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Post by Schefflera on Dec 16, 2005 23:58:16 GMT -5
Where is everybody?
Not that I can talk. I need to go answer the kind people who reviewed previous chapters of HAHH. (You're all wonderful and I'm sorry I haven't done it yet.) And review others.
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Post by w 2 . Sparky on Dec 17, 2005 0:17:51 GMT -5
Still reading through, but I've got a question for czenko...
What happened between parts 2 and 3? What happened to the green draik?
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Post by Tyrannitar on Dec 17, 2005 0:23:28 GMT -5
Reviews for my 10th entry, Sanity Obsolete, are appreciated.  |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2005 0:33:47 GMT -5
Somebody want to review "Your Friendly Gift Giving Guide"?
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Post by Dan not logged in on Dec 17, 2005 0:34:50 GMT -5
Reviews for LUPE-X9, my short story, and Sight Part 4 please!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2005 2:35:27 GMT -5
I should be going to sleep soon. >_< I'll do reviews tomorrow or the day after that. Or monday, I'll have lots of time then. ^_^ But promise, you guys will get at least a few reviews.
Now... any kind people willing to review the first part of Christmas Warmth? :'D It's only 3 parts total!
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Post by RJ on Dec 17, 2005 4:03:29 GMT -5
Somebody want to review "Your Friendly Gift Giving Guide"? I will :3 Your Friendly Gift Giving Guide- I think this will help out a lot of people who are having a hard time searching for a good gift for their Neofriends. It points out good tips on how to decide upon a good gift through some research, and then defines some of the general items that would make good gifts as well. It's also good for those on a set budget with their neopoints. The choice of words were good for a general audience, and I liked the sentence structure. The paragraph structure was okay, though the decline in bigger paragraphs towards the bottom got me a little less interested. The inclusion of a list was nice though, especially in defining types of gifts. I liked the article a lot however. It'll definitely give people ideas on gifts, which is always a good thing. |
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Post by Tiger on Dec 17, 2005 6:49:44 GMT -5
Reviews for Searching For Paradise Part 2 are appreciated!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2005 9:23:46 GMT -5
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Post by Tiger on Dec 17, 2005 9:30:46 GMT -5
Sanity Obsolete- XP Poor Krawk! The colors and shading were nice, especially the ice. The Krawk's arms seem a little misproporioned in the last pannel, but it's still better than I could've done  Your Friendly Gift Giving Guide- Thanks for reminding me-I have to get gifts for my Neofriends! Back to the review...Very nice article! The writing style was nice and smooth, and you had good transitions. The advice was very helpful, too, and I like the idea of hinting Neomails. Very nice! Lupe X-9-Wow! Very nice! I like the way you start and end, with the robotic command thingy, or whatever you call 'em...The Lupe almost obeying Sloth's orders gave it a nice feeling of suspense. I think you could have elaborated a little more on the struggle to disobey Sloth's orders, and the robot-y dialogue stopped about midway through, and kind of diminished X-9's personality. The ending was clever;I didn't even think about him being deactivated. Great job!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2005 10:12:47 GMT -5
The Guitarist: Part One
Scarlet is perhaps one the most under-celabrated writers in the NT, all of her stories are extremely well crafted, and The Guitarist is no exception.
The first thing The Guitarist reminded me of was the Beatles, Johnson=John Lennon anyone? But that isn't a bad thing in fact that made me want to read on. Rarely has a Series gotten me so intrguied so quickly. The hook was brilliant, I really wanted to know what was so wrong with Johnson.
There were a couple of places however when the wording felt a bit clunky. Like:
cheerful element was not there anymore.
"I mean, you're such a great persuader
It wasn't so much that these aren't real words, but that you could have chosen better ways to phrase it, this occures many times. Also in the begining it wasn't really clear that Johnson was in the band, until he quit.
I also felt that beacause you put so much energy into characterizing Jhonson you didn't really give flesch and bones to the to the other characters, especially your main one.
Overall however, this was probably the best begining for a Series I have read yet and I reccomend it to anyone and everyone.
Christmas With You: Part One
Hmladen is one of the more recent writers in the Neopian Times their first submission was in issue 196, barely before 200, and yet they seem to know their stuff pretty well. This is their first series and it is a valient attempt.
Christmas With You, starts off with a diary entry, and follows two kougras, one impoverished and made fun of, the other rich and popular. It starts off well and I found the descriptions of Jake almost romantic. *drools* However there was a couple of flaws.
There is a big secret in the story, which is hinted at for a while, but then blatantly revealed half way through, in an almost disappointing way. Hmladen tried to be subtle about it, but it didn't really work out as planned, and I felt as if I was hit by suprise and disappointment. A big whopper like that should have been left untill the second part. Perhaps Jake could have saught Alix out and unravlled the clues as he went, thus allowing the reader to grow with him. The way you chose to present it would have been great for a short story, but for a longer work, such as a series it is very important that you keep the reader interested.
You did a good a job with that by telling us about the shadow, but it would have been better if you worked on resolving one problem before presenting another one. It is true that people say up the stakes, but here we don't really know what Jake is searching for, confirmation that Alix is his sister, or the truth. You have weakened your plot by presenting it so blatantly.
Other than that I thought the set-up was a little cliche, rich mean pets hang on to his every word. What is it that a pet that is automatically poor has to be the hero and the rich people are evil. Yes Jake is rich, but you spefically make a point of saying that he wasn't always rich. I guess it's not that your story has a cliche plotline, I've never seen it before, it's just that the character types seen overused and thin.
I must say though that I loved the writing style and the haunting way you presented the memories was refreshing, though beacause they were so good I think you should have trimmed them down a bit, that way they would have packed more of a punch.
As a whole this was a great for a first series, well done. I reccomend this for anyone who is looking for an unorthadox Christmass story.
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Post by Huntress on Dec 17, 2005 12:31:29 GMT -5
For some odd reason I felt like reviewing today. Take advantage in it while you can... o.o;
Sanity Obsolete: ehehe, too true :3 Taelia's quests are insane. As for the art, it's really nice, especially Taelia... the only thing that kinda hurt my eyes was the text. I don't mind caps in comics but in this one the text was a bit too big. But it's just me.
Your Friendly Gift Giving Guide: Great timing, I say. One week earlier or later the article would've been no use. It really was useful... I usually don't bother much with gifts and whatnot but even I got some nice ideas there. One thing I can add to the General Gifts list for everyone reading this - bottled faeries. Decent price range, good for training, look pretty and make a nice profit if the other person feels like selling them. So yeah.
I think I'll review some series afterwards...
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Post by Lau on Dec 17, 2005 13:20:16 GMT -5
I'd love to see some reviews for Mask of Calendroh: Part Two. It's the last part.  |
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Post by Dan on Dec 17, 2005 13:30:00 GMT -5
Lupe X-9-Wow! Very nice! I like the way you start and end, with the robotic command thingy, or whatever you call 'em...The Lupe almost obeying Sloth's orders gave it a nice feeling of suspense. I think you could have elaborated a little more on the struggle to disobey Sloth's orders, and the robot-y dialogue stopped about midway through, and kind of diminished X-9's personality. The ending was clever;I didn't even think about him being deactivated. Great job! Thank you very much! |
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Post by Tyrannitar on Dec 17, 2005 15:11:01 GMT -5
Thanks for the Sanity Obsolete reviews! All artwork credit goes to Nut, by the way. She has done 3 comics for me so far; I really appreciate it. Same with Ginz, though I think she might've done 3 or 4... meh, keeping track of these kinds of things is never going to be my strongsuit in life. XD |
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neo username - dan4884