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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2011 21:30:06 GMT -5
Thanks for the reviews, guys.  The comment at the end was definitely worth quote of the week. c: Great job. Aw, tha-- quote of the week?  *rushes to NT* Quote of the week! <3 |
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Post by Mocha on Jun 28, 2011 18:02:31 GMT -5
Seeing as you all seem to have comics pretty well covered, here are my article reviews ^_^
NC or NP? Building the Perfect Outfit - Part Four: I enjoyed reading this article, and am considering buying some of the NP items you mentioned, so thanks! The only thing I would say was that by the end, it felt a little repetitive; I would have maybe elaborated on some complete looks that can be bought without Neocash, though I don't think that was the point of your article, so feel free to ignore me x3 In all, I think it was a well-written, solid end to your series.
How to Dress for Issue 500: I enjoyed this article as well, and thought it was a sweet and amusing tribute to the 500th issue. I thought it would also have been super cute if you'd included a picture of one of your Neopets with an outfit comprised of some of the items you mentioned, but your article was perfectly complete without it. Well done =3
The Path to All Star -- Part Two: I felt slightly guilty while reading your article, because I have been SO freaking lazy about playing in the Altador Cup this year. But I agreed with just about everything you said (NOBODY likes Slushie Slinger. NOBODY) and your article made me feel motivated enough to go play a few games of Make Some Noise. So, there's that xD. Your tips were helpful and nicely written; in all, a good article, and I liked it. ^_^
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Post by Tiger on Jun 29, 2011 12:17:19 GMT -5
Short Story Reviews Part 3 [/center]
...Wow. Your writing is beautiful, Pandora! This story makes me want to go find your NT archives and read more! I love your flow and rhythm, and also that it wasn't the typical sort of gray faerie story, that it instead ended with hope and acceptance of what Glina became. A very beautiful story, and a worthy piece for issue 500 =)
In places, you separate with commas when semi-colons, dashes, or a new sentence would be more appropriate. If you would pause to take a full breath while reading aloud, you should have a period, semicolon, or dash.
That said, your characterization is great. Arthur was a hilarious character - good choice in using first person! His smugness was wonderfully portrayed in how he interpreted...well, everything.
I loved the line " a bunch/herd/flock (the terminology depends on the witness you might speak to) of pirates assaulted them, yelled “yarrr” many times and stole the chest!"
I really like what you did with the typical neglectful owner story. At first, I was expecting it to be fairly typical of the genre, though I was very taken by Layla's optimism (and on a sidenote, I liked the way you showed Layla's introduction to Neopia) through the story. There really are people who have difficulty showing or saying that they care, and it was really interesting to see that rather than those inexplicable people who just don't care.
The story as a whole was very sweet. I look forward to seeing more =)
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2011 11:25:35 GMT -5
First of all, thank you for all who reviewed me and TSF as a whole. 'Preciate it. =)
Second....I'm ready.
[spoiler=COMIC REVIEWS, PART 1]
Ring of the Deep, part 7
First off, bravo on an awesome series! Really fun to read, and you managed to do that thing that I love: make a serialized story funny each time. As for this particular part, I loooooved the water effects, especially in the first panel (gorgeous!), and the cliff hanger at the end. I think the script you used as the epilogue, although mystical, is very difficult to read- in style, color and size. It borders on illegible for people with bad eyesight (me), especially on a busy background. Next time, make it big and bold, and perhaps put a solid background behind it- that way, it won't detract from an otherwise awesome series. =)
Musings: Edition 500
Okay, your art is adoorrrable. DUCKIE. I WANT TO EAT HIM HE LOOKS SO CUTE. -cough- Err, great art. The expressions are great, too- Duckie and the Weewoo in the last panel look perfectly smug. My only real criticism is that I think putting Vincent and his destructive behaviors in inserts kinda makes him detached from the comic's action. Do you know what I mean? For some reason, in panels 3 and 4, it almost seems like Vincent is in a flashback, or in a different place, but not in the present time of the comic. I think it may be the white background. Regardless, I think it would have worked better if you showed him and Chardreau in the same space. Otherwise, good job!
