Issue 281 Reviews

[CV Classic]

Hey. I go by bird_brain312 on Neopets, and I had a short story in Issue 281 of the Neopian Times:

Literary Tales from the Mind of a Bird by bird_brain312
www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=309393&issue=281

[Lau]

White Sand and Shattered Glass by Lau
Good story, well written. My only question is did the Aisha steal the plates from his shop, or did the whole time warp thing make them appear in the palace because they've been there for decades?

Thanks for the review. The plates actually changed history, and only Lasaoi remembered how it had been. She put the panes into the palace to protect them, because they were the center of the spell.

[Deleted]

Legend Seekers: Mysterious Magic - Part Seven by Yuka
The legend speaks of two doors...yet only one door is found. Either they are not next to one another, or the lack of the second door is meant to inspire doubt, doubt that would keep some people away, perpetually afraid of making the wrong choice.

So, the Faerie sisters are headed in the right direction? I'm not entirely certain why they haven't already gone through the passage, but it's good to know they know where Pemero is, or at least that's what I make of this.

Kail Selvar, too, was an awesome part. I happen to enjoy magical theory a lot, and his parts seem to always encompass some of that, making me enjoy them quite a bit.

The Tower of Dreams, eh? Much better than my initial idea. It was done beautifully, and it was quite vivid. The staff at its end, however, was given a lot of detail but no refinement, and I find it hard to picture exactly what it is based off of those passages alone.

The ending was nicely done, and once more you have set up for confrontation. I wonder if, unlike before, the two parties will actually meet. Or not.


Another Hero's Journey: Part Eight by Kat
Andrea's words of wisdom were, well, wise. ^_^ I quite enjoyed reading those bits, though they did seem to drag on just a bit and get long-winded. Still, it was a nice part. The entire scene of everyone saying farewell was done nicely, so I shall give you a cookie for it. ^_^ *gives Kat cookie*

So, Reuben's heading back for Trestin? That's a good thing, I would take it. I feel this part definitely set up for a lot, so I await eagerly part nine.


Catching Up: Part Four by Fj0rd
This was a really good part. I feel the story is really beginning to build up, though I've felt that this whole time. The story, I guess, just continues to build itself, and that's a good thing. Sometimes, this "building up" phase of a story seems to make me cringe, but the way you have written this, it flows nicely and is quite enjoyable to read.

The interactions of all the faeries are really good, and I quite enjoy them. They are vivid and well-defined and each character is an individual, and that's an awesome thing, Fj0rd.

The only thing I saw that seemed out of place was the couple lines between Patricia and Lianar that Therisa would be upset about the grass but could heal it, as it was said before that Emm, not Therisa, is the Earth faerie.


The Mirror of Memories: Part Six by Sytra

"Oh, sir, I'm terribly sorry! I'll get you a new cup of tea and a new piece of cake; you just wait and I'll be right back..." Malin hastily wiped up the spilled coffee and scooped up the plate, then dashed off to the kitchen.

I think that was a bit of a mix-up.... Anyways, I'd have to agree with Aina - the menu has way too few options. Only one kind of tea? That's absurd. But when you're a tea connoisseur such as myself, what's to be expected?

Anyways, that was a wonderful part. It had good pacing and was really fun to read. I'm quite intrigued over the red jewel. I think it might be cursed or something, hehe. I await the next part, of course.

[Fj0rd]

micrody said:

Catching Up: Part Four by Fj0rd
This was a really good part. I feel the story is really beginning to build up, though I've felt that this whole time. The story, I guess, just continues to build itself, and that's a good thing. Sometimes, this "building up" phase of a story seems to make me cringe, but the way you have written this, it flows nicely and is quite enjoyable to read.

The interactions of all the faeries are really good, and I quite enjoy them. They are vivid and well-defined and each character is an individual, and that's an awesome thing, Fj0rd.

The only thing I saw that seemed out of place was the couple lines between Patricia and Lianar that Therisa would be upset about the grass but could heal it, as it was said before that Emm, not Therisa, is the Earth faerie.

And here we see the problems involved with having six main characters. XD Thanks for pointing that out, I'd completely missed it.

[Nimras]

Another Hero's Journey: Part Eight
by precious_katuch14

Omar and Devin snickered, and didn’t stop even when Reuben glared at them. But when Andrea gave them a glowering look, the brown Lupe and the green Kacheek clammed up instantly.

Heh, mess not with the lady. She knows where you sleep….

It seems like every time poor Reuben gets ahead, something happens to drag him back two steps. It’ll be interesting to see what the rider’s ‘business’ in Trestin is.

