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Post by Lau on Dec 18, 2005 13:44:20 GMT -5
The Mask of Calendroh: Whoa. One really good story. They should've made a custom picture for that, I know my imagination ran wild when I was reading it. Lazy NT artists. All that hopping back and forth between different scenes got a bit confusing but it kept the story going and always gave an overview of what was going on. Generally a better idea than constant flashbacks (which are usually twice as confusing o.0) And the idea itself? Thumbs up :3 Even if the storyline was pretty predictable, I would've been disappointed if Claire's legend hadn't been true. And then there hadn't been much of a story either, aye? Altogether one story I really enjoyed. Thanks for the review! Yeah, in retrospect I think I made the scenes too short -- you barely got into one before whoosh, you were somewhere else. I'll keep that in mind for the new series I'm working on.  |
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Post by Buddy on Dec 18, 2005 14:24:06 GMT -5
Alright, here's a review by me. I may do another review or two later if I have the time.
About Sunburn: I'm not sure what to think about this story. On one hand, I'm not too crazy about the fast-paced style (call me fickle, but I like my stories slow and descriptive); on the other hand, while the story is fast-paced, it doesn't really <i>feel</i> fast-paced and I never felt like the author was skipping over stuff or just being lazy and weak in her descriptions and story-telling. One one hand, I almost felt as if the story had no purpose and that it just sort of went on; on the other hand, it worked, not despite that, but because of that, making it a nice, fresh spin on writing a story about the Neopets plot. Instead of having a tale that gave the backstory on some character, it told the Neopets plot from the perspective of an average, ordinary group of characters in the city who were just trying to survive the attack.
Usually, I'm not a big fan of a story that doesn't really go anywhere. But in this case, I love it - it's a nice, refreshing way of writing about something which, generally, has no interest to me (I've never found stories based on the official plots to be very entertaining).
The pacing is another thing for me - usually, a story of this pace would totally put me off and leave me with a "..Huh? What happened?" feeling. It would leave me not caring in the least about the characters or the plot of the story. However, somehow the author managages to pull it off all the same (though, to be fair, the fact that the author has been writing about these characters for a long time plays a big role; since I already know the characters, I don't have to go through the introduction period of learning to relate and care about them).
Overall, a story with a unique perspective to a normally boring idea that probably wouldn't have worked had it been in the hands of someone less experienced. However, with a fair bit of comedy, well-known characters, and a great deal of just great overall writing skills, the author manages to pull if off well.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2005 19:24:44 GMT -5
Continued Series, Continued.
Case of the Absent Anubis: Parts Two and Three
If there is one word to describe these stories it's solid. Everything that is done in them is solid and strong, but a bit average.
Sometimes (rarely) the sentence structure would get a bit repetative, but I didn't find that much of a problem.
As this is part of a series of series, I can understand why you wouldn't spend to much time introducing all the characters, but I still felt as if all the characters were mentioned a bit to quickly I didn't really get to know who they were, it was kind of dissapointing.
There really wasn't a whole lot wrong with this, but I just felt it was a bit typical. I mean it's not like it was predictable, but there wasn't anything to really set it unique. I loved some of the descriptions though.
Nice use of suspense on the last part as well
A solid mystery story, this is. (<---- YODA GRAMMAR HAH! ^^))
Searching for Paradise: Part Two
This story is also solidly written with good descriptions and I liked the interactions between Alleyha and the Ixi.
Alleyha is really a nice sweet character charmingly naive, but at the same time in depth I see a lot of potential in this character for her to do some great things.
Alleyha however is probably the best character in this entire character. I think she warmed up a bit too quickly to Tye, and would have been better a bit more stand-offish.
I think the mention of humans and foreshadowing is a good one and keeps us on our toes. Any time when the kougra and ixi interact is really a place when this story begins to shine.
The buying of the Turkey was a bit weird as it seemd that the author took the insight scripted dialouge which made the conversation static and a bit bizzare.
However I just can't get over how one sided this story is. It's all rich people are evil, and mean and snotty and so black and white.
It might be to some peoples taste, but it really just isn't to mine. I would really like to see some more depth from this authors in their charactizations, Alleyha and Tye excluded.
They were just so over villanized we didn't really get a chance to understand them or connect with them. I also think that they would be better toned down, more refined, they are rich afterall.
Overall this just isn't the type of story I like to read, I would like to see this author try to put the same depth that they put into Tye and Alleyha into all their characters, but it is well written, and could be a good story, I'm interested to see what will happen next.
The Mask of Calendroh: Part Two
Like many others I found this story a bit rushed, to the end, and I was a bit dissapointed by the climax.
