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Post by Deleted on Feb 12, 2007 21:25:44 GMT -5
The Mirror of Memories: Part Three - Sytra
Story:
Another wonderful part, Sytra. It really feels, right now, as if the first two parts were just leading up to this, where the story begins. I was really, really pleased with this part. It had wonderful flow and I love Aina's--Sepra's, hehe--interior monologue; it really adds so much to the story.
I am also quite happy with the Mirror; it seems really to be coming into its own light around this time, when its many truths will probably begin to unfold. The way you described it was also incredibly good, and not only that, it was interesting and intriguing, too!
Poor...Bin? lol. He didn't ask for this, but he's gotten it. But in the care of Malin, I think they'll be alright, for the time being, at least. Then there's the future-items-in-the-past conundrum, which in itself is enough to be the basis of an entire story (as its prominence in such books as the Harry Potter series, especially the third and fifth novels, certainly prove).
So...now to wait. This story really...jumped up in caliber, I feel, since part two.
Mechanics:
It'd be a bit useless to say much here, really, since... *drumroll, please* I take it that this is written in the stream-of-consciousness style? I've been speaking about this style with another as of late, though the few words (...the few hundred words) that we've exchanged gave me little idea what it truly is, for his examples were a bit...short... But by looking at this, I think it fits, so perhaps I had understood him better than I had thought.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 12, 2007 21:51:53 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Feb 13, 2007 14:51:23 GMT -5
Catching Up: Part One - Fj0rd
This was a wonderful start, I feel. It had wonderful pacing and not a moment was too slow or too fast for my mind to take it all in. I like the character of Evea; she seems like a teacher I would want to have teach me. Lianar, being one of the only two students assigned names, definitely makes me curious, as does Patricia, though there wasn't much here to make much of anything at the moment.
I look forward to reading more, Fj0rd; you're an awesome writer.
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Post by Nut on Feb 13, 2007 17:48:59 GMT -5
The Happiest Quiggle - Nut I love your art! *Is jealous* Anyway, the joke was pretty funny. It made me laugh a lot.  Jealous of my art? *is flattered* I'm glad you liked my comic. ^^ The Happiest QuiggleBy Nut862 The Art: The idea of making purple smoggy smoke rise up from the ground was clever -- it did a good job of creating the "Jhudora's Domain" feel to the otherwise unblemished, green hill. The way the thought bubbles seemed to drip was a good indicator of the loadedness of Jhudora's question, almost sickeningly sweet. The illustration of the eyes to convey expression was also well done. I'm glad you liked it. ^^ And the cloud was really quite a cop-out--I didn't check to see what it really looked like, so I winged it.  But I'm glad you thought it worked out well. ^^; The Joke: The utter obliviousness and untainted happiness of the pets that Jhudora's questioning adds a great deal to the scene. The actual punchline "Who taught you how to use your tastebuds?" is unclear -- is Jhudora implying that she taught them? I didn't quite understand what she meant by that. But the expression of Jhudora as the pets chatter about the superiority of Illusen is humorous, and how even Jhudora's explosion of anger was another point against her. Eep! I should've thought of that when I wrote the punchline.  ; It's not really supposed to mean anyone taught them (I should hope there aren't any schools for the proper usage of tastebuds), just an outburst implying that they have no sense of taste. But I'm glad you liked the expressions, and I'm very happy that the pets' obliviousness came across to you. ^^ |
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Post by Nut on Feb 13, 2007 20:52:27 GMT -5
