|
Post by puffydude on May 5, 2007 17:08:09 GMT -5
Advert Attack
Far more waspish and funny than the average story, with some good quips. I particularly liked the bit about there being no typos in speech.
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on May 5, 2007 20:14:44 GMT -5
Revenge and Resistance: Part Five by dan4884The first scene set a really nice image as to how far along this "war" (there really hasn't been direct fighting at this point, so...) has come without putting too many words into it and slowing the overall pace of this. The Resistance's plans sound great, and their covert dealings with Garoo seem good as well. I'm eager to see how they put their plans into action. Sprax! I remember him from Part 1 now. Good use of having him there, but keeping him out of use until now. His brief mention in the first part makes his reemergence here more...realistic and less...deus ex machina. I'm a bit on the edge of my seat to know how it plays out. Outsider Within: Web of Deceit - Part Four by tashniBarlow's bit at the start of this part was very intriguing. The PoV seemed to change from Vosh to Henka, though, and I missed it, so when Henka stormed back into through the doors and the PoV was suddenly Vosh's again, it seemed awkward for a moment. Then, Redik's arrival and entry occurred very slowly. I value that for its literary uses--suspense and intrigue among other things--yet when they arrived back in the chambers, the revelation that Vosh was not Vosh seemed almost too casual for the buildup to it. Nevertheless, another good part and I certainly await the next one. Running Faster than Destiny: Part Three by tj_wagnerThis was another really great part and I'm continuing to enjoy this series quite a bit. I noticed a couple grammar errors, but they weren't anything really big. I still like how Kari and her grandfather start off each new part with a little outside monologue. So, Twitch won the race? I can't say I wasn't expecting it to happen, but I'm certainly interested to see where this goes. His actions (and reactions, too) leading up to the end were all nicely done, and they certainly made his final thoughts seem both natural and convincing. Dark Friend: Part Three by petfriendamyI really liked Aillira and Cindon's exchange of words; the Faerie's fretting over giving a quest was quite funny, and even funnier was Cindon's question as to what they would do whilst waiting...the very reason why she hated giving quests so much. I found that line rather hilarious, as the troposphere lies against the ground... So that's what Dina can do! That's awesome, it is. My mind is overflowing with questions, but for the time I think it's just the excitement of knowing this. If I start to get confused later on, I'll ask them then. For now...well, it's just awesome... That said, a lot of details were given that I can't quite make much sense of yet (ambidexterity? seemed important to me), but this story is definitely one that's enjoyable to read, so I'm happily holding onto these things while I put them all into place. The Portrait: Part Two by really_awesome_d00dI don't understand why Mrs. Prynn's furniture was burned. After all, considering the age of the house, wouldn't it all be considered antique, and thus bear a hefty price in the market? Or is this a tradition of sorts I'm not familiar with...? I found it interesting, and almost startling, that Mrs. Prenderghast, in her rage, declared the portrait of Elise to be priceless, for even though logically that would equate worthlessness, it means quite the opposite, denoting an object to be of utmost worth, too much worth, in fact, for any price to be placed upon it. Perhaps it was a verbal slip on her part, or perhaps it was unintentional on the author's side, but I'm certain it holds weight in the story itself... Beyond that, I quite enjoyed how you connected the diverse cast of townsfolk presented in Part 1, connecting the children with their parents, who happened to have been the gossipers in Part 1. Personally, though, I would have enjoyed a brief mentioning of what they all were, as some things slipped my mind with so many characters in this already. And then, like that, it seemed to end. But yet, there's still so much more to come. I, for one, cannot possibly think of what may happen next. Yet... I'm both eager and anxious to know.
