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Post by nikki on May 28, 2007 18:55:55 GMT -5
Any reviews for Quinton's Quest (short story) by Lassie_nikki would be appreciated!
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2007 17:04:06 GMT -5
Extraordinary Shelter by literalluau (Luau)
That was a lovely story. I seemed to wash over the first two paragraphs, though not because it wasn't well-written, but because I personally had found it hard to find something solid to grasp onto.
The way this sentence was written, it was too ambiguous to be easily understood without taking in the full context of where it appears. If read alone, it sounds as is she is meant to think less while drinking. I understood it wholly, but it did strike me enough to earn a second glance. I actually found that you used compound verbs quite frequently, and they, too, sometimes warranted a second glance to ensure that I had understood it properly.
Cora's journey through the desert was short, though it was nicely described and easy to envision. It was well-written when she was attacked, even though it was saddening that such should occur.
The ending felt unfinished. But, I'm certain that that was the end. I've read plenty of literary stories recently, and many had open endings such as this one. It, somehow, pushes the reader to take more from the story than just the story itself. And this story, in the end, wasn't about a messenger or a flower or the dessert or even about Cora. But about friendship and the bonds that are easily made but impossible to break. And that, I feel, was simply beautiful.
Of Robots and Chocolate Milkshakes by blacebrander and pyrosquirrelx (Pyro)
The narrator for this story was simply...I don't know how to describe him, but he was funny. He used irony a lot, and irony is often funny, I think. The opening paragraph could have been written more strongly, yet it served its purpose adequate enough. I liked the quote, too. And, for this kind of story, when the narrator broke the fourth wall, it was simply only another reason to smile.
Great line! The first to make me break out in laughter (though not the first to make me laugh, of course).
Then how is that advancing?! Well, nevertheless, it caused me uncontrollable laughter.
Shakespeare? At which, I loved thy early-modern English; thou wrote it with great skill and made it much fun to read.
Note to self: swallow cheese and cracker before reading this line!
That was just...too funny!!!
This was a story unlike every other story I have ever read. It was funny, ironic, and charming. The series of events were completely unpredictable, yet somehow I knew where, ultimately, they would end up at. Despite the seeming predictability of this, I really liked this story and I loved how much it made me laugh.
And, yes, Bob needs a new job. (But isn't Bob a Yurble...?)
Quinton's Quest for the Golden Carrot by lassie_nikki (Nikki)
This was a quaint little story and I enjoyed reading it. The large paragraphs sometimes made it difficult to follow the stream of events, yet the story they told was quite homey. It made me think of a story that would be told before bed, a gentle story that's a great tale softly told. I liked that about this story; its not often I'm able to read stories like this, and I enjoy the lightness of those that I do come across.
Quinton's adventure was short, yet sweet. I think I would have enjoyed a little more elaboration on his journeying, yet what little was given was nice enough to keep the feel of adventure without making the story lose its gentle lightness.
The ending was quite lovely. After such adventures, one normally expects the hero to return home with their prize. Quinton's decision to leave it be, for some great things should be left be, was just awesome. It made me smile and grin. It was just the kind of lighthearted ending a story such as this deserves. And, as he said, as long as he knew that his story was true, it'd be alright.
The fact that, in the end, Quinton's storytelling and adventure proved to upturn the shop's slump was quite nice. It made a happy ending even happier. Your repeating that great things don't need to be changed at the end was quite fitting and it really emphasized how true it is. Sometimes, stories with morals feel forced, the moral seemingly tacked onto it for added affect, yet this story wasn't like that. It flowed nicely from the beginning to the end, the point it made there put forth gently and appropriately. Good job.
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2007 18:02:37 GMT -5
Waiting for Anna: Part One by extreme_fj0rd (Fj0rd)
I might be biased, but that was a wonderful opening for any story.
Your use of the first-person to give just enough story to make a reader intrigued was quite nicely done. It makes me think now of how magicians use alluring speeches and flashy words to attract an audience. Though maybe the person who spoke first isn't Anna as logic would imply now, if she is, then it seems that old habits die hard and last well into old age.
The fact that this story is told in the present-tense is incredibly interesting. When I've written in the present-tense, it seems to be lacking description or overwhelmed with it, yet you've seemed to find a nice balance to it in this part, and that's quite a feat, I think.
Then, though I might go by Wolf here, my name actually is Darren, so when I saw that Anna's brother shared the same name, my eyes widened and I couldn't help but laugh out in shock. What I find even funnier than that, though, is that he seems to be completely opposite what I am. Still, it's strange reading about a character that shares your name...
