Issue 230 Reviews

[Nut]

Do I get to start it this time?

www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?issue=230

To begin, I'd like reviews for Out of the Turmaculus' Jaws. ^^
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Articles

What Kind of Neopian Times Reader are You? by Doughnut215 www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=186587&issue=230
Roomful of Jelly by Literalluau neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=188497&issue=230

Short Stories

Out of the Turmaculus' Jaws by Nut862 www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=186150&issue=230
The Power of One by Dan4884 and Orginalcliche www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=188202&issue=230
The Maraquan Marshals in: Disappearances by Ginger23456 www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=186372&issue=230
Starlight Invasion: Star City by Rainbow_daydreamer www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=190748&issue=230
Curse of the Urn by Laurelinden www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=188412&issue=230
Hope by Ikkin_with_attitude www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=189713&issue=230
The Shadow Lupe by The_lugonzbi_stonehttp://www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=187042&issue=230

Comics

Triple Negative by Sillygirl_543 www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=189927&issue=230
Smelly Nelly by I_hate_backstabbers www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=190936&issue=230
Mootix Madness by Leoness www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=187688&issue=230

New Series

Walk the Plank: Part One by Puppy200010 www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=188985&issue=230

Continued Series

Treasure of the Caves: Part Six by Ssjelitegirl www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=170705&issue=230

[Speck]

A review or two for this week's "Triple Negative" would be nice...

[Dan]

And I'd like reviews for my short story collab with Snorkles, The Power of One. Thanks!

[Huntress]

Ooh, about time this came out. The review threads have been dead lately. Part six of Treasure of the Caves is out and this time it contains a puzzle. Can you solve the puzzle? *pokes random people* I'm not even really asking for reviews (though they're very appreciated :3) but I'd like to get feedback on teh puzzle.

[Torey]

Any reviews on my short story would be nice. Username is ginger23456. Thanks a bunch!

[Deleted]

Reviews for Mootix Madness the last part, is appreciated ^_^

...it's connected with Nina's comic - Smelly Nelly
You should read her's first, before reading mine.

Thanks for everything Nina! I shall review your comic later *hugs*

[Dream]

Reviews for Star City welcome. Sorry it's another Starlight Invasion one...

[Lau]

I'd love reviews for "Curse of the Urn" -- it's a short story.

[Deleted]

I would really appreciate reviews for my article, 'What kind of Neopian Times Reader are You?'

I will try to get some reviews up asap!

[fipples~]

Ooh, new issue at last! I only read the editorial and saw the comics in the meantime, and they were nice, but I'm afraid there are a few I didn't quite understand, but that may be because I'm a bit slow in understanding jokes. xD

[Deleted]

I'd be really grateful if someone could review Walk the Plank: Part One!

[Ikkin]

Could I possibly get reviews for my short story, Hope? (Which probably would win the award for "companion story published longest after the original" if there was one... XD)

[Tashni]

The Maraquan Marshals in: Disappearances by ginger23456
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This was a really nice mystery with cute, if not compelling characters. You did give Penny and Mari different speech patterns, which is an excellent start. Your descriptions, for the most part, were good.

There were a few paragraphs where you basically itemized every single move Mari made. You do NOT need to do this, in fact it stops the action. Here's an example:

She attached the rope to the rock, threw it into the water and watched as it sank into the clear depths and eventually out of sight. She tied the top of the rope to her boat, got into her swimming gear, including flippers and a special waterproof helmet so that she could breathe, put her food and rod in a waterproof bag, slung it over her shoulder and dipped her two back legs into the water. She eased herself slowly deeper until only her head was above the surface. One last check to make sure everything was alright with the boat and she was under.

In a case like this, where it's not action-packed, just tell us what we need to know and move on. "She threw down her rock-anchor, put on scuba gear and eased herself into the water." I'm not saying that's perfect, but you get the idea.

bits of kelp rammed into her underwater helmet

"Rammed" implies thrust, and kelp cannot move itself.

Besides some logic problems in the investigation, the story was nice. (For instance, wasn't it convenient that the breathing aparatus just happened to float right up next to them? That the thief, even though he needs it to escape, left it there for someone to find? Also, how was a Maraquan Grarrl fighting a Mutant Grarrl on dry land?) It flowed well and I was never confused. The characters really enjoyed their work, and Mari is a nice character who has to wear scuba gear. Many stories in Maraqua only have Maraquan Neopets, so this was a nice change.

Out of the Turmaculus' Jaws by Nut862

By the end of the first paragraph, the wheels were a turnin'. Let's see, PetPet reflecting on his naive self, "Out of the Turmaculus' Jaws," and a pic of Turmaculus licking his licks. This will be interesting. An abuse story, perhaps? Too trusting? Let's just say that there was lots of foreshadowing that drew me in.

Overall, the narration is very good, but this sentence was a bit much: "Young and innocent as I was, I believed that life from now on could be nothing less than a faerie tale full of joy and love." You have 4 adjectives there aside from "faerie tale." (Adverbs? I dunno. I get confused.) You could easily have just said, "I believed that life from now on could be nothing less than a faerie tale" and achieve the same thing. We already know he's young and naive. "Faerie tale" implies joy and love.

A note: If the Puppyblew has already said he doesn't understand Neopets speaking, how does he know what the Kyrii says? Particularly when she offers to sell him to that Chia?

Overall, it was a very cute story with a good conflict/action/resolution setup. The Puppyblew had an okay personality, but there wasn't really anything special about him. There have been literally hundreds of "abuse" stories centered on Neopets or PetPets, many of which had a voice like you Puppyblew's. I just think you could have done better with a different kind of personality.

But it really was an enjoyable read, I liked your take on the Turmaculus. In the beginning, you promised a story of changing from innocence to near-bitterness, and you certainly delivered.

[Belle]

Yay! ^^ The new issue's out. Article/short story reviews coming up! ^^

[Belle]

Short Story Review

Out of the Turmaculus' Jaws by Nut862.

At first, I was apprehensive because the title alone implied that the short story was going to be about a Petpet who escaped getting eaten by the Turmaculus. The first paragraph added to my doubts as I found out about the story's innocent protagonist. I couldn't help making assumptions about the plot: Puppyblew finds an owner, feels happy, ends up being taken to the Turmaculus to get eaten for the avatar, manages to escape...all of which happened in the story (well, not exactly the way I said it but the storyline's still sort of the same).

However, what pushed me to read the rest of the story was the second paragraph. It brought me right into Meridell because of the details. The line "poking my nose along the ground all day in an effort to catch a scent of a fallen bit of bread or some such delicacy" in particular, added to the mood of the story. So, I read on. :3

The Puppyblew character wasn't all that interesting especially as it constantly mentions how innocent it is and playing the woe-is-me card which I've seen done many times (and, I've done it myself ). It was the supporting characters and antagonists that made this story happen from the calculating Kyrii shopkeeper to the "evil" Chia. I can't really explain it in too many words but the characterization of the Turmaculus was simply endearing. The Chia's Jubjub companion was also a nice addition. To me, he seemed very real for although he looks at the Puppyblew with pity and tells his friend not to buy it, in the end, he doesn't stop the Chia from using the Petpet for his cruel purpose.

All in all, still a good read although a few more plot twists could've made it even better. ^^