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Post by Kiddo on Nov 27, 2006 13:23:33 GMT -5
Alert - Rider is a Zombie! Captain Rider: dedicated moderator or undead terror? Last Saturday, a horrifying discovery that concerns the safety and well-being of all NTWFers was made. It started with a unofficial ninja raid on the White Weewoo in which rogue ninja Kiddo snuck aboard with a supply of laxatives and plans to spike the pirate’s rum to create a ‘ninja grog special.’ However, she was sidetracked by the horrible odor emanating from Rider’s cabin. “It was worse than the usual pirate stench,” Kiddo told our reporters, “Much worse. So I slipped in to investigate because any opportunity to make fun of how smelly Rider is cannot be passed up.”  Artist's rendition of Rider's possible appearance without disguise. After a complete search of Rider’s room Kiddo discovered a supply of wigs, makeup, Fabreeze, and secret plans. These revealed a horrifying situation – Rider, pirate captain, was in fact a zombie. The leader of the pirates was nothing more than a shambling undead. We went to Crystal, member of Langley’s Ark and practicing necromancer, for an expert opinion. (No, not ninja-Crystal) “Well, zombies kinda get smelly when they get old. All icky-like. So you gotta keep them smelling nice and I usually use flowers but I guess Fabreeze would work as well. And then they start turning all green and decaying and stuff and the hair falls out. If Rider were a zombie she’d have to cover that up, you know. I guess that’s what wigs and makeup are for?” We tried to question her further as to her opinion on rather or not Rider had a necromantic aura but Crystal was distracted by shiny butterflies and the interview had to be ended. However, the presence of a zombie-disguise is not the only evidence that Kiddo found in Rider’s cabin. She stole a notebook containing secret plans for total forum domination.  Rogue Ninja Kiddo and the stolen plans. “I was shocked,” Kiddo admitted, “I mean, this is something I would totally do. Take over the entire forum? Definitely. But Rider… I mean, she’s a pirate. Usually they’re only concerned with loot, grog, and picking fights with the ninjas.” The plans detailed how Rider could use her zombiefied state to lure in unsuspecting forumners, where she would then eat their brains (or whatever else induced the zombie state) and transform them into her loyal undead minion. From there the infection would quietly spread until she launched a full-scale assault on the forum populace. The ultimate goal? The NTWF full of zombies under her control. “We’ve got to start preparing,” Kiddo told us, “There’s no way to tell right now how many forumners could already have been infected. I urge anyone who has been in contact with Rider to seek medical evaluation immediately and everyone else to avoid all pirates. I cannot speak for the ninjas anymore but I do promise I will do all I can to personally help avert this crisis.”  (NTWF Birthday Puzzle 2007) |
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Post by Stal on Nov 27, 2006 13:24:45 GMT -5
I'd always suspected Rider was a zombie. She was just too inhuman and too smelly for a pirate. But it wasn't until last Sunday, November 19 that it became clear and she lost her disguise, for just a moment. Most people didn't notice the sudden change, but I was able to capture it on video: I can see the future in this case. That's not happening. But here's an ever weirder one that could happen: Rider/Stal *screechy horror music* [glow=red,2,300]  *Rider brain a plode*[/glow] Dear Diary, Mission Accomplished. [glow=red,2,300]*comes back as a zombie and eats the diary* ^_^ [/glow] See that? Right there at the end? She rose from her supposed grave as a zombie and ate my diary. Not only did she show herself for the true evil she really was, but she did something extremely dastardly: ate another person's diary. I hope it gave her indigestion. How long had she been that way? It couldn't have been recent, as you can tell by the extent of the rot and decay on her body. A few weeks? Months? Years, even? And let's not forget the way she went through husbands and other liasons. It was like a kid going through candy. Now it all makes sense. She was harvesting new zombies. New soldiers to send forth like a plague. And that daughter of hers, Hu, was obviously not of any normal human descent. When you can birth offspring as evil as that, there's just no way you CAN be human. And Hzann--Hu's true biological father as revealed from that incident with in the other dimension--displayed zombie like tendencies as well. It's not just the NTWF that she has her eyes set on! There may very well be another zombie plague, waiting to usher forth from that shadow dimension at any moment. Just how many zombies has she been able to produce in secret, just waiting for their chance to rise from the shadows? Kiddo contacted me shortly after the diary incident and revealed what she'd found aboard the White Weewoo. Obviously this had been going on for quite awhile, and now it was time to muster a resistence to put an end to her coming zombie apocalypse. So we beg you, fellow NTWFers that are still free from her undead hands, take up your arms! Fight the zombies! Send this undead scourge back to the graves they belong in! |
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Post by Ikkin on Nov 27, 2006 13:30:35 GMT -5
Everyone, listen to Kiddo! She's telling the truth! I was walking through Administrative Review the other day, and I saw Rider and Tracy... Rider looked awful- her skin looked like a Dementor's, and she was missing an eye!- and she had Tracy tied up to a chair in one of the cells! I think she said something about eating her brains...
