|
|
Post by Belle on Mar 17, 2007 2:04:01 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2007 2:19:01 GMT -5
Reviews for my short story, "Illusen, Victorious", would be very much appreciated. Upon reading through it I realized two very big mistakes I missed in proofreading (I cannot understand how I could have missed them): for one, I repeat myself a lot during the last half of the story, and two, there's a continuity error later in the story. I won't say what it is for the sake of spoilers.
Anyways, I'll review some tomorrow.
|
|
|
|
Post by articunoneo on Mar 17, 2007 2:31:35 GMT -5
The Happiest QuiggleCute and funny too xD Love the art. And the Meepits OutgrabeI like the art! They all look so cute here. If I missed someones comic here tell me 
|
|
|
|
Post by Dimi on Mar 17, 2007 2:38:06 GMT -5
You forgot my comic. It's the last one in the list, "Knick Knack - Illusen Special".
|
|
|
|
Post by Tyrannitar on Mar 17, 2007 3:25:48 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by Nut on Mar 17, 2007 5:44:15 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by Nut on Mar 17, 2007 5:47:28 GMT -5
The Happiest QuiggleCute and funny too xD Love the art. Aw, thanks. Glad you liked it. ^^ |
|
|
|
Post by Goosh on Mar 17, 2007 8:37:39 GMT -5
Vanity: Part Three by literalluau
Good part! It sort of lacked the action of the first two, but the characters are really developing. Sarah's totally Meepit-evil <.< I suspect she somehow, if accidentally,n had a hand in the lightning. I have one minor problem here:
Part I: The sun had just reached its zenith as she opened the door to the Neolodge.
Part III: As the sun reached its zenith, the Bori peddler began to revive.
Part III: They hadn’t been on the sea that long, she could tell because the sun hadn’t even reached its zenith.
It just seems like a little overusage of the phrase ^_^;. It's good, a nice scientific phrase, but... there's also 'noon.' XD Don't take it the wrong way, I just felt a little deja vu. All in all, good chapter!
|
|
|
|
Post by nikki on Mar 17, 2007 9:13:22 GMT -5
YAY! Illusen Day :] I'm so glad I managed to get in.
Any reviews for my article, Illusen's Secrets to Staying in Shape would be VERY appreciated!
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2007 12:08:07 GMT -5
That's so awesome! "Illusen's Day Off" was mentioned on the news page! *faints* And the pin scene was kept in it! *faints again* I'd really like some reviews for it if anyone has the time available. * * * And the Meepits Outgrabe by KittylinOh, this is so cute! Once again, I found your artwork wonderful, and the joke was just precious. The Happiest Quiggle by Nut ... ROFL ... ^_^ The art was just amazing, and the joke was stupendous! Knick Knack - Illusen Special by Dimitris and GooshI happened to read the random event before noticing the arrows, so I didn't get this joke to the fullest, but it was quite funny still. The art had a very distinct style to it, and I liked that, and the expressions were all quite good, and I liked them all. |
|
|
|
Post by Goosh on Mar 17, 2007 12:57:36 GMT -5
That's so awesome! "Illusen's Day Off" was mentioned on the news page! *faints* And the pin scene was kept in it! *faints again* I'd really like some reviews for it if anyone has the time available. * * * And the Meepits Outgrabe by KittylinOh, this is so cute! Once again, I found your artwork wonderful, and the joke was just precious. The Happiest Quiggle by Nut ... ROFL ... ^_^ The art was just amazing, and the joke was stupendous! Knick Knack - Illusen Special by Dimitris and GooshI happened to read the random event before noticing the arrows, so I didn't get this joke to the fullest, but it was quite funny still. The art had a very distinct style to it, and I liked that, and the expressions were all quite good, and I liked them all. Thank you Wolf! I'm sure Dimitris thanks you too. The art is a blend of me drawing the lines and Dimi colouring them on what I believe is photoshop. And I tried to make the expressions very.... expressive ^__^ |
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2007 12:58:39 GMT -5
Slime Trails by Gen
Though I don't think I like Slorgs any more now than I did before (...and I really had nothing against Slorgs before this, so I suppose there wasn't much room for "improvement"), I really enjoyed reading this article and I found it very well-written. The inclusion of the pictures really added to the impact, and its organization was definitely superb.
