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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2005 15:27:10 GMT -5
I can't wait. It's the series that combines Prophecy of the Equinox and By My Honor, right?  *hopes he's right* In any case, reviews for What Counts would be greatly appreciated. EDIT: PWN! 900th post. ;D Yup, it is! I think I might just wait for the next break we get (winter, maybe) and write it then. It's easiest when I can sit down for a few straight hours, and right now the only time I have that is during the weekend (sometimes) and my brain is too tired to be writing much more than a short story at that point. I've gotta read What Counts! I might have a few minutes sometime today, or tomorrow. ^^ You know what's kind of ironic? I think Ocean's Embrace was fairly good, but not my best story ever, but I've gotten more fanmail for that than practically anything else... I know what you mean. I thought Once Upon a Halloween Night was one of my best works and it received zip fanmail.  What Counts has gotten three (I think... several were unintelligible), and most of my others at least get that much. Once Upon a Fyora Day got like twenty-six or something crazy like that. *can't wait until Christmas break* ;D |
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Post by Tay - Sock Eater on Nov 10, 2005 18:51:27 GMT -5
You all deserve more reviews from me and I feel like reading. Here goes... The Truth about our Refillable Friends WOW. I just have to say, WOW. This was extremely clever and funny to read! I liked the descriptions of Inky Pen, that was really entertaining! I also liked Fancy Pen - interesting. "He was pennapped at the age of thirty five by the Tax Beast for tax evasion... seems he was only paying the tax for one of his colors. Bad Pen." Absolutely hilarious. Only paying tax for one of his colors? I would have never thought of that! When his great uncle ran out of ink. That's a wonderful way to put it. xD All I have is POSTIVE feedback on this article - awesome. I liked every description of every pen. This was extremely unique and funny and clever. By far the best article I've ever read. Keep up the great work!  |
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Post by Nut on Nov 10, 2005 19:36:20 GMT -5
... I haven't been too satisfied with my reviews lately. I really want to learn to write good reviews that are useful, so I'm trying a new tactic: taking specific quotes from stories and mentioning them in the review. The lucky victims of this experiment are as follows...
Short Story Reviews
The Tale of Cutie Cucumber
I found this to be a very amusing story that was fun to read.
"Of course. Good afternoon, Mrs. Cucumber. How may I help you?" he asked, trying to treat her as kindly as possible.
"I don't know. Little Johnny over there, and the rest of them, all took me here."
The poor doctor looked bewildered. "Who's Johnny?"
"The pumpkin, of course!" Christine pointed to Cutie, beamed happily, and began spinning in circles.
I thought this section was funny, emphasizing Christine's insanity. The idea of "Johnny" being a pumpkin just strikes me as funny for some reason... Pumpkin is a funny word... XD
"She seems to be suffering from short-term Amesyhia," Doctor J.R. Theodore II was wearing a pair of glasses and had a clipboard in front of him.
I didn't quite understand the Doctor's twisting the word "Amenesia" like that. Is this a Neopianized version of the word that I'm not aware of, or is it meant to imply that the Doctor doesn't know what he's talking about or that he's simply getting the word wrong? This sentence also seems to be combined with a description of the Doctor, which seems a bit out of place considering that he's speaking; the reader might expect a synonym of "said" to follow the name, rather than a matter-of-fact description. But that's my opinion.
"Ame-whaty-what?" Graphie asked, cross-eyed, her tongue sticking out.
Interesting mental image. XD
"Well done, Johnny. You're such a good pumpkin.
I don't know why, but every time she calls Cutie a pumpkin, it just makes me grin. It was a little bit confusing to me that Christine's made-up name for Cutie is a boy's name, though, and for a while I wasn't completely sure what gender the Bruce was.
"HUBERT PHYLLIS RACHEL PAUL!"
Poor Karina. XD
The ending of the story could be expected as soon as one begins reading the section near the end, as the circumstances are nearly identical to the beginning. As Christine can't, or wouldn't, become more insane, the more logical turn for the story to take is that she returns to normal, and she does. A satisfactory end nevertheless, and on a whole I thought it was an amusing and enjoyable story. ^^ Nice work!
What Counts
YAY POUND STORY! ^^ I like any and all stories situated at the Pound. Of course, this story is not something that most think of when the words "Pound story" are said. It's not cliched, and I found it to be a very good read. I loved the story, showing just what poorly named Neopets have to face, especially in the pound. It flows smoothly and it is easy to understand and relate to the main character's feelings.