I finally finished last week’s reviews! Let’s see if I can get this week’s done before the next issue comes out. Articles[glow=blue,2,300] Misunderstood Munchies: Looks Can Be Deceiving[/glow] This was a fun article. It was short, which made it easy to read, and it was nice to see the gross food split up into different categories. Indeed, some of that food seems to have a bad name. The touches of humor and real facts and theories are a nice mix. *twitch* I know this is supposed to be reassuring… but somehow… The categories are likely based on TNT’s own tastes. Or the Meepits’. Pointing out that you’d made your point was a little unneeded, I thought. The reader can decide that you got it across based on your writing.  I’m sorry, but I’m still not eating that Lice Rice... This was an entertaining article overall, with an interesting theory behind it. Nicely done. ^^ [glow=blue,2,300] Making Guilds Fun!!![/glow] I was wary when I saw the title, because multiple exclamation points make me twitch. However, as soon as I started reading, I saw that the article deserved three exclamation points’ worth of enthusiasm (even if the title didn’t necessarily). This article is packed full of great ideas. I’m not a guild leader, but these activities sounded like a lot of fun. With all the ideas you toss out, there’s something for every kind of guild. I’m quite keen on the idea of a poll adventure myself. ^^ I love to see a good informative article that really contains information. Your article had ideas that I’m sure a lot of readers never thought about before. The writing was good, and on a whole I thoroughly enjoyed it—great job! ^^ |
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Post by Nut on Feb 14, 2007 7:20:59 GMT -5
Comics[glow=blue,2,300] Little Orby[/glow] Aww, poor Orby. The picture of him as a pile of soot with a glowing bulb on his head was adorable. ^^ I do hope he manages to… rebuild himself… in time for later episodes, though. o.o The differently shaped panels were nice, guiding the eye smoothly through the story. I would’ve liked to see some shading, particularly on the Aisha—even the basic shading on Orby in the first panel and the little glow on his head in the last panel gave him a lot more depth. The wobbling pointer panel was a little confusing to me, but I realized what it was when I saw it fall on the lightning bolt. I like how the lightning bolt just comes down with no fanfare and inserts itself into Orby. The silhouette with his eyes bugging out is great. ^^ I love his sad eyes in the last panel—good job with the expression. ^^ [glow=blue,2,300] Jelly Restriction[/glow] I love the cartoon art. It’s very clean and the lack of shading doesn’t hurt it, only magnifying its cartoony style (though seeing how nicely the cartoon table was shaded—why is only it and the jelly shaded? o.o—I’m sure shading would’ve made it look even better). The expressions in the little Quiggle were really nice—I especially like the “Hmph…!” and “OW!!” panels. ^^ I like how the background changes to a red gradient centered around the mousetrap to emphasize the pain. The joke itself was a pun I’ve heard before, so I didn’t find it terribly funny. But it was cute nevertheless and the art definitely made it worth reading through. ^^ Candykitty’s art has improved a lot since she started, and I really look forward to seeing more comics drawn in this style. [glow=blue,2,300] And the Meepits Outgrabe[/glow] I can always count on this comic to have meltingly adorable art. ^^ I especially like the drawings in the little thought bubbles—her hugging the Baby Paint Brush Plushie is so cute. ^^ I do think the bubbles could’ve been made bigger, though. It can be a little hard to make out what’s going on. I don’t quite get the “my hallway is missing” line and how demolishing a part of the Neohome makes room (unless the space is going to be used for a baby’s room). I found it a little confusing, but I did get the joke in the last panel. And the picture of Miles offering the wormy cheese to his owner was cute. ^^ If one of the older comics was about Kittylin trying on a wedding dress, does this mean I should be offering my congratulations along with my review? ^_^ [glow=blue,2,300] Grasping at Shadows: Technical Difficulties[/glow] Ouch. Isn’t it terrible when characters refuse to act out a comic idea? Bad characters. I wish I had trained Meepits. The little Meepits were adorable, though I’m hoping the hair is a wig. I like their expressions in the third panel. The big white eyes… @_@ This type of non-joke has been done before, but it’s hard to argue with the Mighty Meepit Mafia. They’re coming… [glow=blue,2,300] No Game Here: Illusen’s New Fashion[/glow] The art is very nice; I particularly like the panel where Illusen’s sipping the soup. I also liked the first panel, with the cute smiling Blumaroo. ^^ It’s curious how the Blumaroo is doing quests for both faeries. A bit of trickery there, or is Jhudora using him to get at