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on May 5, 2007 20:52:01 GMT -5
The Portrait: Part Two by really_awesome_d00dI don't understand why Mrs. Prynn's furniture was burned. After all, considering the age of the house, wouldn't it all be considered antique, and thus bear a hefty price in the market? Or is this a tradition of sorts I'm not familiar with...? I found it interesting, and almost startling, that Mrs. Prenderghast, in her rage, declared the portrait of Elise to be priceless, for even though logically that would equate worthlessness, it means quite the opposite, denoting an object to be of utmost worth, too much worth, in fact, for any price to be placed upon it. Perhaps it was a verbal slip on her part, or perhaps it was unintentional on the author's side, but I'm certain it holds weight in the story itself... Beyond that, I quite enjoyed how you connected the diverse cast of townsfolk presented in Part 1, connecting the children with their parents, who happened to have been the gossipers in Part 1. Personally, though, I would have enjoyed a brief mentioning of what they all were, as some things slipped my mind with so many characters in this already. And then, like that, it seemed to end. But yet, there's still so much more to come. I, for one, cannot possibly think of what may happen next. Yet... I'm both eager and anxious to know. First of all, I'm glad you liked it, Wolf. I'll answer your questions in spoiler tags, just so that no one who wanted to figure this out on their own will stumble upon them. You don't even have to look if you don't want to. Why was the furniture burned?The furniture in her house was burned because they really had no value. She spent all of her fortune on saving her daughter and finding her husband, but never sold her paintings. As a result, she had to sell anything of worth to keep from slipping into severe debt (which inevitably happened). I hope it didn't come across that Mrs. Prynn died a rich woman. After all, the only reason she sold her paintings was because it was the last means to pay off her debts. (Well there is another reason, but that should already be clear ). She didn't have a lot of furniture (notice that Quinton and Nathan don't bump into any furniture, they just notice a lot of paintings), and those pieces of furniture that she did own were so neglected and dirty they were worthless. The controllers of her estate (*coughcoughtheshadowGrarrlcoughcough*) realized no one would want to buy her dusty old chairs and tables, and realizing all they would do is take up space, decided to have them burned. Why did Mrs. Prenderghast say "priceless"?Wow, slip of the tongue on my part. >_> That's the second time I've used the wrong word for something. Anyways, I guess it sort of does fit; you can just interpret it that Mrs. Prenderghast wasn't really thinking when she said it, she was so angry. She likes to think of herself as astute, when really she's quite hasty. Personally, I think Parts 3 and 4 are the most exciting, so stay tuned. ;D
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on May 5, 2007 21:30:17 GMT -5
Advert AttackThe story was initially a bit confusing for me, but it picked up more pace as it went. I think the number of characters could have been reduced, but it worked well anyway. I liked the Mynci’s statistics. xD FreedomI really liked this story. The narration was very distinctive, and I liked the repetition of “some might say”. It showed an aspect Laurence’s personality and his voice. Donald’s character was very suitably greasy. Nice work. The Misadventures of a Red HissiGood concept, I liked the hypnotism idea and how Keller was written when under hypnosis. Was the second half of the story meant to be in italics though? Or was that a mistake? Sibby and the Beach CaveI like this one too. It was written with a sort of enchanting, childlike quality that I found very inviting. I liked Sibby’s daredevil attitude and how she was so disappointed at the end. Rupert's First MissionLoved the Commander’s tyrannical manner. ‘You are the dots’. xD Well written, I feel for the poor mootix who got pushed out of the blimp for being cheeky. Thanks Wolf, for the review. The repetition was only really for the benefit of readers if they happened to miss the first part of the animation.
|
|
|
Post by PFA on May 5, 2007 23:01:03 GMT -5
Dark Friend: Part Three by petfriendamyI really liked Aillira and Cindon's exchange of words; the Faerie's fretting over giving a quest was quite funny, and even funnier was Cindon's question as to what they would do whilst waiting...the very reason why she hated giving quests so much. I found that line rather hilarious, as the troposphere lies against the ground... So that's what Dina can do! That's awesome, it is. My mind is overflowing with questions, but for the time I think it's just the excitement of knowing this. If I start to get confused later on, I'll ask them then. For now...well, it's just awesome... That said, a lot of details were given that I can't quite make much sense of yet (ambidexterity? seemed important to me), but this story is definitely one that's enjoyable to read, so I'm happily holding onto these things while I put them all into place. Thanks for the review! Yesh, I liked writing their bickering. x3 Such such fun. ...the thesaurous! I blame the thesaurous! Heh heh, yeppers. Such awesome. Well, all those questions just might be answered in time. I'm glad it's exciting. And actually, I don't think the ambidexterity is important... >_>;; *is suddenly tempted to make it important in a future story * Thanks again!