Pun Police
Really liked this, Char! And that last panel is BA. I kinda expected a "YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHH" at the end. xDD The established thing was a nice touch. I thought the art was really good, but I think the quality could benefit if you played around with the brightness and contrast of the scanned images on photoshop. The one thing I wasn't really clear about was why the weewoo lifted the hat. The writer's block was underneath the hat, right? It took a while until I figured that out. I think you need to make the motion lines more prominent in the second panel- in particular, they should go in front of the Draik's head rather than behind, which obscures them. They're an important part of the comic, so make sure readers can see that right away. Otherwise...they might be blind to the comic's jokes. -puts on sunglasses- YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH
Techopalooza: Petpet Troubles, Part 1
Okay, first, your art is always amazing. You're really young, right? You're amazing. Kudos. Also, I am totally jelly. Now, I LOVE your coloring technique- it gives the comics a really wonderful texture, which I think is unique in the Times. However- and I think this stands for a lot of your comics, but in particular this one (I think it's the brash color scheme)- you need to remember to contrast tones. Sometimes, the amazing texture and detail you put into your characters are lost because, say, the background is equally dark and textured. For example, in the second panel, my eyes don't know where to look because both the subjects and the background have the same amount of value and detail. There's no differentiation. I say, for the future, tone down the background a bit so the focus of the comic is where is should be: the awesome technos. =) Also the font's a little too small in some places. BUT I DIGRESS.
My Little Monster 4/6
Dju, this series is awesome. Jokes are really funny, expressions are great...good job. Also, I noticed that you improved the speech bubbles so the text doesn't touch the borders. It really makes a huge difference. My biggest issues are with Mr. Spoo-- er, Albeever. It's slightly better in this comic, but overall the style you used for him is just so out of place with your other characters. It's because everyone else seems to be defined by black sketchy outlines, while he is, for the most part, lineless. I know that mutant Acaras are whackadoodle on their own, but I wished you integrated his design into your style more. Actually, is his out-of-placeness intentional? Because he does stand out. If so, you succeeded. However, I still think it would have been better if he had the same kind of outlines. Also, that Darigan Yooyu needs some context- like being thrown by a player or going into a goal. Right now, he's just posing. Yooyu, we know you're good looking, but please- no need to brag. =|
Talk About Random
Buizel, what can I say. You're a comic superstar. The art is phenomenal, especially the backgrounds. And especially especially the way you imitated all the different styles!! For serious, Hypertext looks like she just leaped out of her comic. Amazing job! Also, the coloring. I could go on and on, but I think I already have to you before. My only question is this: why are they all running? Is it really a parade? Are they all chasing each other? Are the running away from fans? Or are they all just...uh...running? Like, the panels two and three I get, but everyone else? Uh? I wish you made that clear. Otherwise, amazing comic.
Boulder Box
I thought this was really funny! I loved the inclusion of the BWAHAHA joke in particular- so true. =( I like the simple art a lot. I'm a sucker for that pixel-y style. I guess my only quibble is that I think the "best effort" is a little out of place, because that's legitimate advice. I would've liked to see another b-word that was kinda silly instead. Also, I think Panels 5 and 6 could've benefited by having the Chomby in them explaining them, instead of just the grey space. He seems like a pretty cool dude, so use him!
Furs Place- Weewoos
This was really sweet and creative. I really loved the story, and the fact that you did it all without words is commendable. I think the only thing you should try to improve is the art, because it's clear you have so much potential. Push yourself to go the extra mile with coloring and lineart; it will really make a huge difference. Especially with the store in the background of panel 3. What was in the window? What is the building made out of? You don't have to be super detailed, but having a few lines here and there to suggest things like bricks, reflections, grass, leaves, and so on will really add a new direction to your art. Also, as small as it sounds, I think just adding a few shadows beneath the characters will add a lot of grounding as well. Good luck! I believe in you! 8D
[/spoiler]
Okay, I'm exhausted. Part 2 coming soon!
