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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2007 20:41:04 GMT -5
Chronicles of the Court Rogue: Witchcraft by NimrasI couldn't stop laughing through the whole second half, and even as I type this right now I'm still laughing. It was great, especialy the parts with the Mallad and the scale.  I couldn't stop laughing either. Poor Maerian. The funniest thing is that I was thinking, during the whole MAllard/scale/magic key debate, that that could be the NTAG. Or the NTWF. I can just imagine it... |
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Post by PFA on Apr 14, 2007 20:46:24 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2007 20:52:32 GMT -5
On a side note, this comic is hilarious. We now return to our regularly scheduled reviews. Shenkuu: The Brink of Economic Success by GoosherI see Cory's got a new name since his last article. ^_^ OR, rather, it's just his sister. *blush* I really liked this article, Goosh. It was enjoyable, humorous, and really said a lot about Shenkuu without actually saying a lot about Shenkuu. ^_^ I liked how you had Shen Kuu say a lot in this, and then had Cory stop listening. *grins* The Lunar Temple happens to be my favorite daily, so the visit from the other Cory was quite enjoyable. But, really, it's so much easier than that (which is why my booby prize collection PWNS! lol). In all, this was awesome, Goosh. Keep up the good work. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2007 20:57:37 GMT -5
Maximus Insanitus by hehe041578
The art was really great (I just love the Shoyru and Usul's expressions--they are amazing!), though I somehow missed the joke... I'm assuming that random events was what the Usul was referring to, not like getting past the Snowager, but it confused me.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2007 21:15:04 GMT -5
Chronicles of the Court Rogue: Witchcraft by nimras23 Hilarious, Nim! You and I have always had similar senses of humor. ;D I really enjoy your sarcasm and analysis. By analysis I mean that you don't just tell a story, you also point out the flaws in characters and use really accurate descriptions that make it clear in my mind what's going on. I also could feel all of the frustration and astonishment that Mareian was, which is good. When I can't tell what a character is feeling, then I don't connect with other areas in the story. The humor really picked up after this part: You also didn't waste any time with excessive description; the story was to the point and the energy was constantly flowing. Funny stories need to be that way or else readers will lose interest in them. It comes often at the expense of character development, especially in funny stories such as this one where it isn't flat out ridiculous (like my Smatty and the Curse of Maraqua story, where character development isn't all that necessary because it's chimerical sattire) but still comical. But I'd say Mareian is well developed enough already. I noticed only one error, and it was really small. Just a little typo, though instead of through. Those can be annoying because spellcheck can't catch things like that. Something as small as this does not distract from the story whatsoever though. Anyway, well done. I can't even find anything that I don't like about it. The only thing I noticed is that you named the Cybunny Eduard but for the second half of the story he was just referred to as 'The Cybunny.' Consistency with names is always important, I would have replaced 'The Cybunny' with Eduard here and there. Excellent job, there wasn't a dull moment in the entire story! Alima's Tales: The Broken Mirrorby lady_xayla and renrenthehamster This was really cute. I like how it illustrated those daily skirmishes you get in with your siblings, it was really believable. (Assuming that these are younger, less mature pets?) There were a few grammatical problems that I think took away from the story, however. The dialogue was messed up at places: when a new person says something, you gotta go to the next paragraph.  Here's an example: That paragraph needs to be split up. Here's how it should be written: It seems a little more effective too, right? Following the rules of dialogue is important in making what characters say stand out more. Onto that story that Alima read to Manya. The way it was written was really confusing and I had to reread it to figure out who was talking, who was doing what and where, etc. That can be fixed by making sure you follow dialogue rules and clearly stating everything that's happening. I know it can sometimes all make sense in your head when you're writing it, but readers can't always assume things. I did understand the Snowickle story, though. It wasn't by any means incomprehensible, and I liked how it tied in with Manya and Tolli's story too. Perfect. That's exactly how a little kid would respond to his mother in that situation. When I was little, I would always get in these dumb little fights with my brothers and then my mom would teach me a lesson using some parable or example from her life. How Manya reacted to Alima is really realistic and well executed, since kids often have to hold the grudge a bit longer even when they realize what they've done wrong.  