I came into existence as the brainchild of my first owner. Or, so I thought. As it would later turn out I was basically conceived to be the living out of a fad. Needless to say, I now forget the name of my first owner. The only thing I do remember was that he was young, both physically and mentally.
I thought he would love me. All pets think their owners will love them, whether or not that thought turns out to be true. I believed that he created me to be a gift, a friend, a lifelong pal. I believed he would cherish me for who I was and would become his confidant and trusted keeper of secrets.
I was born a blue Eyrie, and I am still a blue Eyrie. I suppose now my owner thought Eyries looked cool. He didn't choose for me to be an Eyrie because of what it would bring me, but rather it would make him look cooler. It doesn't matter, now.
Ah, nice opening paragraphs. *nods* I like them. It helps the reader get to know the character early on. It seems too cruel to type his name... Poor Eyrie. In fact, people seem to be using his name more often than a person normally would throughout the story, as if emphasizing their uncaring towards him. Or perhaps it only seems to be used more than normal because the shocking name sticks out to the reader.
I whirled around to him, a look etched onto my face similar to that of Jhudora's if Illusen learned of her true intentions.
I like the simile. ^^
Neopets can't die, I remembered. I would live forever as Wartyuglypoopybutt, with no consolation.
What a terrible idea... and yet it's completely true. Those poor pound pets, doomed to a life of bearing the burden of names like "xxx7674928204898493x_".
"His name is Wartyuglypoopybutt, he's a blue Eyrie, he likes making friends, and if he were to be encountered by a stranger he would try to make friends…"
This story is tied with real facts of Neopia, which I like, as it gives it a sense of realism in a way.
"Wartyuglypoopybutt," he snarled. "Yous ugly, warty, poopy, and butt."
I like the Skeith's character. His slurring speech patterns and bullying ways make him seem perfectly mean, just as he's intended to be. I do notice in the sentence above that in the Skeith's slow and painful declaration of the words, "Ugly" and "Warty" are in the reverse order that they are in the Eyrie's name. Maybe this is intentional, but I would have thought that they would be in the same order for emphasis. *shrugs* It doesn't really make a difference.
BigstupidGoliath
*gasp* That Skeith doesn't have much of a name either... Perhaps his bullying attitude is a result of his own name-related woes? Just speculating on his past...
Others talk of BigstupidGoliath's awe-inspiring power and skill; others speak of my furious attacks upon him. I prefer to listen to those who talk about my part of the fight with respect, knowing it'll be the only respect I'll get with a name like mine.
Here, the tense changes from past to present. A few sentences later, the tense changes back to past at a rather odd moment during the dialogue between the Eyrie and the Gelert. I didn't notice it too much and didn't think it had a negative impact on the story, but seeing as it is only in place for a short part of the story, I think it would have been fine to leave it in the past tense.
The ending of the story was somewhat unexpected and satisfactorily "happy", with a strong moral message attached. Basically, this was exactly the kind of story I love. ^^ Great work!
EDIT: My 200th post! Yay! *brick'd for off-topic-ness*
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2005 19:43:20 GMT -5
What CountsYAY POUND STORY! ^^ I like any and all stories situated at the Pound. Of course, this story is not something that most think of when the words "Pound story" are said. It's not cliched, and I found it to be a very good read. I loved the story, showing just what poorly named Neopets have to face, especially in the pound. It flows smoothly and it is easy to understand and relate to the main character's feelings.
I came into existence as the brainchild of my first owner. Or, so I thought. As it would later turn out I was basically conceived to be the living out of a fad. Needless to say, I now forget the name of my first owner. The only thing I do remember was that he was young, both physically and mentally.
I thought he would love me. All pets think their owners will love them, whether or not that thought turns out to be true. I believed that he created me to be a gift, a friend, a lifelong pal. I believed he would cherish me for who I was and would become his confidant and trusted keeper of secrets.
