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Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2007 16:56:26 GMT -5
Star Power: Part Three by springsteen0991
Great story so far. I felt that it was fast, but there is a difference between fast and rushed. It's more driven, especially by the characters. And don't get me started about the characters.
Actually, you did an amazing job with personifying the characters by the dialogue you use. Everything they say allows us to know them a bit more, to see why and how they are what they are. Like, for example, Lena is incredibly stubborn when it comes to self-confidence, as can be clearly seen in this quote:
The fact that she has such a wild imagination when it comes to her looking ugly makes us think--she must have quite a low self-esteem to predict her ears getting old and wrinkly.
Another thing about this story is that it has many different types of humor. The source that I like most is Sampson. While I absolutely hate his personality (which is a good thing; I don't think you're supposed to like Sampson), I like the fact that he is the source of a few chuckles here and there:
I don't know exactly why I found this so funny--it might just be the fact that the statement shows how powerful and show-offy he really is--but it added to the humor and overall appeal of this story.
In short, good work so far, and I can't wait to read the next part!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2007 17:33:00 GMT -5
Star Power: Part Threeby springsteen0991 Great story so far. I felt that it was fast, but there is a difference between fast and rushed. It's more driven, especially by the characters. And don't get me started about the characters. Actually, you did an amazing job with personifying the characters by the dialogue you use. Everything they say allows us to know them a bit more, to see why and how they are what they are. Like, for example, Lena is incredibly stubborn when it comes to self-confidence, as can be clearly seen in this quote: The fact that she has such a wild imagination when it comes to her looking ugly makes us think--she must have quite a low self-esteem to predict her ears getting old and wrinkly. Another thing about this story is that it has many different types of humor. The source that I like most is Sampson. While I absolutely hate his personality (which is a good thing; I don't think you're supposed to like Sampson), I like the fact that he is the source of a few chuckles here and there: I don't know exactly why I found this so funny--it might just be the fact that the statement shows how powerful and show-offy he really is--but it added to the humor and overall appeal of this story. In short, good work so far, and I can't wait to read the next part! Wow, thanks for the in-depth review! ![:D](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/grin.png) Yeah, I was expecting everyone to hate Samson. He's a snob and a jerk, but for some reason, I always think of him as just doing his job. Hehe.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2007 20:41:10 GMT -5
If there's anyone who reviews uncompleted series, I'd love a review for TDFA! ![:D](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/grin.png) But only if you have spare time, 'cause I probably won't review anything this issue. ^^;
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Post by Deleted on Sept 3, 2007 13:45:53 GMT -5
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Post by Anna on Sept 3, 2007 16:27:11 GMT -5
Any review of my new series would be much appreciated. I'll review some pieces right now. articles[shadow=gray,left,300] A Wonderful Guide to a Wonderful Petpet by fuzzy_wuzzy210[/shadow]You managed to make an article out of something I thought there wasn't much to write about. I love Harris petpets so it was easy for me to read your countdown. I felt like the conclusion was a bit abrupt and too short. Overall, good job! [shadow=gray,left,300] The What Not to Do List by fuzzy_wuzzy210[/shadow]Dude, are my eyes deceiving me or did you get published twice in the same category in the same issue? *stares blankly at screen* I thought that wasn't possible anymore. So, congrats not only on your first publication, but your first two. ![;)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/wink.png) Anyway, onto the article itself... "What I found to be very rewarding and not a waste of time is to go" - tenses do not agree. I found that 3 of your listed ideas were really the same, #3, #6, and #10. It also felt contradictory in regards to the bank / savings by saying to put np in it and then not to put all the np in it. ;| It felt a bit stretched out. The flow seems constrained as well. "stragies" should be strategies. However, good job at trying to provide tips for saving paint brushes (although, paint brushes are not the only things you can follow your tips for...). [shadow=gray,left,300] Ahnnilator's Guide to Lunch by cyneo_masters2[/shadow]Let me tell you your article made me hungry whilst reading it. ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png) I enjoyed the bits of humour you added here and there, especially "And now with this knowledge, you can go impress your friends, provided all your friends are idiots". That was genius, lol. Congrats on your rather pointless, but inventive article. ![:D](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/grin.png) [shadow=gray,left,300] Petey and the Word Search Puzzle by shamboo5[/shadow]Ah, I remember my blunder at entering 'codestones' instead of 'codestone'. Drat. Anyway, it was a lovely, humorous, although a bit mind-boggling piece of article (It's an article? It felt like a short story. Heh, weird.). Your creation of a hidden message and inclusion of pictures made it interesting. Kudos for the originality. ----- comics[shadow=gray,left,300] Good Night? by pokemon_lunatic[/shadow]At first I was confused because it looked like the newly transformed Mortog was saying "You deserve this...", but then I reread it and got it. ![;)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/wink.png) Aww, I like both the artwork and the idea! Kudos. [shadow=gray,left,300] COMIKAZE III by bird_brain312[/shadow]Poor jubjub! The plot was easy to understand and l-o-l. The actual artwork could have been a bit better when drawing the Myncis, but I know I wouldn't be able to draw any better than you. ![:D](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/grin.png) Good job!
