Issue 214 Reviews

[Frozen]

leoness said:

What's Wrong?
by can_i_get_frozen & x_bobo_x

Heh! Nice point in a nice one-panel comic. The art is very detailed, and the joke is original. It just seems a shame, that you chose to use a Pea Chia. I simply overlooked him/her, and thought it was a toy ball or something.
The effect on the table looks really cool - like marble Great job to both of you!

Thanks Leoness!

[Deleted]

Well, NEVER WISH TO FLY is a good series, I've been following that. And I enjoyed the Eliv Thade article, that was fun! I've discovered that one gets FAR more revies for stories than articles. My article 'Vexed By Vex' was in this issue and I only received one item, a battledome challenge and a neofriend request. Yay. But thanks to chiabomper122 for the Economy Jelly Beans.

[Tiger]

Smelly Nelly- XD Very good joke! Nice art, too!

6 Ways to Fool The Pant Devil- Pretty good article! Some of these suggestions were
really funny, like the mirage one. At the end, you did ramble on a bit, but I'm sure we all
do.. *cough cough*

More reviews later. In the meantime, reviews of Avalon and the Emerald Noil Gem: Avalon's
Apprentice: Part 8 and Shadow Bars are GREATLY appreciated!!

[Star]

Did LOADS of reviews! Hope you all like them! Hehe.

Short Story Reviews

Empty Candy by chocolateisamust and extreme_fj0rd
I loved this story! It was clear and I didn't get confused with all the pets at all. It was a simple but lovely read and the ending was sooooo sweet! Clever as well!

Once Upon a Halloween Night by really_awesome_d00d
Good story! Good idea of Edna's life before she was a wtich as I've never thought of her as anything else! Good details and vocabulary.

SOS: MSPP by tashni
This was good. I'm not exactly sure why...but I found the idea of Meepits leaping on someone really amusing...must be my warped sense of humour. =) It was short but nice read and I enjoyed it!

Shadow Bars by cpmtiger
Very well written. I likd it because it was original and I thought it was funny at the same time as exciting. =)

A Day for a Ghost to Triumph by nut862
A sweet story! A throroughly enjoyable read! I liked the ghost because on Halloween, I usually think of monsters etc and I don't REALLY think about ghosts and how they must feel...aww. =)

Oreo's Halloween by hmlanden
Aww this is was sooo sweet! I loved it! It's nice to read a story that didn't cover the ghosts, trick-or-treating etc of Halloween but what happens at home. It was a lovely ending and I really liked it! =D

Article Reviews

What to Do and Not Do in Eliv Thade's Castle by tigerfanatic33
This was really, really funny! I liked that you basically contradicted yourself when the dos and the donts were exactly the same! I literally laughed out loud. ^_^

6 Ways to Fool the Pant Devil by brymax406
This was good and it had some funny parts!

Comic Reviews

The Happiest Quiggle by nut862
This was funny! I laughed!

[Tiger]

star said:

Did LOADS of reviews! Hope you all like them! Hehe.

Short Story Reviews

Shadow Bars by cpmtiger
Very well written. I likd it because it was original and I thought it was funny at the same time as exciting. =)

Thanks!

[ncwidt5895]

star said:

Did LOADS of reviews! Hope you all like them! Hehe.

Short Story Reviews

Empty Candy by chocolateisamust and extreme_fj0rd
I loved this story! It was clear and I didn't get confused with all the pets at all. It was a simple but lovely read and the ending was sooooo sweet! Clever as well!

Thanks! =D Any more reviews are uber-appreciated. ^^

[Deleted]

Articles

Bird Calls: an Interview with the Pteris of Neopia by: pk_fire14

You're quite the interviewer, Peeks. Allow me to start this review with a background check. You haven't been in the NT for long but already you seemed to have left a mark on that vast, golden NT quill. I remember reading an article about petpets that you wrote and I quite enjoyed it, as I did this too.

It was funny, I can start with that. You have a good sense of humor and it really shows in your writing. Just the little stuff like them getting your name wrong, the Pteris being called "Bob" and all of the other little jokes. It was well written and had a strong and steady pace. I immesnely enjoyed it and will be looking for your work in the future.


What To Do and Not Do in Eliv Thade's Castle by: tigerfanatic33

I really love articles like this. You know, command and then explanation. You did a great job with the commands, and the explanations of what to do and not do were very comical and had good reason to them. I also like how this article was kind of like a one-way mirror. You used the same commands but switched from do and do not in the first and seconds parts of the article. This was cute and funny!

