291 Reviews

[Goosh]

COMIX =D

The Bunker by Huba
Yay, the Bunker's back ^^ Vrilyo and Phil remind me of two little kids. (read: my brother and I) ALways threatening to bust someone else's stuff. XD And the caffeine faerie was cute. The only criticism I have, and I think this is one you've heard before, distuingish the species of Rory and Akujima. She's a Xweetok, he's a Kyrii, but it's hard to tell. And no awesome-peophin-spell in this issue. D:

Petpetpet Wars by Kami and moonshadow711
Wow. They're fighting with -daggers-. But the comic's cute, though I felt the shadow was a little unneccessary. Good job overall ^^

Doctor Visit by Lau and Aizar
The art was fantastic! I really liked it. And the joke got me a big laugh. Wonderful job!

So I Heard the Altador Cup is Coming Back...by krychek2001
That was nice and funny, and you handled drawing different species and colours perfectly. The owner scares me.

Smelly Nelly by Nina
I haven't read Smelly Nelly before, but I've heard great things. Phenomanal artwork! And the joke was great. Wonderful job!

And the Meepits Outgrabe by Kittylin
Erm. . .I must be slow-witted today. I didn't get the joke. ^^;;;;;;; Could somebody explain it to me? But awesome art. And yay for jellybeans.

[Serene]

The Bunker by Huba
I liked this comic because it is something that many people put up with, and with humor of how sillly the little disputes are. I liked the part about the Caffiene Faerie.


Petpetpet Wars by Kami and moonshadow711
I liked this comic, it had a good idea. I also am not sure how much the shadows added to the betterness of the comic, but it was good none the less.



Doctor Visit by Lau and Aizar
I loved the joke in this comic, and the artwork. Not much for me to say except for good job.

So I Heard the Altador Cup is Coming Back... by krychek2001
Wow, this one was real funny. The portrayal of the owner was great, it really made me nervous, but made me laugh at the same time. (The owner is crazy.)


Smelly Nelly by Nina
This the first Smelly Nelly I have read, though I have seen it in the times before. I liked the joke, I didn't really it it at first until I thought about it. Good job though and nice artwork.


And the Meepits Outgrabe by kittylin
Now this is probably me being biased, but I loved this comic. I am a big fan of Miles. I thought the artwork was absolutely stunning, and once again the emotion of the faces (I guess is how I could put this) really made the joke flow much better

[Tashni]

Smelly Nelly by Nina - WELCOME BACK! And this was a great comic to announce your return and have a punchline all at once. I really enjoyed it. Artwise, this was good! It took me a moment to realize in the third panel that the Usul was jumping on the Kacheek's back, but the final panel clarified it.


And the Meepits Outgrabe by kittylin - Absolutely fabulous art as always, Kittylin! However, it took me a very long time and a visit to your userlookup to figure out what the joke was--and I already remembered you were bringing a new Baby pet into the series. To understand your joke, the reader needs to know two things: your news pet's name is Jellybrina and she is in the crib. From that we also need to assume that she is "The Jelly Bean Princess." You did not tell us that she is in the crib or what her name is, so we could not make that assumption vital to the joke. I'm usually not this harsh in critisism, but your comic are always so completely awesome that I think you can handle some constructive critisism. ^_^

The Bunker by Huba - I remember reading this is the work reviews thread. Nice job, this is a really cute comic. The only thing I'd do is simplify it. There's a little much dialogue, especially in panel 2.

Petpetpet Wars by Kami and moonshadow711 - Teehee. Who would've thought such little bugs could cost so much? Cute comic.

Doctor Visit by Lau and Aizar - Not an original joke, but well-executed nonetheless. Your artwork is really nice, too. I like the Lenny Doctor, for some reason.

So I Heard the Altador Cup is Coming Back...by krychek2001 - Awesome comic! I think you captured the anticipation/dread feeling a lot of us are having about the Cup. Oh, and the Maraquan Meerca in a fishbowl is HILARIOUS.

[Dragon]

nut said:

tashni said:

WHAT THE HECK?!?! I'm completely serious here: we should notify Droplet. She does NOT allow bad language in the NT. It must have been a slip-up.

Actually, contrary to popular belief, there are a few curse words that seem to be allowed in the Times. Sorry to say, that's one of them.

I remember being so shocked when I once read a pirate story that seemed to be trying to give the pirate talk a mildly realistic touch. And there have been a few stories using the medium-strength word for "dung". But there's only three words that I know of that are allowed, and I'd much prefer it if people didn't know that those words can get in, because I don't think they really add anything to a story. In this case, it is absolutely unnecessary for the comic, and I am disappointed that the author included it. But I don't think it's not allowed.

