Issue 222 Reviews

[ohmandoh]

;D Thanks ghost! You gave a GREAT review! Helped me loads.

It's quite difficult to figure out the order of the panels, and those little arrows don't quite cut it.

That was one thing I was pretty worried about. The arrows were the last thing I drew but they didn't help much.

The Desert plot ended a while ago, so the comic feels dated.

Yeah, the comic took forever to draw (because I can't, hehe). Then a rejection for the first version (I didn't know elephante's had wings, haha), and a heldover for that one (christmas).

Thank you so much!

Thanks to NSQ as well!

LePhante: Aww, poor Elephante. x3 Cute comic, and good job not using C+P even though there were a lot of panels.

Hehe, I actually did use a TON of copy and pasting, just did lots of editing to hide it. *mission accomplished, whoop*

I am a born story teller... I'm so not used to the comic art form. ;D I'll try to make the comic after next not so long, hehe.

*goes to look at list for something to review*

[ohmandoh]

Triple Negative

I'm on the Trading Post everyday. That comic is hilarious and SOOOOO true. The red quiggle is especially funny as I've never seen one without a super happy expression on their face. I also think the kiko having glasses is awesome. I can't really tell what the green guy up top is supposed to be but the expressions and gestures along with each comment are perfect.

A Hero's Journey: Part One

I thought the whole coming up with the name thing was great. You did it in a way that was not boring and I was actually trying to figure out what they would come up with. (I had forgotten the whole pretext of the story and had a nice 'Duh!' moment there). The only thing bothering me about the story is the seesawing maturity of Reuben. I was unclear as to how long the father was gone and how old his sons were. The very last statement seemed too mature a thing for him to say compared to his earlier behaviour. All around great story and I can't wait to see what will happen next!

12 Suggestions for the Perfect New Year's Resolution

I really wasn't expecting this story to be what it was. I hate new year's resolutions, and all the talk about them at social events and on the news and everywhere. Drives me batters. But I LOVED this one! Even though it is belated now, I feel like taking each of these suggestions, fill in the blanks, and keep them up where I can see!

A Slimy Point of View!

Very funny. I couldn't stop reading.

An Unexpected Friend

It was cute. It ended a bit abruptly, though. I would have liked a lot more story. It felt more like an introduction to say 'The Adventures of Princess Kizzy and Her Plushie Snowbunny' or something. Hehe.

Fragrant breezes wafted the scent of the gorgeous flowers to her nose, and she saw Buzzes bumbling by.

When I read that, I want to say 'Oooh, pretty sentence' and forget about what's actually happening in the story. When I'm trying to exercise my writing skills, I like to write two versions of the same scene in a movie. The first version describes almost every detail in the scene, is rich, and takes up pages. In the second version, I try to give the same thought picture as the first using no descriptive words. Just by the tone of the sentences and the actions of the characters. Just thought I'd share that, hehe.

I especially loved the opening of the story. She was thinking about what her nanny taught her but did it anyways. Hehe.

[Kat]

laurelinden said:

New Series Reviews

A Hero's Journey: Part One

[/b]

I think I may have read this already -- it seems familiar, anyway. Did you ever post it in Work Reviews?

Anyway, the introduction is very well-paced. I didn't get a sense of it being rushed at all, and the idea of how Rohane's name came to be was clever. The end was done well also, with a hint of jealousy to be intriguing without losing the sense of reality (it wasn't overdone).

My complaint is that the dream that Reuben had confused me -- it took me two readings to figure out for sure that it was a dream. I think that mentioning that he thought he'd dozed off was what made it unclear; if he'd simply awoken to the strange situation it would have been more obvious it was a dream. Having him "realize" he was awake sort of solidified that he was, and made it harder to understand that he really was dreaming.

