“Splotch? Splotch!” Rachel called anxiously. She stood in the middle of the lawn, her eyes scanning the corners of the garden for any hint of movement. But there was none, not even the rustle of a lizard. Rachel realised she’d been holding her breath, and slowly released it and the tension in her shoulders.
She walked back to the rabbit hutch and gave it a more thorough inspection. There door was latched, the wire mesh on all sides seemed to be perfectly intact. There was nothing to suggest that a rabbit might be able to make its way out, and indeed, the other three girls seemed to be calmly minding their own business. Snowflake even paused while chewing to look up at Rachel and turned her head curiously to one side almost as though to ask ‘what’s up?’, but on the whole the three girls looked supremely unconcerned.
Rachel sighed.
Why was it always Splotch? She cast an eye over to the vegetable patch. That was normally his preferred haven. But no brown-splotched-white bundle of fur was in evidence there.
A horrible thought crossed her mind as she realised he might not even be in the yard. Thoughts of dogs, foxes, and other predators crossed her mind and she blinked back tears of fear for her beloved bunny.
A rustle of movement. Rachel quickly dashed the tears from her eyes and peered around in an effort to localise the sound. She mentally cursed her bad left ear that meant she couldn’t hear the direction of the sound. There it was again, and this time she saw it as well – a rustling amongst the ivy in the bottom corner of the garden. She sprang towards the source of the sound and saw a brown and white splotched rabbit start at the sudden movement and dash through a gap in the boards of the fence with a flash of white tail.
“Splotch!” Rachel screamed in mixed fear and desperation. She had to go after him.
“Mum,” she called desperately, as she ran towards the fence where Splotch had just disappeared, “Splotch is out!”
Rachel had already pulled herself up and was peering over the fence when her mother opened the door and stepped out onto the paved area, a shocked expression on her face and her slippers still on her feet.
“Rachel what on earth are you doing?” she asked, alarmed.
“Mum, Splotch!” exclaimed Rachel, now trying desperately to pull herself up enough to climb over the fence, “he’s out there!” She indicated the scrubby patch of common land on the other side of the fence.
“Oh dear,” was her mother’s only comment.
Rachel had finally succeeded in straddling the fence. “I’m going after him,” she told her mother before swinging her other leg over the fence and dropping out of sight.
“Okay,” said her mother belatedly, “but don’t go far!” she told the fence where Rachel had been, “I’ll be two minutes.” And she scurried back into the house to change her shoes before heading out there to help Rachel look.
On the other side of the fence, Rachel dropped to the ground and looked around with interest. It was a long time since she’d been here, and the grass was definitely much longer than last time. Clearly the council didn’t bother to mow here often. She cast an eye over to a clump of brambly bushes and wondered if Splotch would be there. Then a movement in the long grass caught her attention. That was him!
She ran towards the rabbit and tried to grab him, but he bounded away with a flash of white tail once again. Rachel dashed after him. Under bushes, through grasses, even over a little stream, Splotch barely paused to take a breath, but ran on and on.
Rachel skidded a little on a mossy rock as she hurried across the stream and nearly rolled her ankle, but it didn’t hurt too much, so she ran on after Splotch, keeping both eyes on the distant blur of brown and white. At last, Splotch seemed to come to a stop and let Rachel catch up before nipping under a nearby tree.
Rachel ducked under the low hanging branches and found herself emerging into a clear, brightly lit space where the grass was actually surprisingly well kempt. At first glance she thought the grass was a very vibrant green, but the longer she looked, she started to see that it wasn’t that hue at all. In fact... the grass looked almost purple, she realised with confusion. Glancing up, she saw an inky red, like a sunset creeping across the sky above the blue treetops. Blue? Rachel blinked hard and looked around her again. The trees were blue. She whipped around to look back at the tree she had ducked under earlier. Its thin leaves were an unmistakeable deep blue colour. They definitely hadn’t been that way before. She rubbed her eyes in disbelief, but the leaves remained stubbornly blue.
Alarmed, Rachel glanced at Splotch. It was almost more disconcerting to find that he remained the same brown and white that he’d always been.
The little rabbit stood at a bit of a distance from her and stared intently at a point in the middle of the circle, his nose twitching. Rachel followed his gaze and saw the faint outline of a bronze cauldron slowly materialising out of apparently thin air. She was only mildly surprised by this development, although by this point she wouldn’t have been overly surprised if a talking teddy bear had wandered out of the trees and invited her to dinner.
Before long, the cauldron looked entirely solid. Feeling uncertain, Rachel looked to Splotch for a cue. Was he still waiting for something? But several long moments passed and nothing happened. Rachel ventured cautiously forwards to inspect the cauldron, and let out a mild shout of surprise when she saw it was full of large, thick, gold coins.
