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Post by Nimras on Feb 25, 2007 0:35:59 GMT -5
Eek! +pushes her story+ Please please reveiw? I need critisism. Patience. It also helps if you give the correct title, and say what kind of story it is (short story, comic...) No one has to review after all. The fastest way to get a review of your story is to review other ones in the same issue. People tend to do reviews for those who give them one. |
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Post by Kat on Feb 25, 2007 1:55:53 GMT -5
Another Hero's Journey: Part Seven by precious_katuch14Things finally feel like they're moving again. Reuben's getting out of the cave and the storm's coming to an end, or at least we can assume and hope. Andrea's gift to him was well-made and really added that extra touch of touching-ness to this part of the story, and I really liked that. The fact that her brother's name had been Ruben was just...one of those things that don't really have words to be described by, but it was a good feeling, I guess. The exchange between Tala and Jovan felt a bit awkward at first, though as I don't believe Jovan's been in this story much yet, perhaps that was the reason for its strangeness. When the letter came up, rather, when it was read, things seemed to fall into place and the awkwardness left. That letter...it is definitely interesting and I would very much like to see where it takes things. Dark Hope seems like an interesting character, yet I can't quite tell if he's a good one or not. Overall, things, like I said, are starting to feel in motion again. As well, your descriptions weren't bad in this one, but actually quite good. I think Joan could have used a bit less, and Jovan a bit more on where he stands in relationship to the others, but it was all manageable. Good job. ^_^ [shadow=purple,left,300]Thanks for the review, Wolf. ^_^ This is where the characters start multiplying like plot bunnies. And they give me more reasons to write the next installment. Reviews - because I don't want to review for my exams XDStanding Up - Kitty and Fj0rd There were a few typos and a few misplaced words... For a moment there I thought they were going to eat ice with their lunch. ^^; Anyway, it was a relatively simple plot, albeit one many people can relate to. I liked how Ty found a way to prove that Samantha was capable of moving on her own, just not on land. At least it wasn't one of those empty speeches that ended in the audience yelling, "So what?" and everything in between. Dorak, The Little Known Hero - Jewel I think instead of using "but", you could have used "and" or "plus" or something like that. Well, the ending was really creative. I mean, seriously, when something is at stake and you need to set things right, you tend to forget your fears and maybe even yourself in general. I think the parents could've used more characterization so that they seem more well-rounded. Dorak has a nice wild imagination. XD The Effects of Procrastination - Puppy Hey, here's a story for me! XD *slapped by looming final exams* Anyway, this reminds me of an episode from SpongeBob, where he procrastinates his homework (yup, he does get homework XD) and ends up having a dream as well, although it didn't have anything to do with waves of paper, and the plot was different. I like the ending. I just do. And it leaves me wondering if Ardana will really do her homework this time. Hyperion: The Tear - Wolf Everyone loves a good mystery. And every good mystery has random suspects the protagonist pokes to get a piece or two of the entire jigsaw puzzle. I liked the strange characters Hyperion talked to - how they were all rich and famous but each of them had their own little quirks. The ending was...well, I can't find the words to describe it and the relationship between Hyperion and Anthea. And Hyperion's a real smart cookie, yes?[/shadow] |
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Post by khestrel on Feb 25, 2007 3:06:03 GMT -5
Razzle Dazzle - Episode VIII by khestrelThis comic almost seems incomplete, as if I've missed something or if it was just leading up to something bigger. Nevertheless, I really like your style of art and I enjoyed reading this. ^^ Thanks for the review. If it felt like it was leading up to something, then I actually accomplished what I wanted. These last couple, and for a couple more comics have been leading up to and about the introduction of a new character. In hindsight though, I should have stamped a "to be continued" tag on there. ^^ Khe- |
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Post by sarahleeadvent on Feb 25, 2007 3:25:04 GMT -5
Chronicles of the Court Rogue: Jealousy
Well, I finally got around to posting a review on this, and it's definitely worth reviewing! Mareian, as always, breathed life into even the slower moments of the story; she's the kind of character you want to read about no matter what she's doing. I liked how realistic you made Jules; it's always nice to see an antagonist who isn't being evil just for the sake of being evil (honestly, how many people are actually like that?). Mareian's idea for having Hagan fund a school and thus roads was clever, and I liked the note Rolan left for Jules. You never did mention precisely how he factored into this, though, and why he had the duplicate relics made. (I'm assuming he was the one responsible for their existence, basing that on the words of the Mynci in Part Three.) Not to mention the encounter that was sure to ensue between Rolan and Jules later when Jules confronted his brother on the letter; I'd have liked to see that. All in all, though, a great story, and the ending was positively perfect. I like the way Mareian's mask falls in front of Jeran. I look forward to the next CCR story!
