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Post by Diana on Jun 25, 2011 11:08:02 GMT -5
The Astrovilla HeistFirst off, I love how you weaved in the motif of five hundred without making it seem like an attempt to get into the 500th issue - rather, it felt like a central element to the story itself, independent of the current milestone. Sylon's character is excellent; again, a bit arrogant without seeming overly so, devious and cunning while still being outwardly well-mannered as his Royal status should. Cyprus is the same, but I guess it's a little harder to get a feel for him when the story isn't really told from his point of view. The ending was just as great. The invisible guard there was a clever touch - I hadn't expected it in the least - and his sentence wrapped up the ending perfectly, closing on the same line the story began with, yet with an entirely different meaning. Great work. 
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Post by Breakingchains on Jun 25, 2011 11:31:06 GMT -5
Bianca <3: I plan to review roomies shortly, but it could take a while since I'll need to read over the whole thing. Just a heads-up so you know you're not getting ignored or something. ^^; Five Hundred YearsI enjoyed this story. Your descriptions were quite vivid and I was able to sympathize easily with Glina. There is an occasional lapse in prose quality; particularly, the paragraph at the beginning where Glina describes herself sticks out like a sore thumb, although I recognize that lots of self-description was probably a hard thing to avoid, given the story's premise. I'd also shy away from using characters named "Hope" to deliver epiphanies about hope, since I'm starting to see it done all over the place nowadays. However, I appreciated the ending, because I thought Glina's decision to come to terms with herself was a much more meaningful resolution than any wand-waving spell-fix with sparkles could have been. Blah Blah -500 Issue Special- xD Wow, it's like a slow descent into madness. I'd work on punctuation a little ( Weewoos instead of Weewoo's, one of many instead of one, of many, etc.) but both the joke and the visuals are hilarious. The Amazing Dr. Wilbur and the Treasure of Five-hundredOh my goodness, that was hysterical. xD I haven't read Wilbur's previous adventures, but I now definitely plan to do so. The character is especially funny in that he sees absolutely everything through the lense of his supposed hero status, right down to high-pitched shrieks and warm milk. There were a couple places where the meaning became unclear and I had to reread a paragraph, but it didn't lessen my enjoyment of the story any. Incidentally: reviews for The Pursuit of Knowledge are appreciated, even (or especially) if you happen to have heavy criticism for it. =p
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Post by Deleted on Jun 25, 2011 11:44:53 GMT -5
500 Days by partigirl2 This is one of the saddest things I've read in a while. Xandra's development was seamless, making her all the more sympathetic. I found the contrast between how she mourned Ciara and how her narration justified to be chilling. I liked how day 499 tied everything together-- sort of that moment when everything clicks in the reader's mind. Dear Author by cpmtiger I don't read the continued series very often, but after reading this I have an uncontrollable urge to. This whole thing was very well put together. Even the story being described felt very real and well-crafted, like I could be reading it right now. I found myself in the fan's shoes, recalling how much a good book relieves you from the rest of the world. Will review more later when I'm less lazy.
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Post by Chesu on Jun 25, 2011 13:31:11 GMT -5
I'm not exactly looking for a review... but I would like some constructive criticism on my comic. What needs to be improved, so that I can take that into consideration in the future? Basically, tell me what's bad, and why. |
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Post by Breakingchains on Jun 25, 2011 13:44:46 GMT -5
Chesu: The only things that pop out at me are the 8-bit Kougra in the first panel, which doesn't fit with the higher-res pixel art around it, and the Techo's proportions - its body looks a little too small, especially since the other pets in the comic have pretty much on-model proportions. It was otherwise a pretty good comic IMO.