I certainly look forward to the next part. I have too many questions begging for answers not to.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2007 9:06:01 GMT -5
Dark Friend: Part Six by petfriendamyThat part was fast-paced and incredible. The fighting scenes were amazing. I almost got confused with how many times Dina switched bodies, but you consistently described everything accurately and it all flowed smoothly and was easily followed. Action that intense can be really hard to write, but you wrote it well. Good job. The Royal Dagger coming alive was a twist I never saw coming, but it was awesomely done and quite amazing, very unexpected as well. However, I don't fully understand why he let them all go so easily. Unless you plan on making this a trilogy...? *grins* I think I would have enjoyed a little more time spent with everyone after the fight, but having everyone go their separate ways so soon wasn't a bad thing, and it actually served as a great way to end the series. I loved Wanda's comment about wallpaper at the end, but, well, I can't figure out why she's so hung up on wallpaper! lol. ^_^ All in a day's work, though, eh? This series was very enjoyable and I had a lot of fun each week, PFA. I look forward to your next piece. Thanks for the review!  Yes, writing fight scenes is quite difficult.  I got a Neomail from someone, also saying it was a little confusing... But yeah, trying to write about Dina using her power is tricky.  Yay for unexpected plot twists! And of course there has to be sequels.  Yes, I kind of rushed the end because the part was getting kind of long. ;; And to be honest, I haven't figured out why she wants wallpaper so much, either. And thanks again for the review!  All along, I thought that Dina was going to swap bodies with Yollinda, and trap her in baby form. =D Great series, great sequel!! I love the wallpaper jokes!! And... yeah, that's about it. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2007 9:28:06 GMT -5
Of Robots and Chocolate Milkshakes by blacebrander and pyrosquirrelx (Pyro)The narrator for this story was simply...I don't know how to describe him, but he was funny. He used irony a lot, and irony is often funny, I think. The opening paragraph could have been written more strongly, yet it served its purpose adequate enough. I liked the quote, too. And, for this kind of story, when the narrator broke the fourth wall, it was simply only another reason to smile. Great line! The first to make me break out in laughter (though not the first to make me laugh, of course). Then how is that advancing?! Well, nevertheless, it caused me uncontrollable laughter. Shakespeare? At which, I loved thy early-modern English; thou wrote it with great skill and made it much fun to read. Note to self: swallow cheese and cracker before reading this line! That was just...too funny!!! This was a story unlike every other story I have ever read. It was funny, ironic, and charming. The series of events were completely unpredictable, yet somehow I knew where, ultimately, they would end up at. Despite the seeming predictability of this, I really liked this story and I loved how much it made me laugh. And, yes, Bob needs a new job. (But isn't Bob a Yurble...?) Thanks!! The quotes you listed are about half mine, half Pyro's. "Somewhere between stopped and backwards": We kind of have a joke in our family, "If you were going any slower you'd be going backwards". This is just nonsensical usage of this quote. "Spears shall be shaken!": This is both a reference to Shakespeare and an obscure Lord of the Rings quote. As for the meepit speech, it was incredible fun to write! My personal favorite thing about this story was that after Pyro said that Bob decided to help the robots in the battle, I wrote most of the battle, and kind of forgot who he was helping, so the battle scene really didn't make too much sense. Also, that [insert picture of creepy Tyrannian Kacheek weilding spear here] thing was supposed to be a note to Droplet -- she didn't realize that and published it for all the world to see! It kind of added to the utter randomness of the story, overall. Anyway, I had fun writing this story wth Pyro, and I'm glad you enjoyed it! |
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Post by Nut on Jun 3, 2007 16:58:16 GMT -5
The Happiest Quiggle: This made me crack up. Really. It's really an excellent comic idea, as well as a good strategy for real life, even! I should try it sometime! ... Oh yeah, except that nobody comes to me asking for quests. Oh well. XD Heehee, I'm glad you liked it. ^_^ The Happiest Quiggle by NutIllusen’s expressions are priceless XD Especially the last one. This was a good joke and I liked the art. The first and second lines made me giggle. Hypocritical faeries. Indeed. XD Thanks! ^^ The Happiest Quiggle by NutXDDDD I honestly didn't see where it was going until the end. Laugh. Out. Loud. And the FW mentions were awesome. Good work! ^__^ Thank you! ^_^ The Happiest Quiggle by NutI liked the artwork in this, Illusen was especially nicely drawn. The joke was pretty good to, I expected to see Jhudora, am glad the comic did not get that long. I'm glad it wasn't too long for you. :3 The Happiest Quiggle by nut862ROFL! I loved the blatant allusion to the Faerie Wars. ^_^ Illusen's muttering to herself was nicely done and never seemed boring, which, for such a long monologue in a comic, was really good. Then, the cheater! That was the best, though: send her questers out to get the ingredients they like for her entry. ^_^ The art was beautifully magnificent as well. Thank you, Wolf. ^_^ I'm glad you liked Illusen's monologue. XD I'm glad you all understood the joke this week. I was kinda worried people wouldn't get it at first, but it seems to have worked out. ^^ |
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Post by PFA on Jun 3, 2007 19:00:31 GMT -5
Thanks for the review! Yes, writing fight scenes is quite difficult. I got a Neomail from someone, also saying it was a little confusing... But yeah, trying to write about Dina using her power is tricky. Yay for unexpected plot twists! And of course there has to be sequels. Yes, I kind of rushed the end because the part was getting kind of long. ;; And to be honest, I haven't figured out why she wants wallpaper so much, either. And thanks again for the review! All along, I thought that Dina was going to swap bodies with Yollinda, and trap her in baby form. =D Great series, great sequel!! I love the wallpaper jokes!! And... yeah, that's about it. Heh heh. Thanks Blace! |
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I got a Neomail from someone, also saying it was a little confusing... But yeah, trying to write about Dina using her power is tricky. 
