Issue 277 Reviews

[Goosh]

Thank you both Wolfy and Pyro!

[retired]

Hi! ^_^ I'm new.
I was just wondering if anyone would like to review my comic (The Bunker).
I'm working on the next installment, and I was hoping for some constructive criticism. :3

[Goosh]

"The Bunker" by hubadawaha

I really enjoy the format of this comic, with the arrows and scrolls giving the reader soething to do. I really hope this is continued, but I felt you didn't really introduce the characters deeply. Still, overall, I loved this comic, and I eagerly await the sequel.

"The Turmaculus seems to be napping in our wall." XD

[Tashni]

CCR: Jealousy by Nimras - The ending was sooo cute with Jeran tipping Mareian's chin up. And I KNEW she would come up with a creative way to get rid of Jules. I'm really enjoying this. And the Rolan/Lisha stuff is fun.

I know you can have a married couple in a story, but not marry a couple in a story. So, can you have two characters unmarried in one story, and in the next, they are married? You wouldn't show it. Not that I'm suggesting anything, that's just something I've wondered about. (Particularly after "Castles," Nim.)

Another Hero's Journey by precious_katuch14 - Okay, I read parts 3 & 4. I like how you are developing Reuben's character. He's guilty but determined. I love it! The new characters are going to be interesting, but I do think you spent way too much time describing what they were all wearing. It stopped the action dead for a few paragraphs. Other than that, smooth sailing. ^_^

[Deleted]

hubadawaha said:

Hi! ^_^ I'm new.
I was just wondering if anyone would like to review my comic (The Bunker).
I'm working on the next installment, and I was hoping for some constructive criticism. :3

Welcome to the NTWF! I'll be glad to review your comic. :)

The Bunker by hubadawaha
The introduction seemed a bit long-winded to me, though I tend to prefer faster-paced comics anyways. The artwork was really nice and the lines were all smooth. And I liked the joke; it made me laugh.

[ummagine3284]

Results May Vary by return_of_itsy

The joke is okay, but the expresstions are awesome. I love the last pannel and it was just as good as any colored comic, if not better. ^.^

[Deleted]

Sorry for the late reviews...'been busy.


Legend Seekers: Mysterious Magic - Part 3 - Yuka
I still admire how you change perspective so many times in this series, yet it never gets confusing or anything, but all flows nicely form one scene into the other. It's quite skillfully done, I think.

I have my own suspicions of this story and my own ideas of what might be in some parts, yet I shall wait for the next part to see if my theories are proven or, more likely, disproved.


The Mirror of Memories - Part 2 - Sytra
I liked this part; a lot more happened here than in part one, and that was a good thing. Aina is definitely a character with a lot on her mind, and though I thought I had a good idea of her last week, there's just so much more I feel I don't even know yet; that, too, is a good thing. I'm quite curious to see what will happen now and if Kin will stick along longer or not.


Chronicles of the Court Rogue: Jealousy - Part 5 - Nimras
Again, I quite enjoyed reading this, Nimras, and when I reached the end, I felt it had ended too soon once more. There's not much that I can say, I guess, but I loved the "poisoning" and how calmly Mareian and Lisha conversed over it. ^_^

I also noticed two thing that might be worth mentioning... The first was that two "through"s were "though"s, which was somewhat confusing till I saw it was not intended to be so. The second was Mareian's saying "About 15 hours, I'd imagine." A great line, definitely, yet numbers should be spelled out unless three digits or greater.


Another Hero's Journey - Part 4 - Kat

The crash of thunder jolted a snoozing white Blumaroo from the sofa she had been lying in for the past couple of hours.

Shoving the Neopian Times away from her face

I thought that first line was great! Until I reached that last prepositional phrase. It completely threw me off, interrupting what I had thought was a perfect hook with a piece of information that, I feel, was unnecessary. And...though it's probably just a matter of opinion...how does one lie in a couch? Then, finally, the second bit conflicts this line, from part three: The Neopian Times rustled and slid to the floor.

But after that bit of a rough start, Melissa's reading of the note sent shivers down my back. That moment was very well-written and it portrayed her emotions perfectly. (Though, I think you used a double-negative in the second sentence after the second, "No.")

