Issue 230 Reviews

[Komori]

laurelinden said:

Wow, I've noticed that issues 228, 229, and 230 only have two pages of reviews. Two. I remember when there would be seven or eight. That's kind of disappointing.

Well, I'll do some this afternoon...

Edit: Ha, that's ironic. This post made the beginning of the third page.

Well, I think it does have a lot to do with school. I'm pretty sure those 7-8 page review threads were for summer NT issues. Or at least winter break ones...

[Nut]

laurelinden said:

Wow, I've noticed that issues 228, 229, and 230 only have two pages of reviews. Two. I remember when there would be seven or eight. That's kind of disappointing.

Well, I've noticed that the more NTWFers are published in an issue, the more reviews tend to circulate. Last issue barely had anything by NTWFers in it. With any luck, this issue will get more reviews, since there's more NTWFer stuff in it. *glances at fairly long List* I'm rather guilty of not doing reviews, myself. ~_^; I want to get some done later this week, hopefully tomorrow.

I have seen old review threads that spanned eleven or twelve pages on average (from excursions into the old pages of Times Lobby), but I think there were more active Times writers then. In the time I've been here, the review threads seem to average four pages. *wonders what it'll be like in summer*

[Lau]

The Power of One

By dan4884 and originalcliche

A lofty moral, but effective nonetheless. It may have been a little over-the-top for the Lenny to be so disturbed by the idea of not pulling a stick out of the Grarrl's toe that he couldn't eat and lost sleep over it, but I guess it's concieveable. I just don't think it would have bothered me quite that much, if I were him. ^^ Your depiction of the bystander effect (lots of people mulling around with no one stepping forward) was nicely portrayed, and I liked the touch that the little Kacheek was pink. I don't know why, it just seemed to fit. Kind of like a pure little creature untouched by conformity and mob-effects.

Your narration was strong -- I couldn't even tell it was a collab; the words flowed neatly from one author to the other without interruption or change of style. You had a good use of sentence variation and pacing.

The message of the story was heartening and inspiring. I liked how the Grarrl was brought out of his surly, grumpy mood, and how the Lenny worked up the courage to speak to him after seeing the incident. Instead of seeing each other as annoyances or enemies, they saw each other as fellow Neopets. That was neat.

More reviews coming as time allows...

[Tashni]

Hope by Ikkin

Wow. This is excellent. Since the NT does not accept battle violence, you give a moving and absorbing account of battle thoughts. This is amazing. I love the theme, it is expressed wonderfully. The realm of darkness, the faerie of hope, the good side of Kass. Ending it as a quickly fading dream is very realistic. I can't really find any problems with it. Excellent work, Ikkin! If I remember during next year's NTA's I'll definitely nominate this.

You portrayed Jeran very realistically. He isn't an incureable optimist, but he forces himself to be hopeful, as a knight would have to be. His thoughts often turn to Lisha, and the way he reacted to Kass in the dark realm was very good. At first he was repulsed, but then he thought it over. Really well done!

NOTE: Next on my list is Star City. Any more short story requests before I start on new series?

[Belle At the College]

Is it too late to ask for reviews for my short story last issue, "Loving"? Nut and Kat reviewed it but I'm looking for more feedback.

www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=185316&issue=229

[Tashni]

I'll review your story tomorrow, Belle.

Star City[/u] by rainbow_daydreamer[/color]
I like the opening paragraph. It really grabs attention. However, the first sentence's structure stumbled my reading.

War, they say, is about, has always been about, making sacrifices.

Because of all the commas and clauses, it's confusing. A better structure would have been: "They say war is about, and has always been about, making sacrifices." That's IMO.

The second paragraph is good, too, setting the mood and putting you in the setting.

Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm really surprised at how much I like this story! The reason I say this is because it has no conflict. Unless you count Bryne hating his job. But your writing is so good, so absorbing, that I got involved in the characters. You really had me in the Space Station. I was intrigued by the ending, and I very much look forward to the next installment! This is a sequel, right? I'm going to go read the first one now. ^_^

This week's NT is quite exceptional, in my opinion. There's usually a story or two that I really have to force myself to read. Not this week! So far, anyway. ;P

[Ikkin]

tashni said:

Hope by Ikkin

Wow. This is excellent. Since the NT does not accept battle violence, you give a moving and absorbing account of battle thoughts. This is amazing. I love the theme, it is expressed wonderfully. The realm of darkness, the faerie of hope, the good side of Kass. Ending it as a quickly fading dream is very realistic. I can't really find any problems with it. Excellent work, Ikkin! If I remember during next year's NTA's I'll definitely nominate this.