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Post by Chesu on Jun 25, 2011 14:12:21 GMT -5
I'd wanted to stick an 8-Bit pet in a comic since the color was announced, to see how it contrasts with my style; guess that didn't work out too well, heh. As for the Techo, I think I know what you're talking about.  As you can see in the image above, it was originally just a recolor of a character from a previous comic, but when I noticed how much taller than the Lupe it was, I decided to make it shorter. Unfortunately, I was in such a hurry that all I did was make the torso shorter, without adjusting the head, arms, or tail. Note to self: don't be lazy with character designs. |
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Post by Pacmanite on Jun 25, 2011 20:25:30 GMT -5
Comic Reviews! Ring of the Deep, part 7 ssjelitegirlxD I love how you characterised the faeries in this series. Fyora and the Healing-Springs-faerie made for such an interesting pair. And the springs-faerie's anger in this comic feels so convincing as a result of your previous comic. It was a great series all round =D Musings: Edition 500 by _rascalz_The lineart was very smooth and pretty, and your colours are balanced and nicely done too. I feel sorry for that poor innocent little issue 500 of the NT though...  Pun Police by dragonstorm_75xD The last shot of the white weewoo putting on his sunglasses was brilliant! The action lines on the falling block were a little odd in that they went behind the Draik before landing on the table... other than that the art was very well done and pretty. Techopalooza: Petpet Troubles, Part 1 by desert_gp_dragon2oo5Gnaaarggg why do you have to draw such good art? The brushstrokes in the background are gorgeous, and the golden tint is so theme-appropiate. Poor Ke, I bet he'll regret buying so many of those Tomamus before long... and I look forward to seeing more of this series! My Little Monster 4/6 by djudju22_8Uh-oh, looks like "Albeever's" masterful disguise has been compromised I like the art and even despite being a monster, your mutant Acara looks real cute as well. Talk About Random by buizelmaniacxD Is it sad that even though I've fallen out of reading the NT regularly, I can recognise about 90% of all those pets? You did a great job on the art in this comic and WHOO Blindside Boy is there too! =D And I loved the punchline, and how the fangirl rampage was not drawn but only described with dreadful anticipation. Boulder Box by snackboxI love your character expressions, they make the comic come alive. (This comic sure isn't missing your best effort!  ) And aww... too bad the tyrannian kacheek didn't have enough begging and bwahahas... Furs Place - Weewoes by pichu_pikachu_raichuB'awww, that's a cute joke. And I really like your bright colours, they fit in with the innocent and cute feel of the comic. For Lack of a Better Idea - 3 of 4 by saro_the_legendaerieOooh montage! xD The art is amazing, and the second last panel was especially really well done! It's so pretty how the wave of inspiration makes all the random blobs of forest-coloured background colours turn into fully formed and beautifully detailed trees and vines. And the direct referencing of fourth wall breakage is really entertaining to watch in this comic series. Incoming Tax by elyk442I love your pixelart! It's been so long since I've seen nice pixelart and this is a really awesome use of the style. And the punchline with the banking skeith... eheh. That would just make so much sense. A Nerd, a Dork, and a Geek by almightywebmistressWow, you seem to grow up as you read more and more of the NT... that's really cute, actually. And the little details you put into each successive panel really makes this a nice comic. I also really like your pastel-y colour scheme. The floating Islanders - NT 500 by yankeesrule244444456xD Disaster was created and then just as quickly averted. And your monster cake looks so yummy I'd probably eat half of it by myself! Amikarashui 500th NT Special by bluecloud300Lol how could something so small and white and cute ever threaten Anveda, the big scary darigan cybunny? I love the way you wrote his dialogue, it really lets his personality shine. And the weewoo and the little origami cybunny were so adorable! Neopian Anomaly by lizica166That was EPIC! A song for the 500th issue, who would have thought of that? And all your crossover appearances were so well drawn even though you had so many to put in! (Also, Blindside Boy is in there too. Yay!) It feels so natural that this is the kind of song everyone would spontaneously appear for and dance to. A Neo Look: at Reaching 500 by jewelia52Heh heh, the greedy zafara! Your art looks really awesome, the lines are so smooth and dynamic. And I love how your poppit is in such a bright friendly colour that he pops right out at you. Also, is that hand lettering? If it is, then you did an awesome job on that too! Chance of Rain - 500x by mizumewxD They look so dead in the last panel! Just barely managing to roll the ball between each other. Your art is really beautiful and your characters' expressions are so appropriate and energetic. I also really like your character designs. =D Team Squad Force: One of those times by lachtaubeI already commented before, but your art is so nice and I love the way you played with a green and brown woodsy-kind of colour palette. <3 Team Squad Force: Makeover Edition! by ghostkomorichuI already said it, but it bears repeating: Awesome joke, and awesome comic. You did so much drawing! But even though the comic is so long, the pacing still feels just right. Team Squad Force: Feelin' the Heat! by fish_puddleWhile this is no longer the first time I've seen it, you still made me laugh. Heir Horrible is a really fun villain to watch while the puns roll by! |
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Post by Parrot on Jun 25, 2011 23:48:27 GMT -5
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Post by Kozma on Jun 26, 2011 13:08:01 GMT -5
Thanks for the reviews, Allyson and Pacmanite; it's great to hear that my comic is enjoyable and is making users smile. Any way, it's time for me to write out some reviews. I'll start with some of the comics. I do not have reviews for everything at the moment, but I'll try to get some more reviews written out later, including reviews for some articles and stories.
