Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2007 22:33:18 GMT -5
tashni said:
@ Wolf - Wolf, if you have the time, would you look over "Outsider Within: Cap'n Barlow" for me? Thanks, if you can.twocent said:
I'm a little nervous to ask this, but is anyone willing to review my story? It was in this issue, and it was called "Adventures of Hungry Skeith: Hunt for the Candychan." I'm halfway through another story, but I've reached a sticking point, so maybe some tips on that story will assist in my new one. ^^Not a problem! Sorry I overlooked this post for the last few days. I'll go read it now.
Adventures of Hungry Skeith: Hunt for the Candychan by twocent - This is an exceptional first NT publication. You had a hook in the opening paragraph, which is rare in first entries. Your character was FUNNY, the whole story was really funny. You had jut the right amount of description, and maintained a good pace through out. Very nice work!
One piece of constructive criticism I will give is this: remember to make sure what happens makes sense. Take this bit for instance:
My other chia pops had melted while I dozed. I threw them into the trash while I left the shop.
Are Chia Pops really going to melt on Terror Mountain? I sort of doubt it.
But if that's ALL I can find to make a comment on, you've done an excellent job. I really look forward to reading your work again! Oh, would you mind responding to this post if you read it? I want to make sure you get it.
Thank you! I had submitted another story (preview: stamp wants to take over the world), but my account was frozen. I resubmitted the story on my new main, so hopefully they take it. And I'll make sure to read over for weird things like that. Thanks for the review!