The author had a really phenomenal set-up and almost made you feel sympathetic to Calendroh, but then the ending rushed and just said okay she's the villain time to kill her now, you know.
However I really liked the begining of the second part, unfortunately it all just sort of spiraled down from there.
I know this author can do better and more indepth descriptions of a such a great premise it was just a shame that this didn't really meet my expectations.
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Post by hmlanden on Dec 18, 2005 23:29:12 GMT -5
LUPE-X9- Dan, how do...why do...how...*speechless'd* AWESOME. Wow, thank you! Any part you liked in particular? *pause* Everything!!!! ^_^ It was beautifully set up, well-characterized, and I understood everything! SQUEEE. |
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Post by Tyrannitar on Dec 19, 2005 0:52:06 GMT -5
If I'm bored tomorrow I'll have some comic reviews.  |
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Post by scarletrhapsody on Dec 19, 2005 8:25:18 GMT -5
The Guitarist: Part OneScarlet is perhaps one the most under-celabrated writers in the NT, all of her stories are extremely well crafted, and The Guitarist is no exception. The first thing The Guitarist reminded me of was the Beatles, Johnson=John Lennon anyone? But that isn't a bad thing in fact that made me want to read on. Rarely has a Series gotten me so intrguied so quickly. The hook was brilliant, I really wanted to know what was so wrong with Johnson. There were a couple of places however when the wording felt a bit clunky. Like: cheerful element was not there anymore. "I mean, you're such a great persuader It wasn't so much that these aren't real words, but that you could have chosen better ways to phrase it, this occures many times. Also in the begining it wasn't really clear that Johnson was in the band, until he quit. I also felt that beacause you put so much energy into characterizing Jhonson you didn't really give flesch and bones to the to the other characters, especially your main one. Overall however, this was probably the best begining for a Series I have read yet and I reccomend it to anyone and everyone. Thank you. I feel so flattered... Well, given the high expectations you have for this series I certainly hope it won't disappoint. (Oh, the pressure!) This series was actually written quite some time ago. I guess I sort of overlooked some of the awkward phrasings. Thanks for pointing them out; I'll be more careful in the future. And since I'm here, might as well do a short review. LUPE-X9It is interesting to hear of a robot overcoming his "computer" to break free of evil Dr Sloth's controls. The plot is refreshing, and the language is suitable for the robot's identity (eg. "He is planning an event of momentous proportions and he requires your help."). At times however, the robot seems to speak just like any other person. A greater degree of rigidity in the robot's speech would enhance the story even more. The robot's evident emotional outburst near the end is also very apt, as it displays total breakage from Dr Sloth. However, I find it puzzling how the lupe managed such strong emotions if they were not computed into it in the first place. Also, more could be said at the part where the lupe betrays Dr Sloth for Grimilix, about his internal struggle between whether to fight for justice or to succumb to his computer. |
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Post by Huntress on Dec 19, 2005 8:33:33 GMT -5
There's an idea that has already been pointed out in this forum some time ago but I feel like drawing your attention to it again... does anyone else think that all review requests should be listed somewhere in the first posts? They tend to get lost between the reviews and then we'll have to look through half of the thread if we feel like reviewing. Once I'm already posting, might as well do another review. Whoa, I read a lot this week  Christmas Warmth: Part One: the idea of the story is awesome, really. Even if the first part is pretty long, it never got boring and that takes skill, I tell ye. *wise nod* As English isn't my mother tongue, I always value stories by their vocabulary... if it's too complicated, I just don't bother reading it since it makes my brain go poof. But your story can be understood easily and it still has a lot of variety. Now I have more reason to look for the next issue ^^ |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2005 13:20:40 GMT -5
There's an idea that has already been pointed out in this forum some time ago but I feel like drawing your attention to it again... does anyone else think that all review requests should be listed somewhere in the first posts? They tend to get lost between the reviews and then we'll have to look through half of the thread if we feel like reviewing. Once I'm already posting, might as well do another review. Whoa, I read a lot this week Christmas Warmth: Part One: the idea of the story is awesome, really. Even if the first part is pretty long, it never got boring and that takes skill, I tell ye. *wise nod* As English isn't my mother tongue, I always value stories by their vocabulary... if it's too complicated, I just don't bother reading it since it makes my brain go poof. But your story can be understood easily and it still has a lot of variety. Now I have more reason to look for the next issue ^^ *Dances* Thanks for the review! I try to usually use fairly simple vocabulary in my stories. I also don't like reading stories with too many confusing words. XD I'm glad you liked the first part! |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2005 14:46:52 GMT -5