You portrayed Jeran very realistically. He isn't an incureable optimist, but he forces himself to be hopeful, as a knight would have to be. His thoughts often turn to Lisha, and the way he reacted to Kass in the dark realm was very good. At first he was repulsed, but then he thought it over. Really well done!

Thank you so much! j;D I'm glad you enjoyed it!

The battle violence restriction (along with the 'emotional violence' restriction) had me really worried on this one, so I'm glad you liked the effect. ^_^ First-person can be useful, I think (as can present-tense, though it takes a lot of editing to pull off right...).

I'm glad you like the theme, 'cause it's one of my favorites (me = hopeless fan redemption stories). jXD

I always worry about my portrayal of characters, so hearing that they were done well makes me happy.

And, thanks again for the wonderful review!


Speaking of which, I should do reviews, too... though, that will probably have to wait until morning. ^_^;

[Ikkin]

Ikkin the nitpicker does comic reviews! *hopes that no one minds the nit-pickyness... though, all the comics up for review are good, so no one gets the worst of it *

Triple Negative
Heh, Neoquest II pwns your soul, right? *plays NQII, and hopes that she didn't miss the joke and imagine a different one * It's definitely a cute comic, no doubt. ^_^

That aside, I really like your art- the sketchy style is neat, and I love the shading on the Cave Ogre. It really brings out his furryness. ^_^ There's a couple of little things that seem off- the Zafara's nose should be either darker or pink, I think, and I'm not sure that the way Rohane's holding his sword in the first panel looks right- but, they don't really take away from the comic in general.

I think part of the problem that people had with the joke was the fact that it wasn't immediately obvious that Rohane was only a character in the board game that the Zafara was playing. This is probably because of the fact that most people see it as a video game rather than a board game, but I think you could have drawn more attention to the figurines of Rohane and the Cave Ogre to make people realize that.

So, overall, I liked your comic. And the Cave Ogre is too cute- it looks like something you'd glomp rather than slay.



Smelly Nelly
I have to say, I love your background. ^_^ It's so colorful and fantasy-like... And, your use of different parts of it in different panels works really well, I think- it doesn't look copy-and-pasted at all, and the Weewoo's too cute! (I didn't see him as distracting the first time I read through it, though my screen resolution was so high that I probably missed the details... )

I love the Warf's expressions throughout the comic- he's adorable! And Nelly's great, too- I love his "thinking" expression and the joyful one at the end especially. ^_^ I'm not so sure about Nelly's expression in the second panel- the little bits of blue near his eyes are supposed to be tears, right? If they are, I'd think it be more obvious if Nelly's eyes were the size they were in the other panel, rather than having part of the eye taken up by the tear- it's the size of Nelly's eyes that made me wonder.

The art really made this joke- you did really well on the expressions, so it was even more funny than it could have been! ^_^ I'd have to agree with Komori about the last line, though- I think that having him act like he was a genius could have been funnier. It's not really a big thing, though.

So, good job! And, I hope you get over your artists' block, because I want to see more! ^_^


Mootix Madness
Have I ever told you that I like your art? Well, I'm telling you now- your style is really neat, and I love the characters' expressions. ^_^

Your parodies are all really neat... Moocci, Maybellix... I'm afraid I'm not sure what Xitoo is parodying, but that's probably more because I'm hopeless when it comes to fashion-type things than a problem with your comic. ^_^;

One thing that I noticed was that the line color seems to fluctuate a bit- in one panel, the lines were almost black, but in others, they were more greyish. It's not a really big thing, though.

Heh, lovestruck Mootix... XD


To both Nina and Leoness: I love the idea of the collaboration you two put together! ^_^ It's such a wonderful way of collaborating- I certainly wouldn't mind doing something like that with someone... And, it came out really well, too, since it all fit together nicely.