Illusen? Illusen looks so overjoyed to see the fly-covered soggy carrot. To be honest, the joke is a little confusing. Is Jhudora paying the Blumaroo to buy a rotten carrot for Illusen? How does the carrot have to do with Jhudora? Why is Illusen smiling knowingly in the last panel? But it was definitely interesting to see Illusen dressed up in Jhudora’s clothes. ^^ [glow=blue,2,300] Faerie Blues[/glow] Oh wow, this is amazing. Your use of art turned a basic idea into a fabulous adventure. The soft art is wonderful. I love tracking the little Meerca through his travels, watching him figt through the weather in the little mini-scenes. The boat scenes were my favorite. The rain looks great, and I love how in the sunny scene you drew in the little foods he has to bring to Taelia! Squee, details! Aww, and the picture of the Meerca balancing the foods on his body as he walks through Neopia Central is adorable. The scene with the Meerca talking to the Shop Wizard is a nice midpoint in the story, and I like how you didn’t give them any dialogue. It fit in with the silent flow of events where the art told the story. The punchline didn’t feel new, but seeing the Meerca’s past trials gave it a lot more impact. Great job! [glow=blue,2,300] Their Own Little World[/glow] Hehe, that’s cute. ^^ Although I wouldn’t have minded seeing a background in the last panel, the emptiness sort of emphasizes how they’re lost in their own world. I like how you start off zoomed in close and then pull back to show the reader what’s really going on. A cute comic. ^^
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Post by Kat on Feb 14, 2007 7:47:23 GMT -5
Only for Jhudora - Lau and KatSuch leet thoughts, that Shoyrua has! *snicker* And, quite apparently, it would seem, this fanmail to Jhudora was not from Elisha: All irony aside, I found this story enjoyable, but it was hard to read and seemed quite slow to me, almost bland in some places. I really liked your descriptions of Jhudora, though, and I liked Elisha's fearful-fearlessness, as her devotion and will to strive forwards were both incredibly admirable. The bit at the end...well, I have my own ideas, though I'll keep them to myself. *grins* I liked the ending, though; it was positive and left just enough to wonder about afterwards. Another Hero's Journey: Part Five - KatStory: The story was wonderful. I really enjoyed the beginning, and I am definitely growing to think of Melissa as one of my favorite characters. She, as I am fairly certain I have said before, feels just so alive, as do all of your characters. Liwanag... she was the one who sat on the hill with Reuben and watched the sunset... Anyways, her relationship to Rohane was...more than just friendship, yes? Or am I getting something mixed up someplace? Then in the cave...it was much more than last week's bit, though I did like the swordfight... But going on, it felt all very natural and I liked that. Once more, you have left us with a great ending, one that pulls me into wanting the next part. I would assume it's the cave, perchance? lol. I certainly had a good time reading this part. It's pace was up from last week's and it really pushed the story forwards. Good job. Mechanics:The English language would be so much less confusing if there were no such thing as the subjunctive mood, but since there is, I believe that that "as if she was" in the fourth paragraph should have been "as if she were." Even before that, you mention Melissa as being a white Blumaroo. Now, I know some people retain things with less attentiveness then others, but reestablishing that fact was bit redundant, I fell. But that alone is not why I even mention this; I mention it because you gave almost no reinforcing descriptions to those in the cave, who (as opposed to Melissa who has been in this from the beginning) have only been in the story for a little more than half a part, which isn't a lot of time at all. It takes me one or two parts to recall everyone's species and names, so I think they needed that attention more than Melissa did. Next, in the paragraph in which it is speaking of Devin and Andrea being adopted, the speaker is not said, so it was confusing. I took it to be Olivia, but only because I took Omar to be around Devin's age, so his adopting others would make no sense... Lastly, there is this line: It was obvious that he was trying to keep a quarrel sparking between Reuben and Omar. Hath thy propositions betrayed thee again? Because, milady, that line appears as if saying Devin was trying to start an argument between Reuben and Omar, not trying to stop one. In closing, I must say that the description was much better than in the last part. Erm, rather, it was much more controlled. In part four, it was quite good, yes, just incredibly excessive in places. [shadow=purple,left,300]XD Heh. And ironically, prepositions was my favorite topic in Language in grade school. I need to grab those notes again XDDDDDD And yes, there is indeed a Liwanag/Rohane relationship. My DevArt account can explain a lot of it.