Ring of the Deep, part 7 by ssjelitegirl
Loved the series, and loved this last part. If I can say this constructively, the text in the epilogue was a bit difficult to read; the light font color blended in with the background and the cursive script was also a bit too small to be read easily. To end positively, I really enjoyed how Shad kept inadvertanly annoying the springs faerie. Good work on this series.
Musings: Edition 500 by _rascalz_
Very nice. I enjoyed the gag and the artwork is very clean. I also enjoy how the background colors work with the colors of the characters.
Pun Police by dragonstorm_75
That last panel made me giggle. Weewoo with sunglasses viewed from a dramatic angle FTW! By the way, the color scheme looks a bit unique in this one, and I like it, it looks cool. If I may ask, how did you color this comic?
Techopalooza: Petpet Troubles, Part 1 by desert_gp_dragon2oo5
The text in the last panel was a bit difficult to read however as the words were a bit too close together, but I must comment on the interesting artwork. I like how a pale yellow is used to add some color and the three-tone backgrounds are amazing and very unique!
My Little Monster 4/6 by djudju22_8
Excellent work here, Dju. Very easy to follow the story here and you end with a pretty nice cliffhanger.
Talk About Random by buizelmaniac
I love how this one progresses, and I loved seeing all those comic characters in one place. The gag was also good too (fangirl rampgage *shudder*).
Boulder Box by snackbox
I love the concept from this one. Having the requirements of getting into a special issue of the Times as The Three Big 'B's is genius. The pacing of this comic was also very good for the idea behind it.
Incoming Tax by elyk442
This comic has some interesting artwork; it's all pixeled. It looks very nice.
A Nerd, a Dork, and a Geek by almightywebmistress
I loved this idea. Going through the history of the Times while showing your characters age and change with age, this is a very fitting tribute to the 500th issue of our beloved newspaper. You did very good on the details of this one too - I loved how the design of the Times changed on the third panel; no doubt representing the design change the Times undertook on Issue 150.
This is all the reviewing I can do more the moment. I'll try and get the second half of the comics reviewed soon. Congratulations to all, both on and off the NTWF, for making this issue (along with the Neopian Times in general) special. |
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Post by Tiger on Jun 26, 2011 18:07:44 GMT -5
Short Story Reviews Part 2 [/center]
...Wooooah 0.0 That was frightening(in a good way)! Kudos on getting the hint of Tracy being turned into a plushie by what seem to not be very pleasant means through with sufficient subtlty!
It read very smoothly, and I liked how much you told through dialogue alone. The only problem with the latter was that sometimes, names got a bit lost in all the talking.
Wow. You say this isn't very good, but Celes, this is an amazing story. So sad...and such a good reminder that writers need the real world as much as their fantasies.
I loved the Story river, and Enitan even more so - your description of how the words were woven into her hair was quite lovely.
