Issue 278 Reviews

[Tashni]

Kals said:

Also, everyone keeps using that word n00b. We do not think it means what you think it means.

What do they mean by that? NeoStaff addressing the definition of "n00b"? What definition are they using?

Um, you know that's a quote from The Princess Bride, right? Inigo says it to the Sicilian about the word "inconceivable." So it might have been a more playful comment than serious commentary.

[story von Bielefelt]

And The Meepits Outgrab by Kittylin

I love this comic. The characters are great. I thought the joke was funny (for those who didn't get it kittylin is having a baby) The art always amazes me in this comic.

[Star]

Article Reviews!

Gross Food: Grossly Misunderstood? - Playmobil
I really enjoyed this article! The three different sections were a good idea and it was funny so it made it even more pleasant to read. I especially liked the introduction, it was a nice start. Although I have to say the ending wasn't what I expected and although it wasn't a bad ending, I felt it didn't compare to the rest of it. A great job though!

Making Guilds Fun!!! - Manda314
This was really interesting. I liked the Toss games the most, they sounded fun. I'm sure many Neopians found your article helpful.

[Tashni]

CCR: Jealousy by Nimras - Another good chapter. I want to know what the plan is! You said that a lot of this chapter was cut out? Mind telling us what it was? *puppy dog eyes*

[Deleted]

Fanmail for Jhudora - Star

Subject: food

Message: I like carrots. What do you like?

That must have been from Illusen, too... (see No Game Here - Illusen's New Fashion)

Anyways, I enjoyed reading this. It seemed a few commas and perhaps a few prepositions could have been added or changed around a bit to make some areas read better, but aside from that, this was a very fun and easy-to-read piece. I enjoyed the ending. Felicity was annoying me, too.


Only for Jhudora - Lau and Kat

Winds can't stop me1 the purple Shoyru thought furiously.

Such leet thoughts, that Shoyrua has! *snicker*

And, quite apparently, it would seem, this fanmail to Jhudora was not from Elisha:

Subject: Quest

Message: I did a quest which cost A LOT and you didn’t give me a prize. I think it was level 3. Please send it ASAP.

All irony aside, I found this story enjoyable, but it was hard to read and seemed quite slow to me, almost bland in some places. I really liked your descriptions of Jhudora, though, and I liked Elisha's fearful-fearlessness, as her devotion and will to strive forwards were both incredibly admirable. The bit at the end...well, I have my own ideas, though I'll keep them to myself. *grins* I liked the ending, though; it was positive and left just enough to wonder about afterwards.

[Star]

micrody said:

Fanmail for Jhudora - Star

Subject: food

Message: I like carrots. What do you like?

That must have been from Illusen, too... (see No Game Here - Illusen's New Fashion)

Anyways, I enjoyed reading this. It seemed a few commas and perhaps a few prepositions could have been added or changed around a bit to make some areas read better, but aside from that, this was a very fun and easy-to-read piece. I enjoyed the ending. Felicity was annoying me, too.

Thanks for the review! Oh yeah I reviewed that comic...what a coincidence.

[Deleted]

star said:

micrody said:

Fanmail for Jhudora - Star

That must have been from Illusen, too... (see No Game Here - Illusen's New Fashion)

Anyways, I enjoyed reading this. It seemed a few commas and perhaps a few prepositions could have been added or changed around a bit to make some areas read better, but aside from that, this was a very fun and easy-to-read piece. I enjoyed the ending. Felicity was annoying me, too.

Thanks for the review! Oh yeah I reviewed that comic...what a coincidence.

Your quite welcome! ^_^ I actually think it's ironic how the three Jhudora-themed NTWFers' pieces can be related to one another in various ways. it's almost as if they were planned to be like that.

Then again, they do say great minds think alike...and that there is a universal plane of inspiration from which all inspiration is drawn (which makes me say...try reading Master and Pupil by yatomiyuka, which draws upon the idea as well and is a lovely story, too).

[kamikatze24]

micrody said:

Fanmail for Jhudora - Star

Subject: food

Message: I like carrots. What do you like?

That must have been from Illusen, too... (see No Game Here - Illusen's New Fashion)

;D I laughed out loud at reading your comment, and I have to admit that rarely happens XDD

Yeah, what a coincidence - I thought the same

Thanks for the reviews, Lau, Wolf and Star
I'm glad you liked the art
I thought I'd messed it up...

[Tashni]

laurelinden said:

Comics
Little Orby

By Tashni

The Art: The lines around the characters are wavery and thin, creating a clear cartoonish effect. I like the different sizings of the panels, and how that causes a natural movement in the overall comic. There is also use of overlap to direct the eye in the intended direction, which is innovative. A lot of the emotion of the comic is depicted through the detailing of the character's eyes.

