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Post by bag on Oct 15, 2006 7:49:59 GMT -5
Five Years of Food Club by Wisdom Great, great, great.  I had absolutley no idea about food club's anniversary, and this article complements it well. The interview was great. One problem: (The Food Club Commision), I think, should be in brackets. Oh, and I would've like a little less interview and a little more article. Nice work. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2006 21:44:13 GMT -5
Five Years of Food Club by Wisdom Great, great, great. I had absolutley no idea about food club's anniversary, and this article complements it well. The interview was great. One problem: (The Food Club Commision), I think, should be in brackets. Oh, and I would've like a little less interview and a little more article. Nice work. Ah, you're probably right about the brackets since it is a written quotation. Thank you, bag. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2006 22:31:28 GMT -5
Some Kind of Sandwich?
by ishmalian42
I liked this piece, a bit of pseudo-slice-of-life, although how-could-I-be-this-stupid isn't my most favorite of topics. There were a few grammatical, punctuation errors (nothing more than the ", and" that sneaks up on most people.), and awkward places, which were already pointed out.
I smiled at various points throughout the piece. I was half-expecting a Pootato joke, but I'm not sure anyone knows what that is. The irony fit well with the tone. The account of the practice sessions were highly amusing, especially after the Turmac costume was made.
It was an enjoyable piece. The mention of food/berries made it more enjoyable for me, although now I wonder how a Turmac Roll would've tasted.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2006 23:04:14 GMT -5
The Hall of Mirrors
by dan4884
I don't know what happened, but I ended up reading it backwards. I just got pulled upward paragraph by paragraph, and when I reached the top, I got pulled back down. I loved the description. It pulled me into the story.
I didn't particularly like it when Charlie said
not because I read it backwards, but I'm not sure why he would say that. I would suppose Charlie is rather young, so he could say something like that, even to a stranger. It just seems a bit odd why he started talking so much without enough personal motive behind the action.
It was written well. I couldn't pull myself away from it until I read it three times.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2006 0:17:04 GMT -5
The Island
by nimras23
I loved this story! I immediately thought of the Ghost Lupe Neopedia entry when I read Lupe Knight + Mystery Island, and surprise! Ghost Lupe Neopedia Entry! (Am I the only one engrossed with the pretty much every part of the site?)
I can understand Marcus's motivation. Even without much depth into the character of Sephonie with respect to the reader, it wouldn't matter to Marcus. Such single-minded devotion is that to one whom you haven't talked to for so long, but care so much for. It traps the mind and only one thing really matters up, down, and all around. It is that drive (of faithful protection) that rings throughout.
I'm not seeing much of the confusing jumps, but that may be because I view short stories somewhat like tv shows. I can't really pick out what I liked the best nor do I really have any general discontent regarding the story. That might be becasue I can see it, feel it, and if I weren't sitting in front of a computer, live it. Then, there's the fact that that story may have already been running through my head prior to the reading, so I may see things that aren't there. (That probably presupposes that I could see the sequel already.)
Seeing as I don't particularly remember reading any of your previous works (except for the Secret Diary, but that doesn't touch upon the same things. Unfortunately, I read both stories, this one and SDoJB, as they share issues with my articles.), I can't go any further in-depth.
