Issue 281 Reviews

[Birdy]

cv said:

Thanks for the review, Birdy. I actually had someone Neomail about a petition, so I agreed that they could put my name on it if they wanted to start one. We'll see what happens.

You're welcome.
Hmm....I might just sign that petition if it comes out...

sockmonk said:

Mutant Doughnut

I liked how the 'lightbulb' above the Acara's head in the second panel was (or at least looked like to me) a petpet. (Frillabon (sp), I think?) I also like the expressions on their faces.
And the punny Draik reminds me of one of my guild members.

Thank you. :3

You're welcome.

[Nut]

Short Stories

[glow=blue,2,300]One Crazy Day[/glow]
That was silly, random, and crazy, but it was entertaining. ^^ When it started, I had no idea what to expect. It wasn’t quite so interesting at first, but around the time you came in, it quickly turned into quite a wacky adventure.

5 minutes later...

It’s usually better to spell numbers out (i.e. “five”) unless they’re really long.

Magax and Nox moved faster than a snow pet on a concrete sidewalk on a hot summer's day.

I like this simile. XD

The “ending” where they get cooked by natives and then complain about it gave me a grin. XD

I sighed. “Fine,” I typed. “I’ll change it.”
“Good.”

I’m not sure the acknowledgement was really needed; I would’ve just left it at the first sentence. I think it makes a stronger ending for the paragraph.

I liked it when Magax turned pink. XD The whole story was very wild and random but you managed to keep it amusing. Good work, and congratulations on your first publication! ^^

[glow=blue,2,300]White Sand and Shattered Glass[/glow]
This was a wonderfully written story, gorgeously described. I liked the details you gave about the glassworker’s job. The way you talked about the sands and his effect on his country all just made sense. Although the characters didn’t go through great development, Rolind still came across as very likeable.

Although the plot was predictable and I knew what was going to happen as soon as I saw the Zafara knighted, it was still very enjoyable to watch how the events played out. Your use of description was simply beautiful, but it was combined with enough action to keep the story moving. I very much enjoyed reading this.

What if word got out that he was anti-Aisha?

*snerk*

[glow=blue,2,300]The Shoyru From Outer Space[/glow]
Ohh, interesting story. Though it began slowly, it soon became an imaginative adventure. I really like Aekin’s character. His knowledge could be seen in his speech. The talk about colors and how they differ in Shoyru City but stay the same on Neopia was an interesting concept.

Tope walls

Taupe walls?

Very devious of Nokura to get that hover chair from Aekin. It fit her character, though. ^^ I thought it was a little odd how Aekin divulged his city’s secrets to this family he didn’t know, but then again, he hadn’t proved himself to be particularly careful about that in the past.

I wanted to see more of Shoyru City, but I assume I will in future episodes. ^^ I really look forward to seeing more of Aekin and Nokura’s adventures. The fact that you wrote “The Beginning” instead of “The End” was quite inventive, too.

[glow=blue,2,300]The Adventures of Agent W007 – Episode I[/glow]
I assume the name W007 is intentional… XD If it is, I love the spoof.

A SUPERHERO??? What are you going to do, bleat them into submission?

Oh, the puns. XD It’s usually better to avoid using more than one question mark, though.

The idea of Neopia Central being made of dirt roads and not high-rise buildings was interesting. It calls to opposition two differing views of Neopia Central. I can never choose between the two; I find it hard to imagine it as either extreme, really. I do like the idea of the comic book artists stylizing their drawings, though, as I like how he kept comparing everything to the comic books. And how he found the Music Shop by its glint… XD

Poor Sheepy, it was sad how Lightning Lenny dismissed him at first. People in positions of power have an annoying habit of doing that. Sheepy’s a very likeable hero, and I’m glad things came through for him in the end. Though at first the way the story was written seemed a bit too much like “telling”, the style worked out well. I’m eager to see an Episode II. ^^

[glow=blue,2,300]Literary Tales from the Mind of a Bird[/glow]
I enjoyed reading this story. ^^ Although I tend to be wary of humorous stories, this one managed to keep it amusing. The humor didn’t seem forced, which is quite an accomplishment. It was an easy read, which is a good thing. I didn’t know there was only one part to the Radioactive Pteri books, but it is a curious oddity indeed.

It did disturb me a little how your Lupe’s name was never capitalized, though, even at the beginning of a sentence. I realize his actual name starts with a lowercase letter, but I’d still expect it to follow the rules of a proper noun.