[Nut]

Article Reviews

[glow=blue,2,300]What Kind of Neopian Times Reader are You?[/glow]
I’m glad to see this subject getting some attention in the Times. I haven’t seen an article about the Neopian Times itself in quite a while; seems that the newspaper is underappreciated these days. When I first opened up this article, I expected something that asked how much of the Times you read, and was somewhat pleased to see that it instead deals with the individual sections of the Times. It’s written like a horoscope, with suggestions for broadening the reader’s horizons at the end of each section detailing the habits of one type of Neopian Times reader.

It was interesting to see all the different types of readers you’ve outlined, as well as the correlations you draw between each type and the alternate section of the Times that you suggest for them. I was glad to see that you separated “Art Critic” from “Comic Lover”. The article had an even, regular format, wrapping up the descriptions/suggestions in a clean loop.

As to the writing, I felt that there was a bit of forced chumminess in the article. Not to sound harsh; I know I’ve done this myself. However, in your case this might have been emphasized by the multiple punctuation marks and smileys scattered throughout. You don’t really need three exclamation points to get the idea across, and while I know I’m as addicted to smileys as anyone, emoticons (especially in such quantities) seem out of place in the middle of an article or story. Just something you might want to avoid in the future.

The article was somewhat predictable, though. I just felt that the descriptions were kind of expected; I found it interesting mainly to see what other categories you suggested for each of the types of readers. Still, in general it was a nice article with a fun concept. Nice work!

[glow=blue,2,300]Roomful of Jelly[/glow]
I really enjoyed this, Luau. ^^ It was very humorous without seeming forced at all. Every description is packed with witticisms, and the excellent humor makes what could have otherwise been a rather bland article into something really amusing to read. ^^ (I love the “Though I wouldn’t suggest transparishield” line. That’s definitely a winner I’ll remember for a while to come!) I could spend this whole review quoting funny lines I loved, but I’d end up having the whole article in my post. In a word, this article was hilarious—and a great read for anyone. Very well done, Luau. ^^

I’m a bit disappointed that I can’t find anything else to say… but really, why should I look for something to criticize when I can’t see anything? Take this as a compliment. ^^ I loved this article.

[Deleted]

Two random reviews...

Roomful of Jelly-In this article, I love the way you managed to find things that were funny about all the different building materials. I also like the way you split the building materials up into three different price categories, because it broke the article up into smaller pieces, rather than just having one really long uninterrupted list. Overall, I thought the article was great!

The Shadow Lupe-I like the way you set the scene in the beginning of the story. At points the description got a little too detailed, and I thought that the story seemed too focused on what the scene was like rather than what was happening. I really did enjoy the story though, and I specifically liked the personality you gave to Lord.

If anyone would review the first part of my series, I'd be really grateful! And I've got weewoo cookies...

[Tashni]

I WILL read your series, Puppy, just give me a bit longer. I'll try to review it tonight, I just tend to go really indepth in my series reviews. (Which may or may not be a good thing.)

[Deleted]

ikkinwithattitude said:

Mootix Madness
Have I ever told you that I like your art? Well, I'm telling you now- your style is really neat, and I love the characters' expressions. ^_^

Your parodies are all really neat... Moocci, Maybellix... I'm afraid I'm not sure what Xitoo is parodying, but that's probably more because I'm hopeless when it comes to fashion-type things than a problem with your comic. ^_^;

One thing that I noticed was that the line color seems to fluctuate a bit- in one panel, the lines were almost black, but in others, they were more greyish. It's not a really big thing, though.

Heh, lovestruck Mootix... XD


To both Nina and Leoness: I love the idea of the collaboration you two put together! ^_^ It's such a wonderful way of collaborating- I certainly wouldn't mind doing something like that with someone... And, it came out really well, too, since it all fit together nicely.

Thank you so much Ikkin - it means a lot to me.
Even though this is my 12th comic, I'm still playing with the styles a bit, and your keen eyes cought one of my mishaps xDDD
I'll look into it on this next on that I'm doing.

