Issue 283 - Illusen Issue is out!

[Deleted]

micrody said:

Illusen, Victorious by Jason
Although I quite enjoyed reading this story, I do have a few things to mention before moving on to my thoughts of the story itself.

First, quite a bit of the story passed before it was said what Barty was, and I think it would have been a bit nicer to have known his identity sooner. Secondly, I think you overused the semi-colon quite a bit, and you may want to watch out for them more carefully next time. Next, like you mentioned before, you did frequently repeat yourself, though this comment isn't quite of that alone: what I am trying to say is that you have shown things quite vividly and I can really see everything happening, but you seem to have done too much showing, and that made the story feel slow to me; the fact that a few things were shown multiple times only furthered that "clog" of storytelling that I felt. Lastly, the continuity mix-up at the end wasn't that bad, but, yes, it's worth keeping an extra eye out for in the future.

All of that said, I really did enjoy this story. I found I liked Jhudora's reminiscence the most, as it seemed to not have as much detail-overwashing as the rest had. Watching the vines overtake Jhudora's home, too, was quite fun to read, even if it took quite a bit of words that may have been better left out in some places. The conclusion was quite well-done as well, and it really wrapped up the story and made me smile.

I also really liked how this Illusen's Day story was told almost entirely through Jhudora's point of view, as it really added a lot of depth to her side of the story, almost reminding me of what I did in my own piece. Nevertheless, I did enjoy this story, and you did do quite a good job with it, I feel.

Ah, thank you. That was a very nice review. Constructive criticism is what I need.

I have a terrible problem of drawing everything out when I write, and overusing semicolons. I'm so used to reading my work with semicolons that I've kind of grown used to seeng them, and it never strikes me that I use them too much. Thank you for pointing that out.

I feel really stupid about Barty -- I don't know what I was thinking when I neglected to say what he was. I guess I just assumed people would think he was a Bartamus? I don't know. Thank you for pointing that out, though, because I wouldn't have it caught it if you hadn't.

All in all, thank you for that review. It was very helpful.

[Dimi]

micrody said:

Knick Knack - Illusen Special by Dimitris and Goosh
I happened to read the random event before noticing the arrows, so I didn't get this joke to the fullest, but it was quite funny still. The art had a very distinct style to it, and I liked that, and the expressions were all quite good, and I liked them all.

articunoneo said:

Knick Knack - Illusen Special
Cute! It was a little bit confusing because the something has happened was placed a little weird imo. The art was good

Thanks for the reviews. Now that I see it, you're right. I'll know better where to put the "something has happened" sign next time.

[Deleted]

Catching Up: Part Six by Fj0rd
The sudden shift of viewpoint from Patricia to Lillian caught me off-guard, and I think you could have use a double-linebreak or the nifty triply-asterisks to clarify the transition. The transition between Lillian's point of view to Emm's was rather nicely done, though I still find it almost awkward how you are able to pass on PoV as if it is merely a baton being passed between characters. That's nothing bad, of course, but I so very rarely see it done, that it's particularly vivid in my mind when I do, and when it's done well.

Once more, I quite enjoyed reading this, and it seems with each passing part, I get into this so much faster, and it seem so much shorter because of it. Though it still seems a definitive plot is still a bit off, just watching these characters live and learn, and grow, is quite entertaining for me.


The Mirror of Memories: Part Eight by Sytra
Did you really openly mention a refrigerator? In the 'Times? That's...interesting... Regardless...

Kin's gone?! That's...startling, to say the least. And Cel as been revealed! As well, When the Wind Blows returned, so that might even have some major importance to the story, as might the Cybunny with red eyes that's on the end table.

So many very interesting things have come of this part, and they've all left me craving more, mouth watering and all.


Legend Seekers: Mysterious Magic - Part Nine by Yuka
The pot of gold is a nice bonus, but the real treasure is the rainbow itself. --That is a beautiful line, and I love it to death!

Pemero's giving up of the staff was quite poetically done, and I enjoyed the entire scene very much, though it almost made the sheer magnitude of description that it was given seem anticlimactic. Then again, I have a nagging feeling it isn't gone just yet, and there's likely a lot still left to this tale...

Jen's sudden acquisition of the staff probably confirms what I had in mind, yes? lol. It was elegantly done, her transformation into a Faerie pet, and I must wonder if she and Pemero will meet in Faerieland...

