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Post by Tay - Sock Eater on Oct 29, 2005 18:42:16 GMT -5
Reviews for my very first story (Halloween: Treats and Tricks) would be appreciated.  There's a link to the story in my signature. Thanks. It's my first and it's not really that good... |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2005 19:29:15 GMT -5
Watch for Cracks This October by: puppy200010 and plutopus1 Okay, now this was a great idea! I'm thinking that Halloween is assocaited with costumes, candy, spooky people and the like. But it hasn't occured to me for a while that Halloween is just like a Friday the 13th. I give you guys a gold star for originality! This article was perfect for Halloween and some of the suggestios were really funny. My personal favorites are numbers 7 and 30. You did a great job thinking up of 30 superstitions: some of them I'm familiar with and others I was learning for the first time. Like I said, this was a really cute idea to do and you guys pulled it off marvelously. "Don't step on a crack or you'll break Adam's back!" Now, I'll have to remember that one. ^_^ The only thing was, I didn't get the title until I read the article and thought, "Ohhh... right 'cuz it's about superstitions". But that's probably just me being dumb. Lol! Thanks for the review! But thanks to chiabomper122 for the Economy Jelly Beans. Funny, I got some Mint Chocolate Candies from him/her. Nice person! ^^ I got some Silver and Gold Chocolate Coins from them  . They must have just passed out candy to all the people in the NT this week! |
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Post by Tiger on Oct 29, 2005 20:06:39 GMT -5
Watch for Cracks This October by: puppy200010 and plutopus1 Okay, now this was a great idea! I'm thinking that Halloween is assocaited with costumes, candy, spooky people and the like. But it hasn't occured to me for a while that Halloween is just like a Friday the 13th. I give you guys a gold star for originality! This article was perfect for Halloween and some of the suggestios were really funny. My personal favorites are numbers 7 and 30. You did a great job thinking up of 30 superstitions: some of them I'm familiar with and others I was learning for the first time. Like I said, this was a really cute idea to do and you guys pulled it off marvelously. "Don't step on a crack or you'll break Adam's back!" Now, I'll have to remember that one. ^_^ The only thing was, I didn't get the title until I read the article and thought, "Ohhh... right 'cuz it's about superstitions". But that's probably just me being dumb. Lol! Thanks for the review! Funny, I got some Mint Chocolate Candies from him/her. Nice person! ^^ I got some Silver and Gold Chocolate Coins from them . They must have just passed out candy to all the people in the NT this week! Lucky you! |
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Post by tigerfanatic on Oct 29, 2005 20:27:58 GMT -5
Thanks ;D I was going to write a list of dos and donts that were different but I thought it would be a better idea to make the dos and donts and same, turned out it was I really love to write articles like this ;D Actually the lines were together in paragraphs, Darcy must have decided it looked better with them seperated  The mistake(s) in my article were a bit annoying, I should proof read it better  People who have read it take great delight in neomailing me and telling me about them xD Glad you like it |
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Post by hmlanden on Oct 29, 2005 20:39:49 GMT -5
Oreo's Halloween by hmlanden Aww this is was sooo sweet! I loved it! It's nice to read a story that didn't cover the ghosts, trick-or-treating etc of Halloween but what happens at home. It was a lovely ending and I really liked it! =D Fankies Star! *grins* *hands j00 chocolate* Watch for Cracks This October by: puppy200010 and plutopus1 Okay, now this was a great idea! I'm thinking that Halloween is assocaited with costumes, candy, spooky people and the like. But it hasn't occured to me for a while that Halloween is just like a Friday the 13th. I give you guys a gold star for originality! This article was perfect for Halloween and some of the suggestios were really funny. My personal favorites are numbers 7 and 30. You did a great job thinking up of 30 superstitions: some of them I'm familiar with and others I was learning for the first time. Like I said, this was a really cute idea to do and you guys pulled it off marvelously. "Don't step on a crack or you'll break Adam's back!" Now, I'll have to remember that one. ^_^ The only thing was, I didn't get the title until I read the article and thought, "Ohhh... right 'cuz it's about superstitions". But that's probably just me being dumb. Lol! Thanks for the review! Funny, I got some Mint Chocolate Candies from him/her. Nice person! ^^ I got some Silver and Gold Chocolate Coins from them . They must have just passed out candy to all the people in the NT this week! I didn't get any....*sniff* *whacked for pouting* Sooo...any more reviews for meh story? *meepit eyes* |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2005 21:09:42 GMT -5
