215 Reviews

[Deleted]

[glow=blue,2,300]Ocean's Embrace[/glow]
By Laurelinden

Wow. I must say that I'm impressed, Lau, although I guess that doesn't mean much coming from me (I'm fairly impressed with all of your stories. xD). In any case, this story was very well-written and the use of description is stunning.

The plot itself was very good; it's not something you read about every day.

I've heard a lot about this story from what you've said about it being rejected, and I'm glad to have finally read it. I can't say it exceeded my expectations, but it certainly didn't fall short of them. It fit them perfectly, to be honest.

Good work, Lau.

[Nina]

patjade said:

ghostkomori said:

Feed Florg!

Hahah... That was another classic "Patjade groaner comic". XD

You know, I hate to say it, but the joke would've been MUCH more effective with better visuals. This comic was really art-driven, and I think the images were quite unclear. The emphases really needed to be on that third panel, where the Kadoatie (?) was being exctracted from Florg's teeth. It's so unclear exactly what's going on in that panel. At first glance, it looks like Florg's trying to eat a petpet that's running past, then you see the motion lines and it looks like Florg coughed him up, but it really doesn't look like the petpet is coming from Florg's teeth, an important part of the joke.

Still, I like the pacing of the comic. It has good timing, most of the dialogue is quite clear. I didn't notice Florg's dialogue in the first panel, though, because it crammed up in a corner near the title, where it gets disregarded as part of the title. And most people don't read the title area, since the title has already been established on the main NT comics page. Thankfully, the comic does just fine without that bit of dialogue.

Heh. It was a cute comic though. ^__^

I am working with Tigeria on her art a bit. As with the last comic she did with me (which took 2 months to get in) I went redid the dialogue, but my art expertise (rated in the negative numbers) is not good enough to do any major reworkings of the comic itself.

I didn't get more than 2 neomails (about par) about the comic. I hope people enjoyed the joke, though.

Don't worry, Ms. Patjade. I often get just a couple neomails about my comics, it doesn't necessarily mean people didn't enjoy them ^_^.

[tigerfanatic]

The Truth About Our Refillable Friends
Okay, this is one of my personal favorite articles. The idea was simply genius. I wasn't really sure what to expect when I started reading this article, but as soon as I got past the introduction I was glued to the screen in amazement at how clever, not to mention well-written, this article is. The individual biographies on each pen are well thought-out and interesting. Many are quite amusing as well, if for no other reason than because of the terminology used in the context of the pens. I like how you described the Fancy Pen as "born with a Silver nib in its mouth" and all the other witty adaptions of common expressions scattered throughout. Not to mention the idea of the MSPP Pen's great uncle "running out of ink"! That one had me grinning. I congratulate you on your imagination; the pens' life stories were a great read!

Thanks ;D Glad you liked it

[Yuka]

Last request for Legend Seekers reviews! Please? I'll give you a... jar of Mystery Ingredient!

[Nina]

Ocean's Embrace

You know, a couple of weeks ago, I was just thinking that I'd love to read another one of your stories. In particular, I was in the mood for a Short Story at the time. So I guess that wish did come true eventually, just slightly late. .

In the land above the oceans, the rumors whispered, a creature of evil used them for his experiements.

Oooh, very nice description here. I really like the use of the word "whispered".

I like how everything here leads to something else. The story flows very smoothly. You transition very well from one thing to another, allowing the story to carry itself instead of abruptly changing the topic. Like... you introduced her sister in a very subtle manner. Also, it's nice how you wrote:

"She would have slept, but the sailors seemed to be getting louder, yelling directions and calling to each other over the moans of the ship.

Her ears pricked. They were panicked. "

That was a very smooth move on your part, moving the plot forward in a slight way, instead of writing something like, "The sounds of panic filled her ears as she was interrupted out of her thoughts." The way that you wrote it, it seems a lot less obvious that you were trying to introduce the next part of the plot, in a way. Am I making sense? =P

The concept of the sea pet taken into captivity in itself is a pretty interesting one. The plot, though? Sort of predictable. I had a feeling that she would get away right from the beginning. I was then sure that she would after she started “praying” to the sea, or started asking the sea for help. It was very simple, but maybe slightly too simple? There was really no twist in it, nothing that I didn’t particularly expect. Nothing that came as a surprise. It was also fairly simply written. I saw some of your beautiful descriptions, as usual, but it wasn’t as full of them as most of your stories are.