In places, especially in the beginning, you wrote large chunks of very short sentences, which made for patches of choppy reading. Combining the shorter sentences into a few longer ones would have helped the piece flow a little better.
Aw, cute story =) I loved reading the parts with Grace, and loved Grace-Micah conversations even more so. Dorthea was also an intersting character; there was definitely the suspicion that something happened between them, and it made for an interesting bit of depth.
The beginning seems a little jerky, sort of jumping around between the introduction of Sylon, the explanation of AstroVilla, and the information that every guest pays 500 NP a day. It clears up considerably once Sylon steps off the transport and starts interactions with the Gelert, but that's quite a few paragraphs in.
It looks like you had a great deal of room word-count wise that I think could have been spent lengthening the story. Drawing out the scene where Sylon is stealing the items from the vault went by in just a few paragraphs; since the theft is the big focus of the story, it seems it should get a bit more attention than that.
I do very much like Sylon - the idea of a royal Eyrie as a Duke of Theives makes for an interesting picture in my head, and I like that you use the color reasonably - who would suspect a thief of being such a dramatic color?
Last(?) two stories and then series reviews probably coming tomorrow =) Allyson - Thank you so much for the lovely review! =) Also - I think your comic was my absolute favorite of this issue's. A beautiful concept, beautifully done =) |
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Post by Who knows on Jun 26, 2011 18:08:14 GMT -5
Yup, I know I'm just a guest...for now. I plan to join soon, though! ;D Anyway, I just wanted to say that the Roomies' Ruin was great! I love Jesc, she's so bubbly and happy (nearly) all the time! You showed everyone's emotions really well and made them seem real. I also liked how you made them talk through telepathy or whatever it's called; I thought it was clever. Unlike me, who just would have said 'They sat there without doing anything'. Alsooo, I thought The Pursuit of Knowledge was really fun to read. I never thought such little kids could be so devious. I thought it was really funny how Grace hid the alarm clock in the bushes or when she hit Micah with her plushie. To make a short story even shorter, you did a good job writing this. So yup...Oh, and congratulations to everyone who either made it in or tried to get in! You guys are what makes the NT so awesomeful! |
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Post by Char on Jun 26, 2011 19:23:55 GMT -5
Thanks for the reviews! ^_^
Pacmanite: Yes, it does look odd, doesn't it? I think I had the greatest amount of trouble with that panel. Unfortunately I already inked it and by the time I noticed the error it couldn't be fixed.
Kozma: It's pencil crayon. =P Applied thickly until the surface of the paper becomes waxy and starts to warp. I don't use a white sketch paper for my colouring: I prefer a marbled 'gourmet' paper that is off-white and fairly textured. It seems to accept pencil crayons better.
Mizumew: I'm glad you liked it! ;D
Allyson: Spontaneous laughter for the win! ^_^
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Post by Grove on Jun 27, 2011 9:06:49 GMT -5
Thanks for the reviews! Glad you guys like the shading. I'm pretty fond of it myself! xD And everybody knows Tomamus are the best. Ring of the Deep, part 7 ssjelitegirlI really enjoyed this series! I do like all the effort placed into your settings, plus how you use expressions/hand gestures so effectively. Great job. Musings: Edition 500 by _rascalz_Oh, I love the art here. It's beautiful and cleanly done, and the colors go great together. Pun Police by dragonstorm_75More pretty art! The traditional coloring and shading here is wonderful, plus puns are always the best. :B My Little Monster 4/6 by djudju22_8I like how this series is going! The pacing here is great and flows so naturally. Wonderful job on perspective on Mr. Spooked as he falls down! Talk About Random by buizelmaniacOh, look, it's Ke. Great art as always, and thanks for the cameo! You did a great job drawing everybody here- they're all instantly recognizable. 