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Post by Nimras on Nov 13, 2006 17:56:41 GMT -5
A Break in Memory: Part Four
by appaloosa500
I love the way the tone changes from both C2 and XP’s point of views. It goes to show just how different the two are.
Confession time, I keep reading Kregor Geiger as “Geiger Counter”. >.< I’ve been doing this ever since I started reading the DiSoni stories.
I think I’m liking XP more and more as this story progresses….
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Post by Lau on Nov 13, 2006 18:45:58 GMT -5
Prophecy of the Second Equinox: Part Twoby laurelinden Ohh, very spooky part. And disturbingly seductive, which I’m sure is the whole idea you were going for. I like the idea of the music you used for getting Azraen -- my only confusion is that wouldn’t it have been heard by the guards once Rhoan started singing it louder? I really really like how you made it a believable stance for Rohan and Azraen without either one of them thinking of themselves as ‘the evil side’. Thanks! And it might not be as clearly explained as I'd like, but the song that Rhoan was singing could not be heard by the other clan. I sort of alluded to it in the first part -- it was the Night-supporting clan's version of the song. Only Azraen could hear it because only she had that propensity; thus, her choosing. |
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Post by Brains on Nov 13, 2006 20:24:59 GMT -5
Oh, and I lied. There's one more POV change in the next Shadowflame. *chuckles nervously*
I've added breakers for the next one though.
I know. I pulled a 'Nimras' and sputtered Coke on my monitor when I saw it.
Take pride in knowing it was all your fault too.
There may be more than just a greedy and calculating side to her (I actually haven't decided how much of a past to give her yet...) but if you like her just that way, she might stay as such.
And yes, expect more of her soon.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2006 4:56:32 GMT -5
Aubrise and the Gebmid Mystery: Part Three by rookina I love the ending paragraph POV shift for this week.  I also love the fact that Sarina was so ditzy as to not bring matches, but brought a candle. Though at times it’s hard to understand why she was in such a high position, from all the incompetence we’ve seen from her so far. She must have done something well to get her job in the first place. Thanks  You'll find out how she managed to get stuck in the little room later on - it's not an incompetence thing, it's an 'I must get out of here before I get squished' thing  I like writing Amira - making her high-class and very regal, but trying to make her caring and not stuffy at the same time. And isn't that the way the rich always try to solve problems? I'll try to get round to doing some reviews today - I'm had a manic week so far! |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2006 5:49:57 GMT -5
Comics first, others in a bit... Darkest Corner by dark_elfaUm... I can see it's a pile of Yooyuballers with one of them having got the Yooyu, but I don't get why it's funny, sorry  Really nice artwork though, as always  Cure for the Itch by autoc007Heh - nice simple joke and good art - well done Your Check, Gentlemen? by gliderames and xpropugnatorI like your art - nice and simple It's a fairly predictable joke, but still made me smile. I like your background for the whole thing as well - keeps it all together and is very in keeping with the comic. My only nitpick is that your perspective seems to be a bit off in the last panel where the Draik is stuck in the door, but it's just a tiny pick Brothers'n'Sister - Paint Brush Luck Part III by kamikatze24Hehe It took me a minute to realise that it was a sequal (yes, I should have realised from the title... doh!) but once I realised it was very funny I really love the 'Judge Hog to the rescue!' panel - really good art. |
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Post by Huntress on Nov 14, 2006 11:40:54 GMT -5
Thanks for the reviews, guys ^^ Nimras, I do suppose that it´d be acceptable to do a collab of sorts where you write the story and someone else does the illustrations for it. Not sure how long that could be pulled off though… if the NT server starts getting too many illustrations then they might be completely banned >>
Also… lyk ZOMG Hunty´s finally doing reviews. Let´s see how many Times pieces my brain can take now…
Dear Crabby: Bring On the Happy!
xDDDD That was so very precious... the very first advice column I´ve read in the Times and I can see why they used to be overused. The Jeckyll-Hyde effect was awesome. *should probably read your other Dear Crabby stuff aswell* This calls for more. Advice columns are definitely better than ´em list articles, even if those are funny aswell. And...