Edit: Incidentally, Neo has used this word too. Remember the faerie in Act 5 of NeoQuest II who has a clear disdain for Dark Faeries?

That's allowed? I thought only hell was, since from what I've heard it's commonly used in the UK.

But I agree, the author had no need to include it, which makes me upset.

Could you perhaps show me a link to that page? I don't uh play NQII

[Nut]

shapeshifter said:

nut said:

Actually, contrary to popular belief, there are a few curse words that seem to be allowed in the Times. Sorry to say, that's one of them.

I remember being so shocked when I once read a pirate story that seemed to be trying to give the pirate talk a mildly realistic touch. And there have been a few stories using the medium-strength word for "dung". But there's only three words that I know of that are allowed, and I'd much prefer it if people didn't know that those words can get in, because I don't think they really add anything to a story. In this case, it is absolutely unnecessary for the comic, and I am disappointed that the author included it. But I don't think it's not allowed.

Edit: Incidentally, Neo has used this word too. Remember the faerie in Act 5 of NeoQuest II who has a clear disdain for Dark Faeries?

That's allowed? I thought only hell was, since from what I've heard it's commonly used in the UK.

But I agree, the author had no need to include it, which makes me upset.

Could you perhaps show me a link to that page? I don't uh play NQII

Kat has a screenshot around here somewhere. Let me dig it up...

Edit: Here it is. img.photobucket.com/albums/v298/PurpleFlame/egads.jpg

[myrtale]

ARTICLES
None? Wow.

SHORT STORIES
Not much to review here this week for me as one of the two being my own... Looking forward to hearing some opinions on that. Well anyways, this week's story;

A Cooty's Fang by Myrtale
This was mine so.. Away!

The Midnighter by Czenko28
It's very hard to start with a classic "Once upon a time" I remember mindlessly staring at my literary teacher through high school as he said "Do not start with 'Once upon a time'" like a hazard warning for radioactive waste ahead. I think you got off on the right food with your usage of it, however. I suggest you check out some classic stories that start off this way. Something I found really irksome was your repetitive "They." It's common knowledge to not repeat the same thing. Every sentence beginning with the same word is just going to be an eyesore for the eyes. Although, a nice repetition can be really enchanting, especially with the style and rhythm of this particular type of story. I think with a little more in depth thought and descriptions you could evolve such an opening in to a beautiful piece. I see a very well thought out idea here, and despite the negative points, I got the overall feel of the story. Moving away from pure linguistics, I found something within your words that slightly puzzled me. You start off by saying

young Neopets of all different kinds

. This generally gave me the impression that there were more than just a hand full, infact I had assumed you were referring to Neopets wholly. Then you state

The owner

So now were down to just a couple Neopets. this didn't settle right with me. I can envision what you are trying to put across with this but still, there was lots left out, I felt like there was more to know. So, although you had the right idea here with your Once upon a time story, I think you moved away from the general feeling, as though you rushed. Like I said, these openings can often be very enchanting, and I quite enjoy them. All that aside I still enjoyed this very much. The last problem I found with this opening was the jump from Once upon a time to Once, there was. Like I said repetition can be nice, when done right, but I think you needed to develop more between before starting new parts.

On a positive side of your use of repetition, the monster was mentioned several times. I think you built this up really nicely to 'the Midnighter.'

Your character development was nice. I understood both Sammie and Chipper. However, I could just not like Sammie (I don't think anyone could!). I felt sorry, utterly sorry, for Chipper and the Skieth. I think you did well in forming their friendship out of a simple story. It left me wondering here they would end up, which was really nice. An ending to keep your readers thinking about your story.

COMICS
A nice bunch again this week. I must say I'm a bit disappointed that there are so many people reviewing comics, but rarely any of them take the time to review the short stories or even (yes I'm aware I haven't done any yet but I'm reading) Series. I realize we have busy lives but if I can do it, I know many of you can! Honestly it makes me feel like hardly anyone even reads them (though I'm sure that's not true!). Well , on to the reviews.

The Bunker by Huba
Let me say that I thought this was a really funny and cute comic. The major problem I had with it though was Sorore's text. The font was very hard to read at times, more importantly annoying. Though, something I found particularly funny for me was when you did zoom in's of the two's eyes. The Chia just made me laugh. Chia's always have those eyes. Haha. Did you do this on purpose to show the Chia's eyes? Nice comic overall!