Well, it seems in time they're destined to, of course. Pemero's last thoughts make me think such, at least, and make me wonder what else will come of this... I shall only have to wait and see, it seems.


Another Hero's Journey: Part Ten by Kat
I quite enjoyed the amount of action that was in this part; it's something that I feel has been lacking in quite a bit of this story.

My only "complaint" was that Dark seemed a bit too talkative in the midst of battle when he ran into Reuben. Nothing terribly bad with that, but it just seemed unreal. *sigh*

Nevertheless, I once more had a great time reading this, and I do await more.

[Deleted]

reallyawesomedood said:

Ah, thank you. That was a very nice review. Constructive criticism is what I need.

I have a terrible problem of drawing everything out when I write, and overusing semicolons. I'm so used to reading my work with semicolons that I've kind of grown used to seeng them, and it never strikes me that I use them too much. Thank you for pointing that out.

I feel really stupid about Barty -- I don't know what I was thinking when I neglected to say what he was. I guess I just assumed people would think he was a Bartamus? I don't know. Thank you for pointing that out, though, because I wouldn't have it caught it if you hadn't.

All in all, thank you for that review. It was very helpful.

You're quite welcome for the review. :)

For semi-colons, I've always been taught to use them when breaking up compound sentences (e.g., He opened the door and picked up the 'Times; he quite enjoyed reading it.) where it takes the place of the conjunctive "and" and when listing a series of clauses, using them much as a comma would be used in dividing parts of a series of items. If it doesn't seem to do either, chances are it's better a comma (especially if it introduced an appositive, which is the mistake I see most often), possibly a colon, or perhaps even a new sentence altogether.

For Bartamus, you might have said it sooner than I had realised, and I might have just taken it as his name (Barty logically being short for Bartamus). Had I known more of Jhudora's prizes, I may have caught onto it earlier, though initially I had envisioned a Barbat or a Korbat.

[nikki]

Illusen's Secrets to Staying in Shape by Nikki
(Isn't it ironic how one of those letters-to-Illusen was asking about how to stay in shape?)

Anyways, getting past the coincidences, I quite enjoyed this article. It, too, was incredibly well-written (though I did catch an instance of "stay" needing to have been "staying"), but not only that, it was quite fun to read as well and I easily read through this in only a few moments.

Despite how much Neopia was strewn in with this, you included a lot of tips and advice that can be applied in real life. That, I feel, is awesome. I know plenty of people who suffer from being not-that-fit, and articles such as this certainly reaches out to those people. For that, I applaud you, as I find it's always awesome when something in the Neopian Times can, even in a little way, impact real life beyond mere enjoyment.

Thanks a bunch! I'm glad you liked it. Yeah, I actually received a neomail right after it was published from someone saying they loved the article and that they had even eaten a banana after reading it! haha.
But I'm glad I was able to bring both Neopets and reality aspects into the article I didn't even realize that until you said it Thanks again for the review!

[troublems03]

micrody said:

Slime Trails by Gen
Though I don't think I like Slorgs any more now than I did before (...and I really had nothing against Slorgs before this, so I suppose there wasn't much room for "improvement"), I really enjoyed reading this article and I found it very well-written. The inclusion of the pictures really added to the impact, and its organization was definitely superb.

Thanks for the review Wolf - I'm glad you liked it and I won't hold it against you for not changing your stance on Slorgs .

I intend to do all my reviews later in the week.

Any reviews of my article "Slime Trails" would be greatly appreciated.

[Belle]

micrody said:

Illusen Writes the Editorial? by Belle
I loved how you so instantaneously rose the excitement of having Illusen do the editorial and then subsequently shattered it. It was really funny, I think, and definitely drew me into this even more.

I loved this article. You perfectly recreated the look (and the feel) of the editorial in this, and Leafy's attitude was just wonderful, I feel. Everything was well-written and quite enjoyable to read. You should definitely give Leafy one of Illusen's Cream Cookies. ^_^

Thanks for the review, Wolf. At first, I was going to do an editorial with Illusen really writing it but I just couldn't make her personality come across so I created Leafy. XD I'm glad you enjoyed my article.