Kaylen is a character I’m sort of confused about: why was she introduced, even? I suppose she’s in the story so that we feel pity for the poor Uni, so that we see that she has feelings and that she needs to get back home to her sister. But somehow I think that the story would have been better without her? You added her as a very minor character, and she really does nothing, other than show us the main character’s feelings. The same goes for the old, grizzled Maraquan Jetsam. His appearance is very abrupt, and the reader sort of feels like, “…So, they met this Maraquan Jetsam? What were the circumstances of this meeting? What happened? Who was he?” Because you just throw him in like that, without much of a character intro, or even just an intro to the entire little story of meeting him. I think it would have been much more effective if you had maybe written a flashback type of a segment to explain what happened? Or maybe if you made the Jetsam somehow tie in with the story… like maybe he’d turn out to be one of the Sailors or something in the end? . I don’t know, I’m just thinking up ideas off the top of my head, but you get what I mean. It all needs to tie in a bit more, I think, that’s all.

I think that this story seems slightly incomplete, in that. It would have worked better if you had written a previous story about the Uni's life before the incident, or maybe if you had just tied in some of the minor characters with the plot more, as opposed to leaving them sort of separate and mysterious.

Overall, this was an enjoyable story to read. It was fun to just sit back and relax and to read it. It had your usual very flow-y and smooth style of writing, your flawless structure, grammar, spelling, etc. Still, I couldn’t help but think, after reading it, that you could have done better, just knowing the wonderful writer that you are, Lau. I’ve read much of your stuff, and this story, while a pleasant read, I feel could have been improved on in some areas.

Great job altogether, though ^_^. I always like reading your stuff.

[Deleted]

nut said:

Article Reviews

"I Fell Off Faerieland" - and Other Wacky Excuses
A very entertaining article! I confess that I was expecting a list article, with 50 or so excuses and little or no explanations, but I should have known better, coming from Playmobil. As it was, I found myself looking at a highly entertaining article with five very funny excuses to get out of Neoschool. I love the second excuse--a Diddler indeed! The third excuse was also hilarious, and the fourth was just plain funny. I am glad that you devoted space in the article to explain each excuse, as the excuses wouldn't be nearly as funny without your delightful narrative talking about each one. Number five was to be expected, but at the end of your article you left me longing to see what other crazy excuses you could've come up with. Great work!

Thanks a mil, Nut.

[Nut]

Of Kelp and Health
Clearly written as a humorous story, this follows the usual format of Kelp comedy. The idea of the Scorchio letting the two "health inspectors" into the restaurant 346 days early is rather funny, showing just how crazy the Scorchio is. As soon as the two owners enter Kelp, you can tell that everything is going to go wrong. Of course, it does. Czenko's brashness had me cringing a bit with sympathy for the poor Kelp workers, but Abrax balanced out her character nicely. Czenko's table manners sounded eerily like mine... *cough* I didn't think that switching between third person and Czenko's point of view was that confusing, but I do think that it would have been better if you used double quotes for speaking. The ending of the story, when the real health inspectors show up (346 days early, apparently) could be expected and yet is unexpected, since the reader knows that they're not supposed to come until the next year.

[Czenko]

nut said:

Of Kelp and Health
Clearly written as a humorous story, this follows the usual format of Kelp comedy. The idea of the Scorchio letting the two "health inspectors" into the restaurant 346 days early is rather funny, showing just how crazy the Scorchio is. As soon as the two owners enter Kelp, you can tell that everything is going to go wrong. Of course, it does. Czenko's brashness had me cringing a bit with sympathy for the poor Kelp workers, but Abrax balanced out her character nicely. Czenko's table manners sounded eerily like mine... *cough* I didn't think that switching between third person and Czenko's point of view was that confusing, but I do think that it would have been better if you used double quotes for speaking. The ending of the story, when the real health inspectors show up (346 days early, apparently) could be expected and yet is unexpected, since the reader knows that they're not supposed to come until the next year.

Thanks for the review. I created my own character. I really do actually don't have the best table manners. I throw my food everywhere. I don't mean to.

Anyway, I wish my point of view was a little bit more special, because I am the sloppy eater. It would be too crazy if we had two completely out of it NT reporters huh? Thanks for comming with me Tyrannitar I would have been kicked out before I even put my hand on the doorknob.