All in all, though, it was a good first part. I'm curious to see whether any time will have passed between the first and second parts. The development of this sibling rivalry, and where it will end up, leaves a pretty broad spectrum of plot possibilities.[/quote]

Awww, thanks Lau! j:D Hee, I've never done dream sequences before, and I guess I do have to work on them a bit. XD

ohmandoh said:

A Hero's Journey: Part One

I thought the whole coming up with the name thing was great. You did it in a way that was not boring and I was actually trying to figure out what they would come up with. (I had forgotten the whole pretext of the story and had a nice 'Duh!' moment there). The only thing bothering me about the story is the seesawing maturity of Reuben. I was unclear as to how long the father was gone and how old his sons were. The very last statement seemed too mature a thing for him to say compared to his earlier behaviour. All around great story and I can't wait to see what will happen next!

Thanks for the review too! j:D Well...you know how little kids are, one minute they're perfect angels, and the next minute, they're downright immature terrors. Gleep, I should've given more specific ages. ^^;

Life at Yurble Manor by eehad

Heh, it was a little longer than expected, but that's not a bad thing. ^^ Anyway, some parts could have been shortened and omitted, and there were a few slight typos here and there, but the theme is very entertaining, and I really fell in love with Petit's character. The only thing about the story that I really didn't understand was Twurie's butterfly...but all in all, this is quite an interesting piece.

[eehad]

laurelinden said:

Life at Yurble Manor

[/b]

The use of voice is strong in this story, with the narration written in such a way that it is easy to "see" into Vykroth's thoughts and empathize with him as he struggles to mind the manor and the troublesome baby Yurble.

The organization was a little strange around the part where Vykroth is putting the baby Yurble down for a nap and remembers the Tyrannian Babaa outside -- a somewhat detailed background was given to the Babaa, who wasn't a very significant character. The important information in that entire section could have been summarized more efficiently without the unnecessary details.

Also, the plot just seemed to fit too cleanly and nicely together. Out of all of the applicants, two just happened to be perfect, exactly what he was needing. There was no serious rivalry between them, there were no surprises, and no plot twists. I was thinking that perhaps one of the applicants might turn out to be a thief, or that the Ixis had some alterior plan, with one staying behind and all.

The end mentioned the possibility of more similar stories to come -- perhaps some sort of depth or intricacies will be revealed in those.[/quote]

Thanks for the review.
I know the plot was maybe a bit too goody-two-shoes but the whole idea of the story actually started out as an application for a foster pet and then when I was urged to sent it to the NT I was mortified about the whole 'do's and don't' in the NT.
I hope to slowly 'feel' my way forward to see what goes and what gets rejected.

amateurwriter said:

Life at Yurble Manor by eehad

Heh, it was a little longer than expected, but that's not a bad thing. ^^ Anyway, some parts could have been shortened and omitted, and there were a few slight typos here and there, but the theme is very entertaining, and I really fell in love with Petit's character. The only thing about the story that I really didn't understand was Twurie's butterfly...but all in all, this is quite an interesting piece.

All in all I think it was 50 characters under the limit for a short story. Nearly to long to be a short story but not enough plot to be a series.
Well, at least not yet.
Thanks for the review
I'm gonna write more parts to it but they probably will all be short stories. And then you will 'maybe' find out whats the story with Twurie and also if Smoogle is able of saying anything else then 'Yup'
(he came quite short in the story so far)

Try to see it as an appetizer

[Deleted]

ohmandoh said:

12 Suggestions for the Perfect New Year's Resolution
I really wasn't expecting this story to be what it was. I hate new year's resolutions, and all the talk about them at social events and on the news and everywhere. Drives me batters. But I LOVED this one! Even though it is belated now, I feel like taking each of these suggestions, fill in the blanks, and keep them up where I can see!

Thank you so much for the review, I'm glad that you enjoyed it I had a great time writing it =)

[Huntress]

Mmkay, a promise is a promise and I need a break from my maths torment... gotta retake a test tomorrow, most likely during the 8th lesson when I'm already braindead. Yay. So it's about time for me to dig through some comics ^^

Spooky: yus, you guessed it, nobody else got past the cool floating knife effect and I won't either :3 *prods the knife* I think Echo is slowly turning into my favorite Spooky comic character, always being the happy kinda-airheaded hippie-like peacemaker. Plus, he's the one carrying the punchline in this comic (that and Komo's hilarious expression xD) *glances at your latest comics* Actually I'd say that he's been kinda neglected lately. I demand more Echo comics @.@
As for the art, it's really awesome. Nice and smooth and expressive. The second panel could've used some more detail though... even some thin lines to represent stone blocks would've worked. But all in all, another great comic ^^ Nice work.