The ending was really predictable. Cute, but predictable. But that's okay, the ending fits the rest of the story. Anyway, work a little more on clearly telling what's going on and plot/character development. It was the first submission for both of you, right? Most first submissions have a few errors here and there. Mine are awful. Don't read them. Fun story! I can't wait to read more from you two in future issues. Both of you will just get better and better. In, Through, and By Brotherhoodby precious_katuch14 This was really polished and well-written. I always like stories in the letter format, it often reveals interesting little traits in characters that I would otherwise never guess at. The relationship between Rohane and Reuben was fleshed out and a little...heart-warming? They both had distinct personalities that made the letters fun to read. After each letter I felt myself caring about what the brothers would say to each other next. That means a lot because I have never even played NeoQuest or NeoQuest II. I have no idea what the plot is and I was utterly confused about some of the things they were talking about. The fact that the story still sold itself to me is amazing. I was still compelled to read it even though I wasn't exactly sure what was going on with the war in Meridell and other NQ-related parts of the story. It's like I open up a book and start reading it at chapter 14 and still get it and feel connected with the characters. That's a sign of a story that's well crafted. The letters got progressively shorter. Was that intentional, Kat? I also think some of the things they talked about were funny but not necessarily things you would mention when you're writing letters to your brother that might die. Rohane's about to go fight Ramtor, some terror inspiring wizard, and he's talking to his brother about peas and pink clothing. Those were funny, but I feel like a little too much of the focus was placed on them kidding around with each other, and not enough brotherly compassion. It could be that they were kidding around to kind of ease tension in such an important situation; I'm not really sure though. It depends on how you wanted to portray the NeoQuest story and how you wanted the characters to interact with each other, which is simply an author's choice. Overall, it was a warm and interesting story. The ending was really nice, especially since there was a lot of buildup in those letters to the battle between Ramtor and Rohane. Definitely follow this one up, I really enjoy the way make NeoQuest characters your own. Awesome job!
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Post by sarahleeadvent on Apr 14, 2007 21:40:01 GMT -5
No Comment : Crossover- Soo thirsty... *Grimace* Oh, man. I can relate to that one. *Is a water-o-holic* The pillow and blanket were nicely done, very soft and nicely shaded. Saura's mouth seemed a little on the big side in frames 3, 4 and 8, which detracted slightly from the art, but other than that, good job. I noticed that you really made the floors look realistic. Spooky #50 Well, there isn't much to say about the art, since there was none, although the costume was awesome. I doubt I could make one half so good. Way to go, and I look forward to the next Spooky comic, whenever that's coming. Amikarashui #2 The art was wonderful, especially the sparkles in the Faerie's magic and dress. I liked the background; it suited the Healing Springs nicely, and was recognizable without being in-your-face. In Honor of Grey Day *Laughs* I like the joke in this one. Paint dousings are always good. And the art on the Grey Gelert was well done, although you could have added a lot of depth to the pictures with a bit of shading.
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Post by Dan on Apr 14, 2007 21:40:50 GMT -5
Ah! I knew I recognized that name, but I couldn't place it. Thanks! Aaand Wolf-- Thanks muchly for the review. I appreciate the kind words. And I told you last week the story would be changed up this week. And I'm flattered that you think my Sloth is so evil. =D What a nice compliment. XD |
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Post by troublems03 on Apr 14, 2007 21:43:17 GMT -5
Chronicles of the Court Rogue: Witchcraft by Nimras
In truth, I've never read one of your CCR stories before but after the great reviews here I decided I really should. And this most definitely didn't disappoint. (In fact, I think I need to go back and read your other CCR series due to the fact that I enjoyed this so much.).
Anyway, this had all the aspects that a great story should: strong characters, witty dialogue and a nice, large dose of humour.
This had me grinning from ear to ear. Not quite sure why, but the phrasing of this was perfect.
Lol...I love the absolutely fuzzy logic that is applied here. It's reminiscent of those statements on IQ tests: If some elephants have spots and some elephants have dots and all elephants have stripes is it then true that all elephants that have stripes have spots and dots?
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Post by sarahleeadvent on Apr 14, 2007 21:54:56 GMT -5
Chronicles of the Court Rogue: Witchcraft
The story wasn't quite the type I'd expected from CCR, but it was hilarious. Especially how the villagers were so totally serious about what they were doing. The confusion over the timeline did detract a bit from it, though, since I find it hard to be confused and amused at the same time; maybe next time you do a prequel you should add an author's note mentioning that the story comes before your other tales. All in all, though, good job, as always.
