269 Reviews

[Deleted]

Just want to say thanks for the reviews! I'm sorry I can't review everyone else's stuff... I have exams this week. =P

[Deleted]

Hissi, Come Blow Your Horn!: Part One by Bitsy
Coming off a story that had the main protagonist named Christopher, that is how I read the first word. But then I said to myself, no, that can't be right, and reread it. ^_^

That lack-of-sleep induced mishap, however, did not dampen this story. No, it actually didn't do much for this story. There wasn't much a mistake on my part like that could have done, but it did give me a small, embarrassed smile as I read on. And what did I read? Well, it was quite good, what I read. The story instantly pulled me into it; the characters had depth and were realistic; the setting was vivid, even though it wasn't excessively described; and the writing, although I feel I would have used different punctuation in some places, was rather flawless. Great job, really.

I had at first dreaded this for the smallness of the scrollbar, but I guess now I have to say, "Don't judge a story by the size of the scrollbar!" Really, I quite enjoyed this.

[Deleted]

Into the Sea: Part One and Part Two by sytra

Part one:
When this began, I was somewhat confused, though after the confusion settled, I was able to get into it rather quickly. I really liked the flow of this, after the initial confusion passed. It was really nice. But I can't seem to figure out what is wrong with Sasha. Seems like she's just a shy Flotsam, the one picked on. Nothing worth calling a doctor for, I think. The kids at the school were horrible to her; they should have gotten in trouble. *grumbles* The emotions of the characters in this were really nice, by the way.

Part two:
There was no confusion with this part, so I am certain it was simply the large bit of dialogue at the beginning of part one that had confused me. Anyways, about this part, I liked it a lot, much better than part one, I feel. Again, the emotions were very real and very well-described. If they had not been so realistic, I might have found this hard to read, but because of how easily everything flowed, and how naturally it moved, it was actually an easy read.

I seem to think that Amelia is an imaginary friend, after all, and I kinda get the impression that Sasha is autistic, if you had that in mind at all (I did a lot of research on autism this past month for my own writing project, so I recognize the personality cues for Asperger's especially). Then again, I also think that Katrina is a bit rude and short-tempered. And she never noticed how much she likes things, only how much she hates them. I guess it just goes back to your great characterization.

I look forward to part three.

[Sq]

micrody said:

Into the Sea: Part One and Part Two by sytra

Part one:
When this began, I was somewhat confused, though after the confusion settled, I was able to get into it rather quickly. I really liked the flow of this, after the initial confusion passed. It was really nice. But I can't seem to figure out what is wrong with Sasha. Seems like she's just a shy Flotsam, the one picked on. Nothing worth calling a doctor for, I think. The kids at the school were horrible to her; they should have gotten in trouble. *grumbles* The emotions of the characters in this were really nice, by the way.

Part two:
There was no confusion with this part, so I am certain it was simply the large bit of dialogue at the beginning of part one that had confused me. Anyways, about this part, I liked it a lot, much better than part one, I feel. Again, the emotions were very real and very well-described. If they had not been so realistic, I might have found this hard to read, but because of how easily everything flowed, and how naturally it moved, it was actually an easy read.

I seem to think that Amelia is an imaginary friend, after all, and I kinda get the impression that Sasha is autistic, if you had that in mind at all (I did a lot of research on autism this past month for my own writing project, so I recognize the personality cues for Asperger's especially). Then again, I also think that Katrina is a bit rude and short-tempered. And she never noticed how much she likes things, only how much she hates them. I guess it just goes back to your great characterization.

I look forward to part three.

Yay! Thank you so much for the review. ^^ As for the doctor thing, she's more like a counselor... XD Which Katrina of course has to hire since she's so protective, but you'll find out about that later.

And YES! Bingo! She's supposed to be autistic. I tried to portray that as best I could, and I'm glad someone could indentify that. ^^

Anyways, thanks again for reviewing. I appreciate it

[Bitsy]

micrody said:

Hissi, Come Blow Your Horn!: Part One by Bitsy
Coming off a story that had the main protagonist named Christopher, that is how I read the first word. But then I said to myself, no, that can't be right, and reread it. ^_^

That lack-of-sleep induced mishap, however, did not dampen this story. No, it actually didn't do much for this story. There wasn't much a mistake on my part like that could have done, but it did give me a small, embarrassed smile as I read on. And what did I read? Well, it was quite good, what I read. The story instantly pulled me into it; the characters had depth and were realistic; the setting was vivid, even though it wasn't excessively described; and the writing, although I feel I would have used different punctuation in some places, was rather flawless. Great job, really.

