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Post by Komori on Mar 11, 2006 6:12:45 GMT -5
Okie dokie. It's 5:30 in the morning, I finally finished all my models, and I'm stuck at Montgomery Hall waiting for my roommate to finish capturing her animation so we can go home. ... Good time for reviewies! ;D _____ Triple Negative Well, yep. Your little disclaimer at the top was right. I've never played Neoquest II, and I totally don't get the joke. n:-/ Hrm. Is the Zafara dillusional from playing too much Neoquest and is imagining he's Rohane? That's sort of what I figured the joke is, but the zafara totally doesn't look crazy nor sleep deprived, so I'm wondering if there's a different joke here. Since I really can't do much critique about the joke, I'll move on to the art. I really like the layout of this comic. It's very clean and well organized. Nothing is cluttered or hard to read. The panel break between Rohane and his pointing hand is a very nice touch, and helps to give variety to the paneling. The expressions are all quite good. Though I'm a little bothered by the zafara. He seems just so calm and almost non-emotive, where all your other characters have such well-expressed expressions on their faces. It's a bit distracting, I think. Maybe it's because his body language is so laid back, with his head resting on his hand. Otherwise, the art's quite nice. The sketchy style is cute, and your lineart isn't too busy. And the color scheme is quite beautiful, with all the soft colors. :3 Oooh, and hah! I caught the Secret Rulebook in the second readthrough!  Wooo! Groovy! --- Smelly Nelly Dude, your style's getting more and more solid, Nina! It's so groovy and cheery, and like a sorta' pop-up picture book style. I just wanna huggle that little bubble sun in its bubble cloud! Bwee! The art really drives the joke in this one. If I were to just read a script of the comic, it wouldn't really be that funny. But that little Warf and his dopey expression are the thing to watch here. From the beginning, you have a great setup of characters. The little Warf tries to get Nelly's attention with his lolling tongue and simpleton face. That pause panel gives this comic a real nice sense of timing. In fact, the third and fourth panels are great action-reaction images. No dialogue, just clean, easily understood action. Good comicking makes me so happy. ;D Let's see, I guess I have a couple of minor botherances to bring up. I'm not so stoked about the dialogue in the last panel. It feels a bit wordy to me. Like maybe he didn't need to thank the Warf, but treat it more like his genious idea. ... If that makes sense. I'm not sure. But it's a minor tweak, the dialogue isn't that bad. And artwise, I think the weewoo is a bit distracting. The eye is drawn to areas of high detail, and those little toes and tailfeathers on the weewoo are really itty bitty. Also, in the second panel, it kinda' looks like the blue flowers are growing out of the top of the Warf's head. :3 But sheesh, those are just little nitpicks. I always love reading your comics! -- Mootix Madness Ah, the old Mastercard joke. Heh, you're cutting it a little close to beating a dead horse, but I think this comic manages it well. n;) You know, I felt a little bit of disconnect in the dialogue of the comic. At first, I couldn't quite make the mental connection between 'winning the bet' and dressing up the brother. I think it might have been a little easier if you showed the sister actually dressing the brother with those girly items. Of course, now that I do make the connection between the bet and the dressup, it makes more sense. ^__^ Go me for being slow. That being said, I still think the part about the vacation in Nelly Land is a bit offtopic. It felt like the comic would've been better without that reference, but that you were trying to put that in to make the connection with Nina's comic from the same week. I mean, I can see that that the lovestruck mootix came from Nelly, but I still think it could've done without that bit. I really like the layout of this one. The composition is really great and interesting. Everything is easy to read, and it flows well. I especially like the diagonal panel with the lovestruck mootix. It's got a good frantic energy with it, and it's coupled nicely with the great expressions of the Mootix in the last panel. I think the lovestruck mootix should have at least one or two hearts over their heads, though, just to visually reinforce the dialogue. It was a great mini-story, and you and Nina did a great collaborative job! So much fun! |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2006 6:25:46 GMT -5
