Issue 260 Reviews

[Tam]

Oh, thanks for the reviews on my portion of TMOAPL! I feel like jumping around yelling "Squee!" at the top of my lungs seeing that you seem to think the artwork is good. I think I'm getting better, and that makes me so happy. ^_^ Thanks a million.

Hmm... maybe I should draw comics with less than seven frames more often; they seem to turn out a lot better. =3

[Deleted]

Tashni, I'll try to pinpoint the points I was most confused at.

The moon was bright, but she did not notice the figure behind her. Her thoughts kept her trapped within herself. The Balthazar's net flew swiftly, silently. She was captured and her screams could not save her. No faerie escaped once in the Balthazar's net.

The other faeries saw her capture; horror spread on their faces. They fled. She knew what they were thinking: 'It wasn't me.' But this time it was her.

This part was confusing simply because it happened so quickly without warning, and although that suddenness was not in itself bad, the swiftness in which this came and went left me needing to reread it to know what was happening.

The sack was thrown on a hard surface, bruising the little air faerie's arm. A giant claw reached down through the top, leaving no room for escape. It groped around and grabbed a light faerie. She kicked and bit at the claw, but was effortlessly lifted out of the bag. One by one, the faeries were taken in this manner. An earth faerie, an air faerie, a fire faerie. She lost count, but eventually she, too, was taken. She did not struggle; resistance had not helped any of the others. Outside of the bag was a large room of stripped and chopped trees lit by a roaring fire. Lining the walls were hundreds of her sisters, all in tiny jars with barely enough room to stand. She panicked as she saw the Balthazar bring a jar up to her. She clawed at him and wriggled, using all her might to escape. He slipped her into the glass prison and sealed her inside, piercing air holes into the lid with his claws. She pounded on the glass to no avail, slumped down and cried. After all the faeries were imprisoned, the Balthazar dropped onto a bed and slept. The little air faerie did not want to succumb to the vulnerability of sleep, but soon exhaustion left her no choice.

I found this part to be confusing because you begin with the air Faerie, who we know as "she," and then turn that "she" into a light Faerie, and then "she" is used once more to refer to the air Faerie. That rapid change of antecedents confused me very much and left me needing to reread the first part of this paragraph a few times to fully understand what exactly was going on.

A few other points were also of a confusing nature for me, but I can't seem to find the precise moments when that confusion set in looking over it now. However, I do recall what was confusing for me. You would describe things in a manner that was quite formal, and while maintaining that formality, it was simply hard for me to follow the story. It kind of reminds me how, at first, reading "The Hobbit" was confusing to understand. Unlike with that, however, this story moved more quickly from event to event, and thus that pace was beyond my ability to dully grasp and understand without looking back to make certain I had understood correctly. I guess, to say it in a simpler manner, I am used to a formal style such as that being used in works which take longer to tell. The rapidness of this, however, made that style seem stifling for me, and thus I found myself confused often.

I really did enjoy your story, so don't think that I didn't! I just hope this as helped.

In addition, I forgot to mention earlier that I found the opening passage very interesting - it really pulled me into the story.

[Tashni]

Ah! I got it. Thanks, Wolf. I'll keep that in mind. My transitions tend to be rushed, so your comments helped.

[Huntress]

tashni said:

TO HUNTRESS: Y'know, for a long time I've had this feeling that your artwork in Shad & Saura reminds me of something, but I haven't been able to pinpoint it. Then I re-read your comic in 259, and I figured it out! Your artwork looks a LOT like old-style neopets artwork. Remember, the old 2D artwork all over the site? Yeah. Just thought I'd let you know. I miss that old artwork, so maybe that's one reason I love your comic so much.

o.O *wasn't even playing Neo back during these days* But thanks ^^ Guess my own style mixed with the general Neopets design resulted in this neither-fish-nor-meat x3 My outside-Neo style can be a lot different.

Eh, can't make any promises about reviews this week.... not that they take a long time but first I need to find that free moment to sit down and get started. My to-do list has gotten awfully long lately >>

[Nimras]

Needed Adventure: Part Seven
by tdyans

I love the invisible Moehog. Especially since he’s not so sure if he is or not. ^^

The fire causing ray is kind of scary. If it burns the table, what would it to do a pet?!? You’d think they’d have learned their lesson from with Cambry…. Poor girl… I’d adopt her.