As for giving Leafy a cream cookie, he'd probably reject it. He's had enough of those cookies. XD

[Belle]

Reviews for Illusen Writes the Editorial? would still be much appreciated.

Article Reviews

Slime Trails by squire_genevieve

I must say, your introduction was brilliant. Maybe that was why when I got to the list of Slorgs, I found myself wanting more information about them than what you had written. A paragraph per Slorg wasn't enough. ^_^

Anyway, this means you haven't entirely convinced me but you almost did. I think I want a Maraquan Slorg. XD

In terms of writing style, yours is easy to read making it enjoyable and almost relaxing. Keep it up, Gen. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.

Illusen's Secrets to Staying in Shape by lassie_nikki

First off, I'm going to go with Wolf's 'What a coincidence!' scenario. XD In my article, I had a pet asking Illusen for help about staying fit.

I really loved your article. It reads like one of those human interest features you find in magazines. Basically, this was how I wanted Illusen's personality to be like in the article I wrote but since I couldn't manage it, I dropped Illusen and used a different character.

Your article is very organized and well-developed. And Illusen's personality just shines. ^_^

I haven't read an article of yours in a while, Nikki (blame it on me not having read the NT in months ), so I have to say, your writing style has evolved since the last time I read one of your works. This was really great. I can't wait to see what you come up with next.

[Tyrannitar]

AD: Reviews for 'The NeoCola Factory' short story would still be appreciated!

Comic Reviews

And the Meepets Outgrabe by kittylin: The art is lovely as always. Aw, fun-size. Jelly bean-a. Do you wake up with ideas?

The Happiest Quiggle by nut862: Miss your arting, Nut. It's good, as it should be. I think that at the end panel with the actual Happiest Quiggle, it should have a little thing saying 'Meanwhile...' or something. Just a little thought. Nice comic overall!

Knick Knack by pokemon_lunatic: The random event thingy at the top made me read that first. Then I noticed the arrows. XD I assume the money's in the trades? Artwork is acceptable. Good comic!

Article Reviews

Illusen Writes the Editorial? by ladyariel32: The title really hooks you on. Too bad Illusen didn't actually write the editorial (which explains the question mark at the end of the title). Incidentally, did you put in those images yourself, or did Droplet do it?

Try the Gelert doctor or a dermatologist...

Are you sure they have dermatologists in Neopia? lol.

What a stupid question. Next.

They could have really been a better answer, in my opinion, that would make it slightly funnier. It's already amusing, but... well, I suppose what you have is good too. Nevermind.

Not an Elephante

Surrre...

...so I orde-, er, asked... if it makes you feel better, I almost shed a tear when you failed your quest. I really wanted that Kadoatie.

Aw, lol.

Overall, this article was an amusing read. The questions could easily be applied to anybody who knows Illusen a lot, though the thing with the weight loss in the middle was kind of odd. All in all, good job.

Slime Trails by squire_genevieve: Ah, the Haunted Woods. How many times have I creatively visited that place. The little bit at the beginning strayed from the topic a little, but you quickly saved yourself from OFF-TOPICNESS soon afterwards. The Slorg descriptions are smart alec-y and amusing to read.


Kay, that is icky.

Anyway, with your article, perhaps one day everyone will learn to love Slorgs. But you forgot to mention the avatar! I'm sure millions of pet-owners purposely attached Slorgs to their pets for three months just to get that lovely avatar. Nice article.

I'll review more later...

[Tyrannitar]

The NeoCola Factory by Ty
This was a very intriguing story that was both entertaining and enjoyable to read. I quite enjoyed it, though the excessive use of italics wasn't that amazing. I can't quite make much sense of the ending, but it was good like that. I'm left to wonder if what Donny had dreamt was real, or if it was not, when it very well could have been, and that's a good way to end a short story, I think, with just a bit of curiosity left lingering to keep the story in mind for quite a time after it's over....

Thanks for the review! ^^ I looked it over, and I realized that sure was a lot of stuff I'd want to reword, namely overuse of words or phrases in one section. I initially waited for this story to be rejected, and then make it into a series, but it got held-over and I was like . A sequel would kind of be not-a-good-idea now anyway. I'm glad you enjoyed it, because I sure don't.