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Post by Fj0rd on Apr 14, 2007 22:32:00 GMT -5
Catching Up: Part Ten by Fj0rdThe way Lillian said "What's up?" when Patricia flew up beside the window made me think, "This happens all the time?" I think a little more astonishment was needed, like maybe having her say, "What's going on?" to establish that this was unusual, and definitely against the rules. The scene also made me think of in Harry Potter when Ron and his brothers break Harry out of his room at the Dursleys. Very well-done. ^_^ You know, this often reminds me of Harry Potter. Sure, the magic and the whole school is similar to Harry Potter, but what really makes me think of the boy wizard is how you've written this: it's so easy to fall into reading it and not stop, and then reach the end and crave more. That's always how I feel when I read Harry Potter. To know that that's how reading this makes me feel, well, I can't quite put it into words, but it's definitely a compliment, Fj0rd. Aww. Your reviews always give me the warm fuzzies. (I do read them, even if I don't comment. ^^) Thanks. And yeah, that line... works in my head, because I can hear her saying it, but that doesn't mean it necessarily transfers to words quite right. Catching Up: Part Tenby extreme_fj0rd Whoa, it was very brave of Lillian to climb out that window and into the racer.  Especially as she doesn’t have feet or legs. I love how it doesn’t even occur to them to wonder if anyone knows where the court house is after they go storming off to get there.  She doesn't have feet? ... Of course, Water Faeries don't. >_> *totally knew that* Um, anyway. Thanks for the review. |
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Post by Renna on Apr 15, 2007 0:22:27 GMT -5
Thank you, Nimras and Guy for the feedback. Actually, this is my fifth appearance in the Times (second collaboration), though you are correct that this is Xayla's first time in. You probably don't remember the other appearances because this is the only time that the formatting was done this way. That had to do with how the story came together, and in the end (as the editor), I had consciously decided to try something different in the way of the formatting. Obviously, it didn't work out too well and future stories in the pseudo-series won't be formatted like this one was. As for the predictable ending, well, some stories just aren't meant to have trick endings.  Thanks again for taking the time to read and review! |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2007 0:28:18 GMT -5
Thank you, Nimras and Guy for the feedback. Actually, this is my fifth appearance in the Times (second collaboration), though you are correct that this is Xayla's first time in. You probably don't remember the other appearances because this is the only time that the formatting was done this way. That had to do with how the story came together, and in the end (as the editor), I had consciously decided to try something different in the way of the formatting. Obviously, it didn't work out too well and future stories in the pseudo-series won't be formatted like this one was. As for the predictable ending, well, some stories just aren't meant to have trick endings. Thanks again for taking the time to read and review! Oh, I agree 100% about the ending. Sorry if it sounded like I had some alternative ending that would be better . Nah, the ending fit the story perfectly. |
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Post by Xay on Apr 15, 2007 1:25:51 GMT -5
Alima's Tales: The Broken Mirror was my first real attempt at anything resembling writing. While I appreciate the criticism, please remember that not all of us are born writers, and while we will learn in time, we don't absorb the rules of writing automatically as others may do.
I will keep your advice in mind for future reference, however. Thank you!
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Post by Tashni on Apr 15, 2007 2:28:08 GMT -5
Alima's Tales: The Broken Mirror was my first real attempt at anything resembling writing. While I appreciate the criticism, please remember that not all of us are born writers, and while we will learn in time, we don't absorb the rules of writing automatically as others may do. I will keep your advice in mind for future reference, however. Thank you! I don't think any of us were born writers, Xay! ;D The purpose of this board is to talk about our stories and learn the ins and outs of writing. And believe me, the rules of writing never come easy! It takes a lot of practice, and this is a great place for friendly pointers. Keep up the good work, Xay. Just remember: You were published in the Neopian Times! Clearly you're doing something right. You obviously realize that you want to improve, and that is GREAT. No matter how great a writer someone is, there is ALWAYS room to improve. (Like me and descriptions. We don't get along well.) And don't forget, your fellow NT writers are here for you! |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2007 10:14:05 GMT -5
Alima's Tales: The Broken Mirror was my first real attempt at anything resembling writing. While I appreciate the criticism, please remember that not all of us are born writers, and while we will learn in time, we don't absorb the rules of writing automatically as others may do. I will keep your advice in mind for future reference, however. Thank you! I don't think any of us were born writers, Xay! ;D The purpose of this board is to talk about our stories and learn the ins and outs of writing. And believe me, the rules of writing never come easy! It takes a lot of practice, and this is a great place for friendly pointers. Keep up the good work, Xay. Just remember: You were published in the Neopian Times! Clearly you're doing something right. You obviously realize that you want to improve, and that is GREAT. No matter how great a writer someone is, there is ALWAYS room to improve. (Like me and descriptions. We don't get along well.) And don't forget, your fellow NT writers are here for you! Exactly what she said. This board has improved my writing a lot because in my earlier writing I would use words that just didn't mean what I thought they did and I also rushed through important parts of stories sometimes. It was definitely a good story, and you'll continue to write more and more hopefully |
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Here's an example:
neo username - dan4884 
Especially as she doesn’t have feet or legs. 