I saw Tracy later, though, and she didn't show any signs of undeadness... I think her doofusness saved her, since the zombie disease spreads by stealing brains, and the doofusness already took hers. I'd keep on the lookout, but I think she's more likely to demod herself again than to be a zombie...
I took pictures of the awful scene, but they're still being developed... I'll post them later. You have to believe us, though... for your own good!
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Post by Spot on Nov 27, 2006 14:18:57 GMT -5
As a leopard, I've been known to prowl about, and have the means to gain access to various hidden passage ways or secret areas around the forum. It's a cat thing, really. Not that I'll ever tell how we do it. *purrs and grooms a paw* On one such venture, whilst sniffing out a few rats that had made grevious error by crossing my path, I caught whiff of a far more revolting scent. Although the wood planking around me would already suggest that musty pirate smell, this was far worse than any pirate, viking, or used gym socks, combined. I sat down for the moment, practically choking on the scent (we do have sensitive noses too, you know). And then, in the doorway before me, appeared ... this. *hands you a drawing*  ... weeellllll, perhaps it didn't look quite like that, but if you were approached by a zmobie, would you hang around to draw it? I think not. I hightailed it out of there. Not a scaredy cat, mind you, but merely as an act of self-preservation. My nose was burning from the wretched thing. |
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Post by Ikkin on Nov 27, 2006 14:29:31 GMT -5
My picture has been developed now... Here is the zombie Rider, caught in the act of trying to steal poor Tracy's brains!  |
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Post by Stal on Nov 27, 2006 15:11:41 GMT -5
NEWS FLASH
More information about Rider being a zombie appears to be uncovered as the investigation increases. Following an anonymous report, we seem to have identified the cause of Rider's zombified state. She was having a clandestine love affair with an Undead Penguin off the cost of Splatterboard Isle.
The Undead Penguin was found and gave us an interview about their relationship.
"She seemed to always stop around over here. It was like she was curious in the beginning. Since I don't have eyes, I couldn't tell she wasn't another penguin. She was short enough to be one...shorter than me, even. But then we began to grow closer and more intimate and what species she was didn't matter at all. Or the fact we were on opposite sides of the war. And she kept becoming more and more zombie like. I felt bad about this, as it was my fault, and tried to teach her the ways she could deal with her new found undeadness. But she wouldn't have it. She embraced it and said this would only make her plans so much easier. She wouldn't say what plans they were, but there was a maniacal gleam in her remaining eye. It was something big. I haven't seen her since. I...I still love her. I even kept a photo of the two of us and hope that someday she might return to me...not that I can even see the photo. Here...you can have it. The past is past."
Unfortunately, the picture was rather rotted and nasty (much like Rider herself). We found the negatives and are working to develop another copy and will show it to you as soon as we have it.
Afterwards, the penguin shuffled back to his house and we headed back to the mainland. But now at least the truth of the origin of her zombieness is known. A love destined to end in ruins. But a startling truth has been revealed: she's had plans for taking over the NTWF long before she became a zombie. Will the revelations never cease?
((Credit to Spot for first discovering this lead))
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Post by Kiddo on Nov 27, 2006 15:20:54 GMT -5
NTWF scientists are happy to announce the new zombie protection kit. This kit includes diagnostics to see if you are already infected and preventatives to stop you from being infected, even if bitten directly by Rider.
