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Post by guestpinkiesgirl on Nov 4, 2002 23:41:28 GMT -5
I've never been posted in the Times but I love writing and thought I might give it a try writing a Neopets story. Could you give me your opinions of this first part? Thanks! Hunter, the red Kyrii, opened his eyes slowly and looked around his new surroundings. Where was he? What happened? Hunter saw cold, stone walls and windows covered with bars. A scruffy Skeith lay, snoring beside him. He was at the pound. Suddenly Hunter remembered everything. Yesterday had been his big chance in The Battledome. Hunter's owner, Erik had finally decided to let Hunter compete. He was pitted against Erik's prize fighter, Skulington, the Electric Eyrie. Hunter didn't think it was a fair match, afterall Skulington was level 20 and Hunter was only level 2. But Erik said if Hunter beat Skulington, then he would buy Hunter the thing that he wanted most in the world. A Kougra Morphing Potion. Hunter didn't care what color the potion was, he just wanted to be a Kougra. He knew that if he was a Kougra, then he could be strong just like Erik wanted him to be. The fight had ended mere seconds after it began. Skulington knocked Hunter down with one blow. Hunter remembered Erik picking him up and saying, "I just can't have a pet that doesn't fight." Hunter blacked out after that and woke up just as they were arriving at the pound. "I'm sorry," Erik said, "but I need strong pets". And with that, the only owner Hunter had ever known was gone. Hunter was devasted, he had loved Erik, afterall he was Hunter's owner. But Erik had abandoned him and Hunter was on his own. Hunter watched all day as people came into the pound to look at the pets. Some people adopted pets, scooping the new family member into their arms and smiling like it was the happiest day on earth. Other people came to abandon pets, some seemed sorry to leave their pets there, others seemed glad to be rid of the pets. All of the people walked by Hunter's cage without even glancing at him. Hunter tried to convince himself that he didn't care what the people thought of them. "I don't need an owner," he said, "I don't need anyone. I've gotta get out of here..."
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Post by Patjade on Nov 4, 2002 23:46:50 GMT -5
Interesting start... They might let slide the fact that owners can't let their own pets fight each other in the Battledome, but something may be arranged, such as fighting one of the single-player battles when Hunter is ill-equipped for it. Perhaps Meuka.
Other than that, the opening is great, and I am interested in reading the rest.
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Post by guestpinkiesgirl on Nov 4, 2002 23:54:48 GMT -5
Oops! I didn't know youcouldn't fight your own pets but I guess that makes sense! I'm a Newby to neopets and I've never fought in the Battledome, I'll have to edit that! Thank you!
~Sarah
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Post by Patjade on Nov 5, 2002 0:02:06 GMT -5
Sarah,
Why not register on the board and become a member? It costs nothing, and you can get to know the gang here. It only takes a few minutes, and you don't have to enter a long dissertation, either.
If they accept somebody like ME here, I'm sure you'll fit right in.
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Post by pinkiesgirl on Nov 5, 2002 0:10:06 GMT -5
Actually, I just did that! Thanks! How do I change my profile? Lie how do you do the quote at the bottom and put the picture up?
~Sarah
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Post by Patjade on Nov 5, 2002 0:23:30 GMT -5
Click on the "Profile" icon near the top of the page.
The quote on the bottom is the Signature area.
Personal data is the caption under your picture.
You can use another image off the web for your own personal piccy. just put the URL in the area and check the block that says you have your own pic.
I hope this helps.
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Post by pinkiesgirl on Nov 5, 2002 1:03:32 GMT -5
I edited it to fit with Neopets regulations. Thanks Patjade for the profile help...I figured it out after I posted that message and then my profile changed on all of my old messages...strange! ANyways...
Hunter, the red Kyrii, opened his eyes slowly and looked around his new surroundings. Where was he? What happened? Hunter saw cold, stone walls and windows covered with bars. A scruffy Skeith lay, snoring beside him. He was at the pound. Suddenly Hunter remembered everything.
