Campfire in the Catacombs (Storytelling Contest)

[Schefflera]

200th was my second win, actually, but I've been pretty erratic.

[Nut]

Hehe, I don't remember the 200th contest. Not sure what my status was on the Storytelling contest then... I went through periods of interest in it, never holding out very long till recently.

I suppose it's true there's nothing wrong with wanting a prize. I guess it's a little extra incentive to participate. ^^ I don't usually pay attention to the prizes much, though, so I felt kind of guilty that the prize for this one had increased my interest in submitting by so much. I had no reason to, I suppose.

The contests are definitely very profitable if you win them a few times, though. I've gotten mostly paint brushes and PPPBs from Storytelling (nothing extremely valuable, but still paint brushes), and I once got a Pirate Paint Brush (currently 3 mil!) from the Art Gallery. The latter is still sitting in my SDB because I haven't gotten around to selling it. I like seeing pretty things in my SDB more than high numbers in the bank. (I probably will sell it eventually, though, as I don't have a use for it or any particular attachment to it.)

And congratulations on 75 wins, Lau! Wow, that's a lot!

EDIT: I just read the new part. Ooh, things are getting interesting. :3 The next part will have a lot of competition, seeing as we all have four days to write something for it.

[Lau]

Yeah, I really like Sarahleeadvent's idea of making it about ransom. That is a great tie for the whole secrecy of the emperor, and I can't wait to see how the advisor is involved in all of this. Now those pets need to get out of the jail...

[Lau]

About the new entry...

The unnamed lime Chia nodded, lurching into Jeb's shoulder at a lack of coordination. "Yep," he said. His head went on bobbing long after he'd ceased to speak. "I gave that rat the old one-two, right in the gut after a big banquet. Four. We was lucky we weren't tossed to Faerieland and back, wasn't we, Jeb?"

"Yes we was, Bej, yes we was," The second Chia sucked in his breath, and choked. "He deserved it, though. Lots more than it, come to think."

Are they saying they attacked the advisor? They never really say.

But I love her ending! So awesome.

[Schefflera]

It certainly sounds like they decided to attack him, although it's a little hard to tell. I'm worried about why "disconcertingly muscular" characters from my initial entry, and "bodyguards who figured out the Evil Plot" in a later one, now seem to have morphed into... uncoordinated morons who try punching the Advisor in the gut instead of even making a proper accusation, and now can't sit up, hold their heads still, or breathe properly. I have the uneasy feeling they've been drugged or poisoned or something, but I'm getting worried at how often I propose that some character or another is drugged as an explanation for their odd behavior... but they really do act like something has gone very wrong with them since your post!

But yes, the ending was very dramatic. *headscratches* And it raises quite a few questions about both the Aisha's behavior and Kiyer's internal monologue... hmm.

[Lau]

now seem to have morphed into... uncoordinated morons who try punching the Advisor in the gut instead of even making a proper accusation, and now can't sit up, hold their heads still, or breathe properly

Lol! Yeah, go and read the sentences that I had them say. They don't sound illiterate and moronic there! I think their grammar was actually a little TOO good for bodyguards (I was worrying about that when I posted)

But the only creature who seems to have eaten anything was the Aisha picking at the moldy bread. So I don't know exactly what happened to those poor guards.

[Schefflera]

I know! Actually, I really appreciated that you wrote the bodyguards as intelligent and articulate instead of succumbing to the all-muscle, no-brain stereotype. But it did make this particularly startling. I admit I've sometimes written sections without preserving the writing style or a given character's speech patterns, but in this case it seems like it ought to have some significance. It's just escaping me. Maybe someone should check them for an intermittent high fever? They said the incident that got them arrested was after a big banquet; could they have been drugged during the banquet, but with something where they oscillate back into clear-headedness sometimes?

Why did Maharet let on her name? Did she think it was safe, with Kiyer condemned? Did she think she was unknown? Or was she lying?

How do we reconcile Kiyer's report to the Emperor now with his distress, his feelings of betrayal in two directions, in previous entries?

Why would Altador be kidnapping anybody? Or has Shiran perceived some cause for dissatisfaction in his homeland and want to replace the lost Darkest Faerie so the Altadorian Council will be twelve again? Do the Emperor, the Advisor, and Kiyer fear that at the Emperor's death, Shenkuu will be annexed to Altador if Shiran is living there?