[/shadow] [shadow=purple,left,300]Li and Rohane will break up. Actually, it already somewhat happened in AHJ, towards the last part. But of course, Li can't help but still be worried.[/shadow] [shadow=purple,left,300]Thanks for the reviews! ^_^[/shadow] |
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Post by ohmandoh on Feb 14, 2007 18:13:28 GMT -5
Making Guilds Fun!!! - Manda314This was an awesome article, quite informative and really well-written. I enjoyed reading it, and it definitely has given me ideas on how I can spruce up my own guild, which has a lot of weaknesses in it and is in the process of receiving major updates. Thanks. Article Reviews!Making Guilds Fun!!! - Manda314 This was really interesting. I liked the Toss games the most, they sounded fun. I'm sure many Neopians found your article helpful. Throwing stuff at the money tree with your guild is really more fun than it ought to be. Hehe. I finally finished last week’s reviews! Let’s see if I can get this week’s done before the next issue comes out. Articles[glow=blue,2,300] Making Guilds Fun!!![/glow] I was wary when I saw the title, because multiple exclamation points make me twitch. However, as soon as I started reading, I saw that the article deserved three exclamation points’ worth of enthusiasm (even if the title didn’t necessarily). This article is packed full of great ideas. I’m not a guild leader, but these activities sounded like a lot of fun. With all the ideas you toss out, there’s something for every kind of guild. I’m quite keen on the idea of a poll adventure myself. ^^ I love to see a good informative article that really contains information. Your article had ideas that I’m sure a lot of readers never thought about before. The writing was good, and on a whole I thoroughly enjoyed it—great job! ^^ You should see how many exclamation points I had in one of my comics. Hehe. The more there are, the louder you're yelling it. But yes, really, I should stop it. It annoys me when I see other people doing it, too. I'm hypocritical (almost said hypothetical  ). Thanks. I tried. |
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Post by Tashni on Feb 14, 2007 18:26:26 GMT -5
[glow=blue,2,300] Little Orby[/glow] Aww, poor Orby. The picture of him as a pile of soot with a glowing bulb on his head was adorable. ^^ I do hope he manages to… rebuild himself… in time for later episodes, though. o.o The differently shaped panels were nice, guiding the eye smoothly through the story. I would’ve liked to see some shading, particularly on the Aisha—even the basic shading on Orby in the first panel and the little glow on his head in the last panel gave him a lot more depth. The wobbling pointer panel was a little confusing to me, but I realized what it was when I saw it fall on the lightning bolt. I like how the lightning bolt just comes down with no fanfare and inserts itself into Orby. The silhouette with his eyes bugging out is great. ^^ I love his sad eyes in the last panel—good job with the expression. ^^ Thank you so much for the indepth review! I was worried the pointer on the wheel would be confusing, but I'm glad Orby's cuteness came out well. |
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Post by Auto Run on Feb 14, 2007 23:07:07 GMT -5
Thanks for the reviews guys.That was my last comic |
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Post by Nut on Feb 15, 2007 5:01:33 GMT -5