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Post by Komori on Oct 16, 2006 21:51:23 GMT -5
^__^ Thanks for the reviews, guys! As always, I love the feedback! (As for where the pumpkin went.... It fell. Down a plot hole. >_> *shifty eyes*) Time for comic reviews! Brothers'n'Sister - Twisted Luck (Paint Brush Luck) IIWow, I'd have to admit, I was really confused with this one at first. You do realize that part 1 was released 11 weeks ago? That's two and a half months. There's no way that most people will remember the details of your previous comic. So I had totally forgotten that a Maraquan PB had turned to sludge. So the last two panels were completely baffling to me. I noticed you were trying to drop a few plot reminders in some of the dialogue, but it still wasn't too clear. It's very important for continuity that a comic doesn't rely too much on a previous comic. Or, if it does, you have to tell the viewer exactly what happened previously, without being too obvious. Make the comic as if the viewer had never seen Part I, and ALSO pretend as though the viewer has absolutely no interest in going back and looking for Part I. Each and every comic needs to be able to stand alone, or else it'll confuse viewers. I do love your art. It has a lot of expression and it's really drawn quite well. The movement in the last panel with you throttling Sloth was especially well drawn. And I like the time and effort you put into the background, with the family portrait and the furniture. That speaks volumes about how much you care about your comics. :3 Some of the text was waay too small. Specifically, Sloth's dialogue and whatever was written underneath your Krawk. The size of the Shoy's dialogue is just barely readable, and I wouldn't go any smaller than that. It's tough to fit a lot of dialogue in a comic, so perhaps you could've tweaked their dialogue to be said in fewer words. Or perhaps you could've broken up the dialogue into perhaps more bubbles or more panels even. Simpler dialogue probably would've been best. Also, you should also use sans-seriff fonts. They're easier to read in comic format. The layout was particularly confusing in that middle section. I know you're trying to be fun and creative with overlapping panels and such, but it might be best to use a simple layout. For example, your Shoy's dialogue and the Kyrii's gets mixed up a couple times. Look at the dialogue bubbles that say "I saw everything" and "Oh-- you saw it?". Now, they are indeed in two separate panels. But look how they're almost side by side to each other. They're on the same horizontal plane. And since readers read left to right, the viewer's eye is easily tricked to read the Kyrii's dialogue first, even though it's supposed to come after the Shoy's. It would've been best if you lifted the Shoy's bubble just a little higher, even if it overlaps the Kyrii's feet. The same thing happens with the next two bubbles. For those, the best choice would've been to replace the little background Krawk with the Kyrii's dialogue. That way it's clear that it follows its preceding bubble. ^_^ Hope to see more of this series. It's a really cute setup and is a very charming family. Little OrbyYou know, this is a really endearing series. I love how it's simply a story about a petpet and all its little hazardous adventures. And it's a little dark, but I do love how this poor little guy never gets a break. He's always getting these unhappy endings. Of course, comedy and tragedy go hand in hand. It's a great little plotline. The art is very clear for the most part. It's very simple and very effective. There are a few little things that kinda' threw me off when I first read it, though. First are those thought bubbles Orby has. I assume those are supposed to be him fantasizing about getting his wish granted. However, they don't really feel like they're his absolute goal and happiness. The first bubble is just the space station. Is he dreaming of owning the space station? Going there for the first time? Returning home? It's kinda' unclear. And for the Grundo's cafe, if he's daydreaming about eating at that cafe, he should be pictured in front of a big plate of his favorite food, scarfing down, rather than standing under a sign in a semi-smile. And the last bubble is just him sleeping. Perhaps you could've given him a big grin in his sleep, otherwise he just seems like he's sleeping, not sleeping happily. Also, I would've loved to have seen Fyora in the 'Oops' panel. Just the speech bubble is okay, but a facial expression would've added to the impact, and would've had more oomph when she turns her back to him. I really can't wait for the next part. ^^ This is such a fun little series. The Locker RoomThis comic was really cute, though it took me a few reads to actually get it. First thing that threw me off was the dialogue at the bottom. That is really the punchline, and yet it looks to be simply another afternote. I almost completely skipped it and went on to another comic, since I'm just so sick of afternotes. It's partially because the dialogue didn't have a speech bubble, and also because of the layout. All the panels above are drawn in one big panel, and yet this last panel is completely outside of that thick-outline square. If you had put this last part into that bigger panel, it wouldn't have looked so much like an afternote. Also, the dialogue could've been shortened just a tad. A lot of that text was just a bit of uneccessary fluff. You could've removed 'of the HW team,' 'the PPT' OR 'the AC committee' and 'and vampire.' Those kinda' cloud up the sentence, and it isn't delivered with as much oomph. Also, the transformation of the Yooyu was a bit unclear. It looked