264 Reviews

[Violin]

laurelinden said:

If...

by violinoutoftune

The really beautiful thing about this story is how it captures the power of the imagination. Every single paragraph you wrote on there is a potential short story -- I want to somehow go into Teddy's mind and tell him that that sort of stuff CAN be on the front page of the Times, without you having to have experienced it at all!

The complaint I have about the piece is the ending. I think it would have been more powerful and poignant without the PS section. Leaving it at Teddy (something amazing!) would have been enough in my opinion. The add-on made the entire theme a bit more cliche and undid the flow and effect a little bit.

Other than that... good story, nice idea. I wonder if maybe we'll be seeing more short stories, this time written with all of the ideas Teddy had about him and his friend written by "Teddy?"

Thanks for the review. Yeah, I was not sure about the ending, either. I seem to have a sort of tendency toward the cliche. About another Teddy short story: who knows? Maybe.

micrody said:

If... by violinoutoftune
This was a really cute story. I really liked reading it, and I really think that Teddy and Tibby are pretty good friends. (It's almost a bit sad that Tibby couldn't say anything in the story.) It was also mechanically sound, and that was nice. I noticed that you often used "was" when you should have said "were" (as in "I wish I were," as opposed to "I wish I was"), though you kept it fairly consistent, so it seemed to me that it fit well with Teddy's character.

God job. I had fun reading this. (It has a great moral, too. ^_^ )

I'm glad the incorrect grammar seemed to fit with Teddy's character. I guess he's as terrible with grammar as I am. Thanks for reviewing!

[Violin]

Everyone Has a Name: Part One by dark_goddess_rising

I like the opening paragraph and the explanation for humans in Neopia--they are just "dropped" into the world. I love the concept, the curious human, and how you changed things from the site to fit the story, like decorating your "page" or user lookup. The Directory is a neat idea, and I want to find out more that Lenny. I did think some of the description near the beginning was a bit redundant. For example "...she noticed the podium and the creature standing behind it" and then right after that comes the sentence "In the very center of the clearing there was a podium." Perhaps those sentences could have been combined, since we already know there is a podium and the only information we are gaining from the second is that the podium is in the "very center of the clearing," but that's just my opinion. I thought the other descriptions fit well. I liked this line: "This is just some strange dream. I knew I shouldn't have eaten that last hot dog." I liked the ending, and I'm eager to see where the Meerca in the picture comes into all this!


Prophecy of the Second Equinox: Part One by laurelinden

I read the first "Prophecy" so I was excited to see what direction this story might take. The descriptions at the beginning were beautiful, though I was a bit lost until you mentioned Azraen was Aloren's daughter, but that's probably because it's been such a long time since I have read the first series. However, this part really started to pick up at the middle, during the scene with Lord Dusken and Rhoan. I wonder what will be the outcome of the prophecy this time, and want to know the name of that new male Draikling.

[Nimras]

Err, the link for "What lies Hidden in your Closet" takes you to the AstroVilla story instead... Can someone fix that please?

At the AstroVilla: Part Five
by kemppotatoe

A brilliant flash of lightning couldn't distract her... but the deafening clap of thunder that followed it could.[/quote

Aww, man. Thunder for a Cybunny must be rough, with those ears of theirs. *wince*

It was a creepy and chilling female voice, with the illusion that is was speaking underwater.

For some reason that reads a little oddly to me, maybe because I tend to associate ‘illusion’ with things more visual than audio. Of course, now that I’m trying to think of something else to suggest, my mind goes completely blank.

Obviously, the first thing that comes to mind would be an invisible painted pet. One of those could wander about at will and overhear anything it wanted too.

I’m amazed that you got the Chia Police actively into a story…

*twich* They so contaminated the crime scene! Noooo! Never, ever touch anything.

[Nimras]

What Lies Hidden in Your Closet: Part Five
by puppy200010

From behind the dollhouse there soon appeared a bit of pale, ghostly blue, and the dollhouse moved smoothly and slowly away from the hidden door.