The Joke: Although this wasn't a laugh-out-loud sort of comic, it has the appearance of a continued theme (am I correct?) in which Litty Orby apparently finds out some of the Neopian not-so-great occurances. There might even be a moral to dig out of this for, if Little Orby had been a bit more prudent with his money and stuck it into his bank rather than being driven by greed, he might have avoided being fried.

Thank you so much for the review! I'm glad you like the art, although it wasn't my best because it was the first comic I drew entirely using a tablet. (That thing takes some getting used to.) I'm glad you like my paneling. ^_^ I try to keep the paneling interesting, because I sometimes get bored with the same 'ol same 'ol.

As for the joke, yes, this is a continuing storyline. Orby fell down from the Virtupets Space Station and has been bumbling abour Neopia, experiencing mostly bad stuff. There have been six comics, two short stories and a series about his misadventures.

[Star]

micrody said:

star said:

Thanks for the review! Oh yeah I reviewed that comic...what a coincidence.

Your quite welcome! ^_^ I actually think it's ironic how the three Jhudora-themed NTWFers' pieces can be related to one another in various ways. it's almost as if they were planned to be like that.

Then again, they do say great minds think alike...and that there is a universal plane of inspiration from which all inspiration is drawn (which makes me say...try reading Master and Pupil by yatomiyuka, which draws upon the idea as well and is a lovely story, too).

Yeah, it is strange. I read that story, it's really nice.

[Deleted]

Another Hero's Journey: Part Five - Kat

Story:
The story was wonderful. I really enjoyed the beginning, and I am definitely growing to think of Melissa as one of my favorite characters. She, as I am fairly certain I have said before, feels just so alive, as do all of your characters.

Liwanag... she was the one who sat on the hill with Reuben and watched the sunset... Anyways, her relationship to Rohane was...more than just friendship, yes? Or am I getting something mixed up someplace?

Then in the cave...it was much more than last week's bit, though I did like the swordfight... But going on, it felt all very natural and I liked that. Once more, you have left us with a great ending, one that pulls me into wanting the next part. I would assume it's the cave, perchance? lol.

I certainly had a good time reading this part. It's pace was up from last week's and it really pushed the story forwards. Good job.


Mechanics:
The English language would be so much less confusing if there were no such thing as the subjunctive mood, but since there is, I believe that that "as if she was" in the fourth paragraph should have been "as if she were."

Even before that, you mention Melissa as being a white Blumaroo. Now, I know some people retain things with less attentiveness then others, but reestablishing that fact was bit redundant, I fell. But that alone is not why I even mention this; I mention it because you gave almost no reinforcing descriptions to those in the cave, who (as opposed to Melissa who has been in this from the beginning) have only been in the story for a little more than half a part, which isn't a lot of time at all. It takes me one or two parts to recall everyone's species and names, so I think they needed that attention more than Melissa did.

Next, in the paragraph in which it is speaking of Devin and Andrea being adopted, the speaker is not said, so it was confusing. I took it to be Olivia, but only because I took Omar to be around Devin's age, so his adopting others would make no sense...

Lastly, there is this line: It was obvious that he was trying to keep a quarrel sparking between Reuben and Omar. Hath thy propositions betrayed thee again? Because, milady, that line appears as if saying Devin was trying to start an argument between Reuben and Omar, not trying to stop one.

In closing, I must say that the description was much better than in the last part. Erm, rather, it was much more controlled. In part four, it was quite good, yes, just incredibly excessive in places.

[Lau]

Only for Jhudora - Lau and Kat

Quote:
Winds can't stop me1 the purple Shoyru thought furiously.

Such leet thoughts, that Shoyrua has! *snicker*

And, quite apparently, it would seem, this fanmail to Jhudora was not from Elisha:

Quote:
Subject: Quest

Message: I did a quest which cost A LOT and you didn’t give me a prize. I think it was level 3. Please send it ASAP.


All irony aside, I found this story enjoyable, but it was hard to read and seemed quite slow to me, almost bland in some places. I really liked your descriptions of Jhudora, though, and I liked Elisha's fearful-fearlessness, as her devotion and will to strive forwards were both incredibly admirable. The bit at the end...well, I have my own ideas, though I'll keep them to myself. *grins* I liked the ending, though; it was positive and left just enough to wonder about afterwards.

Thanks for the review. I noticed the typo, too. *blush*

I would venture to say that the occasional slow/blandness was caused by the collaborative nature -- sometimes flow isn't quite as seamless as one would hope. Is there a specific section or paragraph that you could point out that could use improvement? I'm curious.