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on May 6, 2007 0:12:19 GMT -5
Thank you, Pretzel and Nimras! And yeah, Nim, I'm not sure what I was thinking with that exclamation point. I need to watch out for when it's appropriate to use those. I'll be reviewing a series or two later tonight. Just got home from the cast party! EDIT: Here's one review. It's 2:30 in the morning and I can't do anymore until tomorrow, sorry. The Portrait: Part Twoby really_awesome_d00d Well orchestrated! A lot of the characters tied into each other in this part; it's fun to see the connections you make. I was surprised to see that Mrs. Prenderghast is alive, but I have my suspicions about what will happen later on. ^_^; It's good that you provided some closure with Quentin and Nathan; it seems like their preliminary response to the painting is an essential part to the story, so I reread their conversation a few times. I'm really interested to see what's up with that painting, you know? You've got me on edge here, begging for more. I will now go collapse onto my bed.
|
|
|
Post by Jade on May 6, 2007 1:59:28 GMT -5
Amikarashui #3 by bluecloud300The art was amazing; I really love your smooth, yet still very detailed, style of drawing. The joke got me at the end. I simply was not expecting it to conclude like that, and the shock displayed on the Aisha's face mirrored the shock displayed on my own before I burst out laughing. Really nicely done. I'm glad that you liked it ;D Yay, I've been complimented! *dances* Jason (i.e. really_awesome_d00d), I saw the picture for your story "The Potrait"; it's much scarier than I imagined it would be when I read your story the first time I also would have thought they'd make her eyes amber colored like in the story . Oh well; congrats again on getting it accepted in the NT ;D
|
|
|
Post by puffydude on May 6, 2007 6:30:47 GMT -5
The Portrait - part 2
I really liked both the first and second parts, because the build-up really creates a lots of tension, and I like that in a story. I also liked the way you threw little details you threw about the story, like the vagabond who came up to Mrs. Prenderghast during the auction (he must have something to do with the plot, I just haven't figured it out yet. Think brain, think!). There's something haunting about it I can't put my finger on... lots of spirit and intrigue, very well done!
|
|
|
Post by Shadaras on May 6, 2007 9:08:58 GMT -5
The Misadventures of a Red HissiGood concept, I liked the hypnotism idea and how Keller was written when under hypnosis. Was the second half of the story meant to be in italics though? Or was that a mistake? 'Twas a mistake. Thank ye for reviewing!
|
|
|
Post by Nimras on May 6, 2007 17:40:36 GMT -5
The Misadventures of a Red Hissiby kittengriffin Also by extreme_fj0rd Oh… dear. This is Neopia, you don’t mess around with that stuff. I’m sure the second half of the story being in all italics is all a mistake, but it actually made it seem rather dreamlike … kinda like he was still halfway in/halfway out of being hypnotized. Pink Lennies rock though. *grin*
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on May 6, 2007 19:01:19 GMT -5
You forgot "A Faerie Tale" by themagpiesbanter...me. XD But I must add...it really isn't much...I've never written with the constraints of the Neopian World before, so I just thought I'd write a cute little trifle to give the Neopian Times a shot. www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=329618&issue=290Sorry for the long link, I didn't know if you guys used BB or HTML on these fine boards you have here.