Triple Negative: oh how true. I've never understood why people won't go to the Auctions if they want pure neopoints for the item. Maybe, just maybe your comic will make some of them think twice... The art is pretty sketchy but I don't actually find it disturbing. Another comic I liked =3

LePhante!: ooh, Paint art ^^ I used to do that but I find it a lot harder than handdrawing. That comic obviously took a lot of hard work. The plotline is good too and the Kyrii dude's attitude is a nice touch. Good job ^^

Notions and Nonsense: this world would come to an end if our pets got to dictate what they eat >:3 *glances at her piles of squishy brain wraps in the SDB* So yus, I loved the joke ^^ The art is nice too, only the plate things look a bit odd. And the outlines could've been a tad bit thinner in muh personal opinion.

The Pet Patrol Revolution: really original :3 I'm not sure if the comic had even worked out that well as non-Flash. But the art is good, the plotline is good and Flash comics are always a nice change.

Retired? Nah, Just Different!: very detailed and pretty. Even if the Grundo looks a bit walk-like-an-Egyptian in that last panel. But I love that Meerca's expression :3 I didn't find the plotline that funny, though that's probably because I had read about it i the collab board some time ago. That board has spoiled so many comics for me... o.o;

[Komori]

:3 Bwee, thankies for the indepth review Huntress!

ssjelitegirl said:

I think Echo is slowly turning into my favorite Spooky comic character, always being the happy kinda-airheaded hippie-like peacemaker. Plus, he's the one carrying the punchline in this comic (that and Komo's hilarious expression xD) *glances at your latest comics* Actually I'd say that he's been kinda neglected lately. I demand more Echo comics @.@

True, Echo's a rather neglected character. Maybe I'll make a little ministory that focuses on him... Though coming up soon is a sidestory just about Claw and Tombstones. ^_^

As for the art, it's really awesome. Nice and smooth and expressive. The second panel could've used some more detail though... even some thin lines to represent stone blocks would've worked. But all in all, another great comic ^^ Nice work.

^_^ Thanks! I totally agree with that lack of detail. I knew I should've put something in there. I guess they have really big rooms in their castle with absolutely no furniture. XDD

[Nut]

Here are some very late review replies, to be followed by even later reviews. I wonder why I always seem to start reviewing on Tuesday.

doughnut215 said:

Retired? Nah, Just Differemt:

I really like this one, I found it very funny I love the different poses and expressions of the pets in the second frame, and the joke is great too =) I particularly like the meercas tail, though I'm not exactly sure why hehe.

Thanks for the review, Doughnut! ^^ Credit for the joke goes to my collab partner. ^^ I'm glad you like the art. I did some extra shading/highlighting on the Meerca's tail, so perhaps that's it. ^^

neostarqueen said:

Retired?: Aww, cute art! x3 I had to read it twice to get the joke, but that's because I'm slow. And then the joke was funny after. ^_^

Glad you liked it. Thanks for the review, NSQ! ^^

ghostkomori said:

Retired? Nah, Just Different!

Really cute comic! Let's see, where to start...

Oh, I guess my first complaint is the title. :/ It really doesn't make much sense, and it'd a bit too long. Just "Retired?" would've been fine. The 'Nah, just different!' part could've been in the comment box. But I notice it's a collab, and that Hello-person was the one who submitted it, so I guess that's not your fault. :3 Hehe.

The comic's got a nice sense of timing. I like the second panel especially, it has plenty of wonderful details to look at. It's also the largest panel of the comic, which helps draw the eye. It's a good setup to show all the various characters of the various retired games. The body language of the grundo is great, the 'looking over the shoulder' adds a nice bit of interest to the scene. The last panel is also well layed out, with that solitary surprised meerca sitting there. If you had redrawn every character, it would've been less effective (not to mention far more time consuming, heh.).

One thing I would've changed is the first panel. I think that tombstone should've been showing the full title of the grundo's game, just to help the reader remember what game he's from, and also explain to the newer people who may have been unaware of the game's existence. The key part of the comic is the snow (or mud) throwing, so the word 'throw' should've been part of the comic too.