Thanks for the constructive crit though -- always helpful.

[Deleted]

laurelinden said:

I would venture to say that the occasional slow/blandness was caused by the collaborative nature -- sometimes flow isn't quite as seamless as one would hope. Is there a specific section or paragraph that you could point out that could use improvement? I'm curious.

Perhaps that was why it felt slow and a bit bland in places, as I assume the merging of two writers' styles could do that. I can't really single out any one instance in which I saw room for improvement, because it was written well, it just felt slow to me. The scene in which Elisha is flying through the wind on her way to Neopia Central seemed a bit unnecessary, I felt, but still, even that was written well.

~ EDIT:

In writing another review, I happened upon realising why I thought that this story was slow. In my opinion, a few of the parts, such as the bit of flying I mentioned before, simply were unnecessary to the story. That, for lack of a better term, "clogged up" those parts in the story that truly held importance, such as the battle with the "Werelupe" in Edna's Tower or the line at the Shop Wiz's that winded like a giant Hissi.

I actually was speaking about pacing in stories with a friend a week or two ago, and he and I both agreed that how much time passes in the context of a written piece needs to be determined by the story, not by the number of words given to it. For example, a scene lasting an hour in time might need only a few words to tell the story, whereas what happens in a length of time a tenth of that, for reasons of more crucial events occurring, could require many more than a few words to adequately be dealt justice.

Though the story was written well, some parts seemed to have no importance to me, and that, in turn, slowed the story down and made it seem bland in parts because, though the writing itself was good at those times, the story felt weak to me.

I hope this all makes sense to you, because I find that sometimes, for as clearly as an idea manifests itself in my mind, my exposition can sometimes be lacking cohesion. I also hope that this has helped clarify what I had meant earlier. (And, of course, what I found nonessential may not be considered nonessential to everyone, so, of course, this opinion is definitely a biased one from the vantage of my impressions of the story...if that, too, made any sense at all. )

[Deleted]

Chronicles of the Court Rogue: Jealousy - Part Six - Nimras

Story:
Another wonderful part, Nimras. It flowed beautifully and was very interesting with good description and all that good stuff that I've already said in weeks prior.

On the one hand, I don't know if I can say each part has been better than the last, but each part has been consistently as good, and that consistency is surely a good thing.

Though it does happen to give me fewer words to say each week...

You also mentioned that a lot was cut out. If possible, I'd love to know what it was, maybe even read it?


Mechanics:
Nothing much here, though in one instance I think the subjunctive case may have been needed, though since I'm not entirely certain of that, I'll leave it be. I also noticed, towards the end, a "though" that was probably meant to have been a "through."

[Deleted]

Legend Seekers: Mysterious Magic - Part Four - Yuka

Story:
I think it was...a bit more than coincidental that Lisa complimented Jhudora in her own issue. ^_^

Moving past that, I found this as enjoyable as the rest of this story prior to this part. I happen to be reading a book called Relentless, by Robin Parrish (my cousin knows him, so she's let me borrow the book), and one thing I keep saying about it is that it is non-stop action, all the time, with no moments to rest. I could say the same of this story Those moments when things aren't happening, you haven't write; you've written just those scenes that matter, those that move fast. Certainly, some have more action than others, but without those things of no importance clogging them, the pace is kept constant and fast. That is something really great, and it's made only greater with how smoothly each scene flows into the next.

I think it is both horrible and intriguing that Sethorias, which is a great name, by the way, has had Pemero painted. It really holds the potential to change this story for both the better...and the worse, though at the same time, it is saddening, as silver was Pemero's color, his identity one could say in some manner, and now, so suddenly, he's a shadow Kougra and his silver skin (ahem, fur) is gone.

I'm also intensely curious as to what Jen will do now that she's been, well, marooned on Mystery Island, well, what's left of it. I never read Legend Seekers' first series, but the image of the dying dead Mystery Isle was still quite a powerful one.

Then, in the end, the Faerie Sisters are right outside, leaving me wanting, craving more.

Mechanics:
Hardly anything in this, but I just thought it might be worth pointing out that a name like "Angela" probably wouldn't belong to a guy, so saying it belonged to the female white Eyrie was a bit redundant for me.

Then, in one line where the three Faerie sisters are talking, you used "e's" for "he's," though I can't be certain if that was intentional or not. :/

In a couple of places, I saw that you used semi-colons as commas, though they should not have been. Such as in this line, Scorched sand drifted into the sea, turning it a sickly grey-black; the colour of storm clouds., in which it introduces an appositive, which should be introduced with a comma. (Then again, I've noticed you use typically English spellings [such as "colour" versus "color"], which might mean that you use a different style of punctuation as well...)