[Nimras]

Legend Seekers: Mysterious Magic - Part Seven
by yatomiyuka

“This place has a mind and a soul. It lives as surely as any of the pets standing here. Don’t let yourself forget it. If you do make it into the tower... you will find yourself surrounded by treasures beyond your wildest dreams. However, you may take one item and one item only.”

I’m so getting Aladdin flashbacks here. *grin* Which is bringing to mind a very big Tiger made of sand, and a funny blue guy who sounds like Robin Williams. Yey Robin Williams!

I like the section from Seth’s point of view, his flashback to the ones who failed and the ones who succeeded and what they meant to him. I’m a twisted person, and like reading the “not quite so good” guy’s thoughts. *grin*

A plushie he had wanted as a hatchling cub.

Awww…..

And the 'dent' in Seth's plans could be very, very fun to watch unfold. ^^

[Nimras]

Sword of the Shapeshifter: Part Six
by sarahleeadvent

… her eyes hard and her tone icy as she struggled to overcome the lingering dizziness from her ride on the Gelert-go-round.

*dies of laughter* Just the mental image of Revenge as a Merry go round … Hehehehe

Just so you know, listening to “Space Battle” from the Serenity soundtrack during your fight scenes is kind of … interesting.

“Not a clue how to use it right,” Darigan corrected it, dodging a blow and bringing the heavy laser smashing down on his antagonist’s head.

… That’s just beautiful.

The whole changing species in the middle of fighting was an interesting touch, bringing to mind the question of if Miaglo could ‘become’ Tenultra and trick her friends.

[Deleted]

Wow, I haven't done this in a while...

White Sand and Shattered Glass
By Laurelinden

Let me just say it is quite a joy to read your stories, Lau. You use enough description to evoke images, but not enough to bore, and you use yours words eloquently enough to make a point, but not to confuse. This story just exemplifies this. I am actually making an effort to better emulate this style of writing; as it were, I'm really bad at over-describing stuff, so I found it almost educational to read this piece.

But anyways, that's besides the point. This is a review, after all. First of all, I really enjoyed it. However, I must say, the plot was fairly predictable; I've read many stories that follow along the same lines. (Actually, if I recall correctly, one of them was an NT story. >_>) However, although I was able to predict the plot, the story itself played out very nicely. I liked especially the variation you took on this plot as well; for the sake of spoilers, all I'll say is that I like how it wasn't just the present that was affected.

The story seemed a bit fast-paced, but that's usually what happens with short stories. We aren't given much time to examine Lasaoi's character, although Rolind reveals himself throughout the story. However, Lasaoi's ambiguity ends up making the revelation all the more striking.

All in all, I quite liked this story. It was predictable, but then again, I'm fairly good at predicting things, so others might not think this same way. I love the way you write, Lau, and this story was no different. Very good.

The Adventures of Agent W007 - Episode I
By Renrenthehamster

Well, this was certainly an original piece. I liked how it played out; it was fairly well-paced. I liked the element of humor you used; it was light, fun, and constant, as opposed to heavy, poor, and/or infrequent. The image of a little Babaa running around doing all these things had me laughing, especially since he seemed to know more than even the Defenders at times.

My favorite part was probably:

"A glint of gold metal caught his eye. Sheepy felt his heart leap into his throat and he rushed toward it with renewed hope. He realized that it could only be one building...

The Music Shop."

You got me laughing, there. XD

As for criticisms... The end was fairly predictable, and a tad bit cheesy, but I loved it anyways. (W007, lol. XD) You don't use a lot of description... but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Just be sure not to go too light or too heavy on description and you'll be fine.

Anyways, good work. I can't wait to see an Episode II in the near future. ^^

Literary Tales from the Mind of a Bird
By Bird_brain312

Short, and very funny. XD I like your humor. I also love it when people go in-depth about something very obscure: I mean, hardly anyone even thinks about the Radio Active Pteri at all, lol. (Congrats on making quote of the week, btw.) The story was pretty brief but I liked it anyways.

Criticisms... Well, there's almost no description, but it really wasn't necessary. If you'd spent three paragraphs describing you and your pet and your situation and all that, the story would've become a bore. The same goes for characterization -- you spend almost no time building up your characters, but again, it really isn't necessary.

All in all, it was almost as if reading your story was like reading one very long and funny joke, but instead of there being a punchline, the whole thing was just funny. Good work.

One Crazy Day
By Birdinggal

Wow, I really liked this one. ^_^ It starts off fairly slow, then builds up, and ends very nicely. I loved the whole "Stranger than Fiction" element you had going on; I've never seen that before (in NT writing, anyways) and I really liked how you used it, to comedic effect. You had me laughing on multiple ocassions. The idea of Magax turning pink made me giggle.

