The Bad Advice Game

[Gelquie]

You gotta stick up for your own schedule and needs. Pick one work time that works for you and sleep through the other if they ever force you to call in for the other time. Your health is more important! In fact, they'll admire you for being so assertive!

I have conflicting needs; can't satisfy one need without dissatisfying the other need. How do I resolve this?

[Twillie]

Hmm, have you considered that you might not actually need needs? With that mindset, you can just toss them aside and happily float around in existence without ever having to worry about satisfying them! Problem solved =D

The weather is really nice and beautiful now, but I can't enjoy it for too long without having an allergic reaction to nature. How might I fix this?

[Deleted]

Take my father's oldest advice: something giving you trouble? Burn it off. Can't have allergies if you have no functional nose anymore.

I'm with a flu that's making me tired, and I can't heal from it because I'm stressed, and I'm stressed because I can't accompany classes and homework, and I can't accompany them because I'm tired, and I'm tired because I'm sick, and so the vicious cycle goes on and on. How do I break it?

[Reiqua]

Stressed, tired, and sick? Well you only need to eliminate one of those factors to break the cycle and the easiest one to address is probably the tiredness. Now, some people say a coffee will wake them up, while others swear by a cold shower. In your case I think a double dose is probably needed, so if you simply drink a cold coffee in the shower I can guarantee all your problems will go away!

I’ve had a cramp in my wrist all day, how can I alleviate it?

[Killix]

Simple! Remove that hand immediately. No wrist, no cramp, no pain! :D

I have a super turbo secret mega hyperfighting ultimate championship edition crush on someone, and I need to reveal this secret as dramatically as possible while also winning this person's heart. Help!

[Gelquie]

Say what, you have a super turbo secret mega hyperfighting ultimate championship edition crush? Why that can only be resolved with a super turbo mega hyperfighting ultimate championship! Challenge your crush to a fight! Then meet them in the arena, all decked out in a dramatic cape, ready for battle! Then soundly defeat your opponent in whatever method works best for you! But be sure to follow this one piece of advice to ensure victory on all accounts. Just before you deliver the final blow, you tell them the secret in the most dramatic fashion appropriate. This will stun them long enough for you to deliver the winning blow, KOing them! When they come to, not only will they know your secret, but they'll be wooed by your superior fighting skills! You'll have won the fight and their heart!

Albeit, your first date will be tending to their wounds that they incurred from you, but that will only increase your bond. I'm sure there will be no hard feelings.

I need to work on my research to show I'm making progress, but I also want a break. How do I balance the two?

[Twillie]

Turn that break into your research! Sit back, relax, and then write a totally scientific paper on the magical benefits of breaks and how they can really advance the field.

There's this out of town event I'd like to go to, but I need to find affordable housing in order to attend. How might I go about doing this?

[Gelquie]

Housing shmousing, bring a sleeping bag with you and camp out in the event building itself! That way when you wake up, you'll be right there! Just find a nice, quiet corner to sleep in when the time comes. No one will mind at all. ^^

I have to cook for myself, but I don't need to eat as much in the summer, which means more chance of wasted food if I buy too much or don't use something pretty quickly. How do I avoid food waste while balancing my needs?

[Moni]

Remember that there's no such thing as "bad" food. In fact, the more lifeforms are on your food, the better it is, because you absorb more life energy!

My brother ate my pudding--what kind of revenge should I exact upon him?

[Coaster]

Eat his pudding. If he doesn't have pudding, make more pudding, then eat it in front of him. That should show him not to eat your pudding. Except, uh, that you had to make pudding again.

I hate my face and it is depressing. What do

[Gelquie]

Take someone else's face and use it as your own. I'm sure they won't mind and that there'll be no confusion.

I want to play D&D again but I have no one to play with. What do?

[Reiqua]

Develop a robot and a creative intelligence that can play D&D with you. Clone it several times and you have a game. Clone it several more times and you also have a small fortune by selling it to other D&D enthusiasts who have more money than friends.

My car rego is due but I can’t afford it. What do?

[Gelquie]

Who checks a vehicle license anyway? And how often? Not often enough! Just go without for a while. Nothing could go wrong!

I want to be able to fly on a broom, but I'm not a witch or otherwise magical. How do I accomplish this task?

[Rabbit ♠]

Make a background character that is meant to only appear for one scene / line / joke / whatever. Then let your imagination take over and give said character a name, backstory, family, friends, their own adventure, whatever you want. Tie said character into your plot or give them a story of their own.

At that point, the broom will have ascended and ready to fly on.

I'm really hot but the air conditioning isn't really doing it for me. Help, before I melt.

[Killix]

Do you own a refrigerator? Then you already have the perfect cooling appliance at your disposal! Simply remove the shelves, toss out all of that useless food and beverage and climb right on in that refreshing cool closet.


I want all that sweet, sweet merchandise, but it costs money... which I don't have. What do I do?