Although I enjoyed it, the rest of this chapter seemed to have more description than it did storytelling, and that slowed it down for me considerably. I mean, really, you described everyone's clothing down to the color of their belt buckles. ^_^

I also like Miss Olivia; it's nice to see a diviner that doesn't divine crystal balls every once in a while. And her prediction definitely set the scene for future parts.



*sigh* I need to play editor less often over at NSiders. It's doing strange things to my mind.
It good for my own work. But it makes my reviews critical. Too critical.

[Kat]

tashni said:

Another Hero's Journey by precious_katuch14 - Okay, I read parts 3 & 4. I like how you are developing Reuben's character. He's guilty but determined. I love it! The new characters are going to be interesting, but I do think you spent way too much time describing what they were all wearing. It stopped the action dead for a few paragraphs. Other than that, smooth sailing. ^_^

[shadow=purple,left,300]Yay, thankies. ^_^

AnHJ > AHJ (in terms of characters XD)

Otherwise I'd have a few too many Blumaroos running around my thinking space.
[/shadow]

micrody said:

Another Hero's Journey - Part 4 - Kat

The crash of thunder jolted a snoozing white Blumaroo from the sofa she had been lying in for the past couple of hours.

Shoving the Neopian Times away from her face

I thought that first line was great! Until I reached that last prepositional phrase. It completely threw me off, interrupting what I had thought was a perfect hook with a piece of information that, I feel, was unnecessary. And...though it's probably just a matter of opinion...how does one lie in a couch? Then, finally, the second bit conflicts this line, from part three: The Neopian Times rustled and slid to the floor.

But after that bit of a rough start, Melissa's reading of the note sent shivers down my back. That moment was very well-written and it portrayed her emotions perfectly. (Though, I think you used a double-negative in the second sentence after the second, "No.")

Although I enjoyed it, the rest of this chapter seemed to have more description than it did storytelling, and that slowed it down for me considerably. I mean, really, you described everyone's clothing down to the color of their belt buckles. ^_^

I also like Miss Olivia; it's nice to see a diviner that doesn't divine crystal balls every once in a while. And her prediction definitely set the scene for future parts.

[shadow=purple,left,300]Confounded prepositions. Thou hast betrayed me. XD

So has my sense of description. XDDDDD *runs*

Heh, I guess I wanted my characters to be more well-dressed in this series, so I overdid the descriptions a bit, I have to admit. Well, at least I know I've gone overboard on that part.

Thanks for the review![/shadow]

[Deleted]

Aww, how cute!



...sorry. I couldn't help it.


The Diva - Playmobil
I'm confused why you needed to specify that the time was NST as, with this being in Neopia, isn't that the only time there is, thus making it redundant to say? After that, the wording of a few lines seemed awkward to me, though everything kept the same tone throughout the story, so none of it was truly "bad," just came off as strange for me.

I liked the story. I feel it's plot was rather generic, though the irony at the end was enough to make me smile. Though the writing was great, there was just something missing to me that kept this story from really standing out as great in my mind. I wish I could say what, but looking over the story, everything was sound, so I guess it's just not the usual type of story I read.


Looking for a Living - Pyro

(He hadn’t exactly inquired about the uniform, though, as he’d been too busy wondering if the hat one of the customers wore was actually Dr Sloth’s last mutant gone wrong).

Though I love the line, the period belonged inside the parenthesis.

I enjoyed reading this story as well. It was simple, but it was fun to read, and a few lines simply made me laugh. I particularly liked the line about all the injured Chias. I found the ending predictable, though, so that took away some of my enjoyment of it. But, still, I liked it.



NOTE: The colors of the preceding post made me think of bubblegum. Yum! ^.^

[Dice]

Thanks, Nut! =D I think I actually only made the Wocky a boy because I couldn't think of a name for a girl. I'm glad you liked it! ^_^

XDD *'ships Striped Cybunny/Scratchcard Kiosk Wocky*

Thanks, Wolf. Ah man, parentheses will be the death of me, but thanks for pointing that out. I'm glad you liked my story

[Nut]

New Series

[glow=blue,2,300]Twist of Fate: Part One[/glow]
I like how the teacher is acting fearful even as she gives her reassurance speech to Fratimer. Poor Krawk.
I also like how Chichi wears a cloak to keep her appearance somewhat consistent. It would be awkward to have to reintroduce yourself every day at school!

