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Post by char on Sept 11, 2004 16:53:28 GMT -5
The Seris Story: Losing Everything
by sirussblack
...wow. This story was amazing! An excellent read! Fantastic job, Sirius! There were a few typos and grammatical errors, but that's not counting against you. It was also a bit confusing, I had to reread paragraphs a couple times, but, I think that's because I haven't read the first installments of the Seris Story. I'll have to check those out. Once again, great job! Two thumb's up!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2004 16:56:20 GMT -5
K. (At least I know someone's reading). *pokes Neomail inbox* The Seris Story: Losing Everything
by sirussblack Nice job with your story, Sirius...I liked it a lot. I noticed a few punctuational errors, but nothing disrupted the flow. I liked the way you showed and controlled the emotions of your character. You kept a stedy pace, and the haunting ending...love it! I love quick, no-frills endings. I liked this story...yet another great work!
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Post by Sirius on Sept 11, 2004 17:13:31 GMT -5
The Seris Story: Losing Everythingby sirussblack...wow. This story was amazing! An excellent read! Fantastic job, Sirius! There were a few typos and grammatical errors, but that's not counting against you. It was also a bit confusing, I had to reread paragraphs a couple times, but, I think that's because I haven't read the first installments of the Seris Story. I'll have to check those out. Once again, great job! Two thumb's up! The typos were the Meepits fault. Bad Meepits. And it would be a tad confusing without reading the first four installments.
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Post by Sirius on Sept 11, 2004 17:14:08 GMT -5
The Seris Story: Losing Everything
by sirussblack Nice job with your story, Sirius...I liked it a lot. I noticed a few punctuational errors, but nothing disrupted the flow. I liked the way you showed and controlled the emotions of your character. You kept a stedy pace, and the haunting ending...love it! I love quick, no-frills endings. I liked this story...yet another great work! I just noticed this. Anyways, thanks a bunch! And the errors. Once again, Meepits.
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Post by marysue on Sept 11, 2004 17:18:02 GMT -5
Second to None by: lemonkitty13 Oooh... *shivers* I absolutely LOVE the Shadow Usul. Okay, the first part was bone-chilling, I really like it! And this was your second piece in the NT? Wow. It's not every week that you read a story like this. ;D Thank you for your review! I really truly appreciate it ^^
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Post by Ginz ❤ on Sept 11, 2004 17:48:15 GMT -5
Ok, here they are:
Comic Reviews!
Deviled Delight - Art: Awesome. Joke: Lol, very funny! It’s one of my favorite comics this week.
Don’t Blame ME - Art: Very good. Joke: Hehe, funny!
Fashion Faux-Pas Art: Great. Joke: Lol, nice blouse XD
If Only You Knew - Art: Very Cute! Joke: Haha, quite funny.
My Life With a Teenage Noobie - Art: Very good. Joke: Lol – “Anyone interested in adopting an adorable Red Ixi?” That cracked me up.
Neopian Wackiness - Art: Cool, Animation! Joke: Hehe, funny.
Rock Pool Rascals - Art: Very good. Joke: Lol, the apple chia is so cute! ^_^
Starry Stuff - Art: Very cute. Joke: Lol, very funny.
Wishful Thinking - Art: Great, the effect in the second panel is awesome. Joke: Lol, I loved it, very original!
Yama & Ourra - Art: Very good. Joke: Hehe, funny. I liked Yama’s t-shirt, althought it changes from ‘Sloth Rules’ to ‘Sloth is Cool’ in the second panel.
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Post by nincondemius on Sept 11, 2004 18:24:44 GMT -5
Turn the Smile Upside Down! Good for a few laughs! Thankies, Tenshi!!! Will anyone else pwease review my article? Pwease? *big puppy dog eyes*
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Post by Kat on Sept 11, 2004 19:35:06 GMT -5
50 Secret Avatars That Will Never Be Released: Part One by harper_1618 and pseudo
Funny! Hilarious! I can't wait for part 2! Although there were a bunch of typos, I'd say that you both did a great job and keep writing these things!
