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Post by Nimras on Nov 3, 2006 21:10:39 GMT -5
Costumes for the Last Minute Trick or Treater
by ngc_5128
Mmm… costumes.
I do wish there was a bit of an introduction for what each costume idea was. While I know who “El Picklesaur” is, many of the other people reading it might not…
I do like how you list the ‘ingredients’ and then explain how to make it in the next paragraph down. It makes it look more like something that came out of a craft magazine or something.
I think my favorite is the “Neogarden Gnome”. Gnomes! Fweeee!
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Post by Tyrannitar on Nov 3, 2006 21:24:56 GMT -5
Scaredy Yurble
by... I forgotI like the abstractness of the writing. Everything isn't just clear, cold, and right-in-your-face, it's like... I dunno, a bit complex. :\ I know that if I were to write a story like that, it'd probably be loads different. I like how you incorporate a basic theme or idea and turn it into something pretty dang cool. Also, the stuff about Fear... it's not my favourite type of writing, but I like it when that kind of an adjective is used like a noun or proper noun in stories. One thing I'd have to nitpick on is the ending; though it is metaphoric, it seemed rather sudden with the... petpet, can't remember what it was. It just kinda popped into the story and then popped right out after the story ended. Overall, it was a very mystifying read. Good job y'all! --- An October Holiday
by EbilWell, well, well... I'm hypocritical, so now you can't blame me for that when you read my review since I've already admitted it. To make things easier, I will put an asterisk after all things that I say that I have included in my own stories. The beginning was kind of... random. I like random stories, but this one was a tad too random.* The characters could have been introduced in a less blunt way*, but overall they seem to be distinct personalities. However... /squirm Sentence structure could've been better.* However, I like the decision the lil' Usul makes.  My, my. I like what you've done, but mirror-licking, when I think about it, does not float my boat. * Seeeeentence. * Overall, the story is enjoyable. However, some things, like grammar and sentences, could be done a bit better to make the story seem a bit more realistic. I think that the story would've been best as a series of comics or something visual like that. Also, you kept switching from one set of character-dilemmas to another, so that the story is kind of hard to follow. * I think it'd be better if all the little paragraphs were smushed together so that the story is in 3 parts. However, I do like your idea.
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Post by Kat on Nov 3, 2006 22:03:06 GMT -5
[shadow=purple,left,300]Chronicles of the Court Rogue: Instincts by nimras23
Yay, Mareian's back, and she's not gardening! (Lame NT Awards 2006 reference.) I like how you started off the story in Jeran's eyes, and how the beginning doesn't seem too stressful or full of activity, which is usually the best way to begin, since series tend to build up gradually and leave readers waiting for the next part. I can't really say much except that your descriptions and your way with words dazzle me. [/shadow]
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Post by Psycho on Nov 3, 2006 22:41:19 GMT -5
CHRONICLES OF A COURT ROGUE: INSTINCTS - PART ONE Nimras Well, that's one way of solving a problem :/ Should that be "If Ricky WERE here"? This reminds me of that scene in the first Harry Potter book  With the owls n' stuff. The first sentence I needed to reread a few times, because the subject of the first clause is "the parents", while the pronoun in the second clause refers to "the cubs". I think I have my grammar terminology right...yeah. lol. When I read that, I thought he was going to get some warm food and some Danner. Maybe you could have switched the two subjects to avoid that Ah, the magic of women to turn tunics into exotic dresses! Where would she have found a ribbon in Jeran's hut? xD xD xD I love it. Great start, Nim I really like that older-brother sort of care Jeran gives Mare; it reminds me of my own "older brothers". Danner amuses me greatly I sort of see this gruff old sheriff with a little bit of a belly - one who tries to be tough but has a sweet disposition, really. I also see him with a scratchy beard and mustache that twitch whenever he's trying to sustain a laugh But we'll see if I'm right about him. I've always admired your writing, Nim, and I do look forward to the rest of this series, though you've not hinted at any sort of conflict yet (or if you did, I've missed it). |
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Post by Nimras on Nov 4, 2006 0:10:19 GMT -5