I thought the ending of the story wasn’t quite as strong as the rest of it, but nevertheless I thought this was a very nicely written and funny story. ^^

[Birdy]

nut said:

Short Stories

[glow=blue,2,300]One Crazy Day[/glow]
That was silly, random, and crazy, but it was entertaining. ^^ When it started, I had no idea what to expect. It wasn’t quite so interesting at first, but around the time you came in, it quickly turned into quite a wacky adventure.

Thanks!

It’s usually better to spell numbers out (i.e. “five”) unless they’re really long.

Ahhh, I'd forgotten about that rule. XP
Thanks for metioning that, I'll keep it in mind.

I like this simile. XD

The “ending” where they get cooked by natives and then complain about it gave me a grin. XD

Thanks! I'd wanted to say something besides "Magax and Nox moved really fast." (or something along those lines.)

I’m not sure the acknowledgement was really needed; I would’ve just left it at the first sentence. I think it makes a stronger ending for the paragraph.

Ok.
And thanks for saying that - it keeps my ego from getting too big! XD

I liked it when Magax turned pink. XD The whole story was very wild and random but you managed to keep it amusing. Good work, and congratulations on your first publication! ^^

Thanks! ;D

And if you liked when Magax turned pink, well... *cackles*


Something has Happened!

Miss Author sits nearby rubbing her hands together and muttering to herself... Something about a tutu?

[Lau]

White Sand and Shattered Glass by Lau
Over these past fews days, I have been reading through a few back issues of Realms of Fantasy to get caught up in them. Reading this, I thought how perfectly-suited this story would have been for that magazine if not for its ties to Neopets. And, yes, that is meant as a compliment, as a great one at that.

I had an awesome time reading this. To be honest, though, I didn't find it very...immersing until it was halfway over already. Till then, it was told beautifully, it was imaginative, it was intriguing and written well, but it lacked that je ne sais qua that grabs my undying interest.

The pace was constant the entire time, which was nice (although, I admit, I feel it was a bit slower than I usually enjoy), though, as I said, it was not until halfway through it when I was sucked into the piece and unable to look away; before then, it lacked the tension, the magical curiosity, that drove me forward as a reader. Though this was a wonderful story as it was, it might have been even better if it had been given that curiosity sooner.

The plot did seem familiar, yet you spun the story in an entirely new way, and I feel that that is what truly matters, as the list of clichéd things practically covers everything now (and I've seen some lists...and they really do). I initially had the thought of breaking the glass as well, yet I turned it aside when he went to the castle, so I couldn't help but smile in the end when the answer had been that. The bit after that was lovely as well, with enough intrigue to keep the story in my mind but with enough solidity to end it.

Speaking mechanically for a moment, this was written rather flawlessly. I did notice once where I feel the series of adjectives needed a comma; I also noticed a quotation mark that was merely an apostrophe; and the word "could" was once doubled when it was probably meant to be "could count," though, in truth, that is my being incredibly nitpicky over small things (because, seriously, I find the same typos in the Realms of Fantasy magazines that I've been reading of late...seriously, I do).

Wow, thanks for the glowing review, Wolf. I appreciate the details you gave.

White Sand and Shattered Glass

I really liked reading this story. It was a bit slow to get my attention and make me want to read it but once I got into it, I loved it It was creative and I know this sounds stupid but it reminded me of a spongebob episode back in the day....hahaha. When Spongebob drew himself and it came alive...But it's much better than Spongebob! Great job! :]

Spongebob? That's a first. Thanks, though.

White Sand and Shattered Glass

Ooh, good story! I enjoyed reading it.
I don't think I've ever read a story where something like that happened.
I also enjoyed reading about a character that you usually don't see. (Unless you're buying one of his windows. )

Yay, at least someone didn't think it was cliche. Honestly I don't ever remember reading a story like it in the Times either... I thought it was sort of original and was surprised by the amount of comments saying it'd been done. I guess the idea of a work of art coming to life has been used, but I'd hoped that wasn't predicable from the beginning.

White Sand and Shattered Glass

This was a wonderfully written story, gorgeously described. I liked the details you gave about the glassworker’s job. The way you talked about the sands and his effect on his country all just made sense. Although the characters didn’t go through great development, Rolind still came across as very likeable.

Although the plot was predictable and I knew what was going to happen as soon as I saw the Zafara knighted, it was still very enjoyable to watch how the events played out. Your use of description was simply beautiful, but it was combined with enough action to keep the story moving. I very much enjoyed reading this.


Quote:
What if word got out that he was anti-Aisha?