I had at first dreaded this for the smallness of the scrollbar, but I guess now I have to say, "Don't judge a story by the size of the scrollbar!" Really, I quite enjoyed this.

First of all, thank you for reviewing my story. So far, all I've gotten were a few neomails from Noobs with REALLY bad puncuation and spelling and...well, let's just say I had to reread the messages a few times before I understood what they were trying to say.

Second, I'm sorry that my character, Histopher, confused you at first. Don't ask me why or how or what made me choose that name, but for some odd reason, it stuck. As hard as I tried to think of another name for the father, Histopher was the only one that came to mind. The original draft was him having a sort of lisp, like he'd hiss his S's, but that got really annoying to type, so I dropped the idea, but the name stuck. *shrugs* Whatcha gonna do?

I'm so glad you enjoyed my story so far! I apologize about the punctuation issues. I have this...condition when I write. It's called Higher Standard Syndrom (HSS). I have always admired very vivid writers, such as Brian Jaques, L.M. Montgomery, J.K. Rowling, Rahl Dahl and more. Ever since I was a small girl writing short stories for her English classes, I've struggled to write just like them, which I thought meant using long flowing sentences and LOTS of commas. As Brian Jaques (Redwall series, Castaways of the Flying Dutchman, etc.) used to tell young writers "Paint a picture with your words." I can't stand sentences that are too simple, yet I feel as if I over-explain, as it were.

So, that's why my punctuation seems a bit off. I know what sounds right, but not what looks right. Writingwolf, if you could give me some constructive criticism, I would DEEPLY appreciate it! Thank you again for reading my story!

[Nut]

brains03 said:

Lucky Cake - Nut

That was very bad manners, and I'm not at all pleased.

I love how deadpan this line feels. I laughed.

The whole thing felt a tad disjointed and rushed, but all in all it was pretty good. I like the implication that more random events are not necessarily better. Great job!

Thanks for the review! ^^ *gives Brains pie* I’m glad you thought it was nice. ^^ Yes, it was disjointed and rushed, and I submitted it knowing it was disjointed and rushed, but did it anyway just for fun. The whole story was mainly for my own amusement, after being robbed by one too many ghosts on Neopets’ birthday. >> I was originally planning on only using the pointless random events, but I ended up throwing in a couple of good and bad ones.

micrody said:

Lucky Cake by Nut
The picture was a bit confusing at first, but it made sense after a moment!

This...was an interesting, random, and fun story! It was so...random, that I didn't know what to expect, ever, but it all turned out pretty good. Not much else to say really-- I enjoyed this, had a lot of fun reaidng it, and it was written well. Short review, but all that I had to say, I said!

Thanks, Wolf. :3 *gives cookies* I’m glad you thought it was written well, despite my doing my best to make it random and confusing. XD But, well, they are called random events. XD

Oh, and the picture... yess, I guess I should have considered those who haven't read the story yet and done a less confusing scene, but... I wanted to draw that gap in the roof. The Neopets artists pwn me for artistic ability but I thought there was a pretty high chance I'd get a sad blue Aisha pic for the story, and I couldn't have that. I'm still getting used to drawing my own images and what does and does not look good at 150x150 size.

[Nut]

[glow=blue,2,300]Shadowflame: Snowfall[/glow]
Wow, a gorgeous well-written story. ^_^ You’re a very good writer and you manage to take the reader for an exciting ride in a classic adventure scenario. I enjoyed reading the part where Shadow leaves her cloak behind and flies up the mountain. The headless marshmallow in the hot chocolate added a nice bit of ominous tension once Shadow reached the “safety” of the inn, making the reader wonder when the danger would come.
Though the ending wasn’t unusual, it wasn’t expected because you clearly explain that the two choices are a wish or a fortune, and lead the reader to think Shadow will take the foretelling. That little surprise makes all the difference, and gives the reader a chance to see how sweet the ending is.