Mootix Madness Ah, the old Mastercard joke. Heh, you're cutting it a little close to beating a dead horse, but I think this comic manages it well.  You know, I felt a little bit of disconnect in the dialogue of the comic. At first, I couldn't quite make the mental connection between 'winning the bet' and dressing up the brother. I think it might have been a little easier if you showed the sister actually dressing the brother with those girly items. Of course, now that I do make the connection between the bet and the dressup, it makes more sense. ^__^ Go me for being slow. That being said, I still think the part about the vacation in Nelly Land is a bit offtopic. It felt like the comic would've been better without that reference, but that you were trying to put that in to make the connection with Nina's comic from the same week. I mean, I can see that that the lovestruck mootix came from Nelly, but I still think it could've done without that bit. I really like the layout of this one. The composition is really great and interesting. Everything is easy to read, and it flows well. I especially like the diagonal panel with the lovestruck mootix. It's got a good frantic energy with it, and it's coupled nicely with the great expressions of the Mootix in the last panel. I think the lovestruck mootix should have at least one or two hearts over their heads, though, just to visually reinforce the dialogue. It was a great mini-story, and you and Nina did a great collaborative job! So much fun! Thank you Komori. Just want to point out, that this comic (plus the next one coming up) was made before I recieved your last critizism - in case you were wondering. It didn't quite turn out the way I had it pictured in my head, but... *meh*.... Hopefully my next one, should be more funny and.... well... just plain better. |
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Post by fipples~ on Mar 11, 2006 6:27:21 GMT -5
Okay... a review. Only one, because I'm lazy and a bad critic. Triple Negative:I'm afraid I don't quite understand the joke, and I do play NQ II. Is it like the Zafara has been playing so long he gets only 17 gold pieces from a fight and it's the 21st ogre he's beaten? :S Other than that, I love the art style. ^^ And excuse my, err, art ignorance, but why did you split the 2nd panel? In general - great art, but didn't really get the joke.  |
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Post by Belle on Mar 11, 2006 7:52:45 GMT -5
Short Story Review[/u] The Power of One by Dan4884 and Orginalcliche.First off, I commend the authors for managing to combine their writing styles and come up with a well-written short story (the prose just flows). ^^ Your characterization of the Lenny was also very good. I enjoyed taking a peek into his (oh, wait...I just realized I'm not sure if the Lenny is a he or a she so I jumped to my own conclusions - sorry about that ^^  mind. All that thinking made my head hurt and hey, as it turns out, his stomach hurts because of all the thinking he did! XD Ah, he's just too righteous for his own good. And, you made this somewhat positive/negative trait of his from the beginning of the story. What threw me off a bit was the good deed. It just seemed, I dunno, too...ironic that a Female Pink Kacheek (of all pets) helped the Grarrl (although by saying this, I've just proven your point Man, I'm contradicting myself!). The fact that it was a Grarrl whom she helped and that the Grarrl was howling because he had something stuck in his paw left me feeling slightly cheated. ^^; I think I was expecting a different deed...something new. Nevertheless, the ending was done very nicely. ^^ I liked the Grarrl's reaction. And, the last line just made me smile (I could almost see the Lenny puffing his chest and looking proud and determined). Well done, you guys! ^^
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Post by Nina on Mar 11, 2006 12:53:22 GMT -5
Smelly Nelly Dude, your style's getting more and more solid, Nina! It's so groovy and cheery, and like a sorta' pop-up picture book style. I just wanna huggle that little bubble sun in its bubble cloud! Bwee! The art really drives the joke in this one. If I were to just read a script of the comic, it wouldn't really be that funny. But that little Warf and his dopey expression are the thing to watch here. From the beginning, you have a great setup of characters. The little Warf tries to get Nelly's attention with his lolling tongue and simpleton face. That pause panel gives this comic a real nice sense of timing. In fact, the third and fourth panels are great action-reaction images. No dialogue, just clean, easily understood action. Good comicking makes me so happy. ;D Let's see, I guess I have a couple of minor botherances to bring up. I'm not so stoked about the dialogue in the last panel. It feels a bit wordy to me. Like maybe he didn't need to thank the Warf, but treat it more like his genious idea. ... If that makes sense. I'm not sure. But it's a minor tweak, the dialogue isn't that bad. And artwise, I think the weewoo is a bit distracting. The eye is drawn to areas of high detail, and those little toes and tailfeathers on the weewoo are really itty bitty. Also, in the second panel, it kinda' looks like the blue flowers are growing out of the top of the Warf's head. :3 But sheesh, those are just little nitpicks. I always love reading your comics! xDD! Thank you very much for the review, Ms. Komori! I'm glad that my style's okay. I don't know.. lately, I haven't been inspired at all. I used to have months when I would come up with so many comic ideas all at once that I wouldn't be able to draw them all out. I had lists of comic ideas to draw.. and I haven't been wanting to draw at all lately. I don't know what it is with me.. I guess it's just all of life changing for me, with University soon, etc. I've got too much on my mind. So I sort of see a big break is Smelly Nellies in the future, because I can't bring myself to draw. I've been lazy with them lately anyway. It's nice to know that at least a couple of people will still remember them in case I decide to keep them coming when I get more inspiration. I get what you mean with the dialogue. I tend to overanalyze every bit of the dialogue to the point where it's just badly worded. It's my biggest issue with making comics. I'll definitely try to improve in the future. And I get what you mean with the Weewoo . Once again, thank you for the review, Ms. Komori. I always like reading your reviews. |