Yesterday had been his big chance in The Battledome. Hunter's owner, Erik had finally decided to let Hunter compete. Hunter had been training outside the Battledome with Erik's prize fighter, Skulington, the Electric Eyrie. Skulington won everytime, it was even a challenge for him to beat Hunter. In the Battledome, Erike teamed Hunter against Meuka, the single-player opponent. Hunter was only level 2 and not equipped with any Battledome Weapons or protection, and he was very apprehensive to fight the fiesty Meuka. But Erik said if Hunter beat Meuka, then he would buy Hunter the thing that he wanted most in the world. A Kougra Morphing Potion. Hunter didn't care what color the potion was, he just wanted to be a Kougra. He knew that if he was a Kougra, then he could be strong just like Erik wanted him to be.
The fight had ended mere seconds after it began. Meuka knocked Hunter down with one blow. Hunter remembered Erik picking him up and saying, "I just can't have a pet that doesn't fight." Hunter blacked out after that and woke up just as they were arriving at the pound. "I'm sorry," Erik said, "but I need strong pets". And with that, the only owner Hunter had ever known was gone. Hunter was devasted, he had loved Erik, afterall he was Hunter's owner. But Erik had abandoned him and Hunter was on his own.
Hunter watched all day as people came into the pound to look at the pets. Some people adopted pets, scooping the new family member into their arms and smiling like it was the happiest day on earth. Other people came to abandon pets, some seemed sorry to leave their pets there, others seemed glad to be rid of the pets. All of the people walked by Hunter's cage without even glancing at him. Hunter tried to convince himself that he didn't care what the people thought of them. "I don't need an owner," he said, "I don't need anyone. I've gotta get out of here..."
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Post by Patjade on Nov 5, 2002 1:11:31 GMT -5
I'm glad to be of help. Good luck on the story!
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Post by pinkiesgirl on Nov 5, 2002 2:35:44 GMT -5
Thanks again Patjade!
Here's Part 2, I know y'all were waiting for it! (Probably not, but I can't stop writing!)
Hunter waited anxiously for the pound to close. His heart beat quickly as the Techo and Uni(do these guys have names?) closed up and left. "I may not be strong," he said to himself, "but I know how to pick a lock or two! Thank goodness I always keep this blue comb with me!" He pulled the comb out of his hair and with a small click of the lock, Hunter was free. He used the comb to pick the lock on the front door off the pound and within minutes Hunter was outside in the fresh air.
He took a deep breath, "It feels good to be free!" he said to no one in particular.
"How come you're trying to escape?" a voice behind him asked. Hunter turned and saw a tiny Warf staring up at him. "I want to get in!" the Warf said.
"I don't know why you want to 'get in'" Hunter said, "but the door's open"
The Warf shook his head, "I'm a bit scared." He said.
Hunter rolled his eyes, "then stay outside, I don't care, just leave me alone!"
"You don't look well" the Warf said, "Did you get in a fight or something? You look like something the Aisha dragged in!"
Hunter glared at the tiny petpet, "It's none of your business," he said, "get lost!"
"My name's Fogger," the Warf replied, "I'm only level 1 but I know where you can go to get healed."
Hunter looked at Fogger, finally interested in what the tiny creature had to say, "you do? Where?"
"The Water Faerie in Faerieland of course! What's your name? We could be friends!"
"I don't need any friends," the Kyrii replied hastily, "Where's Faerieland?"
Fogger smiled, "it's in the clouds! We don't have to be friends but maybe we could be partners...I could help you!"
"I don't need anybody!" Hunter growled.
Fogger backed up a bit but he was not to be dissuaded, "Well that's okay, I'm not anybody special. I'm just a little petpet...you'd hardly notice I was there. Besides, I can show you how to find the Water Faerie!"
Hunter sighed, he didn't know anthing about a Water Faerie and he might need the Warff's help afterall, "Fine, you can come with me, but only until we find this Water Faerie, after that you can go your sperate way."
Fogger smiled, "What's your name?"
Hunter paused for a moment, "My name is Dark_Bounty_Hunter."