Aw, so nice to see that those countless hours of being my lazy secretary have paid off ^___^
*shot*
Shadowflame: Prisoner
Well, that was a pretty good story, even if kinda long and stretchy. But it was still nice and original, didn´t get all predictable half way down. The wording was complicated from time to time, as English isn´t my first language, I value simple words and sentence construction xP But it´s just me... All in all, well done ^^ And it`s nice to see that people still get awesome custom images =3 *mutters something about hopelessly messed-up series customs which led her to drawing illustrations of her own*
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2006 19:41:19 GMT -5
ThankYou Guys so much for the reviews! ;D -squee- (as always, I'll remind, that I know I'm no artist, I just try. hehe. But you guys are so sweet to me anyway. ). Your Check, Gentlemen? by gliderames and xpropugnatorI like your art - nice and simple It's a fairly predictable joke, but still made me smile. I like your background for the whole thing as well - keeps it all together and is very in keeping with the comic. My only nitpick is that your perspective seems to be a bit off in the last panel where the Draik is stuck in the door, but it's just a tiny pick I'm not entirely sure I know what you mean by perspective. I know it won't matter NOW.. but maybe I can prevent making the mistake for next time, if I understand a little better. --- --------- --- Your Check, Gentlemen?by gliderames Hehehe, it’s funny because it’s true. I’m still trying to figure out how my *very bloated* Aisha can eat a three course meal, have a drink and dessert… and still not have any leftovers. I like the gradual fattening of the Draik too. Ahhhhh, so it happened to you too? *lol* My draik was stuffed full to the brim, wouldn't touch a thing outside kelp, but somehow polished off THREE full meals, and 2 more snacks and drink combos after that.. I spent almost 400k in there (such an idiot, lol), but really.. that makes no sense. heh. So, now it's a comic.. Frustrating, but true.. and yet, somehow.. funny, lol.. albeit predictable. ThankYouuu for the review. ;D |
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Post by Dan on Nov 14, 2006 19:43:11 GMT -5
Thanks for the reviews, guys ^^ Nimras, I do suppose that it´d be acceptable to do a collab of sorts where you write the story and someone else does the illustrations for it. Not sure how long that could be pulled off though… if the NT server starts getting too many illustrations then they might be completely banned >> Also… lyk ZOMG Hunty´s finally doing reviews. Let´s see how many Times pieces my brain can take now… Dear Crabby: Bring On the Happy!xDDDD That was so very precious... the very first advice column I´ve read in the Times and I can see why they used to be overused. The Jeckyll-Hyde effect was awesome. *should probably read your other Dear Crabby stuff aswell* This calls for more. Advice columns are definitely better than ´em list articles, even if those are funny aswell. And... Aw, so nice to see that those countless hours of being my lazy secretary have paid off ^___^ *shot* Shadowflame: PrisonerWell, that was a pretty good story, even if kinda long and stretchy. But it was still nice and original, didn´t get all predictable half way down. The wording was complicated from time to time, as English isn´t my first language, I value simple words and sentence construction xP But it´s just me... All in all, well done ^^ And it`s nice to see that people still get awesome custom images =3 *mutters something about hopelessly messed-up series customs which led her to drawing illustrations of her own* I must say that naming the lipsticks took forever. XD I had to ask my sister for some ideas... |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2006 19:54:05 GMT -5
Okies, Now for MY humble reviews.. (Comics) Darkest Corner
by dark_elfaOkay, don't hate me, but until I read other reviews, I didn't know they were playing yooyu either.. BUT, I see the 'ball' NOW in hind site, lol. Love the artwork, and expressions.. The soft penciling is such a nice touch too. Very Nice. Cure for the Itch
by autoc007hehe. very cute comic. I liked the narration, sometimes, it's good to spell out what's happening. -nodnod- And of course, my favorite part, is the concerned expression on that poor faellie. lol. Sometimes, an expression just makes the joke. Very nice Indeed. Your Check, Gentlemen?
by glideramesMeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.  -passes on reviewing my own work, lol- Brothers'n'Sister - Paint Brush Luck III
by kamikatze24Had to go back and refresh my memory on the whole set, but very cute. And if that really happened to you, I am sooo sorry. That would have been devastating, lol.. Ugh. Love the artwork, and the relationships between your pets. So cute. Nicely Done. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2006 7:18:22 GMT -5
Articles
Dear Crabby: Bring on the Happy! by dan4884This is so funny - I love schizophrenic Crabby! Continued Series
Chronicles of the Court Rogue: Instincts - Part Three by NimrasAh, one of those scene-setting chapters I'm really interested in the next chapter now - will furry Jeran eat Danner? Will Mareian and Illusen find the cure in time? Great story, Nim
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Post by Nut on Nov 15, 2006 7:21:19 GMT -5
[glow=blue,2,300]Shadowflame: Prisoner[/glow]
Ooh, fun story. I love the custom pic (but you already know that). ^^ This is the first Shadowflame story I’ve read, and I enjoyed it. I may go back and read the others later despite the reset. A handy thing, that reset. Maybe I should try it sometime.