I love all the shading and detail you put into the tombstones and background. You went through the trouble of shading AND highlighting all aspects of the comic, and it really shows all the time and care you put into your comics. And I really love the texture in the tombstones. Very nice and rocky. It's great that you even included those little images of the characters on the stones. So cute! Oh, but that one brown tomb in the upper left of the second panel is a tad bit distracting, if only because it's brown while the rest of the stones are grey.

Altogether, a super nice comic!

Thank you so much for the review, Komori! ;D Your reviews always manage to make me feel good about my art and give me incentive to improve at the same time. ^^
I didn't know what the title of the comic was until after it was submitted, so there wasn't much I could do about that. You're completely right about the Grundo's tombstone, though. I was actually thinking that the full game name should be on there, but by the time I had that thought I had finished the comic and didn't feel like redrawing it. I probably could have just made the letters smaller and fit it all in without changing the tombstone itself, but ah well.
Thanks for the compliments on the background. ^^ I was quite pleased with how it came out. I was relying heavily on the pictures of the tombstones in the Game Graveyard for reference, and patterned the texture of the stones almost identically to them, so I can't take full credit for coming up with that rocky feel. I liked the small pictures on the tombstones, too, especially the one in the bottom corner; I put that stone in partly for the fun of drawing that fat little Skeith. ^^ The brown tombstone is quite distracting, I now notice. I probably should have just made it gray, but I thought that might look too monotonous. -_~; I'm glad you liked the comic, though. All credit for the gag goes to Tee. ^^
Thanks again for the very in-depth review!

ssjelitegirl said:

Retired? Nah, Just Different!: very detailed and pretty. Even if the Grundo looks a bit walk-like-an-Egyptian in that last panel. But I love that Meerca's expression :3 I didn't find the plotline that funny, though that's probably because I had read about it i the collab board some time ago. That board has spoiled so many comics for me... o.o;

Thank'ee for the review, Huntress! ^^ I'm glad you like the Meerca; they're fun to draw. ^^ I see you noticed the Grundo's stiff pose in the last panel. -_o; I didn't even notice how strange it looked until after it was published, at which point I was beating myself for not loosening him up a little. Especially the fingers... Ah well. Thanks for the review!

[Bubbles- Masta Pirate Thespian]

ohmandoh said:

[color=GreenA Slimy Point of View!

[/color]

Very funny. I couldn't stop reading.
[/quote]

Awww... Thank you!!!

Any other reviews for 'A Slimy Point of View!'?

*begs*

[Speck]

ghostkomori said:

Triple Negative

Gyaaah, I can totally relate to this comic! I know so many other Neopians also feel the irony. It's a topic that isn't ever covered, but it's something that is felt among most every Neopian. So bravo first on choice of topic. I mean, the punchline itself was predictable from the beginning, but it was one of those comics where you read the first part and go "Haha! I hate that!" and continue reading, and go "Oh man, and that too! Gaah!" etc. If that makes any sense, hehe.

Artwise, it's quite nice. I love the softness of the coloring and lineart. It's really pleasant to look at. I also enjoy the varying perspectives of the tables and the traders. Even the little things such as the nice variety of looks and personalities of each of the traders matches the subtle emotions inherit in their particular bits of dialogue. The flow works quite well, and I'm glad you kept all the traders in one unbroken panel rather than separating each with a dividing panel line. My only complaint in the art is the bits towards the edges. Some of the colors bleed just a bit outside the panels. Also, the tables' linearts don't quite reach the edge. It's quite distracting, especially since those bits are right next to the dialogue bubbles, so they're impossible to overlook.

Otherwise, it's such a pretty comic to look at, and it's funny to boot. Probably one of my faves this week. ^^

Some of the lineart was colored with prismacolors (the tables, the gelert...), and since I don't often use markers to color stuff, it got a little messy. I was also trying to fade the tables' legs, just so I would have to draw the bottom of them. That, and it was a little confusing for me to draw them, as the initial idea was to have the tables in seperate panels.