Petpetpet Wars by Kami and moonshadow711
Now, I'm not too sure about this comic. I liked it alot for featuring petpetpet's. It was really funny, the fact they were fighting. However, I just didn't understand the ending. I mean I eventually assumed that the Usul meant their fortune by selling the petpetpets, but still, I am unsure. Regardless, I really loved this.

Doctor Visit by Lau and Aizar
HA! So funny! This comic was making me feel like I really should have expected the outcome, but I really didn't! What I found a bit off was the color levels in this comic. I assumed you scanned this (I could b wrong) and when doing so some of the color and lines faded away. If you had played with the contrast and levels, I think y ou should darken a bit more. Any random dark lines or spots that show up from darkening can just be removed manually. I know Photoshop has auto level options, but I highly suggest not using them as many times they're off for non photograph pictures. Again, loved this joke!

So I Heard the Altador Cup is Coming Back...by krychek2001
Since I wasn't around when the cup was on, I couldn't feel similar to this comic, but I did feel like that's how it was supposed to make me feel, similar. You did well in relating to the reader, and I give props to that. I really like the color job in this, it was really nice. What did you use to do your comic? The girl was really funny generally as a being. You gave personality through simple images (after looking at your lookup I assume this is you . Props to you!

Smelly Nelly by Nina
I really was not expecting this to end the way it did. It was so funny! I like the unique style you've been doing your more recent comics in, too. "Smelly Nelly's back!" Yay.

And the Meepits Outgrabe by kittylin
I honestly didn't get this joke, and I think y ou've heard it before. My constructive criticism has been spoken about by a previous reviewer so I'll just say that regardless of not understanding I overall felt this was a cute comic.

CONTINUING STORIES
Well, I cant' review anything today in this section, but I'm reading on with Perfect, and am going to start reading back some of the stories already in progress, so hopefully I can make a review when they end. Good job everyone!

Again, nice issue this week and congrats to everyone who made it in!

[Deleted]

silvermare said:

The Portrait, Part 3:

Wow. This series so far is amazing. The imagery, and just the writing in general is very detailed and descriptive. It's actually making me think more than some other stories, something that's not as common in the NT stories. And I just love the concept of this story in general, and I can't wait to read more. I'm very jealous of your writing ability. ._.
Great job!

Wow, thank you, Silver! That was very kind of you. I'm happy you liked this part; this is where the greatest change in the course of the plot takes place, and I was afraid others wouldn't like where it's headed now. So, it makes me happy to hear that.

Anyways, I'm not sure about how much I'll be able to review this weekend. I have to work on this huge project for school and study for my A.P. exam this week, so I'm not going to have a lot of free time. I will try, though.

[kamikatze24]

Wow, so many reviews in so little time! Thanks everyone

myrtale: Have you seen the prices of a Cooty or a Mootix? Cooties are fairly cheap, compared to the Mootix that cost about 1.1 Mill upwarts in the Auctions and Trading Post. If they fight each other and... well... defeat each other, the money the Neopets had spent on them would be wasted, wouldn't it? °^_^

[myrtale]

I had assumed it, but for some reason I felt like I was merely making an assumption than coming to the ocnclusion.

I liked the fact they had daggers. It was a small little side thing that made me giggle. Petpetpets fighting with daggers. Yay!

[Czenko]

Thank you very much for the review of the Midnighter. I suppose the beginning probably was rushed. I went through that part, trying to use simple sentences. Just a read to a young child before going to bed. One thing I didn't say though, was that it was a neopet slumber party that was going on. So there was one owner, and a lot of different pets. Maybe 10 or so. I was very bad at informing the audience that...

Sammie probably could have been made more likable. She was only a type of person that didn't know how to handle taking care of a pet. "Oh. This is a good idea. I'll tell this story to my pet so she will get to bed on time." but instead she's screaming and yelling and acting all paranoid. It wasn't what Sammie wanted when she had created her pet. Little pest doesn't know how to appreciate a good story, she might think.

So you're right. I probably should have been more clear with it. I lack descriptions and vocabulary, so in places I probably do use the same word too many times.