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Post by Bianca <3 on Jul 1, 2011 14:42:55 GMT -5
Yup, I know I'm just a guest...for now. I plan to join soon, though! ;D Anyway, I just wanted to say that the Roomies' Ruin was great! I love Jesc, she's so bubbly and happy (nearly) all the time! You showed everyone's emotions really well and made them seem real. I also liked how you made them talk through telepathy or whatever it's called; I thought it was clever. Unlike me, who just would have said 'They sat there without doing anything'. Thanks  I'm glad you enjoyed it and thought the characters seemed "real." The telepathy thing was an idea I had from the beginning of the plot, so I'm glad it worked for you. I know you're just "a guest" right now, but I hope you join the NTWF and thank you very much for the review. @ Tiger, Allyson, and Who Knows: Thank you, guys ^^ Your comments were helpful in showing me which parts of the story people were drawn to. The Roomies RuinSince I basically just read the whole story start to finish, I should probably do my review in the context of the whole thing. Here it goes: To be honest, this is a tough premise to pull off - I don't feel that Jhudora takes well to plots like this. Her canon personality is admittedly vague, but giving her a best friend from high school and a visible soft side doesn't seem to fit.
That said, there were some genuinely funny moments; Jim's weewoo phobia, Jhudora planning to bring poisonous lollipops to the Faerie Festival, "If I only could feel the space between my eyes and eyebrows," etc.
Unfortunately, though, I have to admit that the series as a whole came across as... bland. I don't think the problem is the plot or the characters, but the prose. It wanders in places, sometimes focusing on details that do nothing to further the story. Take the last chapter - it seemed like places where emotions should have been running high, such as the crash of faerieland or the transformation back to normal, were almost glossed over; the first was told in a distant, omniscient POV that failed to communicate any real sorrow, and the second had muted reactions from the characters and seemed to pay more attention to the waffles. In the same way, when things like a card game and Liam writing a plot-irrelevant letter to his parents get included, they hurt the story's flow. The more plot-important something is, the more focus (and thus, the more words) it should be given; something that doesn't affect the plot should be a throwaway line, if you must include it at all.
So, my advice is this: be willing to cut material - sometimes a lot of it. Everything that is causing drag needs to be viewed in terms of how it can be cut. Every line needs to be pulling it's weight; it needs to be either serving the plot, or being genuinely interesting on it's own merits (ideally, both.)
All that said, I didn't despise the series or anything. It clearly has heart - but that heart is in danger of being completely lost on the reader because of prose issues. x.X; Done! *flops* Even though you didn't particularly enjoy the story, thank you very much for the review! I'll try to address things in order, and I'll put it in a spoiler.
So, first off, the whole "high school friend thing" isn't accurate, which is my fault for not clarifying. The Roomies Ruin follows 4 series I've written that already discuss Jesc and Jhudora's relationship. They didn't go to school together and they would never be considered "best friends." They just grew to tolerate each other through a series of events. Also, everyone has a different opinion of Jhudora. I wouldn't consider her "soft," but I don't consider her a monster. I know to me, and to a few other people who've read these series, my version seems plausible, so I'm sorry if it seems to be a stretch for you. It may be simply because I didn't put enough background from the previous stories.
I'm glad you thought some bits were funny. I always have fun writing bits like that ^_^
As for the writing style, I'm sorry you find it bland. There are times, I agree, where the story gets a bit wonky with the writing. But I have to disagree about the last chapter and what you consider to be my "wandering" story line. I thought about it while I was writing it, and the point of the last chapter was not about Faerieland crashing. It was about their ordeal and coming together and wrapping up a plot. Details that you consider "irrelevant" like the card game and the letter, were crucial to me. I personally enjoy reading details like that, not because they continue the plot, but because they show you a bit about the characters. Liam, who is only a boy, cares about his parent's safety. Jesc and Jhudora, who have nothing to do for a few months, play cards. These were questions I wanted to answer, and I'm sorry you found them irrelevant.
I agree that the "coming back alive" scene was a bit odd, but at the same time, the waffle thing was a play on earlier, when Jhudora constantly complains that she can't eat. I know it's not as "deep" as a lot of the things people here write, but Roomies is primarily a comedic piece with action, and the comedy, although in odd places, is really something that I chose purposefully.