Then with a loud bang, a rainbow seemed to explode from the cauldron and rent the air apart with a ripping sound as it expanded towards the sky.
Rachel hastily threw herself back in alarm. Everything else strange about this clearing had come into being somewhat slowly and uncertainly, until she was finally certain it was there. But there was nothing subtle about this rainbow. It was, without a doubt, far more solid than any rainbow should rightfully be, and it curved upwards towards the clouds like an enormous and very solid path.
Rachel glanced cautiously at Splotch. He still hadn’t moved. He sat looking at the rainbow now, chewing on some purple grass and seeming entirely unperturbed.
Once again, a slight movement caught Rachel’s eye. She turned to look at the rainbow and saw three fairies sliding down it as though it was a slippery dip. With a faint tinkling sound, one of them flew down and alighted on the grass in front of Splotch and bowed deeply. Splotch inclined his head in return.
The other two fairies fluttered towards Splotch, holding a daisy chain between them, and proceeded to arrange it on him like a harness. Not one of them seemed to have registered Rachel’s presence.
Rachel cleared her throat in puzzlement. None of the fairies bothered to look at her.
By now, they seemed almost satisfied with their fussing over Splotch and one had alighted on his back as though ready to ride the bunny rabbit. Rachel wasn’t really afraid of them, being at least ten times their size, but then there was also the slight factor that they could probably do magic, and she most definitely couldn’t. Still, she wasn’t going to stand by and watch meekly while they abducted Splotch! She cleared her throat again.
“Um,” she started uncertainly, “can I have my bunny back?”
One of the fairies turned to look at her.
“Oh, sorry Rachel,” she said. Rachel wasn’t even surprised that this fairy apparently knew her name. “But we need Snuffles,” the fairy continued, “so I’m afraid you can’t have him at the moment.”
Rachel stood uncertainly for a moment as she realised that this was possibly one of the strangest things that had ever happened to her – standing amidst purple grass and blue trees and being told by a fairy that she couldn’t have her rabbit back.
Two of the fairies who were seated on Splotch’s back bent their heads together in a hasty consultation, their hushed voices far too quiet to hear.
“Rachel would you like to come with us to fairyland?” asked one after a moment.
“Oh,” Rachel said unenthusiastically, “um... my mum’s expecting me home soon... and I need to get Splotch home too...” she offered apologetically.
“Oh don’t worry,” said the fairy breezily, “your mum will forget all about it,” and so saying she waved a hand towards the trees and sent out a faint shimmer that brushed the air and sped off in the direction where Rachel’s mother would be, before Rachel could even protest.
“We’ll have to shrink you, though,” said the other fairy, sending another shimmer of magic in her direction, and before Rachel knew what had happened she was no taller than a fairy herself.
“Come on!” said the third fairy, now sitting on Splotch’s back as well, “You will have to hop up on Snuffles’ back you realise.”
Rachel hesitated for a long moment. She wasn’t overly keen on the idea of going for a ride on her rabbit’s back with a bunch of three fairies whom she didn’t particularly trust. Perhaps she could just refuse to go? But she had no idea what three hostile fairies might do to her, and she didn’t fancy the idea of just staying here surrounded by long, purple grass and shrunk to the size of a fairy.
Reluctantly, she made her way through the grass towards Splotch – it did seem awfully long grass from this angle – and climbed up onto the rabbit’s back. Splotch just sat there contentedly, munching some grass.
“All right, Snuffles,” said the first fairy, “let’s go.” And so saying, she gave a twitch of the floral reigns and the rabbit started off.
Rachel felt a slight twinge of annoyance at the fairies’ persistent use of the name ‘Snuffles’. His name was Splotch! Surely he was her rabbit, didn’t she get the right to dictate his name?
Splotch took an enormous leap and landed on the rim of the cauldron, then proceeded to bound up the rainbow with surprising speed and skill.
“We always go up the rainbow on rabbits,” one of the fairies told her, not unkindly, “it’s far too tiring to walk or fly.”
Splotch made rapid progress, and it seemed only a moment to Rachel before they had reached the top of the rainbow. The fairies flew down from his back and fluttered around, arranging his harness and seeing to other tasks. Rachel slid down Splotch’s hind leg and stood uncertainly in the middle of the rainbow, watching the fairies hurrying around. Two of them had opened a gate in front of a large space that looked like it was meant to be a stable for rabbits, another took Splotch’s daisy chain and led him inside.
“This way, Rachel,” one of the fairies told her, indicating where the rainbow led them directly into a fluffy pink cloud.
“But...” she turned and looked back at Splotch, whose cage was just being locked magically by another of the fairies.
“Splotch has to stay here,” the fairy told her firmly, “but don’t worry, he’ll be perfectly fine.”
“Now let’s head inside,” the first fairy said again, “after you Rachel.”