almost like a mutant Yooyu from the start, so the impact of the change wasn't as dramatic as it could've been. If perhaps you had used the ice Yooyu, or even the Faerie one, a were-Yooyu would've been more apparent. And seeing a faerie turn evil would've been additionally amusing. But I really love the art in this comic. The running scene is fun, and Krell with a Yooyu in his mouth is just adorable. And I really do love that furry little Yooyu, even if he's evil. And a lot of props to that layout! It's nice and clear, and the diagonal of the transformation is quite effective. Oh, and in that last panel, I love that red bar in the background. It sends the viewer's eye back diagonally across the page to the start of the next panel. (Even if you didn't realize it! ) Fun comic, I love the concept! Popular MisconceptionsHehe, I think this was a pretty clever comic. The art is nice and clear, and the joke is easy to understand. And the little sign the purple grundo is writing is actually easy to read upside down, so it's also quite clear. One thing I'm bothered about is the text. It's so very crooked! I'm not sure if this is a stylistic choice or if this is the only way you could fit the dialogue in the bubble. If it was a problem with bubble space, I recommend making the bubble after the dialogue. You could also try and rewording the sentences so they don't take up as much space. And speaking of dialogue, I do like how the noob's chatspeak is easy enough to understand. It can be easy sometimes to get carried away with that, and make it unreadable. And I think the brown grundo's dialogue could've been trimmed a little bit. It's clear that he's speaking with a high intelligence, I think some of those words could've been clipped for ease of reading. For example, his second sentence could've been, "We must discover a solution!" or even "A resolution is needed!" or something equally smart and short. Regardless, it's quite a wonderful comic! |
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Post by Tashni on Oct 16, 2006 22:26:03 GMT -5
Little OrbyYou know, this is a really endearing series. I love how it's simply a story about a petpet and all its little hazardous adventures. And it's a little dark, but I do love how this poor little guy never gets a break. He's always getting these unhappy endings. Of course, comedy and tragedy go hand in hand. It's a great little plotline. Thank you so much! I never thought of it that way, but I guess Little Orby is dark comedy. The plotline is important for me, because before I had an idea of this one character, I could never come up with decent jokes. Only one comic for the first twelve pieces I published in the NT! Now Orby's pretty much taken over my NT work. Those are great suggestions, Komori! It would have taken me a while to think of them. And alas, all that required more art work for me. ^_^ Well, practice makes perfect. (My drawing has already improved since I started Little Orby.) Thank you very much again, Komori. It will probably be awhile until you see Little Orby again as I'm trying to send off the first ever Orbulon cont. series this month. Then Nov is NaNoWriMo and Dec I'm workng a lot. Maybe I can sketch it this month and submit it in November. |
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Post by Dan on Oct 16, 2006 23:12:29 GMT -5
The Hall of Mirrorsby dan4884 I don't know what happened, but I ended up reading it backwards. I just got pulled upward paragraph by paragraph, and when I reached the top, I got pulled back down. I loved the description. It pulled me into the story. I didn't particularly like it when Charlie said not because I read it backwards, but I'm not sure why he would say that. I would suppose Charlie is rather young, so he could say something like that, even to a stranger. It just seems a bit odd why he started talking so much without enough personal motive behind the action. It was written well. I couldn't pull myself away from it until I read it three times. Heh, that was my try at a metaphor. XD Since he used his life journal to break the mirror, he sort of shattered his life. Meh. It sounds silly when I explain it. So much for that, eh? |
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Post by Tashni on Oct 17, 2006 3:02:22 GMT -5
Starlight Invasion by rainbow_daydreamer - A nice chapter that set up who the characters are and left me with some questions about where Maylaura is from and where she is now. (I have not read "Mianne's Normality.")
I will say that nothing ever really grabbed my attention, but you may be going for a softer, character-oriented story. In any case, I would have really liked to have seen some more of Maylaura's insecurity for 2 reasons. (1) It would better set up her lies, and (2) it would make me care more about her, and therefore want to read the next parts.
All in all, a good chapter, but not fabulous. I will read on simply because I want to know what Star City is and what they're cadets of. ^_^
What Lies Hidden in Your Closet: Parts 1 & 2 by puppy200010 - The first half of the first chapter was mildly interesting. I will say one thing about it: less packing/unpacking and more depression!
After that it picks up. We start exploring Mystery Island, and mysteries immediately crop up, first with the mysterious quiggle across the steet and later the doll house just left in the closet.
It REALLY picks up in CH 2 when there are all sort of crazy mysteries all over the place! I'm really interested to see how you work all of this out.
However, as I said before, you could make Kalina a much deeper character by showing us that she is still sad about having to leave her home, even though she has been keeping herself busy.
