My only rejected article...

[stoneman3x]

Short and stupid... but I wrote it more as a vent than with any prayer of actually getting in... so here it is...

It's Time to Kill "U"

by stoneman3x

Ok, I'm not dissing our friends in the United Kingdom... ok, maybe I am, but it's nothing personal. It's just that Neopets is based in California, right? Then what's up with all the British spellings? I mean, what red-blooded American, or should I say red, white and blue-blooded American with at least an elementary school education hasn't been tripped up at the Shop Wizard? Who hasn't decided to check the price of Usul battle items only to find that Usul Armor doesn't exist? That's because it's Usul ArmoUr! And who hasn't gone to the Rainbow Pool and been faced with a selection of colours instead of colors? It's time we started protesting against the over-use of the letter U! It's time for us Americans to be revolting! Ok, maybe the Brits think we're already revolting, but it's time we rebelled too!

"Why is this such a thorn in your stoneside, stoneman?" you may ask. I dunno. It's just plain annoying. And we as Americans have a global duty to complain about everything that is annoying. I mean, we invented the Internet, so we should get to have things spelled our way, right? What's the point of being a major world power if you can't even control the obnoxious flaunting of the letter "U" by people whose entire country has "Tea" instead of a decent lunch?

Ok... I confess... I do have a personal stake in the elimination of the letter "U". Here is my problem... when I named my Lupe, there was no big disclaimer on the Create-A-Pet page that said something like, "Be careful how you name your pet! The number of letters in its name JUST MAY be directly related to the the food it's will refuse to eat until heull freezes over!" (Note the fake British spelling of that word-- the REAL British spelling is "Miami"). Anyway, because I named my Lupe stonewolf3x he won't eat Genius Neggs. That means I have to feed them to my other pet in order to get the book inside. And that also makes my other pet SMARTER. I don't WANT him smarter! I want him dim-witted! It's cool having a dim-witted pet! And there is only one way to make your pet stupider. You have to feed him Glamour Neggs. GlamoUr Neggs! And my other pet won't eat those because it is ONE letter too long!

So, like any American, this personal problem of mine is now an excellent reason to wage a full-scale war on the letter U and anyone who uses it just because they were taught to spell things that way! I mean, what kind of a reason is THAT? If we Americans did things the way we were taught to, we would have been using the metric system ages ago! It's no excuse! So I ask all decent Americans, and Californians too, to stand up to this abuse! Write to your Congressman/person and complain! It's the American thing to do!

(DISCLAIMER THINGY: Please do not send me nasty-grams and Neo-hate-mail about this. If I was meant to be taken seriously I wouldn't have been born in New York.)

[torpedo213]

its cos the makers of neopets are British!

[Princess Ember Mononoke]

Yikes, that is NASTY. If you were UNfortunate enough to get that published, I don't think that that disclaimer would spare you from hate mail from not only Brits but Americans as well. . .

[streamingblue]

not only would you get british people tinkled off. you'd get a couple of angry canadians as well. we say coloUr as well

[bookyalex]

Maybe you should had some good things about the letter 'u' and then try to publish it. At least u dissed us americans too! It's good.

[Pikatribble]

Hmm...interesting....I must confess that it gave me quite a few laughs, even given the fact that I am a Canadian who rather enjoys having the correct (*waits for all the objections*) spelling on the site. Though I can see why it wouldn't get published, and can't help but think of all the angry neomails you would have gotten if it had (despite the disclaimer)...from both British and Canadians who like the spelling, and Americans objecting to things like...

"we as Americans have a global duty to complain about everything that is annoying. "

...course, you probably would have gotten many agreeing with you about changing the spellings as well.
Still, as I said, I didn't take it all that seriously when I read it anyway, and found it rather amusing...

Disclaimer: The use of the word correct above was my own incredibly lame attempt at humour, and in no way is meant to claim one spelling is superior to the other. Now you see why I write articles, and not comics.

[Wizard of Aus]

Heh... the point of the article is valid (Adam and Donna, who are British, sold out to investors in California - and their primary audience is generally American (they don't ship to many other countries, at any rate, except for Canada, Britain... and Singapore) - and their domain name is registered to an American address.

Why do they insist on these spellings?

Because Adam and Donna are complete and utter pains in the ass, who insist on doing things their way, and insist the rest of the staff should follow. Why else would 'asassin' have remained misspelled for so long? For that matter, what about all of those other misspellings that have nothing to do with the letter U?