How to Love the Neopet You Hate by stoneman3x
Heck, an old idea, but it has been done in the unique Stone-method that just makes it so informative. Makes me feel better after realizing RC won't be weekly anymore. It's hilarious and helpful, but in my view, today it's a little more on the helpful side. GOOD JOB, IN SHORT! ;D
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Post by Charmedhorses on Sept 11, 2004 20:02:23 GMT -5
Curing the Condition Of… Being Overworked Wow, very interesting. Much more serious in tone than many articles in the NT, a refreshing change. Thank you very much! I know it was serious and I wasn't quite sure how the Neopian population would take it, but I really wanted to offer my opinion on the subject. Thanks so much for your review, I'm glad you found it refreshing!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2004 21:34:04 GMT -5
Thankies, Tenshi!!! Will anyone else pwease review my article? Pwease? *big puppy dog eyes* I will in the morning. I am very, very tired now. =yawn= I've got to catch some Zs.
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Post by char on Sept 11, 2004 21:38:08 GMT -5
I will in the morning. I am very, very tired now. =yawn= I've got to catch some Zs. *thwacks*
No sleeping!G'night. ^^;
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Post by tennisblondie16 on Sept 11, 2004 21:59:13 GMT -5
A Back-stabbing Competition: Story of Kyishiby tennisblondie16Oh! Wonderful story! Such an original plot! I literally couldn't take my eyes away from the screen, I HAD to finish this. Poor Kyishi, I pity her. I found it a bit funny that you named the villain Felicia... Oh, thanks! ;D And yeah, I made this story a LONG time ago, when I didn't even know Felicia. Lol, but it IS kind of ironic...
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Post by Tdyans on Sept 11, 2004 22:05:31 GMT -5
New Series Reviews:
A Mind in the Moonlight WARNING: Don't read this review if you don't want to be spoiled about something that happens near the end of this part.
Most of my review has to be tempered by the fact that we discover at the end of this part that everything up utnil then has been a dream. The choice to write in present tense struck me as an unusual one, but by the end of the part it made sense, since the part in present tense turned out to be a dream. You pulled it off better than most-- only slipping into past tense a couple of times. I was also going to comment on the fact that we don't really get a lot of development of the friendship between the kougra and aisha and their personalities and thoughts and feelings, and that the story, though easy to follow, seemed rather straightforward and bare of much description. How much time had elapsed between the first section and the next was also unclear. But again, it seems these things could perhaps be chalked up to the effort to give the feeling of a dream, so it will remain to be seen how the rest of the series is written.
The one thing that I would say didn't quite make sense given that this was a dream was that it contained scenes where the aisha was not present and thoughts and feelings from characters other than herself, so she could not have had the memories to make up those parts of the dream. Of course, it's possible that her mind filled those parts of the dream in.
I rather disliked Clark. He reminded me of a "friend" I had in elementary school who also decided one day that he had to drop me in order to hang out with "the guys" and be cool. Of course, you give us a chance to sympathize with him a bit as well and see how he's being manipulated, though I would say his thoughts and feeling seem to flip-flop a bit too easily and quickly to be convincing. What happens to the aisha and the life that she goes on to lead because of it were quite interesting. I wonder how the other thieves react to her state during the day, and it will be interesting in future parts to see how she decides to get revenge on Clark and whether or not she really goes through with it and succeeds. And I hope we'll ger more insight into all the characters as that is revealed as well.
Finally: Wow, 11 and a half hours of sleep! I wanna be a thief!
Logic and Circumstance The journal entry was an interesting way to start the story, and gets us right into the main character's head. I wasn't sure why it was labeled "Note to Self" though, and there were moments when it didn't quite seem like a real journal entry, like when she told the journal that it probably hadn't heard of her before. If she was directly addressing the audience, instead of her own journal, that might have made more sense, but as it was, it seemed a bit of an odd thing to say.