[nikki]

Illusen's Secrets to Staying in Shape by lassie_nikki

First off, I'm going to go with Wolf's 'What a coincidence!' scenario. XD In my article, I had a pet asking Illusen for help about staying fit.

I really loved your article. It reads like one of those human interest features you find in magazines. Basically, this was how I wanted Illusen's personality to be like in the article I wrote but since I couldn't manage it, I dropped Illusen and used a different character.

Your article is very organized and well-developed. And Illusen's personality just shines. ^_^

I haven't read an article of yours in a while, Nikki (blame it on me not having read the NT in months ), so I have to say, your writing style has evolved since the last time I read one of your works. This was really great. I can't wait to see what you come up with next.

Wow, that really is a coincidence! haha. I'm really glad that you liked it so much =) It was sort of difficult to show Illusen's personality but I'm glad I managed it
Thanks again for the review! I'll definitely take time to read and review your article in just a bit.

[Belle]

tyrannitar said:

Illusen Writes the Editorial? by ladyariel32: The title really hooks you on. Too bad Illusen didn't actually write the editorial (which explains the question mark at the end of the title).

First off, thank you for the review.

tyrannitar said:

Incidentally, did you put in those images yourself, or did Droplet do it?

I did. ^_^ I had fun picking those.

tyrannitar said:

Try the Gelert doctor or a dermatologist...

Are you sure they have dermatologists in Neopia? lol.

*snicker* We never know. XD

tyrannitar said:

They could have really been a better answer, in my opinion, that would make it slightly funnier. It's already amusing, but... well, I suppose what you have is good too. Nevermind.

I know you said never mind but to tell you the truth, I really couldn't think of a plausible, not-overdone answer so I took the easy way out. XD

tyrannitar said:

Overall, this article was an amusing read. The questions could easily be applied to anybody who knows Illusen a lot, though the thing with the weight loss in the middle was kind of odd. All in all, good job.

I'm glad it amused you. ^_^ And, just so you know, I actually enjoyed writing the weight loss part.

Reviews for 'Illusen Writes the Editorial?' still appreciated. I'm going to try and review some more stuff later. ^_^

[nikki]

Illusen Writes the Editorial?
I loved this article :] It was well written and definitely amusing!
I loved Leafy's attitude, how it wasn't fake or too overdone. Just right
It was easy to read and kept my attention (which is hard to do, because I'm so easily distracted!) so great job =)

Slime Trails
You write really really well! It was organized well also The pictures were definitely a must, at least for me. It helps me to see what the author is talking about, so I liked that. Good job!

And the Meepits Outgrabe
Aww I loved the artwork, especially the faerie Gelert and Baby Lupe :] And the joke was cute =)

The Happist Quiggle
Hehe, this is so cute. I love the quiggle it's adorable.
Sadly, I'm slow and didn't get it really at first but I get it now.
But it's not your fault that I'm slow Good job! I liked it.

Knick Knack
Like everyone else, I read the event first but then I saw the arrows and read it how it was supposed to be and I loved it Original and cute! :]

More reviews later hopefully!
ANYMORE reviews for "Illusen's Secrets to Staying in Shape" will be really appreciated!

[Birdy]

Articles

Slime Trails

A quite inforamitive article. I liked it.
I liked the "Top Ten" list. *hugs the plushie Slorg* Ooh, squishy. *resists quoting from the movie "Finding Nemo"*


Illusen Writes the Editorial?

*grins* I really liked this article! ;D
I thought it was cool how you set it up to look like the weekly editorial.

More like this soon? *Doglefox eyes*


Illusen's Secrets to Staying in Shape

I stopped jogging and picked it up... and this creature popped out of it and scared the living Neocola out of me!

*gigglesnort*

I liked this article. Especally the part about the mollusk.

[Birdy]

Short Stories

The NeoCola Factory

*blinks* This was a rather interesting story.
I'm not entiraly sure why it was mostly in itialcs, but I'm pretty sure there was a reason.

A swinging rope bridge, with some planks missing...

A giant chasm, with bubbling lava at the bottom...

*grins* I'm so thinking of Shrek here.


Illusen's Day Off

*smiles* Cute story, I liked it.

Hardly more than two minutes and thirteen seconds later,

I like this line.


Illusen, Victorious

the vines were several inches in diameter,

O.O Those are some big vines!


*grins* Great story, I liked it! ;D