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Tyrannitar is Internetless
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Post by Tyrannitar is Internetless on Sept 3, 2007 22:52:02 GMT -5
Well, I'm glad SOMEBODY finally noticed, even with my big-fonted URLs and posts of underlying annoyance. Note to self, not having a siggy or being logged in apparently makes your posts invisible. Good show!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 3, 2007 23:02:20 GMT -5
Well, I'm glad SOMEBODY finally noticed, even with my big-fonted URLs and posts of underlying annoyance. Note to self, not having a siggy or being logged in apparently makes your posts invisible. Good show! Actually, I think the reason no one's reviewed it yet is that you haven't reviewed anything yourself, so people just skipped over your post. Every now and then, people just don't have the time to review, and we understand that. For example, you don't have internet right now so it's extremely difficult for you to find time to get on, right? (even though you've posted here three times without reviewing... ![O_o](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/browraise.png) ) I saw that no one's reviewed your story yet and thought that was unfair, so I started reading Fetch, but I haven't finished yet 'cause it's midnight and I'm writing an AP Lang paper. Everyone deserves a review every now and then. Your post just now, however, didn't contribute anything to the reviews thread and for that reason people are gonna look you right over. Sorry if this post sounded blunt, but I'm really trying to help you out here. I'm not trying to guilt you into writing a review of anything; I'm just trying to explain why no one's reviewed your story yet. Anyway, in most cases, in order to request a review, one should write at least two of their own reviews. That way it's like we're all helping each other out. ^^
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Post by Anna on Sept 4, 2007 14:13:07 GMT -5
People review different things. We can't be all well-rounded in everything. Like for example, I do not review series at all. Which really doesn't help considering my publication in the NT in this issue was the start of a new series. xD Seeing as it is a series, I do not mind getting no reviews. ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png) It's lovely to get them and helpful to get critiqued on aspects you might have missed, but really, you shouldn't feel like you absolutely need one.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 4, 2007 14:32:19 GMT -5
No problem! Actually, I've seen characters worse than Samson (sorry if I spelled it wrong in the review *kicks self*. Although, there aren't too many, there's one lodged in my mind *pokes Catcher in the Rye*...
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Post by Serene on Sept 4, 2007 14:34:10 GMT -5
COMIKAZE III by bird_brain312
I thought it was pretty funny, I feel for the jubjub.
Other Entry worth mentioning-
The Chronicles of a Knight III by fierwym
I really liked the opening to this series. I have been waiting for it for two years. I am looking forward to seeing what happens.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 4, 2007 20:49:56 GMT -5
I'll be reviewing tomorrow. ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png) I apologize for delays!
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Post by Dimi on Sept 5, 2007 9:20:49 GMT -5
[shadow=gray,left,300] Good Night? by pokemon_lunatic[/shadow]At first I was confused because it looked like the newly transformed Mortog was saying "You deserve this...", but then I reread it and got it. ![;)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/wink.png) Aww, I like both the artwork and the idea! Kudos. Thanks for the review! ;D
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Post by Deleted on Sept 6, 2007 18:29:54 GMT -5
Without Friendsby undeadfortune Cool! For once, I don't really know what to say. This story has a lot more meaning than the other ones I read. The main character, although I'm not really sure whether it's a boy or a girl (At first I thought boy, and then when I read Idris I thought wait...girl? If the gender is mentioned somewhere, I missed it; sorry) was beautifully done. I thought the idea of the Space Station being alive was so creative-- that conversation with the Grundo on Day Two is my favorite part of the story. In fact, I really liked all of the dialogue, but for one problem: There were barely any contractions! Sometimes it just didn't feel natural; it was too formal. As for your writing style, it's amazing. Character development and the plot were fantastic. The story was a little confusing in some places (That spotted Xweetok...what?) but overall I loved how metaphorical it was. Awesome job. ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png)
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Post by Deleted on Sept 6, 2007 20:39:03 GMT -5
If there's anyone who reviews uncompleted series, I'd love a review for TDFA! ![:D](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/grin.png) But only if you have spare time, 'cause I probably won't review anything this issue. ^^; I'm probably gonna review that after the last part if that's cool with you. I like to read through series all at once, so I don't forget anything over the week. ![8-)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/cool.png)
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Post by Sq on Sept 6, 2007 21:43:35 GMT -5
Flight: Part Two by taipeiss Hmm, that doesn't really sound right. I think you could have gone without the 'me.' Also, there was some stuff with 'here's when Lo went to Khai's house that I think should have been 'there's... but... meh it doesn't really matter. All nit-pickiness aside, the ending of this part was really... unexpected. At least for me. I didn't think Lo would actually move that far away! Just leave her family like that...? Aw, I feel sorry for Mindi and her mom. But things started to really pick up this part. As always, I love your writing. And Khai is an awesome character. XD This is getting really interesting. Ah, the suspense! What is the deal with that doll? Oh, and I think I saw you mention somewhere that this was a 3 part series... So yay, that means I get answers soon! XD Great job, Taipei! =D Star Power: Part Three by springsneen0991 Hahahaa, that image is just hilarious... XD HAH. Good stuff. =P A-ny-way, I really enjoyed this part. Your writing gets better and more fun to read every week. Lena is kind of starting to get on my nerves, but I can also understand where she's coming from. She wants to be accepted, and not a loser. ....The popularity monster is taking over Lena. OH the horror! And awww. Poor Rodney. This is becoming kind of sad! XD But sad-ish-ness equals good, so yay for you! I'm really looking forward to the next part, Guy. Good job. And sorry for le lame review. I am not good at this OKAY ^_^ *starts a Rodney fanclub* =D The Partnership by pandabearb OH MY GOSH. I reaaaaally like this. Haha. Your writing is very good. It's really fun to read from Kataok's point of view -- he's a very fun and refreshing character. And I also love little Scout, even though she had only a few (awesome) lines. So awesome. And cute. ^_^ I don't really have much to say since this is the first part, but it was a great start to a series and I'm excited to see where this will go. Hahahah! I laughed at that. :3
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