Okay, I only got to a few of the articles and stories mentioned on the first page. If anyone else would like a review, pelt me with a grapefruit or ask me. I'd be more than happy to review some more. ^_^ 6 Ways to Fool the Pant Devil by brymax406 I thought that this article was really (you're going to hate me for this, Kirby) cute, and the writing was very genuine, the ideas unique. It was really nicely done for a first articles - congrats, Kirby! One suggestion I would have for this article would be to either make it entirely humorous or entirely serious. It seemed like you were leaning more toward humor with this piece, so it might've been worthwhile to stick with funny ways to beat the Pant Devil. Now for nitpicky Eri: Watch out for grammar problems and sentence structure. Sometimes you would have many short, simple sentences in a row, making the fluency of the writing become choppy. Try varying sentence structure to get a good flow. One thing that I liked was how you ended each of your reasons with "Haha, the Pant Devil is defeated!" because it seemed to tie each one together. Way 2 had to be my favorite out of all of them. Again, nice job on this one, Kirby! Once Upon a Halloween Night by really_awesome_d00d Wow! What a great read! Jason, you did an awesome job on this story - I was hooked the entire way through! I absolutely loved your opening paragraphs - the description in there was great! Your writing really makes me think of Stephen Crane's - saying the colors isn't good enough, you need to go on and describe them - "sprout-green" and "jet-black" One thing that I will point out just as on observation is that you use breaks (~*~) quite a few times through out the story. While sometimes it was good for a scene change, a few times it almost made it seem jerky. Maybe you could try using some transitional paragraphs to slip into another scene rather than breaks? Again, this story really was really great! I love the ending - very sad, you didn't try to back track to make things a little happier. Bravo! What to Do and Not Do in Eliv Thade's Castle by tigerfanatic33 Ha! I liked this a lot, Carlin! I thought it was very neat how you set the opening scene by telling the story of Eliv Thade. Neat concept! The "Do's" and "Do Not's" had me cracking up - you have a nice sense of humor! I especially liked this one - ((That still had me giggling at the end of the article!)) One thing that I did notice was a few typos and other small errors. Try printing out your piece and reading it over on paper before submitting it - I find that I can often catch errors easier when they're out on paper in front of me. Also try taking a break between writing and revising - sometimes I'll find my head is still in this insane writing mode and I almost need to unwind before I can go in and attack a story. Besides that, great job! This article had me laughing so hard! ^^ |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2005 21:26:51 GMT -5
I'll be doing all NTWFers SHort Stories tomorrow (hopefully... either that or Monday). Plus, I have 3 more article reviews to do. |
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Post by tigerfanatic on Oct 29, 2005 21:49:07 GMT -5
I'm a big fan of Eliv Thade xD I read the Neopedia article about him ages ago and thought it would be good to include a summerised version of it in my article Well I cant draw to do comics, so I try to make my articles funny Glad you liked the humour in it ;D My English teacher always told me I was no good at proof reading  |
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Post by Tashni on Oct 29, 2005 22:30:28 GMT -5
Thank you for the review! I'm glad you liked it. Yes, I did think of the scrawled message. In fact, it was originally an audio recording which makes more sense, but TNT wouldn't let me. And I loved my ending! I couldn't let it go, so I let the logic suffer a bit. ^_^'
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Post by Czenko on Oct 30, 2005 1:00:50 GMT -5
Oh no! I'm late for reviews. Anyway, please review my first and only comic Legendary Champions. Kadin is the wadjet, and her owner is the pink Kacheek. I will review eventually *falls flat on floor from far away volleyball tournament*
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Post by tigerfanatic on Oct 30, 2005 1:43:03 GMT -5
Oh no! I'm late for reviews. Anyway, please review my first and only comic Legendary Champions. Kadin is the wadjet, and her owner is the pink Kacheek. I will review eventually *falls flat on floor from far away volleyball tournament* Well thought out joke, very funny, nice artwork Congrats on getting your first comic published ;D |