I enjoy a good detective story, and this seems like it could definitely be one. I appreciate that though we know it's coming, the author didn't get to the actual mystery until near the end of this part, instead spending most of her time developing the characters. I think what we've learned about them will make the rest of the series that much more entertaining and enjoyable than if we just had mystery with a couple of characters with little to no personality to drive it. The main character has a great voice and really makes her attitude toward herself, her client, and the world in general known loud and clear. Her client has a personality all her own as well, and watching them clash is obviously going to be quite interesting and probably quite fun as well.
The writing was good for the most part, but there were a few awkward sentences here and there which seemed to be mostly the result of using too many words where few would do to get the point across more clearly and with better flow. I also wondered why the main character mentioned calculating the bill when she first saw the client if she at first had no intention of taking the job. Other than these and a few other small errors, I found this to be a nice set up for a series that I'm sure will prove to be quite interesting.
The Scarab Tree I was actually more interested in the mundaner aspects of this story than what the plot seemed to be aiming toward. I liked the imagining of what it would be like to live through a sandstorm, trapped inside with only books and each other to keep you company, hearing it outside all the time, having to ration food and water. I enjoyed getting a glimpse into the hardships that Lost Desert pets must face sometimes. I thought the tone in these parts of the story was well-handled by the author, and I actually would have liked to get more of this and also see the characters' personalities and interactions develop more in this kind of muffled setting. So I was actually kind of disappointed when the more supernatural and adventurous elements arrived.
Also, those parts of the story seemed to drop in rather unexpectedly. Sosta just all of a sudden brings up the story of the Scarab Tree that he just happened to learn about recently and takes it at face value and decides to go find the tree. This seemed to come out of nowhere, as there hadn't been any mention of it before and it seems like he would have brought it up earlier somehow, and also, there was no indication at any point earlier that his or his sister's lives involved anything magical, so it seemed strange for him to take this myth at face value, and also to later seem to know all about the building that they find and its own magical properties. Not to mention the pearls that he leaves as a sign of whether he needs help or not-- it's never explained how that works exactly. It's just handed out to us as if we're supposed to understand and take it at face value as the characters mysteriously seem to do even though there has been no magical element to their lives up to this point as far as we can see. But the fact is, I don't think we got to know the characters enough. I liked the insight that we did get into their lives, but we never really get into their heads or see much of their relationship in action to get a really clear idea of their personalities and what their lives are like before the sandstorm. I felt like there was some gap between what the author knew about them and what I did, and that this was causing the sense in me that the mythical elements of the story seemed to come out of nowhere.
Also, I didn't really care for the moments when the author intruded into the story as "we" and even literally reminded the audience point blank that this was a story and the characters couldn't die. This is not an absolute no-no in the right story, but I didn't think this story was the right story. I think it's the kind of story that would be much more effective if we could be allowed to become engulfed in the story and forget that we're reading it instead of experiencing it, rather than being reminded that it's just a story and we really shouldn't worry or take it seriously.
Sorry if this review seems a bit harsh. As I said, there were elements of this story that I enjoyed, but obviously they weren't the parts that the author actually wanted me to be focused on. Hopefully we'll see the characters develop more in future parts and get more of an insight into how they know what they do and into the other things that I had questions about in this part.
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Post by tennisblondie16 on Sept 11, 2004 22:10:15 GMT -5
The Seris Story: Losing EverythingJust like all of the other Seris stories, this was excellent! I found it a bit rushed and towards the end the plot was sort of confusing, but overall it was a very haunting and wonderful short story! I really hope there's at least one more, just to see what happens to Seris. Again, great job!
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Post by Killix on Sept 11, 2004 23:31:52 GMT -5
I only recieved one review for my completed series "The Haunted Woods Secret" which ended in last week's issue. I would really appreciate any more reviews if possible. C&C is more than welcome!
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