Thank you very much for the review

[Deleted]

I don't really want to have a debate here about the appropriate-ness of words, but it's technically a mythological place. (If we're talking about "Hell," that is. If we're talking about "darn," it literally means to be sent to the aforementioned place, so, it's along the same lines anyway.) All feelings aside, it seems fair that it was permitted, albeit perhaps not necessary for the story. ._. I can't understand any "disappointment" with the author, really, because words hold different degrees of strength for different people. The author most likely did it unintentionally, I doubt he/she sat there saying "I AM GOING TO BE LIKE SUCH A REBEL." XD

[Deleted]

Outsider Within: Web of Deceit - Part Five by Tashni
The action scenes were really well-written and I was clearly able to see everything that went on and where everyone was (which is sometimes hard for me with such intensity as there was). I had suspected D.A. to remain loyal to Darigan, so it didn't surprise me when she did, but you built up the suspense powerfully and I did feel relief when she turned on Hadrak and subdued him and the Techo holding Redik hostage.

unsure of if or how to attack

That's rather difficult wording to read, I found, and it cause me to stumble quite a bit in trying to read it properly. Of course, mind you, I was able to make sense of it after a moment, but it's worth watching out for such wordiness in the future.

The paragraph immediately following the first break seemed very rushed, but by the time I had finished reading that scene, I had forgotten entirely about how rushed it had felt. It was bright and joyous, that first bit, so when D.A. reacted so humbly to Darigan's wish to award her publically, it was both saddening and solemn. And then those few sentences about her name simply made it even more so. So much contrast in such a short period of space was really done well and executed flawlessly, I feel.

The final bit of exposition seemed to serve a dual purpose to me. First, it served to clear up anything that might have been lingering on a reader's mind (although none of had it really lingered upon mine, truth be told); and, second, it served to imply that D.A. might someday return. Personally, I think that would be an awesome day.

So, now it's over.

You know, for this having been merely five parts, it's definitely among my favorite series to date.

You're an awesome writer, Tashni, and I look forward to reading your next piece.

[Deleted]

The Truth About Angelina by abbyloxton

Hm...let's see. Overall, I think your writing is very good, and I really don't have much criticism for the first half of the story. I liked the idea for the plot, and I sympathised with poor Taddie. *pat-pat* D: And you get bonus points for saying "Angelina-face." XD
The ending, however, I felt was just a teeny bit hasty. I mean, Taddie had "envied her, despised her," yet she is quite quick to embrace Angelina, and I feel some elaboration on Angelina's predicament, along with some awkwardness on Taddie's part, would have been more realistic. Angelina is also quite quick to blurt out her deep-seated insecurities to the first person who comes barging into the toilets, you know what I mean? XD Also, the ending confused me a bit.
The conversation in the bathroom sort of implied that they might be friends, if even a bit, in the future, but things just go back to being the way they are? If I revealed such personal information to someone, and they hugged me in return, I almost feel like I would have a new-found friend. But perhaps that's simply my take on it. I have to keep in mind that Angelina is a snooty, self-centered individual, and she might not want to be caught fraternising with Taddie. Either way, I think you're a good writer, and it was still a cute story. Over time, I believe your skills shall develop. =D

Gallion Journeys by wicked_summer

Bizarre. I like bizarre. XD I think it jumped around a lot, but I truly adore the idea of a story about a petpet. No one ever does it! Yet it's so original. The main character had a likeable personality, although he snorts quite often (x3), and I like his "I DO WHAT I WANT, MAN" attitude, as well as his satirical wit. ; )The beginning felt slightly disjointed, however, how one moment he was in the shop, then the next he just randomly decided to go wandering into the Beast's cave. Still, I enjoyed Carr's interaction with the other characters, because he's so snippy, and I love snippy people. x3 <3 You're talented! I just felt dizzy in some places, trying to follow the action. XD

Wish Upon A Star by concertogreat_8

Ultimate win. Best story I've read on Neopets. Your style is near-flawless, in my opinion, and I was actually absorbed in the story. I was enraged at Geoffrey's cruelty, and I certainly was not expecting the Defenders to show up. You also captured the spirit of a young child perfectly, and I adore Allie. I'd adopt her in a heartbeat. x3 The concept of never having been outside is insane to me, and really unheard of, which was what made it so intriguing. I mean, who has never been outside? I don't want to imagine what that is like. *shiver* It was really original, and the happy ending was endearing. x3 HIGH-FIVE! [/Borat voice]

And I'll review some more later or tomorrow...I feel I should do some writing. x3

[Deleted]

Perfect: Part Two by douleur
This part began almost exactly as had the last part ended: by declaring that his second owner was not perfect. That's not a bad thing, however, as it helped keep the first part fresher in my mind whilst reading through the second part.

I did notice a couple grammatical elements that you might wish to address in future writing, so let me get those out of the way before going on:

"Then what am I doing here?"

My advice is to watch where you place your emphasis. This line had the verb emphasized, but I felt that Four was being emphatic about himself. Therefore, to me at least, the emphasis would have seemed more natural to have been placed on "I" (the subject) rather than the verb "doing."