Chronicles of the Court Rogue: Instincts - Part One by nimras23This looks like it's going to be interesting I love your descriptions and as always your writing is great. And yep, I did notice that Jeran's already got Maerian out of her clothes and into bed!  I'm still in shock that it didn't get edited somehow. Now I'm holding my breath for chapter six... *isn't telling* CCR: Instincts YAY! It's back! I've always loved this series, Nimras, and this one seems to be no exception. The bit about the dress is hilarious; your pieces never fail to put a grin on my face and make me laugh! The sad thing is, the dress part was actually inspired by an actual event. One of my art friends turned two of her boyfriends shirts into a dress for some kind of contest -- when I was looking at how long Jeran's tunics come down on his legs, I realized it would be a full dress for Mareian. CCR Instincts by Nimras Oooh, I've been excited for this. ^^ Glad it came fairly quickly. Good start to the series, I'm intrigued to where this may lead. I like the idea of the training camp. Sometimes, Nim, I don't know how you come up with these things, they're so clever. I also think this part contributed a lot to their romance. You got away with a lot so far, I wonder how much further you're gonna take it. XD Can't wait for next week. Hehehe, every new story I try to push it a little further. Someday Droplet's going to come and hit me with a wet fish and tell me to tone it down. Or something. About the training camp... I lived on a military training base when I started writing it. It wasn't that much of a stretch.  I'd get run down by a bunch of them on the track every morning. [shadow=purple,left,300] Chronicles of the Court Rogue: Instincts by nimras23 Yay, Mareian's back, and she's not gardening! (Lame NT Awards 2006 reference.) I like how you started off the story in Jeran's eyes, and how the beginning doesn't seem too stressful or full of activity, which is usually the best way to begin, since series tend to build up gradually and leave readers waiting for the next part. I can't really say much except that your descriptions and your way with words dazzle me. [/shadow] You know... I never did figure out where that whole 'gardening' joke started... I know it was in the NT Awards song for last year, but now I'm tempted to write a scene where she beats someone up with a rose bush or something. Or knowing her, she's just as likely to beat someone up because they stepped on her rose bush... CHRONICLES OF A COURT ROGUE: INSTINCTS - PART ONE Nimras Well, that's one way of solving a problem :/ Should that be "If Ricky WERE here"? This reminds me of that scene in the first Harry Potter book With the owls n' stuff. The first sentence I needed to reread a few times, because the subject of the first clause is "the parents", while the pronoun in the second clause refers to "the cubs". I think I have my grammar terminology right...yeah. lol. When I read that, I thought he was going to get some warm food and some Danner. Maybe you could have switched the two subjects to avoid that Ah, the magic of women to turn tunics into exotic dresses! Where would she have found a ribbon in Jeran's hut? xD xD xD I love it. Great start, Nim I really like that older-brother sort of care Jeran gives Mare; it reminds me of my own "older brothers". Danner amuses me greatly I sort of see this gruff old sheriff with a little bit of a belly - one who tries to be tough but has a sweet disposition, really. I also see him with a scratchy beard and mustache that twitch whenever he's trying to sustain a laugh But we'll see if I'm right about him. I've always admired your writing, Nim, and I do look forward to the rest of this series, though you've not hinted at any sort of conflict yet (or if you did, I've missed it). Hehehe, the cookie barter system was actually something we had when I went to camp every summer for awhile. I suspect it's something that happens naturally in that sort of environment. And I think you've got a pretty good feel for Danner. Only he doesn't have much of a belly -- not yet anyways. Just give Mirtah and her cooking some time. ;D Thank you all so much for the reviews! *feels loved* ;D |
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Post by Nut on Nov 4, 2006 21:25:36 GMT -5
Bitten by Darkness by nut862 This was an unusual, but truly wonderful story. Though it could have been written to evoke fear, I feel it didn't do that as much as it evoked sympathy for Morr. I found it predictable what would happen, but I still enjoyed reading how it went-- how he slowly changed from loving light to despising it and his family's warm reactions. This was a lovely tale. Though not necessarily scary, it was perfect for Halloween. Thank you, Wolf! ^^ I wasn’t going for the fear feeling so much, so I’m glad you felt that way about it. I know it’s rather predictable, but I am glad you enjoyed it. ^^ I'll review yours if you review mine. :3 (I'm having to resist doing reviews normally... I may give in and do some at the end of the week if I haven't gotten many reviews, but I want to try this system out for a little while. ^^) Well, honey, this system only works if only one person asks If everyone were to use it, no one would be doing any reviews I see that… I was hoping a bit that it’d actually encourage me to do some more reviews than usual. I think I was overeager for reviews this week, though, and I apologize. I think I’ll leave your system in peace from now on. And thank you SO much for your review. It’s very helpful. ^^ quote author=phsycoticdancer board=issues thread=1162001458 post=1162354468]Bitten By Darkness - by Nut I really loved the development of the story. The entire portrayal of the process of becoming a vampire intrigued me and held me in my rapture.