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Post by hat on Feb 25, 2007 10:57:35 GMT -5
Oh okay! Sorry-I didn't really realise how that worked. n_n; Just got here yesterday you know. But thanks! Yes I'll keep that in mind. Somehow I didn't know that /everyone/ could reveiw.
Ahhh! Thank you for the reveiw! n_n. And yes, I'll keep all you said in mind. Hopefully I'll have more stories for you guys! Hehe.
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Post by kittygirl on Feb 25, 2007 13:27:18 GMT -5
Standing Up - Kitty and Fj0rd There were a few typos and a few misplaced words... For a moment there I thought they were going to eat ice with their lunch. ^^; Anyway, it was a relatively simple plot, albeit one many people can relate to. I liked how Ty found a way to prove that Samantha was capable of moving on her own, just not on land. At least it wasn't one of those empty speeches that ended in the audience yelling, "So what?" and everything in between. Thanks for the review. ^_^ |
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Post by hat on Feb 25, 2007 13:32:43 GMT -5
Standing Up
by kittygirl5170
...Wow! I really enjoyed this story! n_n it was very easy to relate to, and it was very creative! Haha, I never thought about how the sea pets would have such a hard time struggling on land. n_n. I just really like how creative it is. Good job! =D
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Post by kittygirl on Feb 26, 2007 15:56:08 GMT -5
Standing Up by kittygirl5170 ...Wow! I really enjoyed this story! n_n it was very easy to relate to, and it was very creative! Haha, I never thought about how the sea pets would have such a hard time struggling on land. n_n. I just really like how creative it is. Good job! =D Thanks for the review. Although, don't forget Fj0rd. She wrote it too. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 26, 2007 21:17:32 GMT -5
Standing Up by kittygirl5170 and extreme_fj0rd
I enjoyed reading this. It was simple, but it was still good. Ty was quite a good character, and I admired his firmness in standing by Samantha. Though I found the ending was somewhat predictable, as I knew it was likely that it would culminate in a fashion as it had, I still enjoyed the ending because it was a nice turn around from how it had been, regardless that it seemed a bit cliché. But it's how you write it, not what you write, and that writing made it worth it, I think.
To me, "slither" was a bad choice of words towards the beginning; I felt that it lacked the enthusiasm that Samantha showed. Throughout the entire piece, some of the punctuation did feel a bit off, and a few times the wording seemed awkward, so I guess it could have used a tad bit more editing.
Those minor flaws aside, this was a really good short story.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 27, 2007 23:30:36 GMT -5
Dorak, The Little Known Hero by ice_dragons_jewel
Congrats on your first piece and welcome to the NTWF! ^_^
I know you said you wanted criticism, though I'll try to make all of mine constructive, as I always do. :)
The introductory paragraphs were rather well-placed and intriguing, though in my opinion they cluttered the story and weren't wholly necessary.
The next bit, when Dorak was a child, I found to be quite tender and enjoyable to read. The characters, though few in number, were all well-described and very well-defined, which is always a good thing. The silent communications between Dorak's parents was a nice added touch, and the exaggerations of the boat as Dorak saw it were very good as well.
The rest, too, was quite well-written, though I found nothing better than the ending. I knew what was coming, even though I've never actually read this Neopedia story, but you still wrote the instant quite well and I enjoyed reading it it a lot. I don't know how much of the dialogue you borrowed, but regardless, its placement was all fitting and it all flowed nicely, I feel.
I noticed that some of your compound adjectives weren't properly hyphenated, though I suppose this isn't very helpful advice as I haven't yet been able to find a way to help people properly identify compound adjectives if they don't already know what to look out for.... You also seemed a bit overzealous with the exclamation points, which is not only unnecessary but can easily prove a nuance to some readers and come off as amateur.