I do need to cut things out more in certain places, but on the whole, a lot of the details you pointed out I believe were important. Not to the plot persay, but to the integrity of the piece I wanted to write.
That said, I don't want you to think I'm complaining. I'm deeply grateful to you for reviewing my series and giving it your honest opinion. I'm sorry you found it bland, but thank you very much!
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Post by Buizilla on Jul 1, 2011 19:22:34 GMT -5
Thanks for all the reviews on my comic, guys! :3 It was a really awesome issue!
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Post by Celestial on Jul 1, 2011 19:25:07 GMT -5
I'm late in saying this but thank you for the reviews, Chains and Tiger! <3 Those really made my day and I'm glad the story was good. Overall, this was an incredible read with many wonderful works, all of them more than deserving of being in the coveted 500th issue of the NT.
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Post by Kozma on Jul 1, 2011 19:31:19 GMT -5
Furs Place- Weewoos This was really sweet and creative. I really loved the story, and the fact that you did it all without words is commendable. I think the only thing you should try to improve is the art, because it's clear you have so much potential. Push yourself to go the extra mile with coloring and lineart; it will really make a huge difference. Especially with the store in the background of panel 3. What was in the window? What is the building made out of? You don't have to be super detailed, but having a few lines here and there to suggest things like bricks, reflections, grass, leaves, and so on will really add a new direction to your art. Also, as small as it sounds, I think just adding a few shadows beneath the characters will add a lot of grounding as well. Good luck! I believe in you! 8D Hey, thank you so much for the encouragement and advice, Fish! I do understand that I need to try and improve my artwork a little bit and any help I can get is most beneficial. I'll keep this review and your advice in mind as I continue to make more comics, which should hopefully be very soon. I can see that my backgrounds are a bit too simplistic and given the detail I put into the characters in the foreground, they do not exactly work well together. However, I'll be sure to try and add a little more detail to the backgrounds of my upcoming comics. |
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Post by Shadyy on Jul 3, 2011 4:23:59 GMT -5
Thanks for the reviews guys. Bianca: I will cherish this custom picture until the end of time, it's perfect. Breakingchains: Thanks . And all those who reviewed had a problem with unclear sentences at some point. Probably towards the end of the story I guess, I'm always in a rush to finish. Tiger: point very well taken on the sentence-construction. I get a bit carried away sometimes. And I know I need to re-read more often. Thanks Ok, I'm a bit late, been very busy. But I do intend to review some more short stories today and this week.
For me, this was a very cute story. Endearing. Well-written, of course, with here and there the needed humoristic touch. I really liked Micah as a character, especially how you describe his embarrassment at his clingy niece and how his ears droop. Maybe I thought it was a bit short, I feel Micah had a lot more to say and experience.
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Post by Dju on Jul 3, 2011 7:14:01 GMT -5
Thank you so much for the reviews guys! All this advice is pure gold because it'll help me so much on future comics, you can't imagine how much! *u* Snackbox: Squeee! Thank you so much for the review, I am really happy how it's turning out! I messed up the art in some parts, I was tired and I let the laziness take over me! D: (I promised myself that would never happen again, and it's working so far! ) I am so glad you liked it, and yep, the yooyu is just to give a 'socializing' moment! ^-^ Pacmanite: Yaaay! Thank you so much for the review, I'm happy the way Mr. Spooked's design turned out in my style, to be honest he wasn't drawn to look cute, no matter how much I tried I couldn't capture the 'creepy smile' the original acara has! XD Kozma: The cliffhanger worked? *u* I was really scared at first about the plot's direction, I kept asking myself 'what if nobody gets it? D:" but it looks like it turned out alright, thank you so much, Kozma! *hugs* @fish: *has a fan attack because is a One Fish, Two Fish comic fan and and and-* Ahem. Thank you so much for the review, Fish! I am really happy you're enjoying it, and thanks for the advice on Mr.Spooked's design! I've drawn him very few times, and you have a good point on his colors, maybe I better go back to my style! <3 And now you better walk away because Dju here is about to have another fan attack! :3 -insertfireworkshere- |
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Post by be2aware on Jul 4, 2011 23:44:34 GMT -5
My favorite line of the entire story (Does it qualify as a story?) was definitely:
"I’m sorry, it’s just really hard to think about the story as just a piece of writing right now."