Err, pale, ghostly blue what?

I mean, I know you say later on that it turns out to be Sury -- but was it a flash of color? A small glow of light? A small patch of what appears to be wiggling cloth?

It does seem a little strange to me that Kalina automatically trusts Sury so much. “Oh, you’re going to walk though my door? Sure I’ll just grab your hand and happily walk off with you… No, I don’t mind the fact that I’ve suddenly become all glowly and blue like you…” If that makes any sense?

Then why did you keep tasting them? Kalina thought silently...

*snicker* I agree with her there.

I do like the chapter ending, nice cliffhanger there. *grin*

[Nimras]

A Break in Memory: Part Three
by appaloosa500

Poor DiSoni’s having a hard time of it.

Raxey, the Turdle-trainer that owed Khargana a few thousand NP, was a large yellow Draik a few pounds overweight.

I think that should be “was a large yellow Draik that (or who) was a few pounds overweight”.

“Hey, Manny! Ain't seen ya much since you went all 'Skies Over Meridell' on us! What's up?"

Now that’s an odd mental picture.

Then Raxey began introducing the Turdles. That was not so cool.

*dies*

I like how you have DiSoni slightly out of sorts, with his flashbacks of the life he’s forgotten and how he notices that there’s something off on what’s going on. But not enough for him to actually put it all together.

[Psycho]

Psycho recommends this non-NTWF piece:

The Last Piece of Seaglass

A sad story about a Jubjub and her fascination with the sea.


I was really disappointed with the Peophin story. Somehow I didn't think it was incredibly well-written, and it seemed a little cliched and simple for something that stars Neopia's best neopet...

[Psycho]

nimras23 said:

Err, the link for "What lies Hidden in your Closet" takes you to the AstroVilla story instead... Can someone fix that please?

Sorry about that - it's fixed.

[Deleted]

ARTICLES
Attack of the Gummy Dice – The Official, Unofficial Guide by danman111111
I like this game and it's nice to see a guide for it already. It's a good guide - I think you covered all the points and it was easy to read. I like that you managed to keep a sense of humour in it as well.

SHORT STORIES
If... by violinoutoftune
I really like this. It's like one of those feelgood movies where there's not much story but you come out feeling content and smiling. I like the style of your writing - gramatically not very good, but it's got the feel of speech, and I can really imagine someone sitting down and writing it as a letter. Really nice - well done

COMICS
Atomic Wedgie Script by patjade, art by aiyakhiori
Nice to see a hand drawn comic.

Spooky by ghostkomorichu
Love it Great comic, as always

Stuck in the Neopet House by spotthechelsey
Hey, Tombstones is in two comics this week! All that fame will go to his head Love the art, and the little 'chet flash' tombstone

More reviews later...

[Nimras]

Aubrise and the Gebmid Mystery: Part Two
by rookina

I’m getting Carnahan flashbacks here.

"They remind me a little bit of ancient Qasalan, but there's an entirely different set of characters here as well. This triangular glyph appears a lot too," she commented, indicating a small character on the wall.

So there are two alphabets? One that’s similar to Qasalan, and one that’s new to her? *is confused* If so, how did she read the symbols so quickly? I mean, it takes a long time to translate that stuff… (Never mind with the verb conjugations like that!)

"We couldn't translate this inscription fully but we thought we'd made out the words 'whoever', 'disturb', 'rest', 'interred forever', and 'tomb'. Sarina didn't think there was a curse though - she thought it was just a blessing on Sutek, the Geb inside."

Out of curiosity, were you influenced by the original translation of the Inca and Mayan writings? “Well, if we ignore that wall with the brutal picture of blood sacrifices, we can tell that they lived in a utopian society with no war…”

[Nimras]

Everyone Has a Name: Part One
by dark_goddess_rising

This is just some strange dream. I knew I shouldn't have eaten that last hot dog.