Illusen Writes the Editorial? by Belle
I loved how you so instantaneously rose the excitement of having Illusen do the editorial and then subsequently shattered it. It was really funny, I think, and definitely drew me into this even more.
I loved this article. You perfectly recreated the look (and the feel) of the editorial in this, and Leafy's attitude was just wonderful, I feel. Everything was well-written and quite enjoyable to read. You should definitely give Leafy one of Illusen's Cream Cookies. ^_^
Illusen's Secrets to Staying in Shape by Nikki
(Isn't it ironic how one of those letters-to-Illusen was asking about how to stay in shape?)
Anyways, getting past the coincidences, I quite enjoyed this article. It, too, was incredibly well-written (though I did catch an instance of "stay" needing to have been "staying"), but not only that, it was quite fun to read as well and I easily read through this in only a few moments.
Despite how much Neopia was strewn in with this, you included a lot of tips and advice that can be applied in real life. That, I feel, is awesome. I know plenty of people who suffer from being not-that-fit, and articles such as this certainly reaches out to those people. For that, I applaud you, as I find it's always awesome when something in the Neopian Times can, even in a little way, impact real life beyond mere enjoyment.
|
|
|
|
Post by articunoneo on Mar 17, 2007 13:08:52 GMT -5
Knick Knack - Illusen SpecialCute! It was a little bit confusing because the something has happened was placed a little weird imo. The art was good 
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2007 14:30:59 GMT -5
The NeoCola Factory by Ty
This was a very intriguing story that was both entertaining and enjoyable to read. I quite enjoyed it, though the excessive use of italics wasn't that amazing. I can't quite make much sense of the ending, but it was good like that. I'm left to wonder if what Donny had dreamt was real, or if it was not, when it very well could have been, and that's a good way to end a short story, I think, with just a bit of curiosity left lingering to keep the story in mind for quite a time after it's over....
The Journal of a Moody Faerie by Kitty and Birdy
This story, I feel, really didn't start picking up until it was near the end and Illusen lost herself and then made up for it. Till then, I was still enjoying this, but it didn't have the conflict that I especially enjoy reading in stories and it seemed a little plain and didn't seem that special. After Illusen lost it, though, I really enjoyed watching her go through her conflicting emotions and then set everything right again. I quite loved that internal struggle over what was right and what's not, and the resolution was flawlessly done.
Illusen, Victorious by Jason
Although I quite enjoyed reading this story, I do have a few things to mention before moving on to my thoughts of the story itself.
First, quite a bit of the story passed before it was said what Barty was, and I think it would have been a bit nicer to have known his identity sooner. Secondly, I think you overused the semi-colon quite a bit, and you may want to watch out for them more carefully next time. Next, like you mentioned before, you did frequently repeat yourself, though this comment isn't quite of that alone: what I am trying to say is that you have shown things quite vividly and I can really see everything happening, but you seem to have done too much showing, and that made the story feel slow to me; the fact that a few things were shown multiple times only furthered that "clog" of storytelling that I felt. Lastly, the continuity mix-up at the end wasn't that bad, but, yes, it's worth keeping an extra eye out for in the future.
All of that said, I really did enjoy this story. I found I liked Jhudora's reminiscence the most, as it seemed to not have as much detail-overwashing as the rest had. Watching the vines overtake Jhudora's home, too, was quite fun to read, even if it took quite a bit of words that may have been better left out in some places. The conclusion was quite well-done as well, and it really wrapped up the story and made me smile.
I also really liked how this Illusen's Day story was told almost entirely through Jhudora's point of view, as it really added a lot of depth to her side of the story, almost reminding me of what I did in my own piece. Nevertheless, I did enjoy this story, and you did do quite a good job with it, I feel.
|
|
|
|
Post by Nut on Mar 17, 2007 14:33:35 GMT -5
The Happiest Quiggle by Nut ... ROFL ... ^_^ The art was just amazing, and the joke was stupendous! Thanks, Wolf! ^^ I'm glad you thought it had a joke. ^^;; I really wasn't sure what sort of punchline I was aiming for, so I'm glad it was funny to someone. |
|
Happy Illusen Day. I'm sorry I can't post the all NTWF-list right now. If no one posts a list by tonight, I'll edit this post with the list. ^_^ EDIT: List from Nut. 
... ROFL ... ^_^ The art was just amazing, and the joke was stupendous!