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Post by Nut on Oct 30, 2005 2:42:33 GMT -5
Look at all these comic reviews! ;D I feel sort of bad for not drawing a thumbnail image for my comic... I ran out of time before Halloween... But at any rate, THANK YOU ALL for your reviews! Thank you all SO much for the reviews!! *hands giant happy pumpkin-shaped cookies to everyone* Thank you so much for your in-depth review, Komori. ^^ You're completely right about the Slorg's eye direction; I didn't even think about how it might be distracting when I drew them facing that way. I just wanted the Slorg in there as kind of an additional detail, because generally where my Kiko goes, her Slorg goes (although I failed to draw the Slorg in my first comic). I will definetely think about that next time, so thank you very much for pointing it out to me. As for the Slorg's pumpkin, you are right: I wasn't trying to make them match, because as I said I was thinking of the Slorg as just a detail rather than a defined character. I'll pay more attention in the future. ^^ Thank you for the review! The viewpoint switching was a major part of that story. ^^ I'd never done a story like that before, so it was fun to write. Thank you for the review! ^^ I thought it was interesting that ghosts get rather forgotten on Halloween... I appreciate all your reviews so much! Thank you! |
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Post by Tiger on Oct 30, 2005 7:10:19 GMT -5
Once Upon A Halloween Night-Ooooo, very good! That's a great way for Edna to become a witch! I loved al the dialogue, it really worked well with the characters. You especially did a great job with Jhudora. Excellent story! Watch For Cracks This October- XD Very good! I love all the super-persice(sp?) measurments, like the raindrops and the sun's angle. The Borovan was also a clever touch, and so was the number 13 one. Great article! What to Do And Not Do in Eliv Thades Castle- Very contradictory! I like that the steps were the same. I also liked the "no place like the Snowager's cave" reference. The only thing I found wrong was that you used the wrong version of 'write' in one of the last paragraphs. Nice job! Tricking For Your Treats- Congrats on getting on the front page! I liked the suggestions for costumes, although I'm skeptical on how well they'd work Good job! SOS: MSPP-Ooo, creepy! We always knew those MSPP were up to no good...maybe that's why 'malevolent' is the first part of the name *Shrugs* Anyways, the article was really well written, and I like the Whoot at the end. Nice job! The Happiest Quiggle- XD Go happy quiggles! The artwork is pretty good, especially the shading and *Le gasp* the shadows!! The Slorg in the front is also a nice touch. Bird Calls-Creative title! Great article, too XD. I love the Bob names, and the mention of the family reunions. Pteris really can't be painted invisible? *GOes to Rainbow Pool* Ohh...They can't be. Very funny! Great job! Yes, yes, I'll do more later. In the meantime, I will give reviews of Shadow Bars and/or Avalon's Apprentice Part 8 large bags of candy. *Gives candy to people who've already reviewed*
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Post by velveteen on Oct 30, 2005 7:25:13 GMT -5
[quote author=orangetiger board=lobby thread=1130527577 post=1130674219
Tricking For Your Treats- Congrats on getting on the front page! I liked the
suggestions for costumes, although I'm skeptical on how well they'd work Good job!
[/quote] Thankyou I didn't realise it was front-paged until a few hours after it was released. And then I got all re-excited and knocked a cuppa soup over my keyboard. Thanks for reviewing! *hands you squeaky plastic rat* |
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Post by Tiger on Oct 30, 2005 7:30:41 GMT -5
[quote author=orangetiger board=lobby thread=1130527577 post=1130674219
Tricking For Your Treats- Congrats on getting on the front page! I liked the
suggestions for costumes, although I'm skeptical on how well they'd work Good job!
Thankyou I didn't realise it was front-paged until a few hours after it was released. And then I got all re-excited and knocked a cuppa soup over my keyboard. Thanks for reviewing! *hands you squeaky plastic rat*[/quote] *Hugs rat* I shall call him Squeaky, and he shall be mine, and he shall be my Squeaky! Don't spill soda on keyboards. BAAAAAAD things happen! BAAAAAAD! |
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There's a link to the story in my signature. Thanks. It's my first and it's not really that good...
. They must have just passed out candy to all the people in the NT this week!
) They are infectiously happy-inducing.