[/quote] Yay! I’m glad, seeing as the development process was such an integral part to the story. [The descriptions in the beginning are incredibly detailed, but I can't say if that is such a great thing. While I realize that how Morr reacts to light is a recurring theme throughout the short story, I felt that the huge emphasis on "light" in the beginning was unnecessary and a little boring. It got a little tiresome reading the word "light" over and over again. The descriptions themselves were delightful and descriptive - I get the feeling that you may have spent a good amount of time simply observing light in your bedroom. Not specifically for this story (it was night when I wrote it, so it was dark), but the light descriptions did come from watching light in the past—not necessarily for a long time, but I remembered things about it and was perhaps a little too enthusiastic about including all of them in my descriptions. n:P I think I can have a tendency to go overboard in my descriptions and not include anything useful in them; I’ll watch for that in the future. I did mention the plot was impressive. I enjoyed watching Morr slowly develop into the vampire. There was a little bit of an enigma surrounding the actual event of being bitten; that I liked. However, it dissipated quickly as you continually hinted at it - what with the passages in the book and all. Sometimes I like leaving the reader int he dark (no pun intended) but that is just personal preference. Hmm, that’s something to think about. I wanted to tie the book into the plot somehow, but I agree that passage wasn’t particularly necessary (and is actually rather misleading, but that has to do with a small backstory I thought up for this, which may or may not ever be written). I’m glad you liked the development of the plot, though. ^^ You are capable of complex and sophisticated plot development - I think you need to transfer some of the sophistication into your sentence structure. The story seemed simple and uninteresting at first because you had a lot of short sentences, a lot of fragments. Some sentences had incomplete thoughts, even if they were complete grammatically. Ohh… thank you for pointing that out. I’ll definitely have to read the story over now and find those places. I need to work on that. While I thought your writing can still be improved, I was still blown away by things like, That was my favorite passage out of the entire piece. Glee, I was hoping someone would like that. ;D Also, I noted that your writing improved as the story continued. Maybe you just need to be a little more thorough with your editing - I know a lot of the time I edit as I write and never go back to look over what I've already written. That’s mainly what I do; actually, I have a very bad habit of never editing stories at all. *sheepish look* This one was finished on the day of the Halloween issue deadline, and I didn’t have much time to edit it. Admittedly, I could’ve done some editing, though. The story was mainly written in two sittings, and I do recall feeling more motivated in the second sitting, so that may show through. I’ve known for a while that I ought to edit my work before sending it off; perhaps this is the push I need to actually do it next time. Thank you, and thank you so much for the wonderful review! ^^ Nimras, I certainly don't mean to be rude, but when reviewing in the future, could you just add up all your reviews in a post or two? Adding new posts every 3 minutes seems a bit unnecessary and clutters the thread. I hope you understand. One of my pet peeves is having to pick through a dozen other comments in a post and trying to figure out which ones are for my story -- if any. (Especially when my chances of getting a review are dependent on the other person seeing that I reviewed their story.) I'll think about doing comics all together in the future, since their reviews tend to be shorter and done quicker. I've had a couple people thank me for doing them separate though, because it makes it simpler for them. Probably just a case of a couple different preferences all on the same board. Now that I think of it, I like Nimras’s way of doing it just because when I quote her, I don’t have to sit there deleting all the text that doesn’t have to do with my review. I wouldn’t mind adopting her system myself, but I feel shy about stealing everyone’s systems all of a sudden. "Clutter" in my mind though is never a review -- it's when people beg for them without giving any of their own in the same post. … Guilty. ^^;;;; Sorry, guys. Bitten by DarknessMmm, good story ^^ shouldn't have left his window open, should he I like it, it's appropriately