A lovely line, though it's worth pointing out that "Dorak" should have been possessive as the complete comparison (including the ellipses, or implied word, which is here in brackets) is "as Dorak's [mind]" not "as Dorak" himself.
Though this, too, was a good line, it seemed out of place to me as I feel it would be unlikely that Dorak, as young as he was made out to be, would have known about such a sea snail in Maraqua's ruins.
That all said, I still enjoyed this story quite a lot, and I hope to read future work of yours in the 'Times.
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Post by Nut on Feb 28, 2007 21:05:28 GMT -5
*should've started reviewing earlier*
Comic
[glow=blue,2,300]Spooky[/glow]
New Spooky! Eehee, Spooks in Space… is this the beginning of a mini-series? ^^
I love the art, as always. The little spaceship in the first panel is just so cute. x3 Aw, and Komo brought his Petpet. It’ll be fun to see more of him. Komo’s excited pose is so cute. ^^
The comic was really nicely paced out, first showing the spaceship and explaining the situation, then switching to the inside of the shuttle and showing Tombstones looking out the window and finally letting the reader see the view. It flowed perfectly, and there’s a real sense of place, switching from outside in space to inside the ship and back again. It’s fun to read it and just follow the camera angle where it takes you.
The joke came naturally, but I didn’t expect it at all. It was definitely an interesting concept; I always just assumed that those various outer space activiteies were more spread apart from each other. Seeing those giant advertisements floating in space was a surprise—I imagine it would be difficult racing with those things. And the fuzzles look too fluffy to be evil. ^^
I liked Echo’s comment about needing fresh air too… XD
And you were having trouble getting this accepted? I’m glad it finally made it. Another great one. ^^
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Post by Nut on Mar 1, 2007 14:32:35 GMT -5
Article
[glow=blue,2,300]A Simple Guide to the Site Spotlight[/glow]
The title is true; this is an easy-to-understand guide to the basics of the Site Spotlight. Based on what I’ve seen of the Site Spotlight, your tips are good and would help anyone trying to win the trophy. I sort of wish the patterns of Site Spotlight winners were less predictable, but you have no control over that. I’m sure it’d be very helpful to anyone who isn’t sure how to start building a Site Spotlight entry.
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Post by Nut on Mar 1, 2007 14:32:52 GMT -5
Short Stories[glow=blue,2,300] Hyperion: The Tear[/glow] The sweetest part of the story is Hyperion’s connection with his sister. ^^ The mission itself almost wasn’t as important as his friendship with Anthea. I don’t much like the pets who live around Lady Witherwaters’ area. Quite a collection of characters there. It is nice how they all have little things about them that differentiate them from each other. *shudders at the Aisha wearing the stained white dress* I have to think that asking a possible suspect if he had any reason to steal a valuable object might not be the best way of solving a mystery.  The way that everything tied in with tears was nice. Though, I wouldn’t necessarily assume that a person who had lost a valuable object would be breaking down in front of her detective… the solution seemed almost a little too convenient. But that may just be me. It was a fun story, and lovely to watch Hyperion’s relationship with Anthea. [glow=blue,2,300] The Effects of Procrastination[/glow] The title certainly intrigued me. XD I’m not sure wht I expected when I started reading, but I was hoping for something I could relate to. I didn’t get that exactly the way I had pictured it, but it was interesting nevertheless. ^^ You did a nice job of showing Ardana’s laziness. I think it’s funny how you declare that she’s a “pet of doing” and then show how she doesn’t really do anything. It was pretty clear that the sea of homework was a dream when it started, so ongratulations on managing to blend that into the story without using italics or anything. When she woke up only to fall asleep again, I was sympathizing with her even as I was cringing at her laziness. It’s so easy to intend to do your work… The ending is great, though. XD This is a story that makes you want to laugh and cringe, and it’s always fun to see a caricature of yourself (I think we can all reate to the issue of procrastination). ^^ [glow=blue,2,300] Standing Up[/glow] I really like how the title not only echoes the ending line but has to do with Samantha’s inability to stand up. ^^ The pattern of a pet going to school for the first time and being teased about her looks was something I’ve seen often before. I did like how Samantha thought that the pets were embarrassed for having almost stepped on her. I always imagined Flotsams dragging themselves along, too. It must be rather inconvenient in crowds. It’s really sweet how Ty stands by Samantha the whole time. It’s nice to watch him being a good friend to her. The way that Samantha proved herself wasn’t unexpected, but it was sweet to see, and I liked how it was Ty’s idea—he knew she could handle herself in the water even though she never made any claims to it. [glow=blue,2,300] Dorak, The Little Known Hero[/glow] …Jacques the Lupe? o_0 Isn’t Jacques a Kyrii? Maybe you’re thinking of Jeran, or maybe I’m missing a chunk of my Neopian history. The latter isn’t unlikely. I like how Dorak imagines the little rowboat as such a fanciful pirate ship. ^^ His character is so cute and childish. I liked the images of him clinging to the boat seat in fear of going into the water, and him tossing up sand with the oars. It was interesting how he seemed to have come up with the name Captain Lenny. The conversation between him and his parents seemed quite realistic, and the ending was very nice—it was to be expected, yet when the moment came that he abandoned his fears and leaped into the boat, it seemed quite natural.