[Tyrannitar]

czenko said:

nut said:

Of Kelp and Health
Clearly written as a humorous story, this follows the usual format of Kelp comedy. The idea of the Scorchio letting the two "health inspectors" into the restaurant 346 days early is rather funny, showing just how crazy the Scorchio is. As soon as the two owners enter Kelp, you can tell that everything is going to go wrong. Of course, it does. Czenko's brashness had me cringing a bit with sympathy for the poor Kelp workers, but Abrax balanced out her character nicely. Czenko's table manners sounded eerily like mine... *cough* I didn't think that switching between third person and Czenko's point of view was that confusing, but I do think that it would have been better if you used double quotes for speaking. The ending of the story, when the real health inspectors show up (346 days early, apparently) could be expected and yet is unexpected, since the reader knows that they're not supposed to come until the next year.

Thanks for the review. I created my own character. I really do actually don't have the best table manners. I throw my food everywhere. I don't mean to.

Anyway, I wish my point of view was a little bit more special, because I am the sloppy eater. It would be too crazy if we had two completely out of it NT reporters huh? Thanks for comming with me Tyrannitar I would have been kicked out before I even put my hand on the doorknob.

All we did was write a collab, but your welcome. I guess every story needs an idiot and a smart-person. NO PRIZES WHO THOSE ARE j/k j/k.

It was fun to do a collab with you Czenko; we should do another. XD

[Czenko]

tyrannitar said:

czenko said:

Thanks for the review. I created my own character. I really do actually don't have the best table manners. I throw my food everywhere. I don't mean to.

Anyway, I wish my point of view was a little bit more special, because I am the sloppy eater. It would be too crazy if we had two completely out of it NT reporters huh? Thanks for comming with me Tyrannitar I would have been kicked out before I even put my hand on the doorknob.

All we did was write a collab, but your welcome. I guess every story needs an idiot and a smart-person. NO PRIZES WHO THOSE ARE j/k j/k.

It was fun to do a collab with you Czenko; we should do another. XD

Are you joking. I bailed like I always do on stories. Having people wait on me freaks me out when I'm doing something only for fun *shivers*, but I would be happy to anyway.

Yay or nay?

[Lau]

Ocean's Embrace

By Laurelinden

Wow. I must say that I'm impressed, Lau, although I guess that doesn't mean much coming from me (I'm fairly impressed with all of your stories. xD). In any case, this story was very well-written and the use of description is stunning.

The plot itself was very good; it's not something you read about every day.

I've heard a lot about this story from what you've said about it being rejected, and I'm glad to have finally read it. I can't say it exceeded my expectations, but it certainly didn't fall short of them. It fit them perfectly, to be honest.

Good work, Lau.

Ocean's Embrace

You know, a couple of weeks ago, I was just thinking that I'd love to read another one of your stories. In particular, I was in the mood for a Short Story at the time. So I guess that wish did come true eventually, just slightly late. .

In the land above the oceans, the rumors whispered, a creature of evil used them for his experiements.

Oooh, very nice description here. I really like the use of the word "whispered".

I like how everything here leads to something else. The story flows very smoothly. You transition very well from one thing to another, allowing the story to carry itself instead of abruptly changing the topic. Like... you introduced her sister in a very subtle manner. Also, it's nice how you wrote:

"She would have slept, but the sailors seemed to be getting louder, yelling directions and calling to each other over the moans of the ship.

Her ears pricked. They were panicked. "

That was a very smooth move on your part, moving the plot forward in a slight way, instead of writing something like, "The sounds of panic filled her ears as she was interrupted out of her thoughts." The way that you wrote it, it seems a lot less obvious that you were trying to introduce the next part of the plot, in a way. Am I making sense? =P

The concept of the sea pet taken into captivity in itself is a pretty interesting one. The plot, though? Sort of predictable. I had a feeling that she would get away right from the beginning. I was then sure that she would after she started “praying” to the sea, or started asking the sea for help. It was very simple, but maybe slightly too simple? There was really no twist in it, nothing that I didn’t particularly expect. Nothing that came as a surprise. It was also fairly simply written. I saw some of your beautiful descriptions, as usual, but it wasn’t as full of them as most of your stories are.