All the respect his character had eloquently built up by just standing there had come tumbling down right in that instant.

I like the concept here, though I didn’t really get the impression from earlier sentences that the Werelupe had eloquently built up respect in Fratimer—fright seemed more like it!

I can’t say anything happened here that I didn’t expect; it was set up as a usual school story, the child going to school for the first time and being picked on because he’s different. The line at the end of the chapter sounds promising, though looking at the custom picture it seems Fratimer is going to have some more trouble with this Werelupe before it’s all through. Funny how it’s a Werelupe—he looks no less a monster than Fratimer does.

[glow=blue,2,300]The Adventures of Trina: The Return of the Staff – Part One[/glow]
This’ll be interesting…

I like how you introduced Trina, starting with the dream and going on into Neoschool. The brief introduction at the start of the story became a little awkward in its wording towards the end, but I appreciate your outlining what I think might be the Brucey B plot for those of us who, like me, haven’t read it.

Luckily, before much damage was done, Sloth was defeated by a green Bruce by the name of Brucey B and as result; the staff was split into two pieces.

This should be “as a result, the”.

It strikes me as a bit unlikely that someone could walk from Neopia Central through the Haunted Woods and into the Lost Desert within two hours, but perhaps Wockies are more swift-footed than I thought.

“Yep.” Pat walked up to a small Scarabug and touched its furry back. It smiled vaguely.

I’ve never thought of Scarabugs as having furry backs. They have a shell and two feathery wings:



The story moved along pretty quickly. Some of the wording made me think twice, but in all this looks like a promising start to an adventure. You’ve mentioned plenty of things to make me wonder how it all comes together.

[Nimras]

Another Hero's Journey: Part Four
by precious_katuch14

Wow. Everyone just a little jumpy?

“Small-sized Blumaroo, yellow, unlike you, and he’s got a sword, unlike you...

*snicker*

You seek your brother, who bypassed us once and never passed us again.

Bypass: Noun. From the word “by-passage.”
1) A highway or section of a highway that passes around an obstructed or congested area.
2) A pipe or channel used to conduct gas or liquid around another pipe or a fixture.
3) A means of circumvention.
4) To skip a link in the chain of command.

Unless Rohane managed to avoid them entirely when he was supposed to meet them/travel with them, I think maybe ‘passed’ or ‘met’ would have made more sense there.

Poor Melissa… When Ruben gets back she needs to beat him within an inch of his life.

[Nimras]

The Mirror of Memories: Part Two
by sytra

Wow, I don’t really like the adults at this party very much. It’s pouring outside, and they think a toddler has gone of to play in the stream, and they send another little kid to find him all by herself?

Ohh, I like the fact that Malin’s first three letters of her name matches her initials. Trippy. The fact that it’s Latin for “bad” makes it even more fun. ^^

*boggle* She’s not going to tell Kin’s parents that he’s okay?

[Nimras]

Revisited: Part Eight
by puppy200010

Whoa, quick wrap up.

I like that you brought the ghosts back into the ending, they had kind of stuck out from the rest of the story until then. *grin* It’s also nice to see that everyone came though okay… except for maybe that Usul…. Err, I didn’t say that out loud.

[Nimras]

Sword of the Shapeshifter: Parts One and Two
by sarahleeadvent

Did you draw the custom yourself? ^^

And last, but of course, far from least, I would like to thank the Editor, who infuriates the living heck out of dozens of authors each week by declining to publish their work and who probably takes far more crap for it than she deserves…

*grin*

I have to ask, how did you choose which spelling of Galgarroth to use?

And it’s Vex! *squeals*

“I’m fine- although a few more close calls like that and I’ll have as many gray hairs as you do.

I knew there was a reason I liked her.