The only thing I'd suggest is maybe grouping the little paragraphs into a couple of big paragraphs at the beginning. It might make it look a little more professional. Or if you intentionally seperated the lines, then it's fine. Just a thought. I think I found one punctuation mistake, but I have good eyes for those and that can easily be overlooked. I enjoyed your article, it was cute, comical and fun!


Watch for Cracks This October by: puppy200010 and plutopus1

Okay, now this was a great idea! I'm thinking that Halloween is assocaited with costumes, candy, spooky people and the like. But it hasn't occured to me for a while that Halloween is just like a Friday the 13th. I give you guys a gold star for originality!

This article was perfect for Halloween and some of the suggestios were really funny. My personal favorites are numbers 7 and 30. You did a great job thinking up of 30 superstitions: some of them I'm familiar with and others I was learning for the first time. Like I said, this was a really cute idea to do and you guys pulled it off marvelously. "Don't step on a crack or you'll break Adam's back!" Now, I'll have to remember that one. ^_^ The only thing was, I didn't get the title until I read the article and thought, "Ohhh... right 'cuz it's about superstitions". But that's probably just me being dumb. Lol!


... 3 more articles coming soon. (Kirby's, Sia's and Apollo's )

[Deleted]

Thank ya'll for the kind reviews. I am in your debt, as lord knows my ego needed more inflating. And now, to return the favor....

SOS: MSPP
Hmmm....interesting little story. I did enjoy the descriptive nature, and I am a conspiracy nut, so that was cute. The key point is the end. Does the narrator have time to write a long, intricate story, or is it a hasty scrawling on a Whoot message who flys by the window...I did like the reversal, how we learned that you found the message....7/10. Great read.

6 Ways to Fool the Pant Devil
Far be it from me to hypocritically attack originality...but this seemed vaguely familiar to Stone's Snowager comic series a year or so ago. That being said...very fun story. Enjoyable, well-written, and humourous. I would agree with the above postings that the story seemed incomplete; I felt there was more that could be done with it. 6/10...1 star for each WtFtPD...

Empty Candy
Hee. Extremely well-written, with good descriptions and an excellent twist ending. I was wondering why you were bothering to move it 5 years into the future...but now I understand. Unlike the above reviewers, I did have a little trouble distinguishing the characters...but this is a rare example of a story where the individual characters are not so much important as plot devices to create the mood and atmosphere-that's a good thing! 9/10, because pobody's nerfect.

Yes my reviews are sporadic and random. But, so are my articles.

OK...gotta go work on my costume now...
Peeks

[Deleted]

guysebastiancrazy said:

But thanks to chiabomper122 for the Economy Jelly Beans.

Funny, I got some Mint Chocolate Candies from him/her. Nice person! ^^

[ncwidt5895]

peeks said:

Empty Candy
Hee. Extremely well-written, with good descriptions and an excellent twist ending. I was wondering why you were bothering to move it 5 years into the future...but now I understand. Unlike the above reviewers, I did have a little trouble distinguishing the characters...but this is a rare example of a story where the individual characters are not so much important as plot devices to create the mood and atmosphere-that's a good thing! 9/10, because pobody's nerfect.

Yes my reviews are sporadic and random. But, so are my articles.

OK...gotta go work on my costume now...
Peeks

Thanks!! Any more reviews are UBER-APPRECIATED.

I'm offering article + short story reviews. If any one wants one, just quote this post to request!

[Deleted]

6 Ways to Fool the Pant Devil by: brymax406

Congratulations again on your first publication, Kirby. It's a big accomplishment! I like the article idea, especially since that cursed Pant Devil can be so annoying. It was good for your first article and I like how you did the "6 Ways" rather than 5, 10, 25, etc. Uniqueness = pwnsome. Plus, I love the pic they chose for you! Your suggestions are really good, I especially liked the invisible one, convincing him and the luring. They were all good ideas--the mirage one was funny.

I would like to suggest one thing, though. In the beginning/intro you use a large number of sentences that can be combined with commas, dashes, ellipses (...) and the like. You might want to try combining these to make longer sentences rather than short ones. Just a thought! Otherwise, it was a cool and funny article.


Treats, Not Tricks: Yay or Nay by: o_apollo_o

I wrote an article about candy too! Yay Candy! Great minds think alike. ^^ I love the intro, it was very neat and organized. I also like how you did, "Lollipops... (insert desc. here) ...nay!" The ellipses before the yay/nay and after the item was a nice touch. I also thought it was nice how you seperated each subject into paragraphs as well. The format was good... yeah that's what I was trying to say. XD

You used a very large amount of different candies and I am impressed at your yays or nays. With both, you provided a good reason for yay or nay. IE: 'Lollipops get sticky and will make the rest of your treats gooey.' You know? It was like all of your responses had logic to them, along with opinion. I admire you for that! Good article.