|
|
|
Post by Dan on May 6, 2007 19:29:53 GMT -5
Freedom by Guy
This was a nice return for you. ^^ It had a great voice, one that was easily believable and that's important in a story like this where not much happened, plot-wise. It was a really quick read but an interesting one nonetheless. I find it a little...convenient that the ocean's right next to the hospital, but it didn't hurt it too much overall. Good job. =)
The Misadventures of A Red Hissi by Fj0rd and Shade
Cool concept! It was written well and had a good pace. The irony of the end was wonderful. XD But I didn't quite understand why Hayden would just go outside while Keller got into the bleach (or why Keller wanted bleach in the first place o-0). Other than that, though, it was a nice read. Good job! And congrats on your first in the Times, Shade. ^^
Sibby and the Beach Cave by Myrtale
Cute story. ^^ I liked the twist at the end, and the pacing was really nice. I related most with Cassie, I think. I'm not as adventurous as Sibby. XD But very nice story, and welcome to the Times. ^^
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on May 6, 2007 19:48:36 GMT -5
Thanks Dan! Yeah, I meant it to be a quick read because the voice is kind of like an old guy telling a story from his youth. The beach was oh so very convenient, and a few other parts of the story were too. I wasn't thinking about the plot, just the characters. As always. xD Anyway, I should probably catch up on Revenge and Resistance, it's gotten such good reviews. o-o Maybe tomorrow after my AP government exam or something.
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on May 6, 2007 20:33:12 GMT -5
The Portrait: Part Twoby really_awesome_d00d Well orchestrated! A lot of the characters tied into each other in this part; it's fun to see the connections you make. I was surprised to see that Mrs. Prenderghast is alive, but I have my suspicions about what will happen later on. ^_^; It's good that you provided some closure with Quentin and Nathan; it seems like their preliminary response to the painting is an essential part to the story, so I reread their conversation a few times. I'm really interested to see what's up with that painting, you know? You've got me on edge here, begging for more. I will now go collapse onto my bed. Thank you, first of all, Guy. Yeah, Mrs. Prenderghast is fairly important from here on out, just FYI. Also, Part 3 onwards is where the action really starts to pick up. Parts 1 and 2 are more scene-setters than anything else. Part 3, especially, is when you really start to see and understand the portrait. *refuses to say anything more* Jason (i.e. really_awesome_d00d), I saw the picture for your story "The Potrait"; it's much scarier than I imagined it would be when I read your story the first time I also would have thought they'd make her eyes amber colored like in the story . Oh well; congrats again on getting it accepted in the NT ;D Hey Jade. ^^; But yeah, my jaw fell open when I first saw the image -- it scared the life out of me. Apart from the eyes, they got it down perfectly. Personally, I think that if the eyes were amber as I described, the picture would be too scary. XD The Portrait - part 2I really liked both the first and second parts, because the build-up really creates a lots of tension, and I like that in a story. I also liked the way you threw little details you threw about the story, like the vagabond who came up to Mrs. Prenderghast during the auction (he must have something to do with the plot, I just haven't figured it out yet. Think brain, think!). There's something haunting about it I can't put my finger on... lots of spirit and intrigue, very well done! I'm glad with what you picked up on, Puff. I'm also quite glad you enjoyed this part. I've already told you this before, but Part 3 is where the action really starts to pick up, so stay tuned. Anyways, I'll have some reviews up in a bit, I've just been rather busy this weekend -- I had a lot less free time than I had expected. I think I might tackle short stories; man, we had a lot this week!
|
|
|
Post by Tashni on May 6, 2007 20:51:33 GMT -5
Outsider Within: Web of Deceit - Part Four by tashniBarlow's bit at the start of this part was very intriguing. The PoV seemed to change from Vosh to Henka, though, and I missed it, so when Henka stormed back into through the doors and the PoV was suddenly Vosh's again, it seemed awkward for a moment. Then, Redik's arrival and entry occurred very slowly. I value that for its literary uses--suspense and intrigue among other things--yet when they arrived back in the chambers, the revelation that Vosh was not Vosh seemed almost too casual for the buildup to it. Nevertheless, another good part and I certainly await the next one. Thanks for the review Wolf! I was worried Vosh's POV might be a bit confusing. The whole "Henka and Barlow" thing was in her POV, she was just listening in on their conversation. As for Redik's arrival, you're right. I should have slowed down the ending.
|
|