Short Stories[glow=blue,2,300] Fanmail for Jhudora[/glow] I quite enjoyed this story. ^^ At first I was smiling a bit at the Jhudora Appreciation Day and the annoying air faerie, but when Jhudora started to look at her letters was when the story really became interesting. It was a lot of fun to read through all the Neomails. How does she know it’s really Illusen? >.> They’ll have to Neomail Fyora for that. *snerk* Parodies of over-concerned parents are always fun. The last sentence is great. Aww, I hope Jess doesn’t get the wrong idea when she doesn’t get a response to her letter. I liked the ending, though. [glow=blue,2,300] Only for Jhudora[/glow] The description at the beginning was quite nice. I liked the comparison of Jhudora’s voice to colors. Other bits of description also caught my interest, such as the line like a coiled Hissi and the Night Stone like a third eye. I like how Elisha is so worried about Jhudora thinking she’s a fool. The story moved at a steady pace, but that pace was a little slow. Perhaps you didn’t need to show all of Elisha’s inner thoughts and fears. Her conflict with the wind, as Wolf pointed out, could’ve been removed, and possibly also her fears on her way to Edna’s tower—I’m not quite sure, since as I said, it moved at a steady pace. I thought it was intriguing how Adram and Jhudora seemed to share parts of each other, though I was rather baffled as to why. At first I wondered what the point was of Elisha introducing herself to the Lupe when the story was almost over, but then I began to think that was how Jhudora had learned Elisha’s name. It was quite interesting and curious; I just wish I knew why it happened. What connection does Jhudora have to the Lupe? Something to do with the Night Stone? To be honest, I’d been hoping for an ending with a bit more impact, but the one you used wound up the quest storyline with a satisfying result. Overall, nicely done. ^^
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Post by Lau on Feb 15, 2007 11:46:47 GMT -5
Thanks for the review! We were actually hinting that Jhudora had purposely organized the Werelupe to test Elisah, and that's why she was impressed when the Shoyru completed her quest.
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Post by Star on Feb 15, 2007 14:37:51 GMT -5
Short Stories[glow=blue,2,300] Fanmail for Jhudora[/glow] I quite enjoyed this story. ^^ At first I was smiling a bit at the Jhudora Appreciation Day and the annoying air faerie, but when Jhudora started to look at her letters was when the story really became interesting. It was a lot of fun to read through all the Neomails. How does she know it’s really Illusen? >.> They’ll have to Neomail Fyora for that. *snerk* Parodies of over-concerned parents are always fun. The last sentence is great. Aww, I hope Jess doesn’t get the wrong idea when she doesn’t get a response to her letter. I liked the ending, though. Thank you for the great review. I have to admit, I was a bit worried about this story...for reasons I can't quite understand. |
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Post by Nut on Feb 16, 2007 21:55:42 GMT -5
Continued Series[glow=blue,2,300] Twist of Fate: Part Two[/glow] *blinks at Fratimer’s new brother* Wow, that was sudden. Aw, it looks like he’s going to be good company for poor Fratimer. ^^ The little story about the storm in the first paragraph was nice, but seemed a little out of place, though it did emphasize Fratimer’s sense of being unwanted. I do like how Fratimer has the drive to stand up for himself rather than accepting Manda’s aid, though I hope he gains the confidence he needs to use that effectively. I think this is missing a “be”. That, or “taking” should be “take”. I looked up “pitiful” because I’d always thought it meant “one who is to be pitied” rather than “one who has pity”. The latter is apparently an archaic definition of the word. I think it’s rather uncommon now though. I think this development with the yellow puff ball is interesting, and I’m eager to see where Fratimer’s new brother takes the story. ^^ [glow=blue,2,300] The Adventures of Trina: The Return of the Staff – Part Two[/glow] Mutant Cobrall guardians… I have a feeling this is only the first of Trina’s troubles. Yikes, does this mean Cassie was bitten? Numbers are usually better spelled out (i.e. “eight”), unless they’re really big numbers. *snerk* I love this assessment, especially coming from the resident expert. *blink blink* The staff has terrifying powers indeed. I don’t trust these two Meerca guides. The chapter ending, I felt, was a little bland, but it’ll be interesting to see what these mysterious Meercas do in the next chapter. [glow=blue,2,300] The Mirror of Memories: Part Three[/glow] Ooh, now the story is starting to get exciting. ^^ The adventure really begins now. You have an excellent way of writing characters so that they feel real. I find myself sympathizing with Aina on her thoughts and observations, because they’re simply what any normal person in this situation would think. It was interesting that she landed in a dirty bathroom, of all