This actually causes a bit of a smile to creep across my face, imagining if I had written a story which created a fan like this. It was a nice thought.
On to the real stuff, though. It was a refreshing way to tell the story, and still kept me captivated though it stopped every week. The transition was smooth, despite the next 'dear author'.
The writing style was realistic for the type of character the writer was supposed to be.
Honestly, no problems or inconsistencies. Fun story to read.
Question: was there actually a story such as that?
Artistic to a 't'. Word flow, vividness, and the fact I felt a tinge of pity for the Lupe. Even though it wasn't my type of story (I like more to occur. Read books entirely to see what happens next), it was still intriguing and entertaining. The only line that threw me was " The teeth, sharp and cold as icicles as they bite down- Getting the picture?" And I have no idea why. It was just unexpected maybe. The last descriptive line was followed by a haunting worry, self-centered, while here it almost seems to be addressing the reader. Maybe that's what caused me to blink. All in all, beautiful writing @diana: Thanks for the review! I actually combed the site looking for a 500 reference to write about, then saw Astrovilla when sticking my poor abused pet in the Neolodge. It felt better than writing a straight out 500 piece. And Sylon is one of my favorite characters, even if he's a bit cliche...with an accent. @tiger: Those were my feelings about the piece exactly XD Sadly I'm a fairly weak writer and can't handle intros. The theft, on the other hand, just seemed too insignificant when I was typing. You're definitely right, it should've been allowed more time in the story. And thanks for the comment on Sylon ;D Conspicuously dressed thieves are indeed the least suspected. |
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Post by Breakingchains on Jul 5, 2011 1:11:23 GMT -5
Okay, one more post before hiatus.  Bianca <3: Ah, I see. That does clear some things up - I apparently didn't have enough background on the series to get a clear picture of Jhudora and Jesc's relationship. And of course, it's entirely up to you to judge what's crucial to your story and what's not. I hope the review was somewhat helpful, at least. ^^ @shadyy: Thank you for the review! It's good to hear you liked Micah's characterization - I was holding my breath hoping people would find that to be well-done, since it's ultimately the heart of the story. It's funny that you notice Micah seems to have more he could say - his character was originally intended for a much longer project, with this as a tie-in. So while I have higher-priority projects ATM, hopefully Micah will be popping up in the times again. :3 Thanks again! |
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Post by Tiger on Jul 5, 2011 6:36:39 GMT -5
be2aware: Thank you for the review! =) The story within the story is actually no more than six pages of section summaries in a notebook, but I think I'm going to be writing it in full at some point.
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Post by Herdy on Jul 11, 2011 10:47:06 GMT -5
The Roomies Ruin: Parts Four, Five, Six, & Seven - by vanessa1357924680
I liked these parts, you've continued to come up with interesting ways of introducing action despite having two of your main characters immobile. I liked the character of Nick and his dilemma about leaving - I'd been expecting Mrs. Pierce to crop up somewhere as she usually does, so in a way I'm glad that you're doing something different with the characters. Good job on this series!
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Post by Bianca <3 on Jul 12, 2011 12:51:22 GMT -5
The Roomies Ruin: Parts Four, Five, Six, & Seven - by vanessa1357924680I liked these parts, you've continued to come up with interesting ways of introducing action despite having two of your main characters immobile. I liked the character of Nick and his dilemma about leaving - I'd been expecting Mrs. Pierce to crop up somewhere as she usually does, so in a way I'm glad that you're doing something different with the characters. Good job on this series! Thanks Herdy! The immobile thing was one of the hardest things about writing this story. And yes, Mrs. Pierce was always the focus of the other series, but with this one, I wanted her to not get involved at all and let her settle back into society her own way. Thanks so much! |
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The comment at the end was definitely worth quote of the week. c: Great job.
I'm glad you enjoyed it and thought the characters seemed "real." The telepathy thing was an idea I had from the beginning of the plot, so I'm glad it worked for you. I know you're just "a guest" right now, but I hope you join the NTWF and thank you very much for the review.