You use almost no description, but if you had, it would have just dragged the story down. You employ your words skillfully in the absence of description; you move the story along fluidly, without huge image-evoking paragraphs. I liked that.

All in all, a very funny story. (There were quite a few of these in the NT this week! Kinda of nice, usually they're all very serious.) Good job!

The Shoyru from Outer Space
By Tashni

This story particularly struck me because it starts out rather slow, but builds up and finally rolls out smoothly. I also love how you ended it. You used very good imagery and I liked the quirks you established for the extraterrestrial Shoyrus (the different skin tones, the different crowns, etc.) as it made things much more interesting. The NT image for your story, btw, is really nice, too. ^^

Criticisms... Well, nothing, really. The end seemed a tad bit quick. Nokura doesn't spend too much time in Shoyru City, which was kind of a bummer; I wanted to see more of what it was like. (It kind of seemed a bit... vague. But at the same time I really didn't think it would've been necessary to add more to it. I dunno. *shrug*)

Anyways, this was a nice piece. I like how you leave the ending open-ended (intentionally, of course); I'll be looking forward to more of Nokura and Aekin's adventures.

[Renna]

Thanks for the feedback, Jason! I was a bit apprehensive about how the lack of descriptions would go over; was aiming for a comic book sort of feel, where the details aren't as important as the actions themselves.

I definitely agree about the predictable/cheese factor at the end - one of the downsides of having to set up future stories! Your comments have definitely helped me organize my thoughts for those. Thank you again!

*wanders off to mull over the ideas she has for episode II*

EDIT: By the way, the Music Shop line was the one that really solidified what the tone of the stories should be like, so I'm glad you liked it! ;D It was really quite pivotal.

[Kat]

micrody said:

Another Hero's Journey: Part Eight by Kat
Andrea's words of wisdom were, well, wise. ^_^ I quite enjoyed reading those bits, though they did seem to drag on just a bit and get long-winded. Still, it was a nice part. The entire scene of everyone saying farewell was done nicely, so I shall give you a cookie for it. ^_^ *gives Kat cookie*

So, Reuben's heading back for Trestin? That's a good thing, I would take it. I feel this part definitely set up for a lot, so I await eagerly part nine.

nimras23 said:

Another Hero's Journey: Part Eight
by precious_katuch14

Omar and Devin snickered, and didn’t stop even when Reuben glared at them. But when Andrea gave them a glowering look, the brown Lupe and the green Kacheek clammed up instantly.

Heh, mess not with the lady. She knows where you sleep….

It seems like every time poor Reuben gets ahead, something happens to drag him back two steps. It’ll be interesting to see what the rider’s ‘business’ in Trestin is.

[shadow=purple,left,300]Thanks for the reviews, Nim and Wolf. ^_^

Indeed, Reuben's at another crossroads of his life again...and I was trying to shoot for Reuben/Andrea moments. XDDDD[/shadow]

[Birdy]

kittygirl said:

One Crazy Day by Birdy
I liked this one. At the beginning I was really worried about the "Is not" "Is too" thing. It really seemed like a word count thing. But then when the author butted in I realized what you were going for. I thought this idea was really creative and it was fun to read too.

Thanks muchly, Kitty! ;D I'm glad you liked it.
And as for the "Is not, is too" thing, be glad the original of that wasn't used!

reallyawesomedood said:

One Crazy Day
By Birdinggal

Wow, I really liked this one. ^_^ It starts off fairly slow, then builds up, and ends very nicely. I loved the whole "Stranger than Fiction" element you had going on; I've never seen that before (in NT writing, anyways) and I really liked how you used it, to comedic effect. You had me laughing on multiple ocassions. The idea of Magax turning pink made me giggle.

You use almost no description, but if you had, it would have just dragged the story down. You employ your words skillfully in the absence of description; you move the story along fluidly, without huge image-evoking paragraphs. I liked that.

All in all, a very funny story. (There were quite a few of these in the NT this week! Kinda of nice, usually they're all very serious.) Good job!

Thankies muchly, Sir Jason of Ivanhoe! ;D I'm glad that you liked it.

---

I'll do my reviews a bit later.

[sarahleeadvent]

Yay, another review by Nimras! I'm coming to look forward to those.

Just so you know, listening to “Space Battle” from the Serenity soundtrack during your fight scenes is kind of … interesting.

Hm, never heard that one. Might have to listen to it sometime.

The whole changing species in the middle of fighting was an interesting touch, bringing to mind the question of if Miaglo could ‘become’ Tenultra and trick her friends.