Why would Maharet be even now telling her cellmates what really happened?

Who are the half-dozen people gasping in short-lived revelation? Have the cellmates actually been brought in? (But that wouldn't work with Maharet telling them anything "even now" -- was she taken elsewhere for interrogation? If so, how did they know to do that?) Or is Kiyer imagining the scene back in the cell?

Tune in next time, on.... The Seventeen Spies of Shenkuu!!!

*refreshes hopefully*

...Darn.

[Lau]

Yeah, the gasping thing threw me and I actually wrote my piece that he was before the advisor and those were court people. But then I read more carefully and realized that the speaker wasn't just there to emphazise the advisor's voice -- he was literally in a different room. And I got confused on who those people were, because the entry sort of had the impression that he was alone.

And when I read the thing about the "even now telling what really happened to the prince" I took it as more of a set-up against her, that the advisor was saying that in a more theatrical sense, knowing full well that she was innocent, and it was really a way to frame the Aisha by having Kiyer say, "Yes, it was her," in front of all of those court people to spread rumors for him. You know, a scapegoat. But apparently he was serious.

I just decided to embrace the moronicness of the guards without explaining it as drugs or anything. I think that she just decided that they weren't clever people and liked the steretype of big muscle, no brain better.

As for reasons or motives behind the kidnapping of the prince, I don't know. The story hasn't revealed much in that direction yet. *Shrugs*

Oh, and I have no idea why Kiyer was feeling so betrayed if this was all part of the plan. In the entry I did, I had him authentically put away, and then brought out in front of the court with an unspoken opportunity at a second chance by taking the bait for the blame of the Aisha. I used her as a pawn or a sacrifice so that the country would have someone to blame and be enraged enough to attack Altador and take revenge on the rest of the kidnappers. I guess she didn't like it, though, since I had him seeing the advisor and all. It wasn't until I went back and read it that I relized he really was in a completely different room.

[Schefflera]

I had a thing where the Aisha was suspected of being a telepath, and Kiyer had undergone some procedures to temporarily suppress memories they didn't want her to get and replace them with planted ones, and was now dealing with the unsettling results of having his real memories restored, but also recalling the distressing feelings of betrayal and being betrayed that went with the false ones.

I rather like the Slumberberry bit, and I don't particularly like the idea of going along with the alteration to the Chia's characters, so I'm thinking I might go with them being drugged.

[Lau]

schefflera said:

I had a thing where the Aisha was suspected of being a telepath, and Kiyer had undergone some procedures to temporarily suppress memories they didn't want her to get and replace them with planted ones, and was now dealing with the unsettling results of having his real memories restored, but also recalling the distressing feelings of betrayal and being betrayed that went with the false ones.

That's a neat idea that goes along with the strange inconsistencies pretty well. I guess we'll have to see where this all goes. Confusing week, lol.

[Schefflera]

Sarahleeadvent's entry was well written, and she actually mentioned to me via Neomail that she had deliberately avoided explaining too much since it was only Monday... but it is going to drive me crazy if we never get room for an explanation of the disconnect in Kiyer's thoughts.

I am actually beginning to wonder whether Missjessiegirl writes, and the editor chooses her entries, deliberately to introduce drama without regard for characterization, to force the next people to get creative writing around it.

[Lau]

Haha, maybe.

My entry just now gave an explanation for the disjoint of his thoughts, but I also think it gave away WAY too much plot for a Monday. I'll be surprised if it gets chosen, though it did explain a whole lot. I couldn't resist.

[Schefflera]

The pacing is sort of hard to get a handle on for me this time. On the one hand, it's... well, now it's Tuesday. On the other hand, we've already had several sections' worth of plot, and it feels uncomfortable to me for things to be quite as open-ended as they often still are on Tuesday.

[Lau]

Oh yeah, Tuesday. But probably still too early for all that I put in, unless this plot is going to expand a bit! It might. Usually two-week stories like this allow you to get really in-depth, which isn't going to happen if everybody keeps beating around the bush with hints as to what the understory might be. I figure if we get a big twist out now, then there'll be more time for some action.

Then again, maybe I'm wrong. Figure I'd give it a shot anyway!

[Lau]

'Grats, Schef! So, you're out for the week. And I was wondering... did you get a second card?

*Goes off to read your entry*