Thanks for the constructive critsism.

doughnut215 said:

Triple Negative:

I love this comic The art is nice and the joke is instantly clear, and it's something that almost everyone can identify with, hehe. I also like that kind of 'sketchy' style you've used, it looks awesome ^_^ If I had to suggest one thing, maybe use slightly brighter colours for the bottom frame? Just my opinion. *is really bad at reviewing comics* hehe.

Brighter colors next time. Check.
That sketchy style is so tedious to color, though. (At least on the computer...)

neostarqueen said:

Triple Negative: XD I can totally relate. Great joke, very pretty art as well! And I like the speech bubbles.

I love making speech bubbles. It's the easiest part of the comic! Well, the speech bubbles themselves, but not necissarily what goes in them.

ohmandoh said:

Triple Negative

I'm on the Trading Post everyday. That comic is hilarious and SOOOOO true. The red quiggle is especially funny as I've never seen one without a super happy expression on their face. I also think the kiko having glasses is awesome. I can't really tell what the green guy up top is supposed to be but the expressions and gestures along with each comment are perfect.

The green guy was supposed to be a Kyrii, but he kind of got semi-anthropomorphized in the inking process.

ssjelitegirl said:

Triple Negative: oh how true. I've never understood why people won't go to the Auctions if they want pure neopoints for the item. Maybe, just maybe your comic will make some of them think twice... The art is pretty sketchy but I don't actually find it disturbing. Another comic I liked =3

I think people want an exact amount of neopoints, and don't want to risk selling their item off for less than what they want. *shrug*


Thanks for all the comments, guys. I can feel my ego growing a little.

[Nut]

I promised to do a review today, didn’t I? And I’m in time; there’s a good couple of hours left before midnight here. Thank goodness for the “working offline” function that lets me read comics even while my mom is using the phone line. I’m only going to do one quick review because it’s a bit late.

[glow=blue,2,300]Spooky[/glow]
Panel One: I love the facial expressions on your characters here. ^^ Claw’s expression in particular is great. The carrot on Echo’s cutting board is a cute and natural touch. It seemed a little odd to me that the knife was floating in the air, though since she’s a ghost I suppose it’s all right. I like how the knife is tinted by Echo’s ghost aura; it is a nice detail.
Panel Two: Tombstones has an excellent action pose here. I love how you drew him swinging the blade. The panel has a great sense of movement, with the scythe slashing through the air and Komo frantically leaping out of the way. As always, Komo’s exaggerated expression is perfect. I rather like the effect of the small glows given off by Echo and Claw in the background. The only thing here that might be a problem was that it was a rather large panel and nearly one quarter of it was taken up with the flat gray floor color, making the surroundings seem a bit empty. I realize that they’re living in a deserted tower, though, and the well-executed action in the panel was enough to keep the reader from dwelling on that little detail.
Panel Three: The art here is lovely as well, particularly Claw’s knowing expression. I like the angle of the table here. Echo’s tail seems to cut a bit close to the edge of her aura, but that’s a small matter. The punchline was rather expected, though still quite funny. ^^

[Star]

I come back on Neopets after a few days off to find a story I submitted months ago is in...so reviews would be nice! I haven't been on for sooooo long because I lost interest in the NT for a while (shock, horror!) but now I'm back on track and writing again! I'll try and do reviews later on. Meanwhile, would anyone like to review Freedom? Please?

[ohmandoh]

Freedom

I really enjoyed this story. With the discussion about changing bodies, I thought they would. It was nice that it turned into something very different and unpredictable.

The first section could have been left italicized to help seperate it from the main story.

Since the story stars Daisy, I think it would have been better to have a longer introduction of her and the garden before showing the yellow wocky. Perhaps a close up (in words, hehe) of her searching around the beautiful garden for her friend, and when finally catching up, Shine could say it was enough and collapse down into that scene. As it was, I kept confusing the two throughout the story.

The rest of the story was nearly perfect, hehe. Perhaps more examples of what she expected to happen versus what was happening now to help contrast the situations. It was a really nice story. I hope you don't give up writing for the NT for good.

========================

Thanks for the review, Huntress!