I grinned when the guy outside yelled at his companion to get his pants on. Congratulations on keeping the running gag running into another story. ;D So Chet has no pants on in the freezing snow?… I hope someone bought the extra heavy duty padded underwear.

I can see that this story is meant to be treated as an ongoing series, laying the groundwork for future stories. For readers expecting a one-shot story, things like the tiara might have seemed like unanswered questions. Still, 1’m curious to see what Caelis finds out about the tiara, especially after all Shadow went through to get it. ^^

The one place I tripped up during the story was when the flashback ended and returned to Shadow stuck in the snow. I, being a lazy reader and not thinking too hard, didn’t realize that we were back in the present until well into the inn scene. The fact that the italicized text stopped should have given me a clue, but I think it would’ve been nice to have a line break, like the break of white space you put at the other main time jump in the story.

In all, though, this was a very fun adventure story. ^^ Excellent work!

*eyes clock* 2:19 AM. Nerts, I just ruined my run of early bedtimes over the past few days.

[Deleted]

Sytra--

You're quite welcome for the review. ^_^ I quite enjoyed reading your story, so it was not a problem. And, yes, Velt being a counselor rather than an MD does make a bit more sense, but I think I would have guessed that sooner or later.

Seriously? I guessed it? Heh, that's strange. Or just really interesting. I actually sometimes wonder if I am autistic, as I, too, fit the criteria, but...who knows, y'know? But, it's cool that you worked an actual illness (if you wish to call it that; I wouldn't) into an NT story. I personally would not expect something like that to get in (though I'd assume that's why it might not have been explicitly put to words...).


Bitsy--

Oh, no need to apologize about the confusion. It was a mistake of my own fault for trying to read too fast. :) I actually like the name Histopher, but thank goodness he doesn't have that hissp! (hehehe) The name fits perfectly, especially when it comes up that being a Hissi isn't a good "image."

I really can't recall any one thing that stuck out to me as being strange in your punctuation (but then again, I have my own peculiar style, so I'd often write things differently-- don't get me started on "Eragon"!), but I will keep an eye out in this next part to try to formulate some concrit to give you.


Nut--

Well, things can be random and well-written at the same time, no matter how confusing they might be!

And you drew that yourself? Wow. I hadn't noticed that. It looks really good!

[Dream]

micrody said:

In This Together: Part Two by Dream
WHAT?! I...I...I...I...I...

Well, I guess I should just say I cannot, cannot wait for your next part.

To be kind, though, I shall try to give something of a review. The writing was wonderful. The story progressed perfectly. I liked especially how your scenes were of reasonable length and were not overwhelming. All of your grammar and spelling was good. There was just one thing that I found, however:

Voltare being what he was-- {...}-- he had had to intervene.

That second "he" didn't need to be there... Other than that, though, his story was flawless, in as many ways as you can think.

*huge blush* Thank you so much. I'm glad I left you on that much of a cliffhanger... I'm sorry to say the next chapter will be slower, and I'm already regretting the way I wrote it. Still, I hope you'll stay tuned.

In This Together - rainbow_daydreamer

Wow. This story is so shocking! I love the way you describe all of the emotions... it's like you're really feeling what Novella is going through. So touching! Though, I'm wondering about one thing: why would Voltare attack Illusen when he knew Fiona and Novella were right there?

Anyway, I definetely can't wait until the next part. Very well-written. ^^

Did I blush already?

As for your question, you'll really have to wait and see. There is a reason why Voltare wouldn't have been affected by Novella's presence, but I'm not going to be such a doofus as to give it away.

[Bitsy]

Bitsy--

Oh, no need to apologize about the confusion. It was a mistake of my own fault for trying to read too fast. :) I actually like the name Histopher, but thank goodness he doesn't have that hissp! (hehehe) The name fits perfectly, especially when it comes up that being a Hissi isn't a good "image."

I really can't recall any one thing that stuck out to me as being strange in your punctuation (but then again, I have my own peculiar style, so I'd often write things differently-- don't get me started on "Eragon"!), but I will keep an eye out in this next part to try to formulate some concrit to give you.