The 'Xitoo' is merely (M)ootix spelled backwards xDDD

[Ikkin]

leoness said:

ikkinwithattitude said:

Mootix Madness
Have I ever told you that I like your art? Well, I'm telling you now- your style is really neat, and I love the characters' expressions. ^_^

Your parodies are all really neat... Moocci, Maybellix... I'm afraid I'm not sure what Xitoo is parodying, but that's probably more because I'm hopeless when it comes to fashion-type things than a problem with your comic. ^_^;

One thing that I noticed was that the line color seems to fluctuate a bit- in one panel, the lines were almost black, but in others, they were more greyish. It's not a really big thing, though.

Heh, lovestruck Mootix... XD


To both Nina and Leoness: I love the idea of the collaboration you two put together! ^_^ It's such a wonderful way of collaborating- I certainly wouldn't mind doing something like that with someone... And, it came out really well, too, since it all fit together nicely.

Thank you so much Ikkin - it means a lot to me.
Even though this is my 12th comic, I'm still playing with the styles a bit, and your keen eyes cought one of my mishaps xDDD
I'll look into it on this next on that I'm doing.

The 'Xitoo' is merely (M)ootix spelled backwards xDDD

You're welcome! jXD I'm glad that you're happy with it (and not annoyed for nitpicking... j;) )

And, that explains why I couldn't figure out the reference... XD Though, the fact that I thought it was speaks in your favor, I think! j;)

[Nut]

I’m doing series reviews because 1) I have time only for a few reviews before the new issue comes out, 2) most of the comics and short stories have already been reviewed, some more than once, and 3) series get too little attention as it is. No idea why I just wrote out three excuses, but there you have it.

Continued Series Reviews

[glow=blue,2,300]Treasure of the Caves: Part Six[/glow]
Whoo, this is getting exciting. :3 I really enjoyed this part in the series. I do like adventure stories. Your dialogue is great for building up tension; I was genuinely relieved when Ace revived his flames. (Just out of curiosity, why is Ace referred to as “it” several times? This might be my own ignorance/opinions on Petpets showing through, but I was under the impression that the Wuzzle was a male, or at least had a gender. ) You seem to rely mainly on dialogue to keep the reader informed of what’s going on, trusting the pets to describe the surroundings. I got a good sense of the overall mood in the caves, and the nervousness as well as determination of the characters. For the most part, I could conjure up pictures of the scene in my mind, despite the sparse narrated description. I might have liked a bit more general description of the caves, but you managed to keep the atmosphere and pets’ personalities pretty constant.

Ooh, puzzle. :3 I really like the idea of it, though I have to say I’m not sure what the solution is. It may be simple, but I’m sure it seems more so to you since you’re the writer. ^^; The pets managed to get the door open surprisingly quickly considering how few clues they had. Lucky guess, or accurate estimate of the symbols’ meanings, hm? I’m assuming that what your pets say are the guidelines of the puzzle, but the symbolic side of my mind can’t help arguing with them on some points. Why are the heart and skull “clear nouns”? If Shad hadn’t said that, I might’ve thought of the heart as being “love”, and the skull as representing “death”. Moving on. Let’s see, I actually drew out those little symbols as you describe them on a scrap of paper so I could try to figure this out. :3 The two circles has me stumped. Unless… oh! A ring? Tsuki’s rings? And the arch, does that represent a doorway, or am I way off-base here? Or a bridge! Could the arch be a bridge? I like that idea. I don’t get the equal sign, though. Since Tsuki says that the sun might mean “rise” or “birth”, I’m going to assume he’s right and treat it like a pretty good clue. And assuming the heart means “center” (since that seems to make sense)… “At sunrise, align the rings so they are equal with the sun. Find the central skeleton and walk in the direction it points to reach the bridge/open doorway/arch.”

… Haha, I feel like I’ve just come up with a bunch of nonsense. ^^; ‘Twas fun trying to figure it out, though! :3

[glow=blue,2,300]A Hero’s Journey: Part Nine[/glow]

Aww, the sadness! ;_; Poor Reynold, he was such a wonderful father. I always enjoyed reading about him. Poor Melissa! I was surprised that she collapsed, but it stands to reason. The scene described in the first paragraph, with them standing over the blade and crying, was so sad. It seemed fitting that the boys would sleep with their mother that night. A sad, poignant, and also sweet installment of this series.