places. No ceremonious arrival there, and nothing like Fyora’s chambers either. Good point. *chuckle* At least fuzzy slippers fit in with a bathroom environment… though that might just make things more awkward. *grin* Malin just… gives her a bath? My feelings exactly. XD This was a lovely, interesting part, and I really look forward to seeing what happens with Malin and the umbrella case in the next chapter. ^^ [glow=blue,2,300] Sword of the Shapeshifter: Part Three[/glow] Another beautifully written part. I adore your writing style. The description, the feelings… everything is captured, and bits of dry humor spice it up. At first the chapter was a happy one, as ruler after upside-down ruler was righted and reunited with friends, until the last part when you reveal in a few touching paragraphs how Tenultra cannot join the gladness. Aww, poor Tenultra. *chokes* XD The appearance of Kass at the end of the chapter was a surprising twist, and I’m really curious what’s going to happen next between him and Tenultra. The last paragraph is so evilly tantalizing. [glow=blue,2,300] Legend Seekers: Mysterious Magic – Part Four[/glow] It was interesting to see the remains of Mystery Island, and I’m eager to know what is left on it for Jen to interest herself in. Uh-oh… that sounds like trouble. I have a feeling Lisa’s carelessness is going to get her in trouble one of these days. I wonder if her leaving the message with Jhudora isn’t trouble already. I’m shocked and a little horrified that Pemero has been painted. Shadow doesn’t match his personality; I feel like he’s lost a bit of himself in that trip to the Rainbow Pool. But I’m intrigued as to what effects the change will have. Ohh, evil… cutting off the chapter just when the chase is beginning… [glow=blue,2,300] Another Hero’s Journey: Part Five[/glow] Aww… poor Melissa. I really feel sorry for her. I hope she doesn’t go out… though the idea of the three of them all roaming the hills in search of each other would be interesting. I like how they point out to Reuben that the storm is keeping him from continuing his heroic quest. The cave pets really do seem to be concerned with him, and while the talk in the cave seemed to meander around back to the same concept, it was interesting to see the new characters’ personalities developing. At first I thought they would be incidental characters, but now I’m looking forward to seeing more of them. And I’m quite curious to see what Reuben’s going to do, with so many people advising him not to go on. [glow=blue,2,300] Chronicles of the Court Rogue: Jealousy – Part Six[/glow] Ooh, the nighttime search for the relics was fun. The description was lovely and the witty banter between Jeran and Rolan was, as always, fun to read. I’m amused that Rolan doesn’t like Spyders, but more so that Lisha thinks they’re cute, and yet more so by by Rolan’s reaction to that. I can just see it. XD Like everyone else here, I’m curious about what was cut out from the chapter (I noticed Jeran carried Mareian to bed… ^^), but I thought the part stood on its own pretty well.
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Post by Nut on Feb 16, 2007 21:56:04 GMT -5
New Series
[glow=blue,2,300]Catching Up: Part One[/glow]
This is a lovely beginning. The pace is good, and the writing is very nice. I like how you describe Evea and Lianar; I get a good sense of their personalities and I think they’re quite interesting characters. Evea seems like a really good teacher, and I look forward to seeing her showing her students the ways of the game.
Although the odd Dark Faerie out hasn’t been mentioned yet, I’m quite curious as to what role she’ll have in the story. From the title, I can guess, but I’m still eager to know what her personality is like. I assumed her name was Patricia when Evea mentioned it, but I really have no way of knowing. I wonder if this sharing of a cloud racer will hinder her studies. It sounds like Lianar won’t have as much trouble.
I like Faerie Cloud Racers (the game art is so pretty @_@), and your descriptions of its place in faerie society and rules were interesting. I never thought of it as being a trade equal to quest-giving or magic. I’m quite interested to see where this story goes.
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But I'm glad you thought it worked out well. ^^;
; It's not really supposed to mean anyone taught them (I should hope there aren't any schools for the proper usage of tastebuds), just an outburst implying that they have no sense of taste. 
).