LePhante!: ooh, Paint art ^^ I used to do that but I find it a lot harder than handdrawing. That comic obviously took a lot of hard work. The plotline is good too and the Kyrii dude's attitude is a nice touch. Good job ^^

I can sketch, but I can't do much more than that, hehe. Thanks!

[Buddy]

Reviewing one thing now, hoping to review more later...

Life at Yurble Manor: The story is amazingly engaging and entertaining for a such a silly, irrelevent story. Though the plot can be a tad weak and sometimes doesn't really seem to go anywhere, at the same time, the story truely is engaging! I have to say, I'm stumped - I'm not sure if I can quite point out just WHAT makes the story so engaging!

Perhaps it was the characters themselves, who're surprisingly interesting and entertaining, despite not being particularly deep; the author does a great job at making us connect with the characters in a short period of time, causing them (especially the baby, Petit) to be charming and cute just so much so without crossing the line into cheesy and cliche. A marvelous achievement indeed!

The plot itself wasn't too amazing, but was still very solid and had a surprisingly fresh feel to it; I don't really just how original or cliche the plot is, but it certainly FEELS original with its presentation. Looking back on the story, I feel like nothing really changed from the beginning to the end - and yet, I find I don't really CARE, either! The story itself was so engaging, with such natural, continuous flow that by the end, I wasn't really too bothered either way.

The only major complaint I can find in the story is that it didn't have enough descriptions (especially in talking about the manor and the rooms in it). However, the story was exceptionally long without a full paragraph or two of descriptions, and while I'm not one to advocate trimming down stories just because they're "too long", I can actually understand in this case (though, if it were me, I'd choose the descriptions). You said that your story was just 50 words under the word limit, and having had to fight the annoyingly low word limit myself, I can understand completely. Don't get me wrong, there was an ample amount of descriptions; certainly, enough for me to be able to picture the mansion and stuff. I just felt that maybe there could've been more. Of course, I can be somewhat of a fickle, description-whore sometimes, too.

Overall, a story that SHOULDN'T have been interesting, but wasn't, with characters who SHOULD'VE been cliche and boring, but weren't. In fact, when Twurie turned the paper butterfly into a real one, I was even in a little bit of awe, something an NT story hasn't made me feel in a long time! I'm guessing this is going to be part of a continuous series of stories on this subject - and I sure hope I'm right! This is how short stories should be written, I think. Add some more descriptions and keep up the sense of charmed wonder that made this one so charming and you'll really have an enjoyable series on your hands! Good work!

[Komori]

nut said:

I promised to do a review today, didn’t I? And I’m in time; there’s a good couple of hours left before midnight here. Thank goodness for the “working offline” function that lets me read comics even while my mom is using the phone line. I’m only going to do one quick review because it’s a bit late.

[glow=blue,2,300]Spooky[/glow]
Panel One: I love the facial expressions on your characters here. ^^ Claw’s expression in particular is great. The carrot on Echo’s cutting board is a cute and natural touch. It seemed a little odd to me that the knife was floating in the air, though since she’s a ghost I suppose it’s all right. I like how the knife is tinted by Echo’s ghost aura; it is a nice detail.
Panel Two: Tombstones has an excellent action pose here. I love how you drew him swinging the blade. The panel has a great sense of movement, with the scythe slashing through the air and Komo frantically leaping out of the way. As always, Komo’s exaggerated expression is perfect. I rather like the effect of the small glows given off by Echo and Claw in the background. The only thing here that might be a problem was that it was a rather large panel and nearly one quarter of it was taken up with the flat gray floor color, making the surroundings seem a bit empty. I realize that they’re living in a deserted tower, though, and the well-executed action in the panel was enough to keep the reader from dwelling on that little detail.
Panel Three: The art here is lovely as well, particularly Claw’s knowing expression. I like the angle of the table here. Echo’s tail seems to cut a bit close to the edge of her aura, but that’s a small matter. The punchline was rather expected, though still quite funny. ^^

Thanks for the indepth panel-to-panel review! :3 I'm so amused that Echo's knife attracted so much attention. XDDD Hehe. And yeah, I totally agree about the emptiness in the second panel. I think I may have gotten a mite lazy. ;