Issue 281 Reviews

[Nimras]

Catching Up: Part Four
by extreme_fj0rd

This chapter seemed to be mostly build up… I confess that I’m having a bit of a hard time keeping the characters straight. Especially Lianar and Lillian… I guess they’re names are a little too similar for my brain to keep them straight.

I did like how Lillian knew that the teacher had asked them to invite her… though the idea of a water faerie “walking” makes my mind itch.

[Nimras]

The Adventures of Trina: The Return of the Staff - Part Five
by ummagine3284

“Then, if you’re so smart, what letter does it start with?” Heermeedjet asked his brother wisely.

“Letter...? So now we’re talking about neomail! It’s okay to be jealous of me! So don’t try to change the subject!” Merouladen spat.

*dies of laughter* That so sounds like the arguments my kids I taught Sunday School for would have.

“Trina, we’ve been walking for almost an hour, can we take a short rest?” Linny asked, almost collapsing into the sand.

I think someone needs more exercise…

Evil cliffhanger.

[Renna]

micrody said:

The Adventures of Agent W007 - Episode I by Renrenthehamster
For some reason... I read W007 as "woot." *sigh*

You'll be happy to know that a "Woot or Wool?" leet-speak conversation was the inspiration for the character. It hasn't been addressed officially yet, but the proper way of reading it will eventually come clear as "W-oh-oh-seven."

*sigh* I saw the custom and thought Agent W007 would be the Lenny. Guess I was wrong. Now I feel sheepish. *whack'd by author and random strangers and given the "worst pun of the year" award*

Lightning Lenny is a "real" Defender of Neopia. He was first featured in DoN series 2 mission 2. He's also the guy you check in with when there aren't any more series 2 challengers to fight (another inspiration for the story).

Thank you for the feedback, Wolf - puns included! ;D I'm glad that you read Sheepy the way I intended him to be. It's sometimes hard to tell in a first outing whether or not a particular message has gotten across.

[Tashni]

laurelinden said:

The Shoyru from Outer Space

By Tashni

The story had a pretty original storyline, with the new creation of a planet and all. The two main characters had whimsical personalities, with a lot of their behavior sort of driftlike and dreamy, and the tone of the story had a light and humourous quality to it.

A few plot elements were confusing, though, and only recieved little clarification -- it was understandable why the Shoyrus wanted to keep a certain secrecy, but then it seemed strange that Aekin was so eager to "prove" himself to Nokura's family. Also, it was wierd that Nokura would just leap right into Aekin's spaceship without sayig good bye to her family.

The family itself was too large for good character development. This might be one story out of many, happening to focus on this particular character, and it's understandable if that's the case. But in general you shouldn't try to add so many characters that some are barely developed at all.

The story was interesting, though, and quirky. I liked some of the subtle humor and the bemused-seeming quality of Aekin's character. Will more of Nokura's advantures with the Alien Shoyrus be told?

Thank you very much for the review! I will keep in mind your comments while I write the next "SfOS" story, which will HOPEFULLY be in the Illusen issue, but time is running out . . .

[Freefalldreams]

So, a quick comic review...

New Life by Ssjelitegirl:

I've always liked Shad and Saura, and this is one of the funniest I've seen yet! If only the Grey Faerie was really like that... However, I don't think the art is quite up to the standard you've set for yourself in past comics. The Faerieland towers look rather blocky, the green one lacking shading altogether, and Shad looks eyeless at first glance in the first pannel. Yes, I know his eyes are closed, but...perhaps he should wear pink mascara in the next comic? Also, Saura looks...weird in the last pannel. Something about her mouth....

[Birdy]

micrody said:

One Crazy Day by Birdy
For some strange reason...when I started reading that...it reminded me of my story "Rules of the House."
For some even stranger reason...when I finished reading that...it reminded me of an episode of Spongebob.
And, even though I despise the show and would vow to kill it for eternity even if the repercussions would destroy the world, I mean that as a compliment. It was senseless, nonsensical, chaotic, and was at times stupid beyond belief, but despite all of that...in an almost startling way...it was incredibly entertaining. Not to mention that, it was written with flawless spelling, perfect grammar, and something oddly resembling of literary genius. That all said, have a cookie. *hands out cookie* ^_^ Great job. I really liked this story.