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Post by peri on Mar 1, 2007 17:19:24 GMT -5
Comic Reviews  Spooky - I love me some Spooky comics  Expressions are priceless on each character. And I love how "space" is filled with everything related to Neopets space... Advert Attack and Evil Fuzzles... lol I would've turned that ship right back around! And the Meepits Outgrabe - Such a cute comic and I'm betting, very true "Can I have your Baby Paint Brush?" rofl Piratey Adventures - hehe I thought this was pretty funny Although I notice there are some pretty strong baby pets out there.... |
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Post by Nimras on Mar 1, 2007 23:03:55 GMT -5
Another Hero's Journey: Part Sevenby precious_katuch14 I like Andrea. ^^ This “Dark Hope” character’s an interesting addition. I don’t entirely trust him, but I’ve often been declared to be a rather suspicious person. It just strikes me odd that he’d go so far out of his way to pass on a message from a rather young and inexperienced kid. Sword of the Shapeshifter: Part Fiveby sarahleeadvent Gah, the part with The Three talking in Darigan’s mind was creepy. *shudders* *snicker* I think the other pertinent question is, do they make body casts for beings that are apparently at least partially incorporeal? Loved the banter. *grin* Evil cliffhanger though. *shakes fist* Legend Seekers: Mysterious Magic - Part Sixby yatomiyuka Ohh…. Nice way to incorporate the Geraptiku temple daily into the story. Hmm, this Kail Selvar makes me rather suspicious. Lupe or no, I don’t trust him. Jen’s going to have a bunch of interesting experiences with this one I think. I admit, at first I thought it was Pemero, with the mention of the silver paw… And it looks like there’s some dissension in the ranks for Seth’s crew… I wonder how Permero will handle that. The Mirror of Memories: Part Fiveby sytra Oy, those do just sound creepy.  Of course, the whole jumping though mirrors (and the fact that she’s still hauling around the baby with her for the second trip) strikes me as rather creepy as well. Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve always frowned against mucking with time… Twist of Fate: Part Fourby mandapanda9188 Well, I’m not sure which one it was, but they all sound pretty awesome to watch. *grin* I take it he turned Darigan? It wasn’t exactly clear, but it certainly didn’t sound like he’d turned Faerie… And those are the only two purple with wings colors I can think of for Krawks. The Adventures of Trina: The Return of the Staff - Part Fourby ummagine3284 I confess, the idea of walking all the way though the Haunted Woods to the Lost Desert in one night boggles my mind. I kind of see it as walking all the way from Italy to Egypt… *snicker* It’s nice to see Malkus Vile in a story, as a site character he tends to be ignored a lot of the time. Though I suppose I’m just as guilty of that as anyone. Catching Up: Part Threeby extreme_fj0rd Ack! No! Anything but that! Ohh, I like the idea of the Water Faerie from Maraqua. Though it makes sense that most of them would live around there… It is the only aquatic city.
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Expressions are priceless on each character. And I love how "space" is filled with everything related to Neopets space... Advert Attack and Evil Fuzzles... lol I would've turned that ship right back around!