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Post by arula100 on Oct 14, 2005 19:13:59 GMT -5
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Post by Jazz - The Nerkmid King on Oct 14, 2005 22:09:32 GMT -5
Yay! My comic finally got in after over 2 months of waiting!  |
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Post by Retired Blub on Oct 14, 2005 22:57:14 GMT -5
Roses in the Snow by extreme_fj0rdFirst off, I have to commend you on the originality and creative influence that you used in this story. It was inspiring to read, and I wish I could think of simple yet mysterious ideas like these. The beginning of the story was great. It gave me a nice image of the ski slope in my mind and your choice of words helped to form the sentences smoothly. However, I almost immediately took notice of the staggering amount of semi-colons that were used. And when they began showing up everywhere, it heavily distracted my attention from the story. They were coming up once every three sentences, and like I said before, it was way too much. Many people recommend using semi-colons as little as possible, and I agree on this, seeing as they're mostly unnecessary. So my advice to you is to leave them out as much as you can when you write a story next time. Another problem I had with the story was the stilted dialogue that was used between Kali and Nathan. It seemed very robotic in a way, and it didn't feel like it was coming from a pet with emotions. Think of how you would discuss the topic of that conversation with your friend, and it'll add more depth to your dialogue. On a positive note, I really enjoyed the ending, and it was interesting to read that Kali threw the roses in the air to Shelly, but the last few words confused me, and I didn't quite understand them (maybe this is my fault). Overall, the story was a nice effort, and the idea was great, but a little more work could have been used writing and grammar-wise. 
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Post by Retired Blub on Oct 14, 2005 22:58:41 GMT -5
If anyone else would like a review om their article, short story, comic, or series, simple ask and I'll write one. |
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Post by ICKessler on Oct 15, 2005 0:44:50 GMT -5
Congrats, mister invincible! Your comic was cute.
I see you've chosen sides in the eternal war of ninjas vs pirates.
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Post by writer1440 on Oct 15, 2005 1:19:35 GMT -5
blub could i have a review on my story "a royal quest part 1 was in issue 211 and part 2 was in 212 (it only 2 parts long)"
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Post by Jazz - The Nerkmid King on Oct 15, 2005 5:16:55 GMT -5
Congrats, mister invincible! Your comic was cute. I see you've chosen sides in the eternal war of ninjas vs pirates. How could anyone choose pirates over ninjas?  Haha, thanks |
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Post by Yuka on Oct 15, 2005 5:25:06 GMT -5
I'm actually fearful that the times won't apppear until Monday. *shudders* Oh and Yuka, your series is excellent. I wonder what the bracelet is. Something tells me it has a big part to play in the series. Very nice writing style and use of descriptive words. The dialouge is top marks as well. Also, the link to my story: www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=137251&week=212Thanks for the review. *hands you a large Mystery Ingedient flavour cookie* I'll write up a review for 'Always At Home' later on. More reviews for Legend Seekers: Destiny Discovered (part one) are welcome, and I still have plenty of those cookies left!  |
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Post by Frozen on Oct 15, 2005 7:32:37 GMT -5
How could anyone choose pirates over ninjas? Haha, thanks Like this: "Yarr! I be a pirate, ye ninja-lovin' landlubber!" This weeks NT's comics were fun. "A Spooky Halloween, Part 2" was my favourite. *goes to read articles* |
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Post by Star on Oct 15, 2005 8:44:04 GMT -5
Some short and simple short story reviews:
Always at Home by genius5000x
This was good! I liked the idea of jobs because we never hear about jobs in Neopia. It had a sweet ending although I got a little confused with the pets but that was nothing. Well done!
Gallery Blues by falcon970
This was a short, simple read. I liked the Neo-fu! I thought that the fact that they were going to win was obvious but most stories like that are. A good first NT publication anyway! =D
Comic Review:
Nerkmid Mania by jazz_invincible
This was cute and funny. I liked the graphics ¨C it was clear. =D
My favourite comic so far: Spooky Halloween, Part 2 by ghostkomorichu
Anyone want me to do a review on any of their work, I'll do it later!
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Post by b0b0 on Oct 15, 2005 9:47:32 GMT -5
lol jazz! ninjas RULLE! congratz on the comic me and patjades comic got i (maybe a review?). it was rejected but patjde did some re-polishing and it got it (ish happy!... i have 2 more that are held over  also, Thank You everyone that does collabs with me! i would have never had such great ideas |
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Post by fipples~ on Oct 15, 2005 10:09:03 GMT -5
Review "Magic Smelly Socks - USEFUL?!" or suffer the consequences!  Uhhh... please? Pretty pretty with faerie dust and Weewoos on top pleasee? =) |
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Post by Kat on Oct 15, 2005 10:44:51 GMT -5
I'd like a short story review for "Chatterbox". Thank you very much. |
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Post by Star on Oct 15, 2005 10:46:09 GMT -5
Magic Smelly Socks - USEFUL?! by fip This was funny. I liked it and it was entertaining although the whole "uh..." and stuff got a tad annoying. I got slightly confused at certain times for no apparent reason so that could have just been me reading too fast. But other than that, it was good. Now I have soo many more things to do with Magic Smelly Socks! |
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Post by fipples~ on Oct 15, 2005 11:03:45 GMT -5
Magic Smelly Socks - USEFUL?! by fip This was funny. I liked it and it was entertaining although the whole "uh..." and stuff got a tad annoying. I got slightly confused at certain times for no apparent reason so that could have just been me reading too fast. But other than that, it was good. Now I have soo many more things to do with Magic Smelly Socks! Yay! REVIEW'D! Thanks, and I have an annoyed habit to say 'uhh', so yeah, lol. XD Send me Magic Smelly Socks! That should be #1 on there, but... it was changed. Mmhm. Terrible mistake, you see. Misfortune. It was supposed to be most important. SHORT STORY REVIEWS: How to Have Fun With the Lab Map Nice story! It was written in a nice, understandable English - not the usual high, 'sophisticated', sometimes hard to understand English - which made it nice. There were a few mistakes (a typo or two and some fact mistakes), but it was really cute. And I like the ending, hehe... Always at Home: Also a nice story, a good ending too - nice custom pic. It was a bit confusing though, the fact that a family exactly like MP's, that ordered the exact same thing his family did/would and talked just like them, but it wasn't them... seemed a bit strange to me... but hey, with so many accounts in Neopia, it's possible I guess xD The Tournament: I got a bit confused, since the places and times seemed to be skipping a bit quickly - one moment the three pets were at the Academy, and then suddenly the back garden is mentioned... took me a while to understand it, with all the "an hour later" "four hours later" etc, maybe instead of that writing that they went home or something so it'll be easier to understand - just my opinion. Too tired now. xD I'll continue tomorrow. |
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