I did think that how the boys acted in some places made it seem like Reynold’s death didn’t really affect them. I wouldn’t want you to fill the whole chapter with endless weeping or something like that, but… It would’ve been nice to get a better sense of their feelings. They seem to be (rightly) feeling great sorrow over the loss of their father, but sometimes they do things that seem out of place. Reuben’s line:

“I mean, I bet she and Father were really good friends. …”

seemed awfully distant on Reuben’s part, yet he appears to feel genuine sympathy for Melissa. You make it quite obvious in earlier parts that Melissa and Reynold love each other dearly; wouldn’t their son have picked up on this throughout his life? Why does he have to “bet”, which has an uncertain connotation, that they were only “really good friends”?
Tala’s response when Reuben told her of Reynold’s death also seemed a bit too lighthearted. I would have expected her to express some amount of sympathy, since she knew both Reynold and Melissa very well. Wouldn’t she, as a friend, feel some sadness too? I found her crisp diagnosis, and the wink as she left the house, a bit hard to believe. Perhaps this is part of her character, though.

In all, though, this was a lovely chapter, sweet and sad. Reuben and Rohane’s characters were fairly constant throughout, with Reuben the more levelheaded of the two. I enjoyed it. ^^

[glow=blue,2,300]The Tale of a Petty Thief: Part Two[/glow]

I should get it out right now that pro-thief stories aren’t really my thing. ~.~;; That said, the writing was generally good, and Astralis had a nicely developed character—always acting experienced and knowledgable, but still able to get excited or disappointed over little things. The “big one” seemed to be almost a fantasy in the starry-eyed Zafara’s mind, and I was somewhat surprised that they actually managed to find it. The dreamy happiness, the conjured-up excitement, the all-too-easy adventure that they went through in looking for the treasure, their seemingly random wanderings with no clues to follow other than their own mental image of what the “big one” was, all seemed to point to the idea that this ultimate treasure was all in their—or perhaps Astralis’s—imagination.

So, I was very surprised when the voice came into the story, and we find that they have in fact found the “big one”. It seemed rather improbable, to say the least. Still, on a whole this was an interesting story, and you provided a nice twist with the “big one”; I just wish that it had been explained a little better so as to seem more realistic.

[Tashni]

Walk the Plank by Puppy

The opening dream sequence is good. I already have a good idea of Diran's character within the first five paragraphs, which are short. Two grammar problems:

The pirate forcefully swung his powerful sword at his enemy.

"Forcefully" and "powerful" are redundant. However, if you're trying to highlight Diran's dreams of grandeur, I see why you used it. But you should know that at this point, because I don't know it's a kid's fantasy, it just struck me as odd.

"Well... Okay, if you say so," said Diran's sister, still sounding slightly unconvinced. He turned and left to find their owner to report the news.

It's his sister, yet "he" left to find their owner.

Ooh, this sentence is too much. I had to read it a few times.

Daydreaming was mostly sufficient to helping Diran escape, but dreaming was usually better when sleep was attached to it.

Too many words, try to simplify. Also, "mostly" in this context it confusing.

Daydreaming was a sufficient escape most of the time, but dreaming was usually better when attached to sleep.
-That's how I personally would have written it.

It only had one drawback to it. If you were dreaming while sleeping, you couldn't simply escape out of dreams whenever you felt like it. In order to exit the dream, you had to wake up. Diran could recall several nightmares he'd had in the past that he hadn't been able to sneak out of immediately. He shuddered.

This piqued my interest. Foreshadowing, perhaps?

the room smelly strongly of salt water and fish.

I think you can catch the problem here yourself. Same here:

The first glance around the room cause him to yell a loud,

Wow, I really didn't see the trapped-inside-Darkwing thing coming. It's done well, Darin's horror, and escpecially his panic at not being able to control his body's actions. I was a little confused when Diran acknowledged that he didn't control the body, but then he walked around the ship. A little line like, "For the moment he seemed to be in control," and that would have been cleared up nicely.

One consistent problem I see is that you use too many words. Try to get all of your sentences very simple! The fewer the words, the easier it is to read and understand.

The ending was good, and I look forward to the next chapter! I'm starting to see a pattern. Diran is in control until there is danger, whether it's to Darkwing's reputation or to the entire ship. This is going to be interesting!