I love how accessible you make the new characters, and how quickly you do it. You’re going though a lot of them -- but you still manage to make each one unique and a person in their own right. And all of that in the space of a few paragraphs. *grin* Very well done.

[Nimras]

Beauty of the Snow: Part Four
by extreme_fj0rd

This story always makes me want to look out the window and see if it has started to snow…

Deep within herself she knew that upon her return to Neopia Central Park it would seem to her a dull place, divested of all its magic and wonder, but she did not consider that.

Why? Spending the night in a house and going to choir practice robbed her of that? *is confused*

"I do not wish to be trained," Lia said, wistfully.

For some reason, this sounds … odd to me. I suppose I’ve always thought of ‘wistful’ to be in a ‘longing’, ‘wishful’, ‘dreaming for what can’t be’ kind of way.

I like the bits of humor you slipped in with Rachel. Poor Lia and Inga’s connection with the rest of the real world.

[Nimras]

Not a Ghost: Part One, Two, and Three
by moonshadow711

Hello. My name is Esci [ess-kee]. I'm a female blue Wocky. My owner makes me go to school, even though it doesn't exist yet. (Don't ask.)

I have to confess, normally when a story starts like that, I tend to skip over them. Because usually they tend to turn into stories that aren’t nearly as clever as they think they are.

But, since this was for an NTWF review, I gritted my teeth and continued on to the next paragraph. And I’m glad I did, because this ended up being a more serious type story, with a lot of interesting ideas.

I love how you described how different ‘normal’ things suddenly were after she was painted. Not needing to breathe. Not getting tired when she ran. Being able to go right though stuff. Very well handled for explaining her confusion -- but still keeping the story clear for us, the readers.

I do have to admit I’m a little confused about why the paintbrush would have been originally intended for Baelia -- can Faeries be painted?

The whole ‘living your life over as a spectator’ thing was really cool. It took me off guard for a second, but once I caught on I loved the idea.

I do wish you could have gotten Baelia out too….

[Nimras]

The Garden: Part Two
by digital_microwave

Whoa, this is only two parts?

You may know me as Serik.

I’m confused. Does Serik think that Fyora may already know his name (“You may know”…) or is he granting her permission to know him as Serik (assumed name)?

I admit at first I thought Serik was Kass’ son. (I was close. ) I suppose I just put the span between the two wars closer together in my head.

And I love the way Fyora fought back with the plants. ^^

[Nimras]

What Lies Hidden in Your Closet: Part One
by puppy200010

Ok, so you've got an entire salad growing in your backyard. Great. Learn how to grow dressing

*snerk* I shouldn’t find this line as funny as I do… *gigglefits*

Aww, poor little Zafara has to move…

She probably would have gone to sleep immediately, but something was keeping her awake. There were noises... coming from her closet!

Excellent ending of the chapter. *grin*

[Nimras]

[glow=green,2,300]A Spooky Halloween, pt 1[/glow]
by ghostkomorichu

*snerk* Ahh, the wonder of ghosts ability to hold things… yet still walk though walls. ;D

… is it just me, or was the poor Korbat stabbing himself with the pumpkin stem?

[Nimras]

Floored Rorru!
by autoc007

I remember this one! You asked us to critique it a while back!

Squee! It was accepted! I don’t really have anything to say about this that I didn’t back then… I still love the art style and all the detail… and the joke is even funnier when you were one of the people endlessly refreshing at that page to get the avatar.

[Nimras]

The Misadventures of a Pink Lenny
by immortalmina

Wack-A-Mole!

I am such a morbid person, the mental image of what will happen with that mallet goes down is cracking me up.

And the expressions on the Meepits eyes in that final panel… Hee!

[scorchdragon]

Nimras: He's granting her permission to know him as Serik. Thanks!

[immortalmina]

Thanks Nimras. Glad you liked it. And everyone else that reviewed my comic!

-Mina

[Deleted]

It's getting late in the week for reviews, so if anyone is able to do anymore, I'd still like a review for "Hyperion: The Beginning."
I'd like to say I could do more for this week, but I'm not feeling well and I have no time as it is. Sorry.