Thanks! ;D
And as for the spelling/grammar, I can't really take full credit. Part of it goes to MS Word (it has spelling and such features), and part of it to everyone who helped me with it when I posted it for review.
Ooh, cookie! Thanks! *munches*

And as for Spongebob... *grabs trash-can lid* Can May I help?

luau said:

One Crazy Day

Well, I'll say it was one crazy day for these two. I'm really glad when you became a part of the story later on. I was a little worried when you started the way you did, but as I read on I could see that it really worked.

I got a good laugh when you ended it and Magax and Nox got upset. I'm not sure your explanation of the difference between talking to main characters as opposed to other characters works for me, but it was a minor detail that I could ignore.

Suddenly, Magax found himself back to normal.

“That’s better.”

First of all, keep adverbs to a minimum when you write. There is usually (in fact, almost always) a better way to describe what's going on than with an adverb. Also, I'm a little confused as to as to who is saying "That's better." Is that you, the author? I think it is, but I can't be sure.

Every event in this story occurs very suddenly, which I understand is part of the style, and adds to what you're trying to do with this story. However, I thought the transition from earthquake to home was a little too sudden. There's an earthquake, tumble around, and end up back in the Haunted Woods. You make up for it pretty well when you say "better, guys?" but I still found that more jarring than the story calls for. Also, if it had been me, I would have left off the last line, as I think "better, guys?" would be a more effective ending.

Overall, this was a great first story and I'm looking forward to reading more by you in the future. You had some great lines ("Magax and Nox moved faster than a snow pet on a concrete sidewalk on a hot summer's day"), and it was a fun read.

First of all, keep adverbs to a minimum when you write. There is usually (in fact, almost always) a better way to describe what's going on than with an adverb.

Adverbs to a minimun, got it.

Also, I'm a little confused as to as to who is saying "That's better." Is that you, the author? I think it is, but I can't be sure.

That's Magax. Sorry for the confusion!

Overall, this was a great first story and I'm looking forward to reading more by you in the future.

Thanks! And I plan on writing more. (In fact, Kitty and I have a story held-over! Look for it in the Illusen Issue, assuming it gets accepted.)

You had some great lines ("Magax and Nox moved faster than a snow pet on a concrete sidewalk on a hot summer's day"), and it was a fun read.

Thanks, I'm glad you liked the line.
I wanted to do something different that just "Magax and Nox moved fast." (Or something along those lines.)

nikki said:

One Crazy Day

I loveedd this story! It was completely original; I loved the idea Just wish I could think of stuff like that.
It kept me interested in reading it and was just good :] Nice job!

Thanks! ;D

---

Um, I feel I should say this... I didn't come up with the idea of the author talking with his/her characters on my own... I had read it in a book where the main character writes stories in his spare time, and he did it. So I can't take full credit.

Don't hurt me, please! *hides*

---

I'll do my reviews after a bit... and this time I mean it!

[ummagine3284]

nimras23 said:

The Adventures of Trina: The Return of the Staff - Part Five
by ummagine3284

“Then, if you’re so smart, what letter does it start with?” Heermeedjet asked his brother wisely.

“Letter...? So now we’re talking about neomail! It’s okay to be jealous of me! So don’t try to change the subject!” Merouladen spat.

*dies of laughter* That so sounds like the arguments my kids I taught Sunday School for would have.

“Trina, we’ve been walking for almost an hour, can we take a short rest?” Linny asked, almost collapsing into the sand.

I think someone needs more exercise…

Evil cliffhanger.

Thanks for the review! I haven't had the time to read some stuff and write good reviews for other stories since I've been writing so much. One of the things I love to put in series is cliffhangers, especialy eveil ones. I love the arugment tool it cracked me up when I wrote it.

[Birdy]

Well, I'm finally getting around to doing this.
*thwaps her procrastinativeness*

---

Short Stories

One Crazy Day

Error... Error... Trying to review ones own works does not compute. *thwacks self in head with pillow*


White Sand and Shattered Glass

Ooh, good story! I enjoyed reading it.
I don't think I've ever read a story where something like that happened.
I also enjoyed reading about a character that you usually don't see. (Unless you're buying one of his windows. )


The Shoyru from Outer Space

Great story, well written! I look forward to reading more of their adventures! ;D


The Adventures of Agent W007 - Episode I

A glint of gold metal caught his eye. Sheepy felt his heart leap into his throat and he rushed toward it with renewed hope. He realized that it could only be one building...