Kaylen is a character I’m sort of confused about: why was she introduced, even? I suppose she’s in the story so that we feel pity for the poor Uni, so that we see that she has feelings and that she needs to get back home to her sister. But somehow I think that the story would have been better without her? You added her as a very minor character, and she really does nothing, other than show us the main character’s feelings. The same goes for the old, grizzled Maraquan Jetsam. His appearance is very abrupt, and the reader sort of feels like, “…So, they met this Maraquan Jetsam? What were the circumstances of this meeting? What happened? Who was he?” Because you just throw him in like that, without much of a character intro, or even just an intro to the entire little story of meeting him. I think it would have been much more effective if you had maybe written a flashback type of a segment to explain what happened? Or maybe if you made the Jetsam somehow tie in with the story… like maybe he’d turn out to be one of the Sailors or something in the end? . I don’t know, I’m just thinking up ideas off the top of my head, but you get what I mean. It all needs to tie in a bit more, I think, that’s all.

I think that this story seems slightly incomplete, in that. It would have worked better if you had written a previous story about the Uni's life before the incident, or maybe if you had just tied in some of the minor characters with the plot more, as opposed to leaving them sort of separate and mysterious.

Overall, this was an enjoyable story to read. It was fun to just sit back and relax and to read it. It had your usual very flow-y and smooth style of writing, your flawless structure, grammar, spelling, etc. Still, I couldn’t help but think, after reading it, that you could have done better, just knowing the wonderful writer that you are, Lau. I’ve read much of your stuff, and this story, while a pleasant read, I feel could have been improved on in some areas.

Great job altogether, though ^_^. I always like reading your stuff.

Thanks for the reviews, Jason and Nina. I think both of them were pretty accurate.

Nina, you were right about much of what you said concerning the "incompleteness" of the story. I am still trying to get the hang of what a short story should contain, and how in-depth it should go. I think that series come more naturally to me. I guess that I was not trying to force a huge background into this story, it was just meant to be a window into her mind during this one, brief scene, just sort of skimming through flashes of her past as she thought of them. The main message was to convey her thought that the sea had betrayed her, and turn that into a regaining of her faith as the storm came to her aid. It wasn't meant to be that plot-filled, since the importance of the storyteller and sister were actually pretty minimal.

I guess I could have gone more in-depth, but I was trying to focus more on the overarching theme than the details. (Plus, after all that time trying to fix it and get it accepted, I was pretty sick of looking at it, lol). Took me a while to realize that the reason it wasn't getting in was a really easy-to-fix aspect of her captors.

[Lau]

I'm working bit-by-bit (during my nonexistant free time) on a new series that I'm really excited about. It should be my longest yet.

[Nimras Parents puter]

Ha! Nimras found computer time today!

The Chronicles of the Court Rogue--SPIFFEH. SPIFFEH. The plot just keeps getting more complex and interesting!!!

Thanks Landen! I feel so loved. *beams*

I PROMISE I’ll start reviewing again when I’m back home. I just don’t get enough time here to sit down and read anything. Too many people competing for the computer right now, I’m afraid.

I guess every story needs an idiot and a smart-person.

It’s all the more fun when they are one and the same. ^^

[Deleted]

laurelinden said:

I'm working bit-by-bit (during my nonexistant free time) on a new series that I'm really excited about. It should be my longest yet.

I can't wait. It's the series that combines Prophecy of the Equinox and By My Honor, right? *hopes he's right*

In any case, reviews for What Counts would be greatly appreciated.

EDIT: PWN! 900th post. ;D

[Lau]

reallyawesomedood said:

laurelinden said:

I'm working bit-by-bit (during my nonexistant free time) on a new series that I'm really excited about. It should be my longest yet.

I can't wait. It's the series that combines Prophecy of the Equinox and By My Honor, right? *hopes he's right*

In any case, reviews for What Counts would be greatly appreciated.

EDIT: PWN! 900th post. ;D

Yup, it is! I think I might just wait for the next break we get (winter, maybe) and write it then. It's easiest when I can sit down for a few straight hours, and right now the only time I have that is during the weekend (sometimes) and my brain is too tired to be writing much more than a short story at that point.

I've gotta read What Counts! I might have a few minutes sometime today, or tomorrow. ^^

You know what's kind of ironic? I think Ocean's Embrace was fairly good, but not my best story ever, but I've gotten more fanmail for that than practically anything else...