The three fairies standing behind her left no room for discussion. Rachel looked apprehensively at the entrance, then swallowed hard. Leaving behind her the rabbit she’d come to rescue, she stepped into the thick pink cloud that was apparently the entrance to fairyland.
What have I got myself into? she found herself wondering.
Original:
Rainbow
Magic
Splotch
One day I met a little girl named Rachel. Rachel loved bunny rabbits. She had 4 rabbits. 1 white with a pink nose, 1 black with a pink nose, 1 brown with a black nose and 1 black with brown and white patches and a black nose.
The first one was called Snowflake; The second one was called Soot, The third one called Squeak and the fourth Splotch. Splotch was very perquliar. Every time Rachel opened their cage door the others would edge away as if a fox was about to appear out of nowhere and eat them but Splotch would go to the bottom of the garden and scratch about in the vegetable patch!
The Rainbow
One day Rachel was sitting in her room when she heard her mother call “Rachel. Splotch is out!” “Coming Mum” Rachel replied. When she got outside Rachel saw that Splotch wanted to get out a small door in the fence. Rachel opened the door and in the twinkling of an eye Splotch was out there. Full of curiosity Rachel followed. Splotch ran and ran and ran until he came to a very odd place where the grass was purple the sky was red and the trees were blue! Then Rachel noticed there was a pot of gold forming out of thin air. Then out of it like an arrow shot a rainbow. Then Rachel noticed that coming down the rainbow as if it were a slippery dip was three fairies.
Somewhere Over the Rainbow
The fairies said “Hello Rachel.” The fairies said flying down. “Would you like to come back to fairy land with us? “Yes” replied Rachel “Then we’ll have to shrink you.” Said a fairy. Then with a wave of her wand one of the fairies shrank Rachel. “Come here Snuffles,” Said a third fairy. “But his name’s Splotch” Protested Rachel. “That’s just his name in your world said a fairy. Then they all got onto Snuffles and he hopped up the rainbow. “We always go back up the rainbow on rabbits.” Explained the first fairy. “It’s too hard, long and tiering to walk back up on foot.” Just then they came to a huge, beautiful cloud that looked pink and they all got of Snuffles who slid straight back down the rainbow. The fairies and Rachel walked straight through the cloud.
Fairy Land
Thoughts:
I date that original about 2002, when I was about 9 years old. Reason being that the
Rainbow Magic series came out in 2003, with a very different plotline, and I don't think I would've been original enough to write my own very different story of the same title without simply plaigarising those books!
Obviously a lot has changed in my writing between the ages of 9 and 24, but here are a few I wanted to comment on:
1/ Introductions - This is a quirk of my style when writing short stories, I generally start with some form of complication or tension, and then go back and set the scene. I started it when writing stories for the NT, actually, since pretty much noone reads it anymore, so I thought it was important to hook the readers immediately, and hopefully keep them reading. I dunno if that will be an enduring feature of my style, but for now I kinda like it
2/ Plot? - This is something I still really struggle with, having a compelling storyline, but I was at least able to recognise that part of what makes that first one so boring is that there's no real tension or complication or... any motive to make a story out of it. It's literally just a list of 'this happened, then this happened, then this happened,'
In this version, I at least put in some tension that will hypothetically be resolved later in the story (although this is never going to be more than an introduction, I think
3/ Character - Rachel actually has a character this time \o/
If there's one thing I'm really happy with about my progress in writing, its my ability to create characters. I mean, Rachel's not a great character, her age and background are a little fuzzy, but at least she has opinions, feelings, likes and dislikes, a relationship with her mother...
4/ Sentence Structure/Writing Style - Absolutely not surprised that this has developed a whole heap since I was 9 - I'd hope so! Apparently my range of sentence structures in narrative is still rather limited, but at least I've been trying to use the conjunction 'as' less. It actually amuses me quite a bit, because I do have a reasonably large vocabulary and can use language in a variety of complex and interesting ways, and I do! But not in my narratives apparently, haha!
5/ Show Don't Tell - this is something I still need to work on, and I did put quite a bit of conscious thought into trying to do that in this re-write. But looking back at the original, I've clearly come a long way, so maybe there's some hope for me!
Apart from that, I'll just make the observation that this... is not really a subject I'd tend to write about these days xD
Along with
Zoey I feel that younger!me would probably be disappointed that I no longer write fairies. Not so much because I should have an enduring love of fairies, but because younger!me had a horrible fear that one day, I would not only be grown up, but would also
want to be grown up, and... I guess that's kind of a reality now xD
Sorry young!Rei xP
Overall, I'm happy to see that I've learned a lot about writing, but have a lot more to learn. Should keep me busy!
(The changes were definitely for the better though, ha)
That and boredom and curiosity. 
Quintessential