I suppose he could, but he would have to compact himself like a squeezed sponge to do it, just like Tenultra couldn't pose as Miaglo without inflating like a balloon. And the aforementioned packing together of himself would probably do Miaglo some damage; I'm still working on sorting out the limitations of the shapeshifters' abilities, such as what paint brush properties a change of shape will or will not allow them to imitate (turning Ice won't allow them to melt), and what effect those abilities have on injuries, and just how much they could alter their own size without hurting themselves.

[Deleted]

fj0rd said:

micrody said:

Catching Up: Part Four by Fj0rd
This was a really good part. I feel the story is really beginning to build up, though I've felt that this whole time. The story, I guess, just continues to build itself, and that's a good thing. Sometimes, this "building up" phase of a story seems to make me cringe, but the way you have written this, it flows nicely and is quite enjoyable to read.

The interactions of all the faeries are really good, and I quite enjoy them. They are vivid and well-defined and each character is an individual, and that's an awesome thing, Fj0rd.

The only thing I saw that seemed out of place was the couple lines between Patricia and Lianar that Therisa would be upset about the grass but could heal it, as it was said before that Emm, not Therisa, is the Earth faerie.

And here we see the problems involved with having six main characters. XD Thanks for pointing that out, I'd completely missed it.

Completely understandable. ^_^

I've had moments with twelve+ main characters. And. it. was. complicated. (Not to mention confusing.)

Anyways, I'll try to do some more reviews this week, though they might be slow-coming.

[Lau]

White Sand and Shattered Glass
By Laurelinden

Let me just say it is quite a joy to read your stories, Lau. You use enough description to evoke images, but not enough to bore, and you use yours words eloquently enough to make a point, but not to confuse. This story just exemplifies this. I am actually making an effort to better emulate this style of writing; as it were, I'm really bad at over-describing stuff, so I found it almost educational to read this piece.

But anyways, that's besides the point. This is a review, after all. First of all, I really enjoyed it. However, I must say, the plot was fairly predictable; I've read many stories that follow along the same lines. (Actually, if I recall correctly, one of them was an NT story. >_>) However, although I was able to predict the plot, the story itself played out very nicely. I liked especially the variation you took on this plot as well; for the sake of spoilers, all I'll say is that I like how it wasn't just the present that was affected.

The story seemed a bit fast-paced, but that's usually what happens with short stories. We aren't given much time to examine Lasaoi's character, although Rolind reveals himself throughout the story. However, Lasaoi's ambiguity ends up making the revelation all the more striking.

All in all, I quite liked this story. It was predictable, but then again, I'm fairly good at predicting things, so others might not think this same way. I love the way you write, Lau, and this story was no different. Very good.

Thanks for the review, Jason!

Yeah, sometimes the happy-ending thing is a bit predictable, but they seem to like it that way for the NT. Usually when I write something darker or more "literary" it gets rejected for one reason or another. Writing a happy, simple story is almost a shoe-in for publication, though.

[Tashni]

kittygirl said:

The Shoyru from Outer Space by Tashni

“Well as Nokura said,” began Aein, “I took her to a space station,

I think you missed some letters in there.
Good story I liked it a lot. But what about the other neopians that saw the space ship at the end. Didn't they go inside too and won't they tell their friends?

Thank you for the review! Yes, I noticed a couple typos while reading it in the Times, as well as a change Droplet made to the spelling of a word, and now it doesn't make sense to me. :/ No big deal though.

As for the other Neopians, do you mean Nokura's siblings? What Tashni said stood for them all, they won't tell, and even if they did, who would believe them?

reallyawesomedood said:

The Shoyru from Outer Space
By Tashni

This story particularly struck me because it starts out rather slow, but builds up and finally rolls out smoothly. I also love how you ended it. You used very good imagery and I liked the quirks you established for the extraterrestrial Shoyrus (the different skin tones, the different crowns, etc.) as it made things much more interesting. The NT image for your story, btw, is really nice, too. ^^

Criticisms... Well, nothing, really. The end seemed a tad bit quick. Nokura doesn't spend too much time in Shoyru City, which was kind of a bummer; I wanted to see more of what it was like. (It kind of seemed a bit... vague. But at the same time I really didn't think it would've been necessary to add more to it. I dunno. *shrug*)

Anyways, this was a nice piece. I like how you leave the ending open-ended (intentionally, of course); I'll be looking forward to more of Nokura and Aekin's adventures.

Thank you so much for the review! Yes, the ending is very slow, but I submitted this story the day after I wrote it and forgot to hack out most of the beginning. ^_^" Ah well. I'm glad you liked my descriptions, I think I'm improving at that.

As for the shortness of the visit to Shoyru City, you're probably right. I couldn't find the right words for describing it, either. Maybe in another story I can go there again.

And I'm glad you liked the open ending. I'm a big fan of those.