I was born a blue Eyrie, and I am still a blue Eyrie. I suppose now my owner thought Eyries looked cool. He didn't choose for me to be an Eyrie because of what it would bring me, but rather it would make him look cooler. It doesn't matter, now. Ah, nice opening paragraphs. *nods* I like them. It helps the reader get to know the character early on. It seems too cruel to type his name... Poor Eyrie. In fact, people seem to be using his name more often than a person normally would throughout the story, as if emphasizing their uncaring towards him. Or perhaps it only seems to be used more than normal because the shocking name sticks out to the reader. I whirled around to him, a look etched onto my face similar to that of Jhudora's if Illusen learned of her true intentions.I like the simile. ^^ Neopets can't die, I remembered. I would live forever as Wartyuglypoopybutt, with no consolation. What a terrible idea... and yet it's completely true. Those poor pound pets, doomed to a life of bearing the burden of names like "xxx7674928204898493x_". "His name is Wartyuglypoopybutt, he's a blue Eyrie, he likes making friends, and if he were to be encountered by a stranger he would try to make friends…" This story is tied with real facts of Neopia, which I like, as it gives it a sense of realism in a way. "Wartyuglypoopybutt," he snarled. "Yous ugly, warty, poopy, and butt." I like the Skeith's character. His slurring speech patterns and bullying ways make him seem perfectly mean, just as he's intended to be. I do notice in the sentence above that in the Skeith's slow and painful declaration of the words, "Ugly" and "Warty" are in the reverse order that they are in the Eyrie's name. Maybe this is intentional, but I would have thought that they would be in the same order for emphasis. *shrugs* It doesn't really make a difference. BigstupidGoliath*gasp* That Skeith doesn't have much of a name either... Perhaps his bullying attitude is a result of his own name-related woes? Just speculating on his past... Others talk of BigstupidGoliath's awe-inspiring power and skill; others speak of my furious attacks upon him. I prefer to listen to those who talk about my part of the fight with respect, knowing it'll be the only respect I'll get with a name like mine. Here, the tense changes from past to present. A few sentences later, the tense changes back to past at a rather odd moment during the dialogue between the Eyrie and the Gelert. I didn't notice it too much and didn't think it had a negative impact on the story, but seeing as it is only in place for a short part of the story, I think it would have been fine to leave it in the past tense. The ending of the story was somewhat unexpected and satisfactorily "happy", with a strong moral message attached. Basically, this was exactly the kind of story I love. ^^ Great work! EDIT: My 200th post! Yay! *brick'd for off-topic-ness* I'm glad you liked it, Nut. I've received some nice positive feedback from it, and I really enjoyed writing it. As I read through it in the NT I realized I'd changed the tense, but at that point there was nothing that could be done about it, really. And BigstupidGoliath was supposed to say those things in the order he did -- it was sort of an indirect way of showing his stupidity in that he couldn't remember the order even though he just said the name. I'm really glad you enjoyed reading it, though. ;D Thanks for the review. |
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Post by Lau on Nov 10, 2005 21:26:51 GMT -5
What CountsVery interesting take on the importance of names! It's true, of course -- Neopet names can't be changed, and you see a lot of stupid names thrown in there, especially in the pound. Like owners just create crappy named pets for fun and get rid of them. That story was great. I loved how you really got into the character's personality, his voice, his day-to-day life, until finally he realizes that his name does not dictate who he is. I liked how, when you ended it, you didn't have him adopted, but showed that the possibility of his adotion was very real. Not cheesy at all, but very well done. The pacing was good, the language smooth... really, I don't see any drastic gramatical aspects or syntax that need improvement. Those were very good as well.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2005 21:45:44 GMT -5
What CountsVery interesting take on the importance of names! It's true, of course -- Neopet names can't be changed, and you see a lot of stupid names thrown in there, especially in the pound. Like owners just create crappy named pets for fun and get rid of them. That story was great. I loved how you really got into the character's personality, his voice, his day-to-day life, until finally he realizes that his name does not dictate who he is. I liked how, when you ended it, you didn't have him adopted, but showed that the possibility of his adotion was very real. Not cheesy at all, but very well done. The pacing was good, the language smooth... really, I don't see any drastic gramatical aspects or syntax that need improvement. Those were very good as well. Thanks for the review, Lau. ;D I'm glad you liked my story. I really enjoyed writing it (as I've said before, heh). |
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Post by tigerfanatic on Nov 10, 2005 22:32:07 GMT -5
You all deserve more reviews from me and I feel like reading. Here goes... The Truth about our Refillable Friends WOW. I just have to say, WOW. This was extremely clever and funny to read! I liked the descriptions of Inky Pen, that was really entertaining! I also liked Fancy Pen - interesting. "He was pennapped at the age of thirty five by the Tax Beast for tax evasion... seems he was only paying the tax for one of his colors. Bad Pen." Absolutely hilarious. Only paying tax for one of his colors? I would have never thought of that! When his great uncle ran out of ink. That's a wonderful way to put it. xD All I have is POSTIVE feedback on this article - awesome. I liked every description of every pen. This was extremely unique and funny and clever. By far the best article I've ever read. Keep up the great work! Thanks for the review |
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*hopes he's right*
What Counts has gotten three (I think... several were unintelligible), and most of my others at least get that much. Once Upon a Fyora Day got like twenty-six or something crazy like that.