"Pasta?" I asked shyly, and he nodded approvingly before turning around. "Come with me."

It's quite clear, I believe, that the two bits of dialogue in this paragraph are given by different speakers. Even though the segue is adequate to make it clear who's speaking in each case (for me, at least), you still need to put the dialogue in a new paragraph every time the speaker changes.

Alright now, that all said, let me go on. :)

You mentioned earlier that you thought this part was cliché, but I didn't find it as such. In fact, although such themes and trends have been elsewhere, this was an original story unlike anything else I've read in the 'Times. Though, as I have been told and have told others on countless occasions, it's more about how you write something rather than what you write; as long as the writing is fresh and fun, the subject matter doens't matter too much.

You defined the new characters that appeared in this part fabulously. How routine everything sounded added so much to the feel and tone of this piece. In addition to that, how Four described everyone and their actions defined himself so much more than them, and in the first-person narrative, that's the best way to teach the reader about the narrator, by really getting inside their head.

With that said, it was easy for me to identify and sympathise with Four. The words he used in showing about the various aspects of his life with his second owner were powerful, and so when he seemed disgusted at it, I couldn't help but feel disgusted as well. Writing so evocative as this was is awesome writing; the fact that you kept it easy to read, despite the depth and weight to its subject matter, made this only greater as I could immerse myself in the story and forget that I was reading anything at all.

The ending was bittersweet. It was happy that he found the perfect owner, and how he came to appreciate, in some ways, at least, his second owner's actions towards him. Yet, he still had gone through so much, and although the ending note was a hopeful one, it was heavy with the burdens he had carried until he had reached this stage in his life. That multifacetedness of this ending was simply amazing, and I really enjoyed that. To me, it made this character-- this entire story even --seem only even realer.

Great job, Douleur; this was an incredible series.

[Deleted]

Revenge and Resistance: Part Six by Dan
I think Fyora has a plan. And I think you made her awesome. Sure, she can be soft and caring at times, but when faced with war and annihilation, you made her stone-cold and heartless. Cool. *nods*

The Resistance seems to have just gotten a kick into action. The old plans have been thrown out, and now Garoo has to be trusted wholeheartedly. Let's hope he uses his whole heart in deciding what to do. As this battle builds, I can't help but be reminded of the Lord of the Rings-- the Resistance being Gondor and its allies, and Fyora and her faeries being the elves and eagles...

I await part seven.


Running Faster than Destiny: Part Four by tj_wagner
This part actually seemed really sad compared to some of the others. To see Twitch in so much agony over what he had done... to see what had become of his jealousy... It was all nicely written and very saddening to see. That good portrayal, however, only added to this story, and I really enjoyed that.

I noticed a couple of spots where it read like a word was missing or an extra one had been given, but I really can't be certain if it was that or if its particularly wording was getting to me in my growing tiredness.

I look forward to reading more of this story; it seems to grow greater every week.


Dark Friend: Part Four by PFA
"What??" Wanda yelped. — I see this frequently, to be honest, but I firmly hold the stance that says double punctuation is bad... (although, under very infrequent occasions, I might think that '?!' is acceptable). Usually, strong and vivid words can eliminate the need for double-usage solely for emphasis.

The swiftness with which Laura opened up and revealed Dina's identity as the Indera seemed to happen too quickly, especially since two of those present were complete strangers for the most part. As well, to the extent with which you explained things, I feel now even more strongly that the note at the beginning concerning the prequel was without cause.

However, for how swiftly things moved, I can foresee much left to come in this story...good and bad alike.


The Portrait: Part Three by Jason
The fact that you've taken the time and the words to name so many paintings and artists fascinates me. It adds so much depth and body to this story, that I just can't get enough of it. It also strengthens the story's significance of portraits, for even though I can assume which portrait is the eponymous piece, the title could always refer singularly to various paintings at various times during the story, even if they all aren't exactly "portraits."

I am stunned, stunned at how vividly and how strongly this entire piece has been written. It is part horror, part mystery, part literary-- and all parts amazing. The portrait's returning again and again...it was terrorizing to say the least. And it was awesome. The reactions each time, parallel and simultaneously unique, were baffling, and yet entrancing. Amazing.

One thing that did for me make this part much greater than the others before it was that it possessed full unity; unlike parts one and two, it followed but one character, and that one character was given length beyond that of either of the first two parts. That, I feel, made the suspense and the power of this part all the more greater.

I eagerly, eagerly await the next part, my mouth watering and my thirst begging to be quenched.