Shattering Point: Part One by orginalcliche:I liked the introduction here. Good hook. The description is excellent, and there's enough of it so the reader can imagine what's going on, but not so much that it's boring. I noticed a few grammar errors/typos here and there, but nothing detracted from the story. ^^ As for the actual story so far, I like it. I got a bit confused when you went from the present to the past, but that's alright. I like Aranel's character, too.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2005 15:01:40 GMT -5
Comic reviews! Sanity Obsolete- cute art and joke. And nice writing too. Or is it an actual font? No, don't think so... very neat writing.  Half Off Day- Haha, nice! XD I like the art too. But I don't think the caption at the bottom is necessary, the joke is understandable on it's own.^^ And the Meepits Outgrabe- aww, this is so adorable. x3 *Pets Miles* Starry Stuff- Yikes, poor Nekomi. XD Cute art, I like the expressions. But 'did I had to ask her' should be 'did I have to ask her' just to let you know.^^ Darkest Corner- Nice! Pretty art.^^ |
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Post by joanna on Dec 19, 2005 15:08:56 GMT -5
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Post by Nut on Dec 19, 2005 17:02:10 GMT -5
Sanity Obsolete- cute art and joke. And nice writing too. Or is it an actual font? No, don't think so... very neat writing. Thanks for the review, NSQ! ^^ I didn't expect to get a compliment on my printing, but thank you! Now, reviews! Short Story Reviews[shadow=blue,left,300] LUPE-X9[/shadow] This was a nice story with a very clever and original idea driving it. I like how the capital letters represent the robot’s commands; it was a fresh view of the ways of a Robot pet. The fact that he was a willing servant to Dr. Sloth without knowing how evil his master is was interesting; it might be hard to believe that any normal pet would behave the same way, but because LUPE-X9 is a robot that only executes his programming, it makes sense. On that note, though, it seemed a bit unlikely to me when the hardened, mechanical pet had a sudden surge of emotions towards the end of the story. I think this story could have used quite a bit more description; some more “showing” during the robot’s flip from duty-bound machine to caring pet would have helped the reader along. I assume that the narrative is meant to be robotic to reflect the main character, but I think you could have put a lot more description in while still carrying the mechanical tone clearly. Description was also needed when LUPE-X9 was struggling to overcome his programming at the end. We are told that it is impossible to break free of his orders, but in the next sentence the robot has done just that. The idea is that the robot’s feelings have risen above his mechanics, but the reader needs to see this happen or it feels very awkward. It also seemed a little unlikely to me that the Grundo would be so quick to follow some robot that walked in and asked him to serve a glorious stranger, though this may be part of Grimilix’s established character; I don’t know the site story behind him. All criticism aside, though, I really enjoyed this story. It was an excellent idea, and the main character was quite interesting to me. I love the ending. I adore stories where good triumphs over evil and the main character performs a selfless sacrifice to save someone else. :3 Great job! [glow=blue,2,300] About Sunburn[/glow] I read it and liked it. … That was all you wanted to know, right? But ah me, I can’t just leave it at that. I’m afraid you’ll be getting a review whether you like it or not. This was a very nice story with a good dose of humor and an interesting look at the adventures of an owner and her four pets trapped in the middle of the plot. The fast-paced storytelling didn’t really wear on me like it might have otherwise, and though description is scarce, I didn’t feel that there was a dreadful lack of it. I felt that the story was mainly humorous, though perhaps that’s just me. There isn’t a lot of purpose to it, which may be why I placed it in the category of funny stories. I think the slightly sarcastic humor was the best part of the story, at any rate. Towards the end, the story seemed to intend to take on a more serious tone, despite the scatterings of jokes that were still present. The flow of the story is hardly interrupted despite this, due to your skillful writing style. All in all, this was a great story stemming from an idea that normally wouldn’t be so interesting, but your combination of humor and good writing pulls it off well. |
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Post by Dan on Dec 19, 2005 17:40:27 GMT -5
Yay! Thanks everyone for the reviews! I appreciate it very much.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2005 18:28:05 GMT -5
I also appreciate the reveiws.
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MarillTachiquin far away P
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Post by MarillTachiquin far away P on Dec 19, 2005 21:10:50 GMT -5
Comic reviews! Starry Stuff- Yikes, poor Nekomi. XD Cute art, I like the expressions. But 'did I had to ask her' should be 'did I have to ask her' just to let you know.^^ thanks for your review and your correction hehe, I'm trying to improve my English ;D Anyone, please? review for my Comic, and, if it's possible, last issue's one? I was on vacation when it got published |
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neo username - dan4884