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Post by kamikatze24 on Oct 17, 2006 11:17:39 GMT -5
Time for comic reviews! Brothers'n'Sister - Twisted Luck (Paint Brush Luck) IIWow, I'd have to admit, I was really confused with this one at first. You do realize that part 1 was released 11 weeks ago? That's two and a half months. There's no way that most people will remember the details of your previous comic. So I had totally forgotten that a Maraquan PB had turned to sludge. So the last two panels were completely baffling to me. -- Well, to be honest... I didn't have in mind doing a triology (!!) in the first place. I started doing the sequels a couple of weeks afterwards, but the "Twisted Luck" took weeks to get held over and then some more to get published... ... I don't know anything about the third part. I first sent it in at the same time as the second part, then again later on, but I haven't heard a word about it yet...  neither of acceptance, nor of rejection. Well, I asked Droplet in a "Note to Editor" to add a link leading to the first part, because I was aware of the problem. I know Mr. Shankly did it back then in the old days. thanks ^-^ I very much appreciate your compliments Well... that's the problems you sometimes have. I couldn't afford losing too many colors, that would have looked odd... (I did reduce them, though), so I also had to shrink it...  However, text you couldn't read wasn't essential. But I am quite unhappy the way the comic turned out... ehem... *cough* Oh, thanks for pointing that out - I didn't see they were on the same eye level  That's surely the biggest fault I have as a comic artist  I draw every panel separetly, partially in different sizes, so I... *cough* *cough* have to squish 'em into the 470 pixels file format *cough* But sure, the layout was supposed to be original!! ;D *shiftyeyes* Hehe, just wait and see |
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Post by darkgoddessrising on Oct 17, 2006 17:50:26 GMT -5
The Hall of Mirrors I loved this^^ The way you set up the story you have a hint of what's going to happen before it happens, but you're not sure exactly what it is. The journal was a brilliant touch, though I have to agree with Wisdom what it does seem a little out of place. I think it would have been okay just explaining what the book was, but telling a complete stranger that you're about to set him free with your diary does seem a little strange. The story pulled me in, partly because of the title and partly becuase I like spooky stories, but the description kept me:) There were a few places in the story I had to re-read to make sense out of, like this one: It just seems like something is out of place there. I love Lucius. He's as adorable of a character as villians can get. I want to know if he knew what would happen if Charlie set him free. I also want to know if he got trapped because he got his son out of the mirror  |
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Post by darkgoddessrising on Oct 17, 2006 17:53:22 GMT -5
The Hall of Mirrorsby dan4884 I don't know what happened, but I ended up reading it backwards. I just got pulled upward paragraph by paragraph, and when I reached the top, I got pulled back down. I loved the description. It pulled me into the story. I didn't particularly like it when Charlie said not because I read it backwards, but I'm not sure why he would say that. I would suppose Charlie is rather young, so he could say something like that, even to a stranger. It just seems a bit odd why he started talking so much without enough personal motive behind the action. It was written well. I couldn't pull myself away from it until I read it three times. Heh, that was my try at a metaphor. XD Since he used his life journal to break the mirror, he sort of shattered his life. Meh. It sounds silly when I explain it. So much for that, eh? It was a brilliant metaphor, but it just came at the wrong time. *is happy she finally has time to do some reviews* |
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Post by darkgoddessrising on Oct 17, 2006 18:10:14 GMT -5
Some Kind of Sandwich?
I started reading this and had to start laughing. The voice of the narrator is just really, really funny.
I was a little put-off by the longer paragraphs. The first time I read it I accidently skipped half of the one right after the Times ad part. *is also guilty of really long paragraphs* Bits of description (which you did a brilliant job of, by the way:) I loved that part that I accidently skipped the first time) and dialogue can usually help keep your paragraphs shorter.
Overall, an excellent story:)
A perfect ending:) I think I'll remember that one for a while:)
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Post by Brains on Oct 17, 2006 20:45:23 GMT -5
Five Years Of Food Club- Wisdom
A good interview, very fresh and relaxed. As most have mentioned, it's been a while since I've thought of the Food Club. Yer only downfall be yer overuse... *Coughs* excuse me... your overuse of the pirate accent. While it was impressive to keep Tailhook in character the whole time, some of the words like 'egtables' really broke up the flow of the dialogue, which, for an interview article (Consisting almost entirely of dialogue), is a horrible thing to do. Otherwise a solid piece.
Some Kind Of Sandwich?- Ishmale
A fun, whimsical read. The style is very conversational, which lost me occasionally, but overall it was a fun, quick story.
More reviews when I get the time.
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Post by TC - Back From the Dead... on Oct 20, 2006 11:39:39 GMT -5
TC's Comic Reviews, Parteh One!
It's been a long time, but I'm-a back!
...and sounding like Mario, but nevertheless - ONWARDS! For PIE AND WAFFLES!!!
Shmoobling #1 - I always love a good comic, especially when it's drawn so well in a program like Paint, which is harder than a Pet Rock acting all tough...yeah. In other words, me likey very muchy!
The Neo397's - Odd title, GREAT comic. Realism sucks with people with no fingers...
What a Wonderful Cheese - Rofl! You get freebie starter petpets now? I remember when the packs were just some food and a simple colour-change pb or something...
Whoops! Ran out of time! Will do the rest tommorow!
PLUS! Requests...? C'mon, you know you want them...
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I had absolutley no idea about food club's anniversary, and this article complements it well. The interview was great. One problem: (The Food Club Commision), I think, should be in brackets. Oh, and I would've like a little less interview and a little more article. Nice work.
neo username - dan4884 
neither of acceptance, nor of rejection.