*snerk*

Thanks, Nut! I'm glad you enjoyed it. ^^

[CV Classic]

nut said:

[glow=blue,2,300]Literary Tales from the Mind of a Bird[/glow]
I enjoyed reading this story. ^^ Although I tend to be wary of humorous stories, this one managed to keep it amusing. The humor didn’t seem forced, which is quite an accomplishment. It was an easy read, which is a good thing. I didn’t know there was only one part to the Radioactive Pteri books, but it is a curious oddity indeed.

It did disturb me a little how your Lupe’s name was never capitalized, though, even at the beginning of a sentence. I realize his actual name starts with a lowercase letter, but I’d still expect it to follow the rules of a proper noun.

I thought the ending of the story wasn’t quite as strong as the rest of it, but nevertheless I thought this was a very nicely written and funny story. ^^

Thanks for the review. It is true that the ending wasn't so great, I didn't like it that much either compared with the rest of my story. Usually I start stories well but then don't know how to end them.

[Freefalldreams]

I just wanted to thank you hugely for the review, and I hope you like Part Two!

[Nut]

Apologies for being so late and for the resulting reviews being short or not thorough. I’m tired.

Continued Series

[glow=blue,2,300]Catching Up: Part Four[/glow]
I like how you’re building up all the characters and making them different from each other. I can see the little nuances of each faerie’s personality beginning to show through.

The story still feels as if it’s in the setup stage, but it’s still enjoyable to read and see how the characters interact with each other. Lillian is proving to be quite an interesting personality and I’m very eager to see how it’s all going to work out.

[glow=blue,2,300]The Adventures of Trina: Return of the Staff – Part Five[/glow]
So now the stakes are set… I sense a showdown coming up.

“If you can have Meridell, then I’ll take Brightvale?”

No question mark needed.

“I never thought hiking in the desert at 3:15 A.M. was so exhausting!”

I suspect she never stopped to think about this much.

They all sat down in a small circle, gulping down their water until there wasn’t a drop left.

Oh dear… They’re how far out in the middle of the desert now? *cringe*

Pat thought about screaming, but it was going to do any good at 5 A.M. in the Lost Desert.

I think the “was” should be “wasn’t”.

the staff’s petite mighty blows

It’s a little difficult to imagine petite mighty blows. o_0 I wouldn’t have used the word “petite” without at least a bit more description as explanation.

The staff has some very weird powers… I wonder if Trina’s friends will be able to use their new forms to some advantage or if they’re too creeped out by the change to do anything.

[glow=blue,2,300]Mirror of Memories: Part Six[/glow]
How does she have Tigersquash Ice Cream if she can’t get fruits from Mystery Island?

Aside from that little inconsistency, though, this was another good part. I liked how you painted the atmosphere in the coffee shop, and I couldn’t help thinking that Aina was acting a bit too bold, walking in and demanding to be served, but that’s her personality. The gem looks like trouble, and I don’t think it was a good idea for Aina to steal it, but we’ll see where this goes.

I liked how you described the older version of Neopia Central in the beginning. I’m interested to see how this will turn out and whether the Tonu will play a bigger role. He’ll probably be missing that gem soon.

[glow=blue,2,300]Sword of the Shapeshifter: Part Six[/glow]
Ooh, the great battle sequence. I love how Darigan beat off the Grndo with the laser gun even though he didn’t know how to use it. ^^ Your description was, as always, very good. It can be difficult to describe battle and keep it interesting, but you managed it.

With all the fighting that took place, I felt that this part didn’t contain quite as much storyline as previous ones, but I still enjoyed it and I look forward to seeing Miaglo’s downfall—or comeback, whichever it turns out to be.

[glow=blue,2,300]Legend Seekers: Mysterious Magic – Part Seven[/glow]
I liked the whole issue of there being two doors but only one being visible. I love magical riddles like that. ^^ The Tower of Dreams was an interesting place, described well—I especially liked the descriptions of all the material items Pemero had once wanted.

Jen’s new teacher is proving to be interesting… I wonder if she’ll end up better off from her experience with him.

This staff Pemero’s found is intriguing. I’m not sure what to make of it, and I can’t tell if it’s good or bad, but I’m certainly curious about how it’ll all turn out.

[glow=blue,2,300]Another Hero’s Journey: Part Eight[/glow]
Aw, sweet sentimental goodbye scene. Although not much happened throughout most of the part, the event towards the end was very intriguing and I am glad to see Reuben going back towards Trestin. Maybe he’ll find that his destiny is to protect the village. That’d get him some recognition, at least.

Why hadn’t anything tried to attack him today?