The Music Shop.

XD

I enjoyed reading this story, and I'll be sure to look for more of Sheepy (Agent W007)'s adventures.


Literary Tales from the Mind of a Bird

Ooh, I liked this story!
When I first saw 'Radioactive Pteri Part One' with no trace of part two, I wondered the same thing. So I've held off reading it to my Lupe in case they ever get around to starting part two. (Petition, anyone? )

I calmly shot back, “Way to overuse the caps lock, Sir Caps Lockington.” Let this serve as evidence that one should never try and exchange insults with me, as my razor wit is too sharp to handle.

XD (Congrats on getting Quote of the Week, by the way.

[Birdy]

Comics

New Life

XD Great artwork! I liked this one.
And Shad (I think his name's Shad... I'm bad with names, sorry!) made some good points. ("You can't throw your whole life away because of a pair of wings and some fancy sparkles!" and "Moping around won't bring your magic back.")

And I admit it, the first time I read it, I didn't notice the cardboard wings. (I think Nut said something, and I went and looked again, and sure enough! There they were.) *thwaps her unobservence*

Spooky

Great artwork, and the joke was good too.


QT's Queasies

*grins* Poor QT...
I liked the artwork, and the joke.


Mutant Doughnut

I liked how the 'lightbulb' above the Acara's head in the second panel was (or at least looked like to me) a petpet. (Frillabon (sp), I think?) I also like the expressions on their faces.
And the punny Draik reminds me of one of my guild members.

[Birdy]

Series

Vanity: Part One

Ooh...good first part! I can't wait to read the rest.

If your species changes before the end of the contest, you will be disqualified.

Hmmm...would soemone want to 'accentadentally' slip a morphing potion into someone elses drink to get them disqualified?
*coughs*SarahToAndrea?*cough*
Sorry, that had just crossed my mind.

Andrea looked at her sister slyly out of the corner of her eye. “Oh, Sarah!” she exclaimed in mock gratitude. “Thank you so much for this chance! I never would have done it without you!” Then, right in front of the crowd spilling from the lodge, she gave her sister a huge hug.

I think I see where Andrea's going with that.


Sword of the Shapeshifter: Part Six

Darigan took advantage of the distraction, dropping his sword, snatching up a laser rifle, and making an unpleasant discovery which the Grundo was quick to voice: “You haven’t a clue how to use that, do you?”

“Not a clue how to use it right,” Darigan corrected it, dodging a blow and bringing the heavy laser smashing down on his antagonist’s head.

;D Don't ya just love it?

I've enjoyed reading this series (And the other related ones), and can't wait to read the next part(s).

[Deleted]

birdy said:

And as for the spelling/grammar, I can't really take full credit. Part of it goes to MS Word (it has spelling and such features), and part of it to everyone who helped me with it when I posted it for review.
Ooh, cookie! Thanks! *munches*

And as for Spongebob... *grabs trash-can lid* Can May I help?

You most-certainly may help can that dastardly sponge. ^_^

As well, MS Word...for as helpful as it is, isn't perfect, so be sure not to depend on it too much. ~_^

Also...I hadn't realised this was your first piece, so.... Congratulations!

Um, I feel I should say this... I didn't come up with the idea of the author talking with his/her characters on my own... I had read it in a book where the main character writes stories in his spare time, and he did it. So I can't take full credit.

I believe that unless you blatantly plagiarize and take the same events, the same characters, and the same plot (without your own touches), it's alright to use anything as inspiration.

Of course, if I happen to be wrong...I would like someone to correct me (so I know, too).

[Nut]

Blah, I’m running late this week. Likely the short stories and continued series will have to wait, because I’m too tired tonight to stay up into the wee hours of the morning doing reviews again, as much fun as that is. Sorry for the delay.

[glow=blue,2,300]The Royal Meridell Garden Party: Part One[/glow]
Wow, this was a long first part. Not that that’s a bad thing, but I might’ve broken it up a little more, considering it covers quite a few events—though really, that’s a personal choice. ^^

Aw, Karmapa is cute. It was a little hard to keep the first few characters straight, though the ones introduced later were easy to keep track of. Hehe, I liked how Violet brought food for Mel.

