself was a bit too simple, and the title ruined any bit of surprise, but it was sweet and to-the-point. The ending kind of left me confused. So did Angel decided to hand out candies? Or does he go trick-or-treating? I'm not sure if it was your intention to leave off on an amusing cliffhanger, but it just left the story unnecessarily hanging. However, overall, you did a great job.

Tales From Cabin Eight: The Halloween Away From Home by dan4884

Though I've never read a Tales from Cabin Eight before, it was easy to understand this story. I had a bit of difficulty at the beginning trying to sort out who was who, and had to re-read the descriptions a few times to get the hang of it (maybe I'm just slow? XD). You have a great voice and write with a ton of confidence. It was incredibly easy to imagine the story play out in my mind, as your descriptions were always well-wrtten. The characters were very likeable, especially Hank (Kougras are always my favorite ). The viillain is pretty pathetic (though I know that was your intention), and managed to make me laugh a couple of times. The problem was resolved a bit too conveniently and easily to gather up any type of real suspense, but you ended up pulling off a very enjoyable story.

[Dan]

CCR Instincts by Nimras

Oooh, I've been excited for this. ^^ Glad it came fairly quickly. Good start to the series, I'm intrigued to where this may lead. I like the idea of the training camp. Sometimes, Nim, I don't know how you come up with these things, they're so clever. I also think this part contributed a lot to their romance. You got away with a lot so far, I wonder how much further you're gonna take it. XD Can't wait for next week.

Aubrise and the Gebmid Mystery by Pam

Is that your drawing? I really like it. Anyways, I really like this! You have skill at creating characters, and both Aubrise and Sarina were believable characters. The writing was very well done with only a few minor punctuation errors. I did notice something, though: you seemed to use numbers a lot rather than writing them out. I once heard a rule that any number below ninety-nine should be spelled out. So years can be written with numbers, but everything else below ninety-nine shouldn't. Just makes it sound more professional and easier to read, in my opinion. Nevertheless, good job! I can't wait for next week's installment.

EDIT: And I think I'm finished for this week! XD If I missed someone, let me know, and I'll try to work it in somewhere. ^^

[Schefflera]

dan4848 said:

[
Halloween Marathon by Schefflera and Dreagoddess

Cool idea! Another refreshing change from the normal Halloween story. It was a bit long for my taste, but it went fairly quickly, so it wasn’t too bad. It was very well-written and I liked the little vignettes of each world, especially Darigan’s. However, I was confused why Darigan had to go to Meridell and why Sandra had to help. o_0 Just a minor confusion. I really liked when Daniel called her Cass and compared her to Kass. Genius, I thought. ^^ Good job.

Thanks! I'll pass this on to Drea. I'm glad you enjoyed it. (I'm sure she is too. *g*) The joke about dressing up as Darigan and Kass, along with the basic idea that we needed a couple of fliers who would be interested in racing all over Neopia on Halloween, was pretty much what gave rise to the personalities for these two.

Darigan didn't have to go to Meridell -- I think the line was that a couple of his friends had suggested it? *grin* Drea and I have a running premise that Darigan and Meridell are working on not only peace but friendliness (though it's tricky), so the idea here was that there had been an invitation for some of the Darigani kids to come down and trick-or-treat in Meridell, which, um, probably has more food still. Lord Darigan just invited Sandra to go with them, and she had planned a stop there anyway, and it gave us a chance for a thoughtful moment where she realizes that even though she was nervous about going to the Citadel, her paint-job made her feel like she was safer, in Meridell, being part of a group. Maybe we should have been more explicit -- we didn't want to refer to really specific events and make it reliant on our other stories, but perhaps we didn't put in quite enough to make the implications work.

[Schefflera]

Ahnnilator's Guide to the Deserted Fairground

The giggling is annoying, isn't it? I think my favorite part, however, was "Do: believe in ghosts. If you don't before you get there, it'll be... let's say a very big shock."

[Schefflera]

A Royal Halloween

My first smile was that some people would regard a mutant Skeith as considerably scarier than dressed-up trick-or-treaters. I guess it's all in what you're familiar with.

I like the characterization of the owner. The admonition for one of her pets to take care of the other, the worry that she'd be displeased if Crealiana just hid in her room the whole time, the study with the creaky door and the scary books kept within easy reach -- you never actually stop and spend a sentence telling us what Demon is like; you show us things about her, even though she's away by the time the story starts. It's very effective.

The interpersonal dynamics are interesting too. A lot of people, if they acknowledge the owner as a character, tend to treat that owner's Neopets as essentially foster siblings. Here, however, Envysine is referred to as a bodyguard and a guardsman, and treats Crealiana like... well, like she's royalty and he's employed to look after her... with no sign of resentment or thinking of her as spoilt. He does seem rather protective, and perhaps a bit indulgent with the not turning his back on her "because it made her feel ignored" rather than because it's protocol or something. And then, when she thinks she couldn't let on about her excitement to anybody, "even Envysine," it suggests that she does think of him as particularly close -- though I'm not sure why she feels she can't let on. I suppose either this will be revealed later, or it's simply a matter of not feeling it's dignified. It's very enjoyable, perhaps in part because it's different, and definitely in part because it's very deftly shown.

The spooky feeling from reading a scary story... alone... in a not-quite-silent house is very well captured. I don't think I've ever actually screamed and thrown the book across the room unless there was a bug on it, but I am not Crealiana, and it does feel like something she would do.

The end of the story left me a bit startled. You did a great job with the sudden change in atmosphere when Demon and Darqon returned, but I was left a bit puzzled and feeling like I'd missed something and needed to catch up when Creal went so quickly from being scared and throwing the book away from herself to giving a positive answer to "Do you like Halloween yet?" just because (as far as I can tell) she feels silly about being so scared by "just a story" like the ones her owner writes. I think probably I feel this way mostly because the first couple of sections were so rich in imagery and internal thought, and so when you switched gears to nearly all dialogue, I was still expecting more description of how Crealiana got from one mindset to another. Still, she's really cute and childlike in coaxing Demon and Darqon to give her candy and take her out with them next year, and I thought it was neat and realistic that she's different with different people.

[Nut]

dan4848 said:

Bitten by Darkness by Nut

Ooh, good story! I love how you put your characters into contradictory situations, Nut. This one worked very well and his evolution into a vampire was very fun to read. It was a tad bit predictable, but with your spin on it, it was still very good. You also have a nice voice, with a good vocabulary. Keep up the good work!

Yay, thanks for the review, Dan! ^^ *glomp* I’m glad you liked it. I know it must’ve been pretty predictable considering how the whole story is stringing along the inevitable end… heh, spooky stories often seem to be predictable, don’t they? Someday I’ll learn to pull off a real chilling ending. Or maybe I’ll write only happy stories. With daisies. I’m glad you thought there was so much good in it, though! ^^

I’ll review your story tomorrow. ^^ It’s half past 2 AM here. *goes to bed way too late* >.>