Next... more articles! ("Tricking for Your Treats", "Neopia's Costumes" and "Vexed by Vex").

PS: Sorry they're coming in waves. I kind of do reviews sporadically when I have enough time to do some here and there.

[Komori]

^___^ I'll take comic review requests. Lemme see if I can review some of the already-requested ones....

[Komori]

Also, I have this awesome book, "Visual Storytelling," which is helping me learn some comic techniques. I'll try and use some of the stuff I learned in the review! Woot!

Smelly Nelly

Oooh, using Sloth! I was almost about to be upset, but then it wasn't one of those annoying sloth-jokes, and I was most grateful.

Jokewise, it's very simple, but quite effective. I like the timing in the joke. You have the question posed in the first panel, and then the response dialogue is nestled toward the end of the second panel. It forces the reader to look over the entire second panel first, before reading the dialogue. It gives the dialogue more impact when the reader has seen the destruction of poor Slothy before he sees the response of Nelly.

I think for the text in the first panel, perhaps you should have emphasized the 'and' more in their dialogue. Because I read Sloth's "Isn't it supposed to be Trick or treat?", and then I had to go back to their speech bubble and say, "Oh yes, they did say 'and', didn't they?" It is also a little unclear when their bubbles are fused together like that. It almost looks like one person is saying that. Perhaps if there was a separation between the two bubbles, it would've been clearer.

Visually, you've really outdone yourself. It's a joy to just pause after reading the comic and go back and admire the art. The stars are so shiny, and you didn't just copy/paste the background, because I notice the different placements of the bats. The background itself is so atmospheric, it isn't all pitch black, and there's that nice just-past-sunset halo around the house and landscape. The colors are pleasing, it's nice how you toned down the pink of the dress so it isn't garrish, a danger that is all too real when not color-concious. I love their costumes in general, the pumpkin costume is just so huggable, considering how rediculously chubby Nelly is normally. :3

It's fun to go back and forth between the two panels. They're set up with the same camera shot, so it just asks for the viewer to go between them and notice all the little details and changes. The viewer notices how bloated the bags get once their filled to the brim with candy. They take note of the bowl of candy that was filled in the first panel, only to be lying on the ground in the second one, with candy pieces strewn about. The bag Sloth is holding in the first panel disappears in the second one, but it's forgivable, since it's probably been stuffed into one of the candy-filled bags. But the table disappears. It's something silly and kinda' picky, but the art just really beckons to be studied, so it's something that gets noticed when the art is really great.

...

... Was I a little too critical? XP Keehee, I think I got carried away. Well, on to the others...

[Komori]

Maybe I should put my comic reviews all in one post....

The Happiest Quiggle

Oh em gee. That is the sickeningly cutest expression of glee that I have ever seen. Let me be the first to say. Your happy quiggle comics are just so chock-full of happy that it makes me want to puke rainbow sprinkles. XDDD (btw, that's a good thing. ) They are infectiously happy-inducing.

Now, for an actual critique. :3

I've always been a big fan of the successful one-paneler. They are deceptively difficult to do well, which is why I'm so happy when they work. And this one works beautifully. In fact, this joke couldn't have been told in two panels, that would've been too long and drawn out. I love the layout in this one. You read the dialogue first, then you see the pumpkins, and then your eye is drawn to the brightly colored quiggle in the foreground. It's got perfect eye direction, because that is exactly the order in which this comic should be read. The viewer sees the pumpkin, and takes note of its exaggerated smile, then he sees the quiggle it matches, and the humor comes when they realize the smile isn't exaggerated: that's the exact gleeful expression on the quiggle! Oh, it's so sickeningly happy! And those round, dot eyes on that pumpkin make it even more sickening! In fact, I think you ought to make your NTWF avvy into that really happy pumpkin. It's just too awesome.

I think my one complaint with this comic is the Slorg in the bottom. His eyes are not directed towards the characters. In fact, his gaze starts to move the viewer's eye out of the comic, since he's looking offscreen to the bottom left. It's a tad distracting, it would've been better if he was looking at the shoyru or the quiggle. Also, I think I am to assume the slorg has a corresponding pumpkin too, yes? Because the kiko's pumpkin matches his eyes and small mouth. But the third pumpkin doesn't seem to match the slorg, and it seems like it ought to. It's almost like you weren't trying to match slorg with pumpkin, but the viewer automatically tries to, since there are three characters (minuse the confounded shoyru), and three pumpkins.

Other than that, though, it's a wonderful comic.

[Yuka]

Is anyone following Legend Seekers?... I'd really appreciate a review if anyone has the time. Thanks in advance!