Your characters are all very well defined and fun to read about. I love the tough old pirate captain Briggs in particular. And Shadow’s such a greedy, determined little thing, you just have to watch her and hold your breath wondering how she’s going to come out of all this.
It seems every story I’ve read lately has surprised me by pushing rules. You guys, you’re masters at getting away with things I wouldn’t have thought could get into the NT. The tiara was in a crate with stolen underwear? XD And the running gag about the pants-less sailor was hilarious, if a bit disturbing when you came to wonder about just how much he wasn’t wearing. ;D
The writing was very good, and the plot kept me interested throughout, always making me want to read ahead and see what happened next. In some places you did seem to have quite a few rather choppy sentences, probably written that way for dramatic effect, but it was a little jarring to sometimes read three sentences in a row starting with “And”, “But”, or “Because”.
The line about Briggs not being able to get the doubloon nail out of the mast struck me as very funny, probably more so because I had been imagining Shadow turning one of those giant Neopets dubloons into an equally giant nail. I’ve always imagined those Neopets dubloons to be huge things that take up the whole space of your hand. They just look so bulky and thick.
I didn’t have that much trouble with the POV changes, but I agree with those advocating breaks. Breaks make everything clear. =3
All in all, though, I really enjoyed this story, and I look forward to seeing more from you. ^^
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Post by Brains on Nov 16, 2006 18:35:29 GMT -5
[glow=blue,2,300] Shadowflame: Prisoner[/glow] Ooh, fun story. I love the custom pic (but you already know that). ^^ This is the first Shadowflame story I’ve read, and I enjoyed it. I may go back and read the others later despite the reset. A handy thing, that reset. Maybe I should try it sometime. Your characters are all very well defined and fun to read about. I love the tough old pirate captain Briggs in particular. And Shadow’s such a greedy, determined little thing, you just have to watch her and hold your breath wondering how she’s going to come out of all this. It seems every story I’ve read lately has surprised me by pushing rules. You guys, you’re masters at getting away with things I wouldn’t have thought could get into the NT. The tiara was in a crate with stolen underwear? XD And the running gag about the pants-less sailor was hilarious, if a bit disturbing when you came to wonder about just how much he wasn’t wearing. ;D The writing was very good, and the plot kept me interested throughout, always making me want to read ahead and see what happened next. In some places you did seem to have quite a few rather choppy sentences, probably written that way for dramatic effect, but it was a little jarring to sometimes read three sentences in a row starting with “And”, “But”, or “Because”. The line about Briggs not being able to get the doubloon nail out of the mast struck me as very funny, probably more so because I had been imagining Shadow turning one of those giant Neopets dubloons into an equally giant nail. I’ve always imagined those Neopets dubloons to be huge things that take up the whole space of your hand. They just look so bulky and thick. I didn’t have that much trouble with the POV changes, but I agree with those advocating breaks. Breaks make everything clear. =3 All in all, though, I really enjoyed this story, and I look forward to seeing more from you. ^^ Thanks Nut for the enormous and totally awesome review! I must remember to return the favor some time. While I'm aware that I kind of throw the reader into the situation here, I don't entirely recommend reading the other two. They're really old, from another era of my writing, and hopelessly bad. The best thing I walked out of there with were six trophies, some experience, and one awesome character. Blame Nimras for the complete lack of pants. I read her CCR page again and the pants thing struck me as funny. Writing at three in the morning is fun! The whole 'sentences for effect' was the result of me trying to mix up the flow of the story, because let's face it- even though 4000 words is the limit, not many Short Stories actually make it as close to that as I did (3700 words). I was trying to keep it interesting, and it both worked and butchered my flow. Curses. I'm with you all the way with dubloons. They seem FAR too large, which struck me as unwieldy. Any coin the size of an omelette may be too big to be used as currency. So I simply reimagined them as smaller, more realistic coins. HAHAHA More info than you needed! Hooray! |
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You'll find out how she managed to get stuck in the little room later on - it's not an incompetence thing, it's an 'I must get out of here before I get squished' thing 
Really nice artwork though, as always 
neo username - dan4884 
-passes on reviewing my own work, lol-