WOOO! ERAGON ROCKS!!!! *coughs* Sorry, had to do that. I still can't get over how that dude is like my age and wrote something that's like the son of "Lord of the Rings!" At first, I thought it was some old dude, but then I look at his picture and I'm like "Holy crap, he's hot! HOLY CRAP, HE'S YOUNG!" I'm counting the hours till the movie. ;D

Ok, glad you liked the name Histopher. Oh, fun fact: Satch's name was inspired by Louis Armstrong, a famous trumpet player ("Hello Dolly," "What a Wonderful World,") and his nickname was Satchmo (sp?). Pronounced SATCH-MOE. Or something like that.

[Deleted]

bitsy said:

Bitsy--

Oh, no need to apologize about the confusion. It was a mistake of my own fault for trying to read too fast. :) I actually like the name Histopher, but thank goodness he doesn't have that hissp! (hehehe) The name fits perfectly, especially when it comes up that being a Hissi isn't a good "image."

I really can't recall any one thing that stuck out to me as being strange in your punctuation (but then again, I have my own peculiar style, so I'd often write things differently-- don't get me started on "Eragon"!), but I will keep an eye out in this next part to try to formulate some concrit to give you.

WOOO! ERAGON ROCKS!!!! *coughs* Sorry, had to do that. I still can't get over how that dude is like my age and wrote something that's like the son of "Lord of the Rings!" At first, I thought it was some old dude, but then I look at his picture and I'm like "Holy crap, he's hot! HOLY CRAP, HE'S YOUNG!" I'm counting the hours till the movie. ;D

Ok, glad you liked the name Histopher. Oh, fun fact: Satch's name was inspired by Louis Armstrong, a famous trumpet player ("Hello Dolly," "What a Wonderful World,") and his nickname was Satchmo (sp?). Pronounced SATCH-MOE. Or something like that.

Yeah, Eragon was a good book, but I just found it incredibly slow and a bit...lacking heart compared to other things that I have read, that je ne sais qua that shows the writer's passion in their work. Eldest was much better, though, and quite enjoyed it. I do, however, quite wish to see the movie as well (and read the next book, too).

Ah, that is an interesting fact! Cool.

[Nimras]

Aubrise and the Gebmid Mystery: Part Seven
by rookina

Aubrise crawled along the narrow passageway trying not to kneel on Sarina's tail.

It may be just me, but ‘kneel’ seems a little out of place there. It seems too… stationary.

"It's not Sarina I'm thinking of." Sekhani frowned, kicking at a rock on the floor. "She does this all the time - it's her job. But Aubrise is different. She knows a lot, but how often has she ever had to put that into practice?"

*snicker* How’s that for a real mix up?

Awww, and I love the little Seti…

[Nimras]

Shad and Saura: The Story of Elversti - Part Five
by ssjelitegirl

Dark Faeries are a pain even outside this place but here, where every single Faerie is feared, including even 'em prissy little Air ones..."

*snickers*

"Hello, we have a hostage and we won't let him go unless your council comes out to talk to us about our peaceful plans for the future."

I like these Faeries. ^^

Very interesting twist, can’t wait to see where it goes.

[Nimras]

In This Together: Part Two
by rainbow_daydreamer

If my brother ever thought about doing so much as throwing snowballs at a Bruce, then I'm the Snowager's mother.

Hee!

To my intense relief, the Moehog and his minions…

Love the phrasing there. ^^

"My little Novella..." Fiona was almost incomprehensible in her grief. "I did it for the best, you must see that, I didn't want to be b-banished from Neopia because what would happen to you?... So I went to Neopia Central with the Defenders. And I... I abandoned Voltare. He's not your brother any more."

Somehow I don’t think that the fact that her owner abandoned her brother is going to influence Novella thinking of him as her brother still…

[Nimras]

Orbulon and the Founder of Symol Hole: Part One
by tashni

Chapter 1 of 3

That looks suspiciously like planning and foresight. You know we don’t hold with that.

Impossibilities didn't seem to mean much whenever Orbulon was around.

*snicker* That whole scene with the stone meowclops stature is hilarious.

I really like the fact that Orbulon doesn’t speak, even though the other petpets in this series do. For some reason the idea of him talking and holding normal conversations just seems wrong.