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Reader of Things Neopian
Guest
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Post by Reader of Things Neopian on Nov 5, 2002 13:12:16 GMT -5
I think the story has some good potential! I'm looking forward to reading more Sarah! Keep up the good work
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Post by Patjade on Nov 5, 2002 13:58:25 GMT -5
His heart beat quickly as the Techo and Uni(do these guys have names?) ... Karmaleafbarer has pretty much defined the duo as Rosemadder (Rose) and Dr. Death. I think it's the best characterization of characters on Neopets outside of Sloth. I see some people have nothing nice to say. Unless they can get a bit more "constructive" in their criticism, ignore them. As for me, I think it's coming along fine and has some really good potential. Keep up the good work!
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Post by pinkiesgirl on Nov 6, 2002 1:34:58 GMT -5
"So, what were you doing at The Pound? Fogger asked as he jogged along beside Hunter.
"None of you business" Hunter replied, clenching his jaw.
Fogger frowned, "Oh." They walked in silence for awhile before Fogger spoke up again, "D'ya wanna know why I was there?"
Hunter rolled his eyes, "not really"
"I was trying to find a pet to be my owner. Someone told me that all pets in the pound want an owner cuz that helps them get adopted faster. I really would like to have an owner. I'm very tired of being alone, it makes me feel so...lonely. Ya know?"
Hunter looked at the tiny Warf, "Why would you want an owner? All they do is let you down. "
Fogger frowned, "I'm sorry you got abandoned Hunter, I really am. Your owner must have been stupid to get rid of you. You seem really great to me."
Hunter was silent for a few minutes, he was trying not to like Fogger. 'friends only hurt you,' he told himself. But Hunter coouldn't help thinking of Fogger as a friend. The Warf had started chatting again about something completely irrelevent and Hunter interupted him, "Thank you," he said.
Fogger smiled, "So, any ideas about how to travel to the clouds?"
Okay-this is really a problem for me. Is there one accepted way for pets to get to Faerieland? Or am I free to make something up? I have a few ideas but I wouldn't want to make something up if there's one way that everyone gets there, ya know? Any help would be great!
~Sarah
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Post by arnequis on Nov 6, 2002 22:16:06 GMT -5
Here's an excerpt from Part 2 of my current series (The Great Neopian Food Crisis) that addresses the problem of how our pets can go to Faerieland, etc.:
It is a little known fact that there is an advanced form of transportation utilized throughout the many worlds of Neopia. But think about this for a moment, dear reader: how do you suppose you and your pets go from the Lost Desert to Winter World, to the VirtuPet Space Station, to Krawk and Mystery Island, to Faerieland, to Meridell and back home to Central Neopia all within in a single hour, or perhaps even a few minutes? For those of us outside the monitor screen, transport is merely a point and a click away. Yet, how is this perceived by our pets?
My answer: every section of civilized Neopia contains a teleport booth that sends up to four NeoPets at a time to the destination of their choice, almost instantly (sometimes there's a bit of a time lag). Though occasionally a group of pets will end up in the mysterious white land of "The Page Cannot Be Displayed," every booth is equipped with a Panic Button that will send its passengers back to where they started, in order that they may try again or exit the booth.
You don't have to use this method (i.e. teleport booths) if you don't want to, since I made it up and therefore it's not "official." But if you like, feel free to have your pets use teleporters in your story, a la Star Trek. It's as reasonable a solution as any.
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Post by Patjade on Nov 7, 2002 8:21:52 GMT -5
It pretty much is left up to the imagination. Whether a teleport booth, or a doorway that opens on the destination, or even fluffy while clouds... (hmmm, there you go, she's climbing the Stairway to Faerieland... sounds like a song).
Lots of ways to get where you are going.
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Post by Pikatribble on Nov 7, 2002 17:08:02 GMT -5
I've also seen people using faeries as transporters...(I dunno, like there is a whole group of transportation faeries lol).....I like the story so far...keep up the good work, though did have one thing that confused me...
...that confused me...want an owner to get adopted faster? If they get an owner, aren't they already adopted. Maybe it should be 'all the pets in the pound want a petpet'?
Other than that, great story! Looking forward to reading the rest of it...
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