The kit includes:
1 Zombie Survival Handbook
1 stethoscope (use to detect heartbeat. If you have no heartbeat, you are probably a zombie)
1 shotgun
10 clips of explosive shotgun shells
5 vials of anti-zombie serum (take one per day for 24 hours of zombie immunity)
2 bottles of Herbal Essences shampoo and conditioner (for zombie smell)
1 gift certificate to Bath and Bodyworks (for zombie smell)
These kits can be picked up at the entrance to Admin Alley and are provided at no cost. Look for our table. One kit per forumner. Refills of anti-zombie serum can be obtained on Friday.
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Post by lycos on Nov 27, 2006 15:27:47 GMT -5
NEWS FLASH More information about Rider being a zombie appears to be uncovered as the investigation increases. Following an anonymous report, we seem to have identified the cause of Rider's zombified state. She was having a clandestine love affair with an Undead Penguin off the cost of Splatterboard Isle. The Undead Penguin was found and gave us an interview about their relationship. "She seemed to always stop around over here. It was like she was curious in the beginning. Since I don't have eyes, I couldn't tell she wasn't another penguin. She was short enough to be one...shorter than me, even. But then we began to grow closer and more intimate and what species she was didn't matter at all. Or the fact we were on opposite sides of the war. And she kept becoming more and more zombie like. I felt bad about this, as it was my fault, and tried to teach her the ways she could deal with her new found undeadness. But she wouldn't have it. She embraced it and said this would only make her plans so much easier. She wouldn't say what plans they were, but there was a maniacal gleam in her remaining eye. It was something big. I haven't seen her since. I...I still love her. I even kept a photo of the two of us and hope that someday she might return to me...not that I can even see the photo. Here...you can have it. The past is past." Unfortunately, the picture was rather rotted and nasty (much like Rider herself). We found the negatives and are working to develop another copy and will show it to you as soon as we have it. Afterwards, the penguin shuffled back to his house and we headed back to the mainland. But now at least the truth of the origin of her zombieness is known. A love destined to end in ruins. But a startling truth has been revealed: she's had plans for taking over the NTWF long before she became a zombie. Will the revelations never cease? ((Credit to Spot for first discovering this lead))  Payment of blackmail exposure may be made to Lycos, and I accept cash or credit. ~Adieu!
*shuffles out* |
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Post by Ice on Nov 27, 2006 15:28:00 GMT -5
.....
I am not sure what to say.
*grabs a kit*
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2006 15:30:36 GMT -5
Oh....my... GOD! I gave birth to THAT?!?!!?  |
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Post by Rider on Nov 27, 2006 15:38:28 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]*ahem* Libel. Pure libel, that's what this is. I mean, please. I've bitten Meowthy, and she hasn't turned into a zombie yet! ^_^ The circumstances under which I bit her are my little secret. >.> But.
And I certainly wasn't cheating on anyone with Pengy- I mean... the penguin. <.< Pre libel. This is all just a hoax set up by the phoenix-blessed fox-monkey.[/glow]
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Post by PFA on Nov 27, 2006 15:44:02 GMT -5
Umm... okay... ;; *picks up a kit and slowly backs away* |
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Post by Strife on Nov 27, 2006 15:59:44 GMT -5
Oh....my... GOD! I gave birth to THAT?!?!!? Actually, I think i'm the one to blame here. Remember that time when I suggested we use a graveyard mausoleum instead of a closet? <_< |
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Post by phoenixblessed on Nov 27, 2006 16:04:51 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]set up by the phoenix-blessed fox-monkey.[/glow] ... Hey this isnt a hoax! It's true! T_T My mother's a zombie. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2006 16:52:57 GMT -5
Oh....my... GOD! I gave birth to THAT?!?!!? Actually, I think i'm the one to blame here. Remember that time when I suggested we use a graveyard mausoleum instead of a closet? <_< So you mean to say... that YOU aren't the father, but a zombie is? Either that.... or you caught the space-flu that day.... <_<;; |
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Thanks, Leoness! ^__^