Yes, proof that hot dogs are evil! I’m on to you, Hubert…

I like your explanation for how Humans get to Neopia, and the whole registration process. And the Lenny. His reaction when she tries to tell him her password is just hilarious.

Demon had a bit of a soft spot for shiny stuff.

Who doesn’t?

[Deleted]

I apologize for not getting to this yesterday as I had said I would... I had been committed to things I had not been aware of, unwillingly at that, and I had not had the time online.

Attack of the Gummy Dice – The Official, Unofficial Guide by danman111111
Though a simple game guide, I found it did a thorough job giving the basic aspects of the game and giving good tips on what to do to score higher and last longer. I've read few game guides (none, actually) that have not had a touch of humor to them, and your touch of humor here was welcome and well-placed. This was also well-written and mechanically splendid (except, I think, at the end, you should have said "get yourself" not "get you," but that might just be personal preference). Overall, I really enjoyed reading this.

[Nimras]

Prophecy of the Second Equinox: Part One
by laurelinden

Ohh… this one is from Aloren’s daughter’s point of view?

I have to admit, even though you do a lot of explaining, I think a lot of people who didn’t read the first one will be confused by the beginning.

Rhoan’s involvement is going to be very interesting…

[Nimras]

Atomic Wedgie
by aiyakhiori and Patjade

Did you two just pants the pant devil?

It took me about two seconds to get this joke, and then I was cracking up hard enough to nearly sputter out my candy cane soda.

I like the art style, the characters and the boxes are given a very detailed, yet whimsical touch that works, and the background just fades away into non-importance.


Stuck in the Neopet House
by spotthechelsey

The spotted Gelert looks disturbingly like my puppy Keebler in that first panel.

(It’s not just me, my sister turned and looked at the screen while I was re-reading the comic and said, “Hey! They used Keebler!” So there.)

Kudos for slipping in the Chet Flash joke. ^^

Though in the “no!” panel, the Kougra looks more like he’s starting to laugh, than in any actual alarm to me…

I like Wolf’s way of testing the bones better than that dratted potion. That may just be the Lupe in me talking though.
[glow=red,2,300]
Spooky[/glow]
by ghostkomorichu

*dies* I hadn’t thought of that! I was even digging up a couple graves with ghost pets!

I love Tombstone and Komori’s expressions in the last panel… It’s just … “Huh?”

And that the ghosts didn’t have a problem with digging up the graves until they realized that they were going to be dug up too… *snickers*

[Patjade]

nimras23 said:

Atomic Wedgie
by aiyakhiori and Patjade

Did you two just pants the pant devil?

It took me about two seconds to get this joke, and then I was cracking up hard enough to nearly sputter out my candy cane soda.

I like the art style, the characters and the boxes are given a very detailed, yet whimsical touch that works, and the background just fades away into non-importance.

Why yes, we did. What better payback for the Pant Devil than to be pantsed? Aiya did a great job on it, and I love the smirk she put on Saralonde's face. Again, it was one of my more obscure jokes.

[Deleted]

nimras23 said:

"They remind me a little bit of ancient Qasalan, but there's an entirely different set of characters here as well. This triangular glyph appears a lot too," she commented, indicating a small character on the wall.

So there are two alphabets? One that’s similar to Qasalan, and one that’s new to her? *is confused* If so, how did she read the symbols so quickly? I mean, it takes a long time to translate that stuff… (Never mind with the verb conjugations like that!)

Yeah, Dan picked up on that too... My thoughts about the language were that it was a kind of mix of ancient Qasalan with certain things that were just Geb, and that Aubrise's knowledge of Qasalan and familiarity with the history and intricacies of that language would mean she'd be able to translate it reasonably easily. But yeah, you're right, I think I made it too easy for her

Out of curiosity, were you influenced by the original translation of the Inca and Mayan writings? “Well, if we ignore that wall with the brutal picture of blood sacrifices, we can tell that they lived in a utopian society with no war…”

Mostly ancient Egypt, but yeah, the Incans had a bit of influence