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Post by Nina on Mar 11, 2006 12:59:13 GMT -5
Reviews for Mootix Madness the last part, is appreciated ^_^ ...it's connected with Nina's comic - Smelly NellyYou should read her's first, before reading mine. Thanks for everything Nina! I shall review your comic later  *hugs* Of course, Ms. Leoness . I enjoyed doing this with you. If you hadn't pushed me to get it done, I wouldn't have had any comics in at all lately, which would have been bad. So thank you, and anytime ^_^. |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2006 18:17:07 GMT -5
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Post by lugonzbi on Mar 11, 2006 19:35:04 GMT -5
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Post by lugonzbi on Mar 11, 2006 19:49:10 GMT -5
Out of the Turmaculus' Jaws
Good story. You had a nice flow, and your writing style is very good. The characters were not too well developed, but considering it was a short story, it wasn't bad either. Might want to work on the dialouge a bit; that was the only part of the story that really seemed awkward.
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Post by lugonzbi on Mar 11, 2006 19:58:22 GMT -5
Roomful of Jelly
Very funny article! You had me laughing out loud at parts. You managed to include all the information needed without repeating yourself. Well done!
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Post by Komori on Mar 11, 2006 20:38:13 GMT -5
Smelly Nelly Dude, your style's getting more and more solid, Nina! It's so groovy and cheery, and like a sorta' pop-up picture book style. I just wanna huggle that little bubble sun in its bubble cloud! Bwee! The art really drives the joke in this one. If I were to just read a script of the comic, it wouldn't really be that funny. But that little Warf and his dopey expression are the thing to watch here. From the beginning, you have a great setup of characters. The little Warf tries to get Nelly's attention with his lolling tongue and simpleton face. That pause panel gives this comic a real nice sense of timing. In fact, the third and fourth panels are great action-reaction images. No dialogue, just clean, easily understood action. Good comicking makes me so happy. ;D Let's see, I guess I have a couple of minor botherances to bring up. I'm not so stoked about the dialogue in the last panel. It feels a bit wordy to me. Like maybe he didn't need to thank the Warf, but treat it more like his genious idea. ... If that makes sense. I'm not sure. But it's a minor tweak, the dialogue isn't that bad. And artwise, I think the weewoo is a bit distracting. The eye is drawn to areas of high detail, and those little toes and tailfeathers on the weewoo are really itty bitty. Also, in the second panel, it kinda' looks like the blue flowers are growing out of the top of the Warf's head. :3 But sheesh, those are just little nitpicks. I always love reading your comics! xDD! Thank you very much for the review, Ms. Komori! I'm glad that my style's okay. I don't know.. lately, I haven't been inspired at all. I used to have months when I would come up with so many comic ideas all at once that I wouldn't be able to draw them all out. I had lists of comic ideas to draw.. and I haven't been wanting to draw at all lately. I don't know what it is with me.. I guess it's just all of life changing for me, with University soon, etc. I've got too much on my mind. So I sort of see a big break is Smelly Nellies in the future, because I can't bring myself to draw. I've been lazy with them lately anyway. It's nice to know that at least a couple of people will still remember them in case I decide to keep them coming when I get more inspiration. Eh, don't worry about not wanting to draw. It happens to the best of us. Sometimes you just get burnt out of creativity. I know what you mean. In fact, I haven't touched a Spooky comic in at least four or five weeks. I'm just riding a bumper of comics I made during a streak of inspiration. So yeah. I can be patient and wait for your muse to return to you. Trust me, your fans will all be there when you get back. ;D |
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Post by Belle on Mar 11, 2006 21:37:18 GMT -5
Article ReviewRoomful of Jelly by Literalluau.One of the things I like about your articles is the way you pay attention to details. Your descriptions are always full - informative as well as being funny. In this particular article, you managed to sound humorous but not too much that your readers would feel like you're not taking the topic seriously. Sometimes, you even include somewhat cynical comments which make me chuckle. You manage to sound funny without making it seem like you're forcing it. I like that. The Asparagus and Sand descriptions, in particular, really made me roffle (and got me considering building an Asparagus room in my NeoHome). XD Excellent work, Luau! ^^ Keep it up.