spooky for halloween, unlike those of us who chickened out and wrote something llight and funnny instead XD and the custom pic is very interesting. it's not drawn in the usual neopets style. That’s because I drew it myself. Thanks for the review. ^^ I actually envy people who can write light and funny stories, as I can’t seem to manage it myself, but I’m glad you thought I set the mood. (And I’m sorry for being pushy with you earlier, by the way. I’m grateful to the reviewers for posting reviews, whether they’re for my story or not. You guys are all a hundred times better at regularly reviewing than I am. ^^;; Bitten by Darknessby nut862 Man, I had this review halfway written out, then had to leave for work. -_- And I come home to find that someone shut down my computer and didn’t save what I’d gotten down so far in the review. *goes off to throttle someone* I love the gradual transformation in this story. How he goes from absolutely adoring and nearly worshiping the sunlight to the dark loving fiend… In easy to follow stages. *grin* I also like how you used his sister calling him to breakfast as a easy way of measuring time in the story. Sometimes it’s hard to tell whether it’s the next day -- or several weeks later in a story. And the foreshadowing with the excerpt from the story was nicely done. Thank you, Nimras. ^^ *glomp* I actually hadn’t even thought about his sister’s calling being used to measure time in the story, but just as another recurring event… but I’m glad you thought it was helpful. ^^ I was a little worried about the time issue, what with casually dropping lines like “after a couple of weeks”. Hmm. But I’m glad you liked the foreshadowing. Thanks for the review, Nimras! ^^ I promised to review for everyone who reviewed for me. I will. It’s late, I know, now that Issue 264 is out. I’m sorry for that. I promise I'll do them, and I will, if I end up PMing the reviews to everyone. |
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Post by Nut on Nov 4, 2006 21:26:12 GMT -5
[glow=blue,2,300] The Scaredy Yurble [/glow] Wow, this was an excellent story. I very much liked the prose throughout the story; your imagery is very good. I very much liked the wistful tone in the beginning, and your thoughts on Fear—especially the idea that it’s different for each person—were very interesting. Watching the poor farmer cling to his doomed house, only to be swallowed by fear, was very enjoyable because of the good writing, and set a nice sad, hopeless mood. I assumed his family had died to begin with. Perhaps I am morbid. Other reviewers have already pointed out a few problem sentences, so I won’t go over them again. I liked the story better the second time I read it, when I could look at all the details in the descriptions of the beast and laugh at how they relate to the Spardel. The first time I read through the story, the ending was such a wacky surprise that I thought it felt out of place. But after reading it again, I think it’s a fun and appropriate twist to the story, showing just how irrational fears can be. Poor Yurble, though. Perhaps if he’d given the Spardel a hug like it seemed to want, he would’ve had a friend to live for. I like the little custom pic you guys put together. Overall, a wonderful story. Good job. ^^ --- 3:26 AM. Bed... |
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Post by Nut on Nov 9, 2006 13:22:47 GMT -5
Will PM this too since it's so late... [glow=blue,2,300] An October Holiday[/glow] Ahahaha. XD I really like this light little story. ^^ It’s very humorous and I was grinning in several places. I didn’t find it that terribly hard to follow, although it did jump around a lot—maybe it’s just because I’ve come to expect a certain amount of disjointedness from humorous NT stories, so I was ready to accept any seemingly random plot twists or breaks that cropped up. I haven’t read a humorous story in a while, and it’s nice that you chose not to go the more-traveled path of writing a predictable spooky story for Halloween. ^^ I really like how you portrayed Gilly. Poor girl; I never thought she might get hungry in there. I love the mental image I get of a hunger-crazed Gilly with her tongue hanging out as she leaps at everything that moves, swinging her sword. XD This was my favorite part of the story. XD I got excited every time Gilly showed up, and I was never disappointed. ^^ I like how SJ got stepped on. ^^ For some reason it took me by surprise, and I thought it was funny. XD Lisa is scary… She’s insane and has a scary bag of doom. *shiver* Since you introduced Karina, Janichen, and Ebil at the very start of the story, I was expecting them to play more of a role, especially since you seemed to be making at least a little effort to establish their characters, what with Janichen’s poetry. But their only other real appearance is at the end (though they do have a brief cameo in the middle, with the suit of armor—which made me wonder just who L.A. was!). I tend to expect the characters who are introduced first to be the main ones, but the focus was more on SJ. I’m not much of a fan of author’s notes in the middle of a story, and feel they broke up the flow a little. I also don’t really like notes that refer to the story as a fantasy that someone outside the story is writing. The reader wants to be immersed in the world of the piece, not yanked out with a reminder that it’s only a story. I was certainly able to enjoy the story despite these few notes here and there, but I’d have preferred it without them. A personal preference. I was also kind of confused by why Rohnan shouted his real name at the very end of the story. If he’s a crook, why would he just suddenly drop all cover and do that—unless he was so mad he wasn’t thinking straight? Is his name supposed to be humorous (a crook named Bunnyey?  )? I felt it should be, but it didn’t exactly strike me as immediately funny. Still, despite the things I just mentioned, I really enjoyed this story. ^^ It’s very light and fun to read. Good work! ^^ EDIT: [glow=blue,2,300] Chronicles of the Court Rogue: Instincts – Part One[/glow] Yayay, new Court Rogue story! ^^ I do look forward to these, even if I’m naughty when it comes to reviewing them. ^^; I like how Jeran’s at a squire training camp full of new kids. ^^ Clever idea. And the thought of a bunch of “awkward teenagers” nervously gripping their swords and saying, “What do I do now, Jeran?” makes me grin. ^^ You amaze me with how far you get with the relationship between Jeran and Mareian. It’s more obvious than ever here, and yet you get away with it. *shakes head in wonder* And it’s very sweet, too. Aww. ^_^ I really admire your way with words and talent for witty dialogue. You throw so many humorous touches into your stories that make them a joy to read. This first chapter is scattered with them. ^^ Four and twenty blackbirds, set before the king... *cough* It’s a bit of a disturbing thought, but a clever ending to the sentence about Mareian’s sling. *grin* It must be a great comfort to know that the chances of that are pretty slim. XD I love this. XDDD This is a very enjoyable read, and it’s only the first part.  I’d better get to reading the second one, seeing as it’s out. ^^; |
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Post by Psycho on Nov 11, 2006 16:20:04 GMT -5
Scaredy Yurble
by... I forgotI like the abstractness of the writing. Everything isn't just clear, cold, and right-in-your-face, it's like... I dunno, a bit complex. :\ I know that if I were to write a story like that, it'd probably be loads different. I like how you incorporate a basic theme or idea and turn it into something pretty dang cool. Also, the stuff about Fear... it's not my favourite type of writing, but I like it when that kind of an adjective is used like a noun or proper noun in stories. One thing I'd have to nitpick on is the ending; though it is metaphoric, it seemed rather sudden with the... petpet, can't remember what it was. It just kinda popped into the story and then popped right out after the story ended. Overall, it was a very mystifying read. Good job y'all! Whoops! Sorry I missed you! What an amusing little story I really like your portrayal of "Neoschool" and the relationships the different students have with one another. You had a few real-world references that I didn't think belonged, like "a horde of wildebeests". I also thought it was strange that Feo slapped the korbat with her blush, since my blush comes in a compact and it's a little difficult to hit someone with it since it's no bigger the palm of my hand... The method of transportation used by the three neopets to chase the Korbat was... interesting. "Using energy he just received from the food, he took her by the hand, rolled into fetal position, and started bouncing through the streets, following the fiery scooter." Ummmm what? Yes, that's a little strange Whoa, um. That's an interesting way of getting rid of all those Korbats... 0_0;; And then blaming the evil korbats for evil spells? It all seems a little ex machina deus for me, but it works ^^ There were a few places where wording was a little... off, I thought. It wasn't as if the wording was wrong, but more that it was awkward phrasing. I can't think of any examples in particular so I guess I'm not much help Sorry. Overall, cute story ^^ |
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Post by Salah~ on Nov 16, 2006 16:14:46 GMT -5
Well... after hearing everyone say 'write a sequel', I decided I'd better do just that. The 'good' news: shortly after starting to think, I came up with an idea for a second story involving Illusen and Jhudora. The 'bad' news: it has nothing to do with the first story.
So... back to brainstorming for me.
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With the owls n' stuff. The first sentence I needed to reread a few times, because the subject of the first clause is "the parents", while the pronoun in the second clause refers to "the cubs". I think I have my grammar terminology right...yeah.
I'd get run down by a bunch of them on the track every morning.
I’d better get to reading the second one, seeing as it’s out. ^^;