Heh... unfortunately, the mis-use and abuse of the letter U as it pertains to the actual main source of the site, and of most of the staff members, is entirely because Adam and Donna likely have a contract that implies that, despite that they have no real power over the site anymore, they can be assholes as much as they want. Hence the snide New Features commentary, the occasional ditzy Editorial, the horrible spelling, and in general the attempt to make incredible graphics... and English that a 13-year-old would want to check. The fact that the site has a lot of British spellings isn't the biggest problem with their writing... it's just a significant one.

Okay, now that that little rant's over with -- I don't think it'd get published, mostly because it's a political message, and Neopets forbids political content. (Makes it hard to write an article about the real world, doesn't it?) I don't think most of the staff would give a flying crap about the topic itself -- remember, you have to live in California to work there, so where do you think they all came from? -- but, since it violates the Terms and Conditions, no publication.

[stoneman3x]

Thanks everyone-- especially pikatribble and wizardofaus-- I wrote it to be mildly amusing and not to be taken seriously or even reflect my actual opinions of Canadians, Australians, New Zealanders, Brits and all the speakers of the best language in the world-- English! I have a tendency to lampoon the things (and people) I love-- so thanks for not dipping me in boiling hot borovan. I learned alot from your comments that I didn't know about history of Neopets and its owners and founders-- so my article was not a total waste!

[hippiesoul]

stoneman3x, I just lost any admiration and respect I had for you. You just sound so prepotent, so "i'm american so, i'm better than anyone else", EVEN if you said it was "humour", well, you still offend. If I ever read this piece of american prepotency cr*p in the NT, I would send you one angry flame...

What the hell is wrong with british people wanting to keep their language and their ways of spelling? If it were you living in the uk, I bet you'd like to keep your way of saying things, so shut up. If you think you are so important that your writing is the one and only, the correct one, then you still have a lot to learn.

Respect Adam and Donna! Respect them! Looks like respect is still a word you americans have to learn... Aparently, you can't respect anyone from another country, can you?

Gosh, how can anhyone be so prepotent and stupid?

P.S. - Yes, I did feel offended by this article, even if I am not british.

[hippiesoul]

stoneman3x said:

all the speakers of the best language in the world-- English!

*puke* Can I swear? Because I sure feel like telling you a few things right now...

[starhamster]

Erm, I'd have to disagree on this one... you can bet I would be one of the "nasty-grammers" on this one. I feel insulted... I refuse to be automatically shoved into such a stereotypical view of the world just because I happen to live in America. End of rant.

[soggydude]

While you may have not intended to insult anyone, the article seemes to do so. Personally, if they want to "u"s everywhere, let them! The only jusification to gripe about this would be if Mr. Shankly changes how you spelled it.

stoneman3x said:

... when I named my Lupe, there was no big disclaimer on the Create-A-Pet page that said something like, "Be careful how you name your pet! The number of letters in its name JUST MAY be directly related to the the food it's will refuse to eat until heull freezes over!"

And you can't say "Until hell freezes over" even if you spell it "heull"

I hate to put down someone, but I would recommend to not send this unless you want TONS of hate mail filling your in-box...

[calvinseviltwin]

You'd get so much hatemail it'd be scary....

[Princess Ember Mononoke]

hippiesoul said:

stoneman3x, I just lost any admiration and respect I had for you. You just sound so prepotent, so "i'm american so, i'm better than anyone else", EVEN if you said it was "humour", well, you still offend. If I ever read this piece of american prepotency cr*p in the NT, I would send you one angry flame...

What the hell is wrong with british people wanting to keep their language and their ways of spelling? If it were you living in the uk, I bet you'd like to keep your way of saying things, so shut up. If you think you are so important that your writing is the one and only, the correct one, then you still have a lot to learn.

Respect Adam and Donna! Respect them! Looks like respect is still a word you americans have to learn... Aparently, you can't respect anyone from another country, can you?

Gosh, how can anhyone be so prepotent and stupid?

P.S. - Yes, I did feel offended by this article, even if I am not british.

Hippiesoul, while I agree with you there is no reason to be so harsh. I felt offended when you said that Americans are generally like this sad, sad, little kid here. I am sure we all want to be respected just as much as you do.

Megz, you said it the best.

[calvinseviltwin]

ember188 said:

Megz, you said it the best.

I have a way of doing that