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Post by Nut on Mar 12, 2006 3:58:17 GMT -5
Yay, I think this is the largest number of detailed reviews I've ever gotten for a short story in my time here. ^_^ Thank you! I'm feeling kind of silly for not checking this story before resubmitting it, though. See, I wrote it a couple of months ago and got it rejected for too many good entries. I resubmitted it about three weeks ago and it was held for a couple weeks before it was published. I was trying out a new style, and the plot was one I had thought of a long time ago and was kind of clinging to. It should have gone through more editing before I submitted it the second time. >.> Anyway. I really appreciate all your criticism. ^^ Out of the Turmaculus' Jaws by Nut862By the end of the first paragraph, the wheels were a turnin'. Let's see, PetPet reflecting on his naive self, "Out of the Turmaculus' Jaws," and a pic of Turmaculus licking his licks. This will be interesting. An abuse story, perhaps? Too trusting? Let's just say that there was lots of foreshadowing that drew me in. I'm glad you thought so. ^^ Overall, the narration is very good, but this sentence was a bit much: "Young and innocent as I was, I believed that life from now on could be nothing less than a faerie tale full of joy and love." You have 4 adjectives there aside from "faerie tale." (Adverbs? I dunno. I get confused.) You could easily have just said, "I believed that life from now on could be nothing less than a faerie tale" and achieve the same thing. We already know he's young and naive. "Faerie tale" implies joy and love. You are completely right. I think I was trying to put more description in the first-person perspective, and ended up just foiling my goal. >.> Thanks for pointing it out. ^^ A note: If the Puppyblew has already said he doesn't understand Neopets speaking, how does he know what the Kyrii says? Particularly when she offers to sell him to that Chia? Umgh. >.>; I'd like to say "Whooops, my bad", except I can't find where it says that. (This might be because it's almost two AM and I'm unable to comprehend my own writing.) I see where it says that the Puppyblew can't respond to the Kyrii in her language, but not where he says anything about not understanding her. >.>; Overall, it was a very cute story with a good conflict/action/resolution setup. The Puppyblew had an okay personality, but there wasn't really anything special about him. There have been literally hundreds of "abuse" stories centered on Neopets or PetPets, many of which had a voice like you Puppyblew's. I just think you could have done better with a different kind of personality. Definitely. I'll try to make it more original next time. ^^; I don't know, I was really attached to the idea, and I'd had it in my mind for so long that I finally just said to myself "Okay! I have to get this thing out of my head!" and wrote it out. But it really was an enjoyable read, I liked your take on the Turmaculus. In the beginning, you promised a story of changing from innocence to near-bitterness, and you certainly delivered. Thank you! ^^ And you've certainly delivered with this review. Thank you very much for all the comments/criticism. I really appreciate it. ^^ Short Story ReviewOut of the Turmaculus' Jaws by Nut862.At first, I was apprehensive because the title alone implied that the short story was going to be about a Petpet who escaped getting eaten by the Turmaculus. The first paragraph added to my doubts as I found out about the story's innocent protagonist. I couldn't help making assumptions about the plot: Puppyblew finds an owner, feels happy, ends up being taken to the Turmaculus to get eaten for the avatar, manages to escape...all of which happened in the story (well, not exactly the way I said it but the storyline's still sort of the same). My goodness, that title does kind of spoil any surprise the story might have had, doesn't it? I didn't even think of that when I gave it that name. Must remember to create more mysterious title next time. (Must also remember to think of more original plot.) ^^; However, what pushed me to read the rest of the story was the second paragraph. It brought me right into Meridell because of the details. The line "poking my nose along the ground all day in an effort to catch a scent of a fallen bit of bread or some such delicacy" in particular, added to the mood of the story. So, I read on. :3 Thank you; I'm glad that little bit of description made a difference. ^^ The Puppyblew character wasn't all that interesting especially as it constantly mentions how innocent it is and playing the woe-is-me card which I've seen done many times (and, I've done it myself ). Yes, thank you for mentioning that. I think I was kind of following the style of some other stories I'd seen when I