I should count my blessings, I thought as he slit it open with a wave of his wand. He could have used magic to get it.

*chuckle* …I should probably point out that “with a wave of his wand” can be interpreted as him using magic or him simply using the wand as a cutting tool.

Sheesh, that Mynci was really rude, especially considering he’s serving the Meridell castle. *growls*

“I wouldn’t worry, though; he’s not going to lock you up or anything. Last I heard, he was talking about knighting you, furball.” He picked up Mel, laughing. “I think I put him off that one.”

*grin*

The fact that Jeran was Explorer’s hero was introduced a bit suddenly, I thought. Aw, I hope he comes through for her in the end.

I certainly didn’t expect the people in Meridell to believe that they’d won the Altador Cup, yet the idea of nobody telling Skarl was plausible (I guess he doesn’t keep up with news reports). I’m not quite sure why they needed to go through the mists of time to reach Meridell, nor how the alternate dimension theory fits in with the one stated above, but I guess it’ll become clear soon. I’m curious how Kento fits into all this, and why he’s taking part in this conspiracy. Overall I liked this first part. ^^

[CV Classic]

Thanks for the review, Birdy. I actually had someone Neomail about a petition, so I agreed that they could put my name on it if they wanted to start one. We'll see what happens.

[Sock]

Mutant Doughnut by sockmonk
How devious. *grins* The writing seemed a bit small, yet the joke and the comic overall were awesome just the same.

Thank you. :3

[glow=blue,2,300]Mutant Doughnut[/glow]
Hehe, that technique’s definitely handy… XD The art is really cute; I especially like how you used a Filamen as an idea lightbulb. Great Neopianization of a common icon. The expressions are very nice as well (although their faces seem a bit squished in the panel where the Draik is sweating).

The panel where the Draik runs off singing was a little confusing, and kept me from getting the joke at first. I didn’t quite see how the Draik went from sweating in fear to skipping off happily. I guess this is just his natural reaction now that he wasn’t occupying himself with puns anymore, but I was trying to draw a relationship between the two panels and couldn’t figure it out. It was a cute panel though and my lack of comprehension may be due to the fact that it’s late here. It was a very cute comic. ^^

Well, the comic probably could've done without that panel, but the Draik, Tikky, is rather childish. He is extremely happy, and this is just how he acts normally. Also, he has a very short memory span, so he probably forgot all about the conversation. x3

Mutant Doughnut by Sock
Hehe. That was really punny. I didn't get the name of the comic at first (series name - right?) but other than that it was lovely. The illustrations were nice and overall it was a good comic.

Thanks. The thing about the name is that I wanted a consistant name, and for some reason Mutant Doughnut just tried to fit. All the other comics in this series will be called tihs, also.

Mutant Doughnut

I liked how the 'lightbulb' above the Acara's head in the second panel was (or at least looked like to me) a petpet. (Frillabon (sp), I think?) I also like the expressions on their faces.
And the punny Draik reminds me of one of my guild members.

Thank you. :3

[Birdy]

micrody said:

birdy said:

And as for the spelling/grammar, I can't really take full credit. Part of it goes to MS Word (it has spelling and such features), and part of it to everyone who helped me with it when I posted it for review.
Ooh, cookie! Thanks! *munches*

And as for Spongebob... *grabs trash-can lid* Can May I help?

You most-certainly may help can that dastardly sponge. ^_^

As well, MS Word...for as helpful as it is, isn't perfect, so be sure not to depend on it too much. ~_^

Also...I hadn't realised this was your first piece, so.... Congratulations!

Um, I feel I should say this... I didn't come up with the idea of the author talking with his/her characters on my own... I had read it in a book where the main character writes stories in his spare time, and he did it. So I can't take full credit.

I believe that unless you blatantly plagiarize and take the same events, the same characters, and the same plot (without your own touches), it's alright to use anything as inspiration.

Of course, if I happen to be wrong...I would like someone to correct me (so I know, too).

Great! Sooo...you know the way to his house, right?

Ok, I won't. (I like it because of the word count feature. Very handy.)

And thankies! ;D

Ok, phew! I'd just wanted to say that since everyone was saying how original it was.