*choke* The joys of being an adventurer. XD

[sarahleeadvent]

Ooh, the great battle sequence. I love how Darigan beat off the Grundo with the laser gun even though he didn’t know how to use it. ^^ Your description was, as always, very good. It can be difficult to describe battle and keep it interesting, but you managed it.

With all the fighting that took place, I felt that this part didn’t contain quite as much storyline as previous ones, but I still enjoyed it and I look forward to seeing Miaglo’s downfall—or comeback, whichever it turns out to be.

Thanks, Nut, for the review and the compliments therein!

I'm afraid I don't pay that much attention to how much storyline, action, or anything else is in a chapter. I just basically write until I've got eight screens worth of material, then leave off at the next cliffhanger. Aren't I just the nicest? I'm glad you enjoyed it anyway, and I hope the rest of the story lives up to your expectations.

[Kat]

nut said:

[glow=blue,2,300]Another Hero’s Journey: Part Eight[/glow]
Aw, sweet sentimental goodbye scene. Although not much happened throughout most of the part, the event towards the end was very intriguing and I am glad to see Reuben going back towards Trestin. Maybe he’ll find that his destiny is to protect the village. That’d get him some recognition, at least.

Why hadn’t anything tried to attack him today?

*choke* The joys of being an adventurer. XD

[shadow=purple,left,300]D'you think I should really shoot for Reuben/Andrea? XD

Thanks for the review though. ^^[/shadow]

[Nimras]

The Mirror of Memories: Part Six
by sytra

I can’t believe she didn’t drop Kin off with his parents before going back through the mirror again. Recipes for disaster 101…

…and she ordered food and didn’t have any money and just expected Malin to pick up the tab? *wince* I don’t think I’d like to be her friend very much.

I do like how the Mystery Island fruits were considered exotic in Malin’s time -- gives you a feeling that there had been a lot of progress in the time since then.

[Nimras]

Vanity: Part One
by literalluau

“Okay. What is this?

“Lipstick.”

“Oh.”

*dies of laughter* That’s classic.

“Oh, Sarah!” she exclaimed in mock gratitude. “Thank you so much for this chance! I never would have done it without you!” Then, right in front of the crowd spilling from the lodge, she gave her sister a huge hug.

I like Andrea… she’s just got that ironic sense of humor.

Love the scene with the comb. I want one like that…

[Nimras]

The Royal Meridell Garden Party: Part One
by freefalldreams

The foster pets were acting up, our owner Freefall was in a bad mood, and perhaps worst of all, my little brother Karmapa, a striped Tuskaninny, had decided to use magic for everything, whether it was needed or not.

What a perfect set up for explaining, without going into detail, how bad it was.

I will say that so far it’s a lot of names to try to keep straight -- I have to keep scrolling up to remember who is who.

Poor Jeran, everyone (well, me included) seems to delight in putting him in awkward circumstances….

[Nimras]

New Life
by ssjelitegirl
Awww… Shad can be so sweet!
And all three expressions in the last panel are just perfect.

Spooky
by ghostkomorichu
I love how… oblivious Komori can be sometimes. *grin* At least he’s usually pretty good about catching himself after he does something really ditzy.

QT's Queasies
by mindsend and patjade
“Eat Dirt Cheap” Ahh… the importance of commas. *snerk*
….Now I want mud pie -- and I’m blaming you two.

Mutant Doughnut
by sockmonk and frostychica
Whoa, the eyes are all crazy in this comic. Trippy. …I don’t get the joke. Other than a pet lying to another pet to get them to stop telling puns…

[Nimras]

One Crazy Day
by birdinggal

The idea of random neopets being hit with random events -- with a large booming voice from nowhere announcing “Something has happened!” cracks me up. Makes you wonder if there’s pets out there who have this phobia of hearing that voice… or if you’re the only one who can hear it if you find NP -- or if it’s loudly proclaimed “You have found 1 million Neopoints on the floor!” … right before you get mobbed by beggars.

Magax looked around suspiciously. “Who’s ‘Me’?” he asked.

“‘Me’ as in, ‘the author.’ You guys are in a story.”

Nox snorted. “Yeah, right.”

*snickers* Way to break the fourth wall, Birdy.

I do find it funny that Magax apparently had no problem with being cooked and eaten… Maybe the fact that Nox went down with him had something to do with it.

[Nimras]

White Sand and Shattered Glass
by laurelinden

Ohh… I love this story. Poor Rolind, doing the right and fair thing and having it backfire on him in about the most spectacular way possible.

…and made the mighty Hagan a mere steward…

I confess, milk nearly escaped from my nose when I read that line.

Though I do wonder if he’ll ever take an order from an Aisha again…