wrote this. The Puppyblew is pretty flat as a character. I need to work on making first-person characters more interesting. *happy to have a challenge* :3 It was the supporting characters and antagonists that made this story happen from the calculating Kyrii shopkeeper to the "evil" Chia. I can't really explain it in too many words but the characterization of the Turmaculus was simply endearing. The Chia's Jubjub companion was also a nice addition. To me, he seemed very real for although he looks at the Puppyblew with pity and tells his friend not to buy it, in the end, he doesn't stop the Chia from using the Petpet for his cruel purpose. Thanks! ^^ I'm glad you thought the other nameless pets had character. :3 All in all, still a good read although a few more plot twists could've made it even better. ^^ Yes, that would have helped. I'll keep that in mind for the future. ^^ Thank you so much for the indepth review, Belle. ^^ I love long reviews. :3 Out of the Turmaculus' JawsGood story. You had a nice flow, and your writing style is very good. The characters were not too well developed, but considering it was a short story, it wasn't bad either. Might want to work on the dialouge a bit; that was the only part of the story that really seemed awkward. Thank you. ^^ Heh, short story's no excuse for me; that character should have had more development. I agree, the dialogue was a bit choppy. Thanks for the review! ^^ |
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Post by Tashni on Mar 13, 2006 0:36:17 GMT -5
The Power of One by dan4884 and orginalclicheGreat first paragraph. The first sentence alone gave me an idea of what the character is like and also has me asking, "What something?" I really like this story because it has a clear moral. The Lenny expresses an emotion we've all felt: fear. Dare I say racism? We've all been afraid of a person because of the way he/she looks. This Lenny, however, doesn't just let it go silently. The story doesn't have a very strong conflict/action/resolution setup, but it works very well as a parable. I would be very interested to read a sequel to this. The Shadow Lupe by LugonzbiThis was an intriguing story with an interesting character. Overall, I liked it. It is only in the fourth paragraph that you start to get my attention, and you only really have it by the fifth. You MUST grab attention in the first paragraph, preferably in the first sentence. But those 4th and 5th paragraphs were great! Whenever you're switching from character to character, it needs to be a new paragraph. The structure you used implies that Lord is speaking. A fairly major peeve I have is that you use far too many adjectives. However, let me state that this does NOT mean I don't like your descriptions. You showed us what was going on instead of telling us. That's fantastic! So many writers don't do that. I just think you overdid the adjective use a LOT. I highly recommend that you read "Mauled By A Thesaurus," it's in the NT. Here's the link: www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=146209&issue=216I really liked the idea that Lord cannot be tied down so that he can protect others. That is fantastic! Do you watch/read Rurouni Kenshin? That's definitely a theme. Anyway . . . I do feel that you could have done a lot more to develop his character. What you mostly did was show actions, but some flashbacks might have been nice, or a slower revealing that would have some tension. Overall, a nice story. I look forward to seeing you progress as a writer!
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Post by Tay - Sock Eater on Mar 13, 2006 17:31:15 GMT -5
I'm going to read some and review. I'll start off with "Roomful of Jelly".
I like the humor in this. It made me laugh with the little, goofy comments, such as: "Though I wouldn't suggest transparishield" and "Blandfish? So that's what stinks." I also like how you sorted it into categories for people's budgets. Very handy, if someone is in a hurry and they're reading your article. They could quickly scroll down to their spending limit and read that little piece if they needed to. I also like the disclaimer under your description of marble walls. I love the description for transparishield walls. You think of some of the craziest things! I like the ending... Basically, I love your story and I can't find anything wrong with it, so my comments are all good. I can definitely see why this was accepted! I love your style of writing and can't wait to see more.
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Wooo! Groovy!
mind. All that thinking made my head hurt and hey, as it turns out, his stomach hurts because of all the thinking he did! XD Ah, he's just too righteous for his own good. And, you made this somewhat positive/negative trait of his from the beginning of the story.
*hugs*