8D Lovely background, as well. Incoming Tax by elyk442I have always loved your distinct pixel art style. Great work with all the details (especially in the bank, with the Neopets behind the windows) and the joke as well! A Nerd, a Dork, and a Geek by almightywebmistressWell, I haven't really been on Neopets that long, and I didn't start reading the NT regularly until just a couple years ago. (my Neopets childhood was mostly petpages. ) But regardless, this was just such a sweet, heartwarming comic. For me this one comic really showed the spirit of this special issue and of issues past. The comment at the end was definitely worth quote of the week. c: Great job. Neopian Anomaly by lizica166Just wonderful. You could really feel the song progressing here! Beautiful lighting and shading here, as well as those backgrounds! The crowd scene was awesome, and I very much enjoy the parachuting Techopalooza trio. The lyrics together with the picture compositions were really well made, especially the intro accompanied by the dramatic panel. c: Team Squad ForceYou guys never fail to amaze! The shading on all four comics was really dramatic and truly showed off that comic style. I loled at the scripts you posted here, I loled at the final product. c: --Team Squad Force: One of those times by lachtaube I love the character design on the Aisha! Em is adorable as always, and that "Charge!" panel is beautiful. --Team Squad Force: Makeover Edition! by ghostkomorichu I really loved the premise of this one! It endears to me even if I'm not too much of a customizer. xD --Team Squad Force: Movie Night! by pacmanite More beautiful character design! The old-cartoon Gelert is just wonderful. I really like Joey's action scenes here~ --Team Squad Force: Feelin' the Heat! by fish_puddle I love the progression here and those colors~ c: Welp. Short Story reviews coming up later! c: |
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Post by Craig on Jun 27, 2011 13:53:10 GMT -5
Craig, I think I will always be in awe of how much emotion and story you can pack into such a short amount of space.
I loved your description and wordplay - I was particularly fond of "the sun had been pierced by a snowy incisor". The way you described things like the tightness of Beck's jaw and the way he tilts his head...so subtle, and yet, very telling.
My only criticism is that, when you explain what happened between Beck and Laurel, it's sometimes hard to tell what was said and done in the past, and what's being said and done now. Some of the dialogue doesn't seem to connect, but it's difficult to guess where it's supposed to go in the timeline.
Tiger -- thanks so much for the review! I really appreciate your helpful comments and critique. ^_^ |
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Post by Breakingchains on Jun 27, 2011 19:04:43 GMT -5
@ Tiger, Allyson, and Who Knows: Thank you, guys ^^ Your comments were helpful in showing me which parts of the story people were drawn to. The Roomies RuinSince I basically just read the whole story start to finish, I should probably do my review in the context of the whole thing. Here it goes: To be honest, this is a tough premise to pull off - I don't feel that Jhudora takes well to plots like this. Her canon personality is admittedly vague, but giving her a best friend from high school and a visible soft side doesn't seem to fit.
That said, there were some genuinely funny moments; Jim's weewoo phobia, Jhudora planning to bring poisonous lollipops to the Faerie Festival, "If I only could feel the space between my eyes and eyebrows," etc.
Unfortunately, though, I have to admit that the series as a whole came across as... bland. I don't think the problem is the plot or the characters, but the prose. It wanders in places, sometimes focusing on details that do nothing to further the story. Take the last chapter - it seemed like places where emotions should have been running high, such as the crash of faerieland or the transformation back to normal, were almost glossed over; the first was told in a distant, omniscient POV that failed to communicate any real sorrow, and the second had muted reactions from the characters and seemed to pay more attention to the waffles. In the same way, when things like a card game and Liam writing a plot-irrelevant letter to his parents get included, they hurt the story's flow. The more plot-important something is, the more focus (and thus, the more words) it should be given; something that doesn't affect the plot should be a throwaway line, if you must include it at all.
So, my advice is this: be willing to cut material - sometimes a lot of it. Everything that is causing drag needs to be viewed in terms of how it can be cut. Every line needs to be pulling it's weight; it needs to be either serving the plot, or being genuinely interesting on it's own merits (ideally, both.)
All that said, I didn't despise the series or anything. It clearly has heart - but that heart is in danger of being completely lost on the reader because of prose issues. x.X; Done! *flops* |
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